[Kentucky Brothers 01] - The Journey

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Fannie shut the Bible and closed her eyes. Heavenly Father: Give me wisdom to say the right words when I speak to Titus, and may Your will be done concerning our son’s future.

  Pembroke, Kentucky

  “I don’t see why I have to go back to the Beilers’ place right now,” Phoebe said as Titus directed his horse and buggy in that direction. “I think we need to talk.”

  “What good is talking when you don’t listen? You’ve always wanted to have everything your own way.”

  “That’s not true,” she said, hoping he would see the sincerity on her face.

  “Jah, it is, and you know it.”

  “Is it wrong because I want you? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “You say you want me now, but you’ve said that before—when we were courting. Then you changed your mind and took off for California. Now you’re here, and I think it might be only because you have no money and believe you have no other place to go. I’m not convinced you came here because you love me.”

  “I did come because I love you. Why won’t you believe me?” Phoebe’s voice sounded desperate even to her own ears. Well, she couldn’t help it; she was desperate. Desperate to make Titus understand, and desperate to win him back.

  “It’s hard to believe someone who’s told so many lies,” he said, turning his head away from her.

  “I wasn’t really lying before. I was just confused.”

  “So you broke up with me and left Pennsylvania because you were confused?”

  “That’s right. I’ve been confused and angry with my folks for a long time—ever since they first tried to come between us.”

  He glanced back at her and slowly shook his head. “If that’s your only excuse, then it’s a poor one at best. My folks weren’t in favor of me courting you either—not even after you’d turned sixteen. But do you see me staying angry at them?”

  “I don’t know how you feel toward your folks. I only know that I’ve always felt like I could do nothing right as far as Mom and Dad were concerned, and it makes me angry that they’ve never wanted me to have any fun.”

  Titus shook the reins to get his horse moving faster.

  She clasped his arm “Are you going to give me another chance or not?”

  “I don’t know. I need time to think and pray about it.”

  “How much time?”

  “Don’t know that either.”

  “Until you decide, I’ll stay at the Beilers’ and wait. Dinah said I could stay there for as long as I like.”

  “You can do whatever you want, but it may be a while before I make a decision.” Titus paused and turned to look at her again. “When I do decide, it might not be what you’re hoping to hear.”

  Her heart sank with a feeling of dread. If only she could say or do something to get through to him.

  He guided his horse and buggy off the road and onto the Beilers’ driveway. “Here we are.”

  “Are you coming in?” Phoebe asked when he pulled up in front of the house instead of by the hitching rail.

  He shook his head. “Good-bye, Phoebe.”

  She sat a few seconds. Unable to speak around the lump in her throat, she stepped out of the buggy and sprinted for the house. She was fearful that she might lose Titus to Suzanne and didn’t know what she could do about it. Should she keep trying to win him back, or should she go home and face Mom and Dad? But if she went home, how would she get there? She’d used the money she’d borrowed from Charlene and didn’t even have enough left for a bus ticket.

  I just can’t go home, she told herself. I have to stay here and make Titus see that he loves me, and that we’re meant to be together.

  CHAPTER 54

  On Monday evening, Titus went out to the phone shanty to check for messages. He found one from Mom, asking him to call her at seven o’clock that night. He pulled out his pocket watch. It was five minutes to seven now, so if he stayed in the shanty, he could make the call soon.

  While Titus waited, he checked for other messages. Allen had called, saying he was sorry he hadn’t been around lately but he’d had a job to oversee in Trigg County and would be over to see Titus as soon as the job was complete.

  Titus glanced at his pocket watch again. It was time to call Mom. When he dialed the number it rang just once, and then Mom’s voice came on. “Hello.”

  “Hi, Mom, it’s Titus.”

  “It’s good to hear from you, son. I take it you got my message?”

  “I did. That’s why I’m calling.”

  There was a pause. Then Mom said, “Is … uh … Phoebe there?”

  “Jah. She got here last week.”

  Mom groaned. “Oh, dear, I was afraid of that. What’s going on, Titus? Why’s Phoebe there? Were you in contact with her the whole time she was in California? Are the two of you back together?”

  “Please, slow down, Mom. I can only answer one question at a time.”

  “Then start with my second question. Why is Phoebe in Kentucky?”

  “She was down on her luck and didn’t have any money. I believe she panicked, thinking she might have to go home.”

  “Would home be so bad? I don’t see why everyone thinks they have to leave home.”

  Titus tapped his fingers along the edge of the table. Not this again. Is Mom going to start up about me leaving home?

  “From what Arie said, one of Phoebe’s friends loaned her some money for a bus ticket to Kentucky. Did you know she was coming?”

  “I had no idea. I was taken completely by surprise when she showed up at my house.”

