Liv, in the Moment

by Dale, Tracy

  Still, when Monday rolled around, she was prepared for everything to go back to the way it usually was at school. She fully expected some eagerness on his part for Ana's company, since Saturday afternoon had been quite a spit-swapping drought for them. But he acted less than overjoyed when he saw her. He seemed downright apathetic in fact, sitting on the half-wall with an indifferent expression on his face while Ana fawned over him. Even during lunch, he portrayed the living definition of boredom.

  Everything changed when David walked up with a new guy in tow. "Hey guys. This is Jackson. Just started here this year."

  "Ooh, new school for your senior year," Chelsea said. "That sucks."

  "S'alright," Jackson said, and gave them all an easy smile. "I've moved around a lot."

  Conversation sparked. Jackson fit in well with the guys, with his laid-back attitude and evident love of anything athletic. Ana paid him little attention, but Chelsea was ever her friendly self, smiling up into his dark brown eyes. Liv, on the other hand, could only give him fleeting glances, because no matter which way she looked it seemed like his gaze never left her.

  She wasn't the only one who noticed.

  Quite suddenly, Mr. I'm-Bored-and-Tolerating-Life lost his careless attitude and tried on a new expression for size. And it wasn't good.

  It wasn't even nice.

  * * *

  CHAPTER NINE

  Negotiations

  Jackson Wreyford was an outstanding basketball player. The head coach was already salivating over the season ahead with the new superstar addition, and scholarships were apparently awaiting him upon graduation.

  A couple inches over six feet tall, he was lean and strong and moved with practiced agility. His skin was lightly tanned, his eyes and hair were brown. To add to his subtle charm, creases that weren't quite dimples flashed in his cheeks when he smiled.

  Chelsea said several times how good Liv and Jackson would look as a couple. Liv tried to play it cool, but had to admit to being interested, especially with how Jackson took every opportunity to stand beside her, to talk to her, and by the end of the week, to flirt with her. For the first time, she felt truly attractive, and it was a heady feeling after going so long unnoticed.

  She secretly appreciated the distraction from Connor as well. It was nice to have someone else to think about. Yet at the same time Connor was making a nuisance of himself. From the moment Jackson was introduced to them, he was suddenly there all the time. Ana became a forgotten appendage as he inserted himself into every interaction Liv and Jackson had. Liv would have been suspicious, except each time she stared at him over some curious remark he'd made, Ana was right there, pressing her massively exposed boobs against his arm.

  Once they left school, Connor never said a word about Jackson. Every time Liv tried to bring him up, Connor would quickly say or do something to distract her.

  Wednesday evening, just over a week after she met Jackson, Connor and Liv were sitting on the sofa when the phone rang. Mom brought the cordless in. "Phone for you."

  Liv covered the mouthpiece. "Who is it?"

  "Jackson Wreyford."

  Connor stiffened and frowned.

  Liv went over to the stairs, hoping for privacy. "Hello?"

  "Hey, Liv. It's Jackson."

  "Hey," she said with just the right amount of casual. "What's up?"

  "Well I-- I wanted to see if you were, you know--doing anything--this weekend."

  It was the first time Liv had ever heard him stumble over his words, and the subtle evidence of his nerves worked on her like candy and roses. "Nothing major," she said.

  "Oh." He cleared his throat. "Well, I was wondering if, um, you would like to go out. With me, you know, this weekend."

  Liv did a silent but vigorous dance sequence. "I would love to, Jackson," she said, and was proud of herself for sounding perfectly composed.

  "Okay!" Liv heard him breathe a sigh of relief. "Can I pick you up at five? I thought we could go to Wahoo's then catch a movie."

  "That sounds wonderful."

  "Great. Okay. Cool. Well, I'll see you tomorrow at school?"

  "Yeah," she said, almost dreamily. When she hung up, she was on the verge of performing another enthusiastic happy dance when she saw Connor's ominous stare. "Connor! You scared me! I didn't know you were standing there."

