by Harper Bliss
“But Maya… She’s, um…. not, you know.”
“A lesbian?”
“Well, yes.”
“She might be bi, Dad.”
“Nice try, kiddo,” her dad said. “You almost had your old man there.” He shot her a big grin. “Well played.” Quinn hoped he wasn’t going to give her a thumbs-up next.
“It’s not a joke,” Quinn said.
“Of course, it’s a joke. Not even you would pull something like that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry. Let’s move on.”
“Do you really not believe me or you don’t want to believe me?”
“Quinn, sweetheart. Listen to yourself.” He leaned over the table. “Are you all right?”
“Dad. It’s true.”
He took a deep breath and looked away.
Quinn realized she might have made an error in judgment. She shouldn’t have told him. There wasn’t even that much to tell. She could hardly confide in her father that she and Maya were madly in love. They’d only seen each other a few times and all of those times Maya had expressed great doubt about what they’d been doing—although that doubt had clearly never been powerful enough to stop her from doing it.
“Okay. Fine,” Quinn said. “Let’s move on. Let’s pretend I didn’t tell you. Erase it from your memory forever, please.”
“Are you… in love with her?” Her dad swirled what was left of his wine around in his glass.
“I don’t know. As I said, it might just be a rebound thing and Maya, well, she doesn’t know what it is either, nor does she know what to do with it. With us. It’s all very unclear. But… I do have feelings for her. We have a great time together. We went dancing at this salsa club on Saturday night and it was the most fun I’ve had in months.”
“But it’s definitely romance?” he asked. “Not just friendship?”
Quinn could hardly say they were more like friends with benefits at the moment. Her relationship with her father didn’t extend to being able to share comments like that. “Yes,” she said, even though she could hardly be certain. “Much more romance than friendship.”
“Also from Maya’s side?” He scrunched his lips together. “I never knew that about her. She was single for a long time after she and Drew divorced, but she never said anything about being interested in women.”
“You were never really close enough that you would know that about her,” Quinn said. She had zero intention of letting her father in on the secret she and Maya had shared for years. “Besides, I think it’s quite a new development in her life.” Quinn was beginning to see Maya’s side of the argument. Their families might complicate matters between them too much—and to Maya, family was everything.
He blew out some air. “Jesus, Quinn. I’m going to need some time to process this. It’s no reflection on you. Or Maya. But I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t mean to be harsh or to judge you in any way, but you must understand that this is quite out of the ordinary.”
“I know, Dad. I know.”
“Your mother,” he said on a sigh, then fell silent.
“Don’t tell her. She won’t be able to cope.”
“I won’t, but… what’s going to happen? Are you going to keep seeing each other? Surely, this isn’t easy for Maya either.”
“I’m not sure. When it’s just us, we’re fine. But as soon as we start thinking about family, it’s not so fine. Maya hasn’t even told Tommy that she’s dating women. Imagine the shock when she tells him I’m the woman she’s dating.”
“I wish I could help make this easier for you somehow.”
This conversation was turning into a big downer. “I’ll probably need to face the music sooner rather than later. Realistically, I know we don’t really stand a chance.”
“Love has conquered much greater challenges,” her dad said.
Quinn scoffed, although it felt great to have her father on her side.
“Maya Mercer.” He slowly shook his head. “Let me know if it will be dinner for three next time I come to town.” He sent her a soft dad-smile.
“It’s hardly likely.”
He put his hand on the table, palm upward. “You know that all your old dad really wants is for you to be happy. That’s all.”
“Unfortunately, the world doesn’t only consist of people who are my father.” Quinn put her hand in his and relished the short-lived yet familiar comfort it brought her.
Chapter 31
Maya couldn’t avoid Angus forever. She hadn’t spoken to him in almost a week when they usually didn’t go more than a day or two without a chat, even if it was just some quick banter in the hallway.
When a knock came on her door on Tuesday evening, she knew it could only be him. She opened the door.