  “Have you kept in touch with Phoebe since she went to California?”

  “ ‘Course not. The first and only time I’ve written to Phoebe was to let her know that I’d forgiven her.”

  “Did you say anything in the letter that might make her think you wanted her to come there?”

  “No, I did not.” Titus opened the shanty door to let some cool autumn air in, but quickly shut it again when Callie tried to get in. He didn’t appreciate being quizzed like this. He wondered if Mom thought he was lying to her.

  “Where’s Phoebe staying? I hope not with you.”

  Titus gripped the edge of the table so hard that his knuckles turned white. Why did Mom have to assume the worst? Didn’t she think he knew right from wrong?

  “Titus, did you hear what I said?”

  “Jah, Mom, I heard. Phoebe is not staying here. She’s at the Beilers’ place.”

  “Will she be staying there for good? Are you two getting back together?”

  “You’re asking too many questions, Mom, and I don’t have the answers.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I don’t know how long Phoebe will be staying, and I’m trying to make a decision about whether I want to give her another chance.”

  “What? After all that girl has done—stomping on your heart and telling so many lies? I can’t believe you’d even consider getting back with her.”

  “Phoebe says she wants to stay here and join the Amish church. She says she still loves me.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “No. Maybe. I’m not sure. I’m verhuddelt right now.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re confused. What about Suzanne? You mentioned some time ago that the two of you were courting.”

  “We have been, and I thought I was falling in love with her and that she might even be my wife someday.”

  “Until Phoebe came along, right? Just like always, I’ll bet she smiled sweetly and told you a bunch of lies. She probably said those things because she’s desperate and thinks she has no other place to go. I don’t mean to be judgmental, Titus, but if Phoebe broke your heart once she’ll probably do it again.”

  “You might be right,” Titus admitted, “but it’s my decision to make, and that’s why I’m going to take this week to pray about it and read God’s Word for direction. Whatever decision I make, I want it to be God’s will for me.”

  “That’s good
thinking,” Mom said in a more accepting tone. “I’m glad you’re seeking God’s will in this, and I’m sure your daed will be, too.”

  “Did you think I wouldn’t seek God’s will?” Titus didn’t mean to sound defensive, but he’d always felt like he had to prove his worth to his folks, as well as others.

  “I just thought—”

  “I’m not the immature boy who left home in the spring. I’ve grown a lot since then, and I’m putting my trust in God these days.”

  “I’m glad to hear it, and I’ll be praying for you as you make your decision.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “I’d better let you go now,” Mom said. “Besides, I need to call Arie and let her know that Phoebe’s in Kentucky and that I’ll keep her posted if I hear anything else.”

  “Okay, Mom. I’ll talk to you soon.” Titus hung up the phone and headed straight for the house. He had a lot more thinking and praying to do throughout the rest of this week. One thing he’d already decided was that he wouldn’t see either Phoebe or Suzanne until he’d reached a decision. He didn’t want to be influenced by anything either of them might say. He would go to work every day and spend his evenings praying and reading God’s Word, as he sought the right answers.

  For the rest of that week, Titus prayed and meditated as often as he could. On Saturday morning, he took his Bible and went out to the barn, where he could listen to the nicker of his horse and smell the aroma of freshly stacked hay as he spent time communing with God.

  Seeking wisdom and a sense of peace, he took a seat on a wooden crate, leaned against the barn wall, and opened his Bible. Philippians 4:11 caught his attention: “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

  He pondered that awhile, realizing that he’d been more content since he’d moved to Kentucky than he’d ever been in Pennsylvania. Maybe it was because he was out on his own—away from the pressure of his family to measure up and be more like Timothy. Maybe it was because in this part of Kentucky, life was slower and more peaceful than it had been in Lancaster County. Or maybe it was because he’d gotten to know Suzanne and her wonderful family.

  He turned to the book of Proverbs and read verse 30 of chapter 31: “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”

  Titus compared first Phoebe, and then Suzanne to the description of the woman in the scripture he’d read. Phoebe was beautiful on the outside, and so was Suzanne. But Phoebe’s inner beauty was sorely lacking, whereas Suzanne’s inner beauty was clearly evident in the things she said and did. As Titus recalled, Phoebe had never feared the Lord or tried to please Him. She hadn’t even wanted to join the church, choosing rather to do her own thing and seek worldly pleasures. Suzanne, on the other hand, was a member in good standing in her Amish community, and her Christian attitude and helpfulness toward her family had been obvious to Titus from the beginning—even when he’d shied away from her because she’d reminded him of Phoebe.

