Ryker said something to her, and she nodded, a small smile on her lips before she turned away. Was he telling her he’d meet her later? Was she going to be the flavor of the night? Would she crawl into his bed as soon as I left here?
And why did that make me want to rip them both limb from limb? I had no claim on him. No one did; that was obvious. He spread himself out liberally, but not to me. Why not me?
What was wrong with me? I was a woman like anyone else. I wanted to feel, know what it was all about. I wanted to walk out of his place the way all those other women did, their faces glowing with bittersweet memories. They knew they couldn’t have him all to themselves, but they obviously still thought it was worth it.
He walked back in. He stopped a few feet inside, looking at the bottle in my hand and then my face. “How much of that did you drink?”
“Just a few sips.” And another for good measure, because the only courage I had right now seemed to be coming from the bottle in my hand.
I took a couple of steps and placed the bottle down on the table near the couch, as if to prove I hadn’t had that much.
He tilted his head slightly. “Something wrong?”
“Not at all.”
I was either going to do this or not, but I couldn’t simply stand here. If I left, that redhead would be back. I knew it in my bones. For once, I wanted to be the woman that walked out with the flushed skin and glow.
I swallowed so loudly that I thought he could hear it from across the room. As he stared, I kicked off one boot and then the other.
His eyes went to them and narrowed. Then they slowly traveled back up my body to settle on my face. I could see him wondering what I was about, but he wasn’t sure. I could still pretend it was something else, like my feet hurt. But I didn’t want to. I wanted one night. I wanted to be the woman he was with, just once. He’d said he felt the magic sizzling between us. He wanted this too.
My chest heaved as I took in a deep breath. It was do or die. It wasn’t like he was stingy with his nights, either. I was a cute girl, wasn’t I?
I dropped my eyes to the floor, losing some of my nerve as I unbuttoned my pants and shimmied them off my hips. “I just want to tell you before we do anything, I’m not expecting anything from you.”
My pants discarded on the floor, I pulled at the hem of my shirt. “We have business between us, so it’ll be a one-night thing.”
By the time my shirt cleared my head, I’d started to sense that something was wrong. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
I didn’t want to look at him, but I did anyway.
His eyes squinted. His lips parted. And still, he said nothing. He wasn’t moving toward me, either. I’d been hoping for a change in temperature, but I’d expected him to heat up, not freeze.
Oh no. He didn’t want me. Maybe I’d misunderstood what he meant about the magic. Maybe it made him want to kill me or something?
Where did I throw those pants? “Sorry. I see all these girls come and go. I didn’t think it was a big…deal…”
Why had I done that? I shot toward my shirt, lying on the couch. I kept my face down so he wouldn’t know you could’ve roasted a steak on it.
Not a big deal. Nope. Definitely not. I’d made my first overture toward someone and they’d turned me down. Not the worst thing ever. No one got things right on the first try.
I got my pants off the floor.
“Bugs…”
I didn’t need to look up. That was all he said, but the way he’d said it told me everything. When I’d thought do or die, I hadn’t thought I’d die of shame.
I jerked my pants up so quickly that I lost my balance and fell on my ass. It was okay. I landed right next to my boots. It was a small blessing, but I’d take it.
He stepped closer. I hadn’t looked at his face again, but his legs entered my vision, and they were way too close.
“Bugs, it’s not—”
I jumped to my feet. “It’s not a big deal. Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. No need to discuss it.”
Boots on, I scrambled back a couple of feet so I could clear him easily and make my way to the door. He didn’t say anything more as I left. I was grateful for the silence as I scrambled out of there.
10
For the first time ever, I’d beaten everyone to the dining hall. Unless no one was coming to eat today? Had word spread about the Boom already? Maybe they’d rather go hungry than risk contamination? No, these people wouldn’t think that way. They’d assume that the unfortunate newcomers had brought something in with them and had died, keeping their little illness confined because life was rosy that way.
