by Dale, Tracy
Liv looked up from her homework and smiled when he walked into the kitchen. "What?"
"Now is that any way to greet your favorite person?" Her mom was peeling the skin off a potato with admirable efficiency. "Hey, Mrs. Jones."
"Good afternoon, Connor," she said. "Did you have a good day at school?"
He grabbed an apple and took an enormous bite. "Same old." He sat down next to Liv.
"Where's my Dad?" she said.
"He said he'd be about a half hour behind me. And, uh." He looked at Mrs. Jones. "To tell you to make sure dinner was ready."
"Ugh," Liv huffed. "So archaic."
Mrs. Jones laughed but didn't say anything.
"So Liv," Connor said in an undertone, hoping her mom would get the idea it was a private conversation and tune out. "You and Jackson, huh?"
Liv stared. "I don't get it."
"You know. You. And Jackson."
She stared longer this time. "Okay, that would have made sense last week. But hello, you know we are going out this weekend--"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about that whole business during lunch." He lowered his voice. "You were crawling all over him, Liv. It was embarrassing."
"I was not!"
"You really were."
"I wasn't! What are you even talking about?"
"When was the last time you walked Darcy?" he said at full volume.
She looked away guiltily. "When Ana was here."
"That poor dog. Maybe we should walk him."
Mom cleared her throat. "Are you getting your homework done, Connor?"
"Yeah. I do it before I go to bed."
"Is your stepdad still leaving you alone?"
Connor smiled in satisfaction. "Oh yeah."
Mom turned to look at him. "And... your mother?"
He stopped smiling. "She's still depressed," he tried to sound as if he didn't care. He was pretty sure nobody was fooled. It hurt.
"Well." Mrs. Jones made a particularly vicious slice off the potato. "Cal wanted to talk with you--both of you--about college. So, prepare yourselves, okay?"
They glanced at each other and nodded obediently.
"Good. Why don't you go walk the dog now?"
Connor breathed a little easier when they were outside.
Liv noticed it and said, "Does it bother you? Mom asking about stuff?"
"No... A little. But not...not at your mom. At mine."
Liv let her expression show she understood. "Would it bother you if I said it makes me mad at your mom, too?"
"No." The corner of his lip tilted up. "I know I've never said, Liv. But your family means everything to me."
She had to swallow to ease the tightness in her throat before she could answer. "They love you too."
"And you, Liv?" His arm snaked out and curled around her neck, pulling her against his side. "You love me too?"
If you only knew.
Wait. NO! Not like that. Not like that!
She forced a laugh. "Connor, I love you like chicken loves gravy."
"Chicken loves gravy? I think like milk loves cookies would be better."
"That seems less open to debate. Everyone loves milk and cookies."
"Exactly," he drawled.
She told herself to pull out of his casual embrace. She stayed where she was. Still, conscience demanded something from her. "You should stop hugging me. You're crawling all over me. It's embarrassing."
Instead of letting her go, he pulled her tighter against him. "Give me Darcy's leash. I can manage him better."
Liv handed it over without argument. "What if Ana sees us?"
His chest rumbled with an illegible non-answer.
"What happened at lunch? You guys looked like you were having a serious talk or something."
"I don't know."
"What do you mean, you don't know? You were there. She was talking."
"No, I mean I don't know what happened at lunch with her. She was suddenly all in the mood to talk about feelings--again. Isn't there some rule book for chicks somewhere that tells them guys hate to talk about feelings? Ana should read it. Give her a copy, will ya?"
"How did you know I have a copy?"
Connor's eyes jerked to hers. "There's really a book like that? You really have a copy?"
Liv tried to keep playing it, she tried hard. But his stunned and mildly alarmed expression pushed her over the edge. She burst out laughing. "Did you see that? I got you good just then. Just right there? I got you good."
He chuckled, but probably more at her amusement than at the joke itself. "You sure did, Lucky."
Since her hands were free, and since Connor wasn't letting go of her, there really was no place else to put her arm than around his waist. There really wasn't.
"What if Jackson sees?" he said.
"Guess my behavior during lunch would seem less embarrassing," she said. "What were you talking about anyway? What was I doing?"
"You don't know?"
She had a feeling he was making an effort to sound believably astonished. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"C'mon, Liv! You hardly know the guy, but there you were, licking your lips--"
"Wait, wait, wait. Licking my lips? What?"
He continued as though she hadn't said anything, "Wrapping your arms around him--"
"The way I am with you right now?"
"But I'm so much more huggable." His smile was way too smug.
"Really?"
"And so much more deserving. Milk and cookies, Liv. Remember."
She couldn't resist hugging him tighter. "You're a nut."
"You have a strange habit of comparing me to food. Is it cuz you need to eat?"
"Ugh!" She shoved him away. "I knew it was a matter of time."
"What?" he said.
"I'm not that skinny. Not anymore! Some would even say my body type is fashionable. I would actually fit in those designer clothes they make."
"I thought the only girls who fit in those were ones who didn't eat."
Liv bared her teeth at him.
"What? That's what Chelsea said."
He said it so sweetly it was impossible for her to be annoyed. She rolled her eyes. "So what are you going to do about Ana?"
"I think the bigger question is, what are you going to do about Jackson?"
"Go on a date with him."
"Even though you embarrassed yourself?"
"He seemed to like my version of embarrassment."
Oh now, he did not like that at all. "I don't think you can trust him."
Liv looked at him with surprise. "Why would you think that?"
"He didn't like the little chat we had--"
"What? You had a chat? When?"
"Today."
"Today?"
"I told you I was going to talk to him."
"Yeah but. But... What happened?"
"I told you. He didn't like the idea of me watching out for you. Got real mad when I said I wanted him to treat you with respect."
"No. Seriously?"
Connor nodded gravely. "I know you won't cancel your date with him." He was quiet a moment, as if hoping she would contradict him.
She didn't, because she wanted to hear the rest. And because, no way was she cancelling her