Angus stood in the doorway with the biggest pout on his lips, and his hands on his hips as if to say, “What’s it going to be, dear?”
Maya waved him in and without asking mixed him a rum and diet Coke.
“I won’t claim to have eyes everywhere,” Angus said. “But I have seen things I can’t un-see.”
Maya burst into a chuckle she sorely needed. Ever since leaving Quinn’s on Sunday, she’d had a heaviness in her chest. An unpleasant sensation she could only explain as anticipatory heartache.
“Do enlighten me. What is so impossible to un-see?” Maya looked into Angus’ friendly face.
“A woman arriving on Tuesday evening and only leaving the premises the next morning. I didn’t get too good a look at her, but she quite resembled a woman I’ve seen a picture of. Might she go by the name of Quinn?”
“Correct.” Maya had zero need or desire to be coy about Quinn with Angus any longer. “Quinn spent the night. I went out with Beverly on Friday and it was a big dud because all I could think of when I was with her was how much I wanted to be with Quinn instead. Then Quinn took me to the most fabulous club on Saturday and we had an amazing time and now, ironically, I find myself wishing we hadn’t had such a good time, because…” None of the reasons had changed. Maya lay awake at night thinking of ways to tell Tommy so he wouldn’t be too shocked but she could only ever imagine him so disgusted with his own mother that he refused to ever let her see Ethan again. “It’s doomed. Maybe that’s why we have so much fun, because time started running out for us before it even started.”
“Oh, please.” Angus performed one of his more impressive eye-rolls. “So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me? Because I refuse to be the harbinger of doom like that voice inside your head?”
Maya shrugged. “I don’t know what to do. I want to see Quinn again, but I really shouldn’t.”
“Of course, you should see her again.” The ice cubes in his cocktail glass rattled. “Because why wouldn’t you be entitled to the kind of joy Quinn brings you? Because you are a mother and a grandmother? Let me tell you something, darling, you are much more than that and you deserve to live your life as much more than those motherly roles you cast yourself in.”
“Oh, Angus… I just can’t.” Maya sighed. “I had a chat with Quinn’s roommate whose father married a woman not much older than her, and she and her dad barely speak.”
“Do you honestly think Tommy would stop speaking to you just because you fell in love with someone he doesn’t immediately approve of? He’s your only son and you are his only mother.”
“He has his father and his mother-in-law.”
“So.” Angus pursed his lips. “They’re not you.” He cut his gaze to her and looked into her eyes. “I know you’re afraid and it’s normal that you are. Quinn represents this big upheaval in your life. A life you’ve only just started rebuilding for yourself. But the very definition of life is that unexpected things like this happen and, trust me, much uglier events can occur in this life of ours than falling in love with someone who might not be the most appropriate. Who cares if she makes you feel the way she does? Do you know how many people would give up everything they had for a love like that?”
> “A love like that?” Maya chuckled. “You’re getting a little carried away there, Angus.”
He waved off her comment. “That may be so, but that’s my nature. It’s how I get my point across.” He drew up his eyebrows. “Is it working?”
“I haven’t been in touch with Quinn since Sunday. I said I needed some rest as well as some time to think.”
“You’ve had forty-eight hours. Either you’re going nuts with desire for her or you’ve wrapped yourself in a shroud of gloom.” He narrowed his eyes. “I suspect the latter.”
“Both,” Maya admitted. “I could so easily fall for her, but… only if I let myself.”
“Sure, as if you can will feelings like that to just stop existing.”
“Haven’t you ever had feelings for the wrong person?”
“Darling, that’s the story of my life. It will be the title of my memoir.” He pulled up his shoulders. “And look at me. As single as they come.”
“From what you’ve told me, one doesn’t really have anything to do with the other.”