  "You didn't look."

  "How long have you been there?"

  "Long enough to know you're going on a date with him."

  "You shouldn't have listened in."

  "I didn't. I was standing here. You were jumping around and saying, 'Oh I would love to, Jackson," he mocked in a high voice.

  Liv was too happy to get angry. "No way. I totally played it cool."

  Connor didn't budge.

  "Oh c'mon! You should be happy for me. He's nice. And cute. And--"

  "What about Brody?"

  "Hu-what?"

  "Brody. The love of your life last week. What about him?"

  "The love of my... You're kidding, right?"

  He didn't crack a smile. "Have you thought about how this is going to crush him? He has it bad for you, Liv. He told me. He is going to be crushed--crushed--when he finds out."

  "You know," she said, after giving him a long stare. "I can't tell if you're messing with me or not. Hmm. Usually I can tell, but this time, not so much."

  Connor came so close he was in her personal space. "You're going to break him. Don't you feel bad about that?"

  "You're serious, aren't you?" The intensity of his gaze had her gaping. "You are? Oh my gosh-- what plant have you been smoking today? Last week you tell me to pretty much avoid anything with Brody, but today, you're suddenly concerned for his poor crushed heart." She shook her head. "Crazy much?"

  A muscle in Connor's jaw worked.

  Liv wanted to touch it. Wait! No! Jackson. Think of Jackson. She smiled.

  Connor's eyes narrowed.

  Mom had been standing in the doorway. Now she said, "Is everything all right?"

  "I've got a date," Liv said.

  "This is the same Jackson you were talking about, right?"

  "Yes!" Liv wanted to dance again.

  Mom looked at Conner, whose expression was rigid. "Maybe you guys should make it a double date."

  "Who?"

  At the same time Connor's expression morphed into a sneaky sort of satisfaction that reminded her of a wily cat.

  "What an excellent idea, Mrs. Jones," he said. "I'll set it up with Jackson tomorrow."

  The thought made her panic "No. Oh no, no, no, no. No way."

  "Why not?" Connor's sudden smile was the epitome of charming. "It would be fun."

  "Only if you think fun is going to the dentist."

  "Have a few laughs. Eat some good food. What doesn't sound fun about that?"

  "You and Ana."

  "Liv," Mom said.

  Liv knew she was reprimanding her for those less than kind words. "Mom, remember all those conversations about loyalty? A little, please."

  "Well I love you both. What can I do?" Mom said before she disappeared into the kitchen.

  "Coward," Liv muttered.

  "Liv," Connor said in damn near the same tone as her mother had used.

  "Oh wipe that smile off your face. Of course she loves you, and of course she can no longer pick sides."

  Connor flushed, but did not deny the reason for his truly delighted expression.

  It made Liv want to wrap her arms around him. Didn't he know how easy he was to love?

  Still, no matter how lovable he was, she wasn't going to let him mess up her date with Jackson "I am so not going on a double with you and Ana," she said. "Out of the question. And do not even suggest it to Jackson. Got it?"

  "Nope."

  "Connor--"

  "Sorry, Lucky. No can do."

  "Connor!" she half growled, half screeched. "Why do you have to keep trying to ruin my dates?"

  "I told you. Gotta watch out for you."

  "I don't need it
!"

  "Do."

  "Don't--Ugh! I am not going to argue this with you."

  "Funny. It sure seems like it."

  She dragged her hands through her hair and pulled; finding the tension on her scalp somehow satisfying. A new approach occurred to her. "Look. I know this is all sort of entertaining for you, but this is serious for me."

  She knew her cheeks were burning from what she was about to say, but she plowed on. "I've never had people falling all over me, like you have. No one has ever shown interest in me like Jackson has. And I like Jackson. He's nice and funny and I'm attracted to him. Please don't ruin this for me. Please."

  Connor's eyes searched hers with such an intensity she felt as though she were drowning in the hazel green depths. He cupped her cheek with one tanned, work-roughened hand, his thumb slowly stroking. "You are beautiful, Liv. Stop doubting it."