I glanced at the clock I could now read thanks to one of my learning books. It wasn’t even seven yet. That was what happened when you were awake nice and early. I’d like to say my only problem sleeping was the usual worries over the Debt Collector, sadness over the deaths, or the fear of the Boom killing everyone. I wasn’t that selfless. Humiliation had creeped in and taken up a nice chunk of my wakefulness. The memory of stripping for Ryker pounded in my head the way my boots had pounded on the floor as I’d practically run out of there.
I was pushing eggs around my plate when the rest of the world began to straggle in. Ruck was among the first wave. He did a cursory glance at the table and headed toward the food line. His eyes swung back to me as if he’d had a delayed reaction to my sorry state. I hadn’t gone to the watchtower last night as I’d planned, figuring I’d see him early this morning.
I shrugged.
He kept staring. I shrugged again, adding a wide-eyed keep it moving. The last thing I needed was for everyone to follow in after him and wonder what he was staring at and why.
He studied me for a few seconds more before he went and got a plate of food. I prepared myself for the onslaught of questions about to head my way. I also took the time to wrap up whatever traitorous emotions were leaking out of my eyes before more people showed. When had I become a broadcaster?
Marra walked in with her Bugs and Ruck upgrades by her side. I’d walked past her place last night, but no one had answered the door. If she’d heard my warning, I couldn’t say.
A month ago, she would’ve been the first person I spilled my night of many humiliations to. I used to tell her everything. Now, I watched in silence as she walked across the room, letting her friends get in front of her in line, probably to have a larger buffer between her and the original Ruck. I caught her looking up ahead at him but not once at me. I stared back at my eggs. Today was already going shitty enough without wallowing about Marra.
Ruck slid into the chair next to me. Instead of digging into his steaming pile of food, he turned. “Why do you look like shit?”
I opened my mouth but then shook my head, inserting food in my mouth instead of giving him answers. I had plenty of words, but embarrassment hammered them back down my throat and shame nailed them there. I’d thrown myself at Ryker, the man who fucked everything that walked, and he’d turned me down. I’d rolled myself out like a rug, waved the flag in front of him, and he’d wanted no part.
Sleep had stuck its tongue out at me as I’d made a mental list of my various shortcomings. Was I too short? Too skinny? A lot of the women I’d seen hanging round him were voluptuous. My breasts were barely a handful, even after gaining some weight. It could very well be my hair. It was full but almost to a fault, sticking up here and there and generally misbehaving. It also couldn’t decide what color it wanted to be. Some strands wanted to be brown, others gold.
Why did I care? I’d been looking to use him. I wasn’t in love with him. None of it mattered.
Except he’d slept with so many women and he didn’t even want a one-night stand with me. I wanted to drop my head face first into my eggs. Was it my markings? Did he think they were ugly?
I dropped my fork on the table just in case I decided on the face-full-of-egg route. I didn’t need to lengthen the list of problems with an eye patch.
“Do you want me to
try and guess?” Ruck asked, his voice softer than I’d ever heard. He was staring at me like I was going to tell him I was about to die again. I wished it were that easy.
I shook my head. This was not the time for a guessing game. My luck, he’d guess Ryker had shot me down right out of the gate, and then he’d want to move on to level two, where he tried to guess why. I’d been stuck on level two since last night. I didn’t need anyone showing me up with all new disgusting things about me that escaped my notice. My list had been comprehensive enough to ruin my night, possibly day, maybe week.
“You gotta tell me. You can’t leave me hanging this way,” Ruck said.
I debated doing exactly that as I watched Ryker walk in. He didn’t look over. He went straight to filling his plate.
“Oh shit. Something happened with you two.” Shock raised Ruck’s voice above a whisper.
I elbowed him. “Shut up.”
People kept piling in as Ryker made his way down the line getting his breakfast.
“By the way, did you hear about the deaths?” I asked Ruck, shamelessly using the deaths to get him on to a new topic.