  For the past week, while Titus had been at work, he hadn’t been able to get his mind off Suzanne. He’d seen the shawl she’d left hanging on a wall peg, and caught the sweet smell of the lilac soap she used as he walked by. Whenever Verna had brought lunch out to the men, Titus thought of Suzanne and asked how she was doing. He and Suzanne had become good friends over the last few months, but had he transferred his feelings for Phoebe to Suzanne, or did he care for Suzanne because of the woman she was? Did he still have feelings for Phoebe, or had they died when she’d gone to California?

  Meow! Meow!

  Titus looked down. Callie brushed his pant leg and looked up as though begging him to pet her.

  Setting his Bible aside, he leaned over and scooped the cat into his arms. A few months ago, he’d never have done that. He’d have been afraid of getting scratched or bitten. But Callie had proven him wrong about cats. She was not only a good mouser but had become a good pet, too.

  “It just goes to show that a body can be as wrong about a cat as they can about a person,” he said, running his fingers through Callie’s soft fur.

  The cat answered with a meow. Then Buttons showed up and got in on the act. Titus petted both cats for a while and then closed his eyes and whispered a prayer. “Thank You, Lord, for giving me a sense of peace about what I should do.”

  All that week, Phoebe had moped around the Beilers’ place, thinking about Titus and wondering what she could do to make him see that she was the right woman for him. She didn’t like the fact that he hadn’t come over to see her all week. How was she supposed to win him back if they didn’t spend time together?

  By Saturday, Phoebe was out of patience. Since the Beilers were at their store working and wouldn’t have a clue what she was up to, she decided to use one of their horses and buggies to drive over to Titus’s place.

  She’d just put on a jacket and had opened the back door, when she spotted Titus riding in on his horse. She shut the door behind her and ran out to greet him. “I’m so happy to see you,” she said as he tied his horse to the hitching rail. “I was getting ready to come over to your place right now.”

  His brows furrowed. “I thought I’d made it clear that I didn’t want to see you until I’d had time to pray and make up my mind.”

  “I couldn’t wait any longer.” She moved closer to him. “Have you made up your mind?”

  He nodded. “After much prayer, Bible reading, and thinking things through, it’s come clear to me that I’m not in love with you, and that what we used to have wasn’t a relationship that would last a lifetime.”

  Phoebe frowned. This was not the response she’d hoped for. “Titus, I don’t think you’re—”

  He held up his hand. “Please, hear me out.”

  She compressed her lips and waited for him to continue.

  “When I first came to Kentucky, I was all mixed up—full of anger and bitterness toward you and struggling with self-doubts about my ability to make a life of my own or do anything right. But I was finally able to move forward with my life.”

  His jaw quivered slightly. “I believe the Lord has chosen Suzanne for me, and I think the best thing for you to do is go home and work things out with your folks. I’d be happy to give you the money you’ll need for the bus ticket to Pennsylvania.”

  Phoebe shook her head as anger boiled in her chest. “No, thanks. I’m not going back there!”

  “Is it because you’re afraid to face your folks and admit that things didn’t work out as you’d planned?”

  She shrugged.

  “Since things didn’t work out for you in California, did you ever think that God might be nudging you to go home?”

  “How do you know He didn’t want me to come here? How do you know He doesn’t want us to be together?”

  Titus touched his chest. “I don’t feel a sense of peace or joy when I’m with you anymore. If you’re honest with yourself, I don’t think you feel any peace or joy with me, either.”

  Titus’s words stung like icy cold raindrops on a windy day. “So you’re not going to give us another chance?” she asked, unable to admit defeat.

  “No. It’s over between us.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “You’re not thinking straight, Titus, and you’ll be sorry for this someday.”

  He slowly shook his head. “The only thing I might be sorry about is that I didn’t come to my senses sooner.”

  Tears stung Phoebe’s eyes, and she started to sob.

  Titus hated to hurt Phoebe’s feelings, but he saw no other way. He just wished he’d seen her for who she was when they both lived in Pennsylvania. She’d never really loved him; he was sure of that now. She’d only cared about her own needs.

  Being selfish and self-centered was not the way a Christian should act. Their church taught that a follower of Christ should be humble, not full of pride; obedient to God’s Word, not rebellious; kind, not mean-spirited; and always thinking of others, not oneself. Phoebe had never shown any of the Ch
ristian attributes. Titus didn’t know why he hadn’t seen it when they were younger, other than the fact that he’d been blinded by Phoebe’s good looks and flirtatious ways.

  Suzanne, on the other hand, was everything he really wanted in a woman. She was kindhearted, smart, humble, full of fun, and he was sure she loved the Lord. If she’d have him, he was going to ask her to be his wife.

  “I’ve got to go now, Phoebe. Think about my offer to give you the bus fare home, and let me know if you change your mind.” He turned toward his horse.