  She was frozen by his touch for a moment. Emotions flooded her. She did not want him to let her go but she was afraid of herself if he didn't. "Thanks. But I find it hard to believe after years of being nearly see-through."

  Connor suddenly released her. "I'm sorry."

  Liv wasn't sure what he was apologizing for.

  "I won't try to arrange a double. But if he tries anything," he warned, his tone harsh, "he'll regret it. I'll make sure he knows that."

  Liv nodded, too relieved to try to talk him out of his misguided warning when she didn't think he'd really say anything at all. He might make subtle comments, sure, but nothing blatant. Nothing truly aggressive.

  She hoped.

  * * *

  CHAPTER TEN

  Making Trouble

  Pep rallies were always so animated with the cheering and foot-stomping. Connor usually appreciated the enthusiasm. Today he found it irritating.

  The rally was for the Homecoming game and dance that he had no intention of going to. But when he found Jackson in the crowd, he reconsidered on the premise that Jackson just might ask Liv. And them alone at a dance simply would not do.

  He forced his way into a seat next to Jackson. "Hey bro." He waited patiently through the normal pleasantries before he said, "You gonna take Liv to Homecoming?"

  "If she'll go with me."

  "Cool, man," he said through clenched teeth. "You're taking her out this weekend, right?"

  "Yeah." Jackson gave him a questioning look.

  "What are your plans?"

  "Dinner and a movie."

  Connor nodded and held Jackson's gaze for a minute or two. Finally he said, "You try anything and you're over."

  "What the hell, man?"

  "Just looking out for her," Connor said.

  "Bullshit."

  "S'cuse me?"

  "You heard me, bro. You don't say that kind of shit when you're just looking out for someone."

  "Guess you wouldn't know if you've never tried it."

  Jackson's face twisted into a sneer. "I've got a sister. I know. And I know it doesn't look a damned thing like what you're doing."

  "What am I doing?" Connor leaned toward him in challenge.

  Jackson shook his head, smiling a little. "Dude, you've got a girlfriend. You figure it out."

  "What the fuck does that mean."

  "Hey, I'm not trying to start anything. Just calling it like I see it."

  "And how do you see it?"

  "You're with Ana, right?" When Connor didn't answer, Jackson continued, "But Liv's a free agent. I'm hoping to change that."

  Connor wanted to punch Jackson's lights out though he knew he had no reason to. "Just treat her with respect," he said finally.

  "I plan to."

  Connor looked at him again. "Why do you like her, anyway?"

  "You're kidding, right? Are you blind?"

  "Help me see the light."

  "Dude." He shook his head. "No, I'm not buying it."

  "What?"

  "Naw. I'm not playin'." He turned a hard gaze on Connor. "But don't try to mess things up for me with her."

  Connor liked the idea of that a little too well.

  Jackson seemed to notice. "Man, if you really cared about her, you wouldn't get in the way. I like her. I'll treat her right. That's all you need to know."

  Connor tried to stare him down, but when Jackson's gaze remained steady--challenging even--he knew he had to back off, knew he had no real right to interfere. Liv was just his friend. He could look out for her, but it was ultimately none of his business who she dated. If that thought made him aggravated beyond belief, he didn't stop to think about it. Instead, he grudgingly said, "Let's keep this conversation between us."

  "Sure."

  They watched the pep-rally with all the enthusiasm of two bears in winter.

  When lunch break rolled around, Connor forced himself to stay seated on the half wall with Ana while Liv and Jackson and the rest of their friends stood around, talking.

  "Everything okay, babe?" Ana said.

  Connor tore his gaze away from Liv. "Yeah, fine."

  "No. That's not what I mean."

  "Huh?" He didn't bother to hide his impatience and irritation when he looked at her.

  "With us, Connor." Ana's dark eyes met his evenly, but her fear of his answer was easy to see.