“Yeah. Ben told me when he relieved me this morning. Said there’s a chance it’s the Boom, but no one believes that.” If he was concerned, it was hard to tell with the way he was shoveling bacon and biscuits in his mouth.
We’d been here less than three months and he was already getting warped by the snowflakes. I needed to set him straight, and would, as soon as I could speak again.
That time was not now. Ryker was done getting his food and heading our way. He stopped in front of us, plate in hand, but didn’t sit. He always sat at this table. This was the table. And if it was filled, we overflowed onto the next table. But it wasn’t. Me and Ruck were the only ones sitting at it. There were four empty chairs.
Ryker didn’t want to sit here anymore. He didn’t want to be near me. He thought I’d carry on. I’d become a stalker, follow him around and grovel, begging for his attention. I’d thought it couldn’t get worse.
I squared slumped shoulders, tipped my chin up, and refused to look away. I had nothing to be ashamed of—other than the very long list of things I’d come up with last night, but no one knew about those.
His gaze locked with mine, and he didn’t have his normal I-don’t-give-a-fuck look on lockdown.
Holy magic. He felt bad for me. He pitied me. I might struggle with words, but I was an ace at reading faces.
Shoulders slumped, chin went down. My hasty resolution went out the window, and I looked everywhere but him. He kept staring. I could feel it.
I glanced over to the side of the room, trying to act casual when it was nothing of the sort. It was tense and horrible. Why had I done that last night? I grabbed my fork again, pretending I was busy eating while I rearranged my plate of food.
“You’ve got a shift tonight?” Ryker asked, turning his attention to Ruck.
“Yeah,” Ruck replied, sounding as awkward as I felt. It was like a contagion. If it kept spreading, he would be turning red and not sleeping soon.
“A large group from Dorley are heading in tonight. Wanted to make sure you knew,” Ryker said.
“Sure.”
There was a pause, and I knew Ryker’s attention was back on me. I could feel it burning, chafing my senses. I should look at him, act as if it were nothing to me, but I was a coward who looked at the clock instead.
Still he didn’t budge. I counted the seconds, tracking his non-movements. Tick, tick, tick. An agonizing minute later, when I realized this wouldn’t end until I ended it, I looked up.
When our eyes met again, I wasn’t sure what was there. They were so packed full of emotions I’d have to be a speed reader to catch them all. I wanted to think I saw regret mixed in, but I couldn’t be sure. Was he sad he hadn’t taken me up on my offer, or did he regret he hadn’t stopped me before I’d stripped?
“I’ve got a busy day. No practice today.”
“Yeah. Sure.” The fork slipped out of my hand, banged on the table, and dropped to the ground. I reached down to retrieve it, giving it immediate priority and hoping Ryker would be gone before I sat back up.
He wasn’t. His eyes stayed on me, searching for something I couldn’t quite dredge up from the dinged ego I was sporting. I tried to force a smile on, a we’re just friends and ain’t that great gesture, but it must’ve been as pathetic as I feared. He stared for another second.
I didn’t know if he was hoping for another attempt, but he’d gotten the best I had, both last night and today.
Finally, he gave up. With a half nod, he turned and left.
Ruck groaned as soon as Ryker was out of the building. “What the hell happened between you two?”
My elbows hit the table and I dropped my face into my hands.
“You want to know what happened? If humiliation could kill, I’d be dead and buried.”
11
My legs hung over the edge of the landing of the watchtower as the Valley got ready to retire for the night. A stray kick from my heels hit Ruck’s shin—again. He didn’t complain, only shifted over, giving me more room. Since Ruck’s leg was most likely mottled with bruises at this point, it was the safest move.
I’d retreated to my room and books after breakfast, despite Ruck stalking behind me. Hours later, I’d finally climbed up here and spilled all, as Ruck squinted and nodded.
“Are you going to say something?” I asked. I’d been waiting for a response for a good five minutes.