“Maybe not directly, but back to your point.” Angus cleared his throat. Maybe he needed a reset after all his theatrics. “If I could do it all over again, I’d pay more attention to love. To how I really feel inside.” He tapped his chest. “I’d find a way to not care about all the things that don’t really matter and that only stand in the way of true happiness. In your case, I mean the opinion of others. In my case, I mean the relentless chase of new lovers, all the men I was never able to resist. In the end, it never gave me what I really wanted.” He sighed. “You see, there’s always a parallel to be drawn, darling.”
Maya appreciated Angus’ ability to see through his own drama. If only she could see through hers with such sharpness.
“Imagine yourself ten years from now,” Angus said. “You might have more grandchildren and a great relationship with your son, but what else will you have if you walk away from Quinn?”
“Surely, I’ll get over her.” Maya tilted her head. “I may very well meet someone else.”
“Someone like Beverly who doesn’t thrill you in the least?”
“Would that be so bad?”
Angus slammed his palm onto the armrest of his chair. “Damn right. It would be horrible and inexcusable. You can compromise on everything else in your life, but not on love, Maya. That, you will always regret.”
“I’ve been single for a long time. It really isn’t as awful as it’s made out to be.”
“Sure, but remember why you moved to New York.”
“To spend time with my family. That came first when I made the decision and it always will.”
“Things change,” Angus said laconically. “Priorities change.”
“If push comes to shove.” Maya took her time to formulate the thought that was the crux of her current predicament. “Say I continue seeing Quinn and we develop deeper feelings for each other. Say I tell Tommy and my worst-case scenario comes true and he asks me to choose between Quinn and my family. What then?”
“Then your son would be a terrible person and I don’t believe he is, Maya, because you raised him. He’s your flesh and blood. How could he ever make you choose like that?” Angus shook his head. “Tommy’s not a moron.”
“I’d like to think he isn’t.” Still, Tommy’s disapproval was the most persistent thought in Maya’s head, just because he was her son. Because she had raised him. If he rejected her for falling in love with Quinn, did it mean that Maya’s upbringing had failed? Or was there only so much a mother could do when it came to raising her child?
“Please don’t tell me you’re not going to see Quinn again because you’re afraid of something that might never happen.” Angus didn’t sound as though he would be taking no for an answer.
“It’s not just my family. It’s hers as well. And it’s not only the age difference, it’s the difference of where we are in our lives.” Maya huffed out some air. “When I arrived at Quinn’s apartment, I couldn’t believe that was how she lived. I’m in my fifties and used to a certain standard. Because I worked for it and I earned it.” She paused. “Before I sound too much like a princess, it’s not so much about Quinn’s bed not being comfortable enough or her kitchen being too dingy, it’s about us belonging to different generations. She’s of Tommy’s generation. I’m of her parents’ generation. It doesn’t make things any easier.”
“But still,” Angus mused. “If you really love her, what does it even matter?”
Chapter 32
Quinn put what she believed to be the final touch to Maya’s portrait. She would miss looking at that face, but it was time to wrap things up. It was Wednesday and Quinn still hadn’t heard from Maya. Quinn had wanted to text her, call her, or even go to her apartment and force Maya to tell her to her face that it was all over. But she had some sense left. Pushing Maya was probably not the best idea right now. And the picture she’d made for Maya might say more than all the words Quinn had ready in her head.
Quinn had made two versions of Maya’s portrait. One for the hallways at Acton, the second as a personal gift. She’d finished the official one earlier that week. She was looking at the unofficial one now. At Maya’s outstretched arm. At her smooth leg protruding from the red dress she’d been wearing that day. In the picture, it was now the green of the dress Maya had worn last Saturday, when she’d shone on the dance floor, when she’d had all eyes on her, when she and Quinn had danced the night away in utter bliss.
Quinn peered at the picture, at the glossy patch of skin just above Maya’s left knee. Maybe this work wasn’t finished just yet. She took a deep breath and added one last element.