  Connor felt a pang of guilt. He knew he didn't treat her the way he probably should. But he also knew he didn't care enough about her to do so. He liked her. That was it. Making an effort to pretend there was more was not something he was going to do. Maybe he should end it. But he would really miss the sex.

  "Yeah, everything's fine." Pleasure before guilt, it seemed. He wasn't exactly proud.

  Ana chewed her bottom lip. "I know you don't... I know you don't love me." She paused a moment, as if hoping he would correct her.

  He didn't.

  "But ever since I told you how I feel, you've been different."

  Connor scraped his palm across his buzzed head. "This isn't really the best place to talk about this."

  "Why? No one is listening."

  "Ana--"

  "And it's not like we talk about it when we are together after school."

  End it. End it, his conscience prompted him. He should. He knew he should. But then he looked at Liv. Saw her sparkling eyes beaming up at Jackson, her silky hair threading through her fingers and her slender frame coming into flirtatious contact with his.

  "I'm with you, aren't I?" Connor said. "I wouldn't be with you if I didn't care about you."

  Ana took a deep breath. "Okay." She leaned over to kiss Connor and smiled tremulously. "Thanks. I just needed to know that."

  Connor felt about as low as the underbelly of a pig, but tried to smile encouragingly. He didn't know what the hell he was doing, but he didn't want to reflect on it. He told himself he would try to be more attentive to Ana. Maybe if he acted like he cared, his feelings would follow, and then he wouldn't have to deal with the complications.

  Sounded like a plan.

  He went with the idea and immediately pulled Ana onto his lap and just held her there, his chin cradled on her shoulder while she clasped his hands against her waist. It was pretty much the first nonsexual contact they'd ever had. It was sweet and somehow poignant.

  They stayed like that the duration of lunch. Connor was comfortable holding her, and he was in a convenient position to study Liv without Ana noticing. When Liv glanced at them, he wondered at the sudden dimming of her smile and the way she abruptly gave him her back.

  He knew she wasn't crazy about Ana, but he'd never noticed before how she avoided looking at them when they were together. Did that mean something?

  He considered what and rather liked where his thoughts were taking him.

  But then Liv slid her hands around Jackson's waist in a playful show of sympathy over something David had said, and Connor just about lost all ability for rational thought. Especially when Jackson wrapped his arms around her in turn and looked down at her with an expression easily recognizable as enjoying the feel of Liv a little too damned much. He stoo
d up so quickly that Ana almost fell.

  Jackson had caught his sudden movement. Connor showed his fury and let it serve as a warning. Jackson's brows rose, and he tipped his head toward Ana.

  Connor clenched his jaw so tightly, his teeth ached. He turned and strode off, with Ana hurrying to catch up with him.

  "Connor? Connor!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her. "What's going on?"

  "Nothing."

  "Something is clearly wrong, Connor."

  "It's nothing, Ana."

  "Why won't you talk to me?" Her eyes filled with tears.

  "God, don't cry," he said, more annoyed than sympathetic. "I don't trust that Jackson character, okay? It's nothing. Not worth talking about anyway."

  She clearly didn't like his answer. "Why do you care so much?"

  "He's around all the time now." He shrugged, and hoped the careless action would keep her from making a bigger deal out of it.

  No such luck. "But you don't even talk to him. So why should it matter?"

  He deliberately stared at her with a long-suffering expression.

  "Unless it has something to do with Liv?" Her eyes pleaded with him to deny it.

  He did his best to act like he didn't give a crap. Yeah, he knew he was being an asshole.

  "Why do you care so much about her?" Her tone somehow reminded him of a wounded bird's. But he still didn't feel bad. How big of an asshole did that make him then?

  "Connor?"

  He sighed. "I gotta get to class."

  Ana's threatening tears spilled over, leaving tracks down her cheeks. "Okay."

  He turned and walked away without another word.

  When school let out, he went straight to work. During the few hours he was on the job, he impatiently anticipated going home--well, to Liv's.

  "Livvy!" he called as soon as he walked through the front door.