He cleared his throat, took a deep breath, and then gave me the best he had. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
It was the first thing Ruck managed to say and completely conflicted with the faces he’d made as I’d relayed every embarrassing detail.
“How many people have you stripped in front of before getting sent packing?” The words alone made my face go supernova.
“I mean…I can’t say that I’ve had that exact experience, but I’m sure I will at some point.” He waved the straw he’d been chewing on as if to enforce how sure he was.
I doubted it. Ruck never got turned down. He didn’t know how bad it had been. Even now I was getting aftershocks. A vision of Ryker’s face as he realized what I was doing in his living room flashed in my mind, and a groan escaped.
“Hey, at least no one died today,” Ruck said.
“That’s good. That’s definitely good.” Except right now I almost wished I’d died at breakfast. It would’ve been less painful. Still, no one dropping from the Boom by now was a good sign. According to Ryker’s timeline, it meant we were probably safe.
I watched as the people walked home for the evening, wondering how their days had gone, had they worried about the Boom or assumed life was good, when a taller head caught my eye.
Ruck whacked my arm. “Stop looking at him. You don’t want to appear like a stalker. The next few days are going to be very important to how this plays out.”
I turned my full attention to Ruck. “And you wonder why I didn’t tell you right away.”
“I’m trying to help you out,” he said.
“I wasn’t looking at him. He showed up where I was looking.” This was Ryker’s country. If he was walking around down there, it would be impossible to avoid seeing him. That had nothing to do with trying to see him. I’d happily go anywhere else right now that I’d be guaranteed not to see him, but I was stuck in this place.
“You just stripped for him and I’m supposed to believe that?” Ruck chuckled.
“You’re lucky you’re the only person I have left here, or I swear I’d push you off this tower.” I punched him in the arm.
He ignored the punch and used the same arm to point in the distance.
“Holy magic, is that them?” he asked, looking far ahead in the distance.
“If it isn’t, we’ve got a big problem.” I could see a large group beginning to make their way across the field, some miles before the border to the Valley.
“Where are we
going to fit them? There looks to be a couple hundred heading here.”
“I hope they don’t mess the place up. I feel like we only just got here.”
Ruck looked over his shoulder, toward where Ryker had been. “Can you go down and tell Ryker they’re here?”
Oh no. Tomorrow morning would be soon enough to see him again. “I’ll stay here. You go.”
“I can’t leave my post, and I don’t want to sound the alarm.”
I stood, dreading what I’d have to go do. I scanned the people walking around the village and saw Ryker already heading toward the border. He was easy to spot. “It’s fine. He’s heading out and he doesn’t look tense.”
I sat back down, and Ruck and I watched as the horde of new people arrived. As they poured in, it felt like a swarm invading.
12
It was suffocating. They were like a virus spreading. How was this ever going to work? Even as I walked to breakfast, one of them bumped into my shoulder. Worst thing was, he kept going. No “sorry about that” or anything. I turned to call him out on his offense, and perhaps a little bit more if he was thickheaded.
Ruck grabbed my arm. “We don’t want to pick the first fight. Looks bad.”
He was right. Plus, the dick who’d bumped me was walking away as if nothing were amiss. Stupid idiot probably didn’t know good manners. I was from the Ruins, and even I’d learned how to behave like a civilized person. You couldn’t act like that with all these snowflakes around and expect to get along.
I turned back around. “They’re animals.”
“Yeah, I don’t like this one bit,” he said. His tone was raspy, the way it got when he had a splinter he couldn’t dig out.
I swung the food hall door open and was nearly trampled by more newcomers pouring out. By the time we weaved our way in, you only had a few inches of buffer before you walked into another body. Keeping my arms pinned to my side was causing a yell to build up in my chest. If that hadn’t been bad enough, every person who walked past me had food piled a foot high on their plate.
Full Blood (Wyrd Blood Book 2) Page 7