Quinn heard Griff rummage around in the kitchen and pondered asking for her opinion before sending both portraits to Maya—one for official approval, the other for very different reasons—but Quinn didn’t want to wait any longer. She downloaded the pictures to her phone and texted them to Maya. Then, all she could do was wait. Quinn did go into the kitchen because from the instant she’d pressed ‘Send’, time had slowed down and seconds had begun to feel like long minutes.
“You forgot,” Griff said when Quinn walked in.
“What?” The fact that she didn’t know what she might have forgotten proved Griff’s point.
“I’m interviewing you for the Greenpoint Calendar. For your upcoming show, remember? This thing at the Flashpoint gallery where a bunch of your pictures will be on display and local hipsters as well as art connoisseurs from all five boroughs will marvel at your brilliance.” Griff narrowed her eyes. “I believe even Brooke and Bill Hathaway will make an appearance. As well as all your exes, although let’s hope Morgan doesn’t hear about it.” She shrugged. “But with how she’s all over your Insta, I wouldn’t count on that. Unless she has decided to really move on after your most recent blow-out.”
“Good grief, Griff. What are you on?”
“A very potent cold brew from that new coffee shop across the street.” Griff sighed deeply. “The new barista is cute as fucking hell. Her name’s Roxanne.” She pulled the corners of her mouth all the way down.
“Oh, I see. This isn’t about me at all.”
“She had the audacity to flirt with me,” Griff said.
“You weren’t wearing your T-shirt?” As a joke, Quinn had given Griff a custom-made T-shirt that said ‘No flirting, please’ as a Christmas gift last year.
“I know. Silly me.”
“Are you feeling frisky?” Quinn couldn’t help but grin.
“Must have been all the noises I was subjected to over the weekend. My subconscious must have absorbed them and now, a few days later, I’m paying the price.”
“I’m sorry.” Quinn felt for her phone in the back pocket of her jeans. It hadn’t buzzed yet. “I can pretty much guarantee it won’t happen again.”
“Your guarantee means nothing to me right now.”
“You were bound to feel attracted to another human being at some point. Isn’t your reaction to that
going to form part of the book’s premise?”
Griff nodded. “The worst part was that, according to my own rules, I wasn’t allowed to flirt back.”
“You could just tell her what you’re doing.”
Griff shook her head. “I think that would defeat the purpose.”
“Next time you want a fancy coffee, I’ll get it for you. Because that’s what friends do.”
“You’ve been glued to your computer,” Griff said. “I take it that means you haven’t heard from Maya.”
Quinn had a tendency to obsess about work when her love life, or whatever passed for it, wasn’t going how she wanted it to. It was one of the reasons she’d already selected all the photos for the exhibition, although, since about fifteen minutes ago, there was one she very much wanted to add. “Nope,” Quinn said on a dramatic sigh. “I just texted her my work though, so I’m hoping she’ll get in touch. She has to say something, doesn’t she?”
“She will. She just needs some time,” Griff said, as though she knew all about what Maya was thinking just because they’d had a brief night-time chat over the weekend.
“Let’s hope so.” Quinn finally sat. “Shall we do this in the living room, perhaps?” she asked, alluding to the interview.
“Why?” Griff said matter-of-factly. “It’s so cozy in our kitchen. Perfect for an intimate interview with Brooklyn’s up-and-coming.”
“I don’t see why you need to ask me any more questions.” Quinn leaned back in her chair. “You already know everything there is to know about me and my work.”
“It’s not because I volunteer my time for the Greenpoint Calendar that I don’t take the work seriously,” Griff said in a mock-serious tone. “Now, Quinn.” She pressed the record button on her phone. “I’ve had an exclusive preview of the pictures that will be on display. Can you explain why three quarters of the human subjects are women over the age of fifty?”
Chapter 33
After her last class of the day, Maya checked her phone. Two text messages from Quinn awaited her, each containing a picture and no words. At least, Maya thought, if she ever had the opportunity to introduce Quinn to Angus, they would have their flair for the dramatic in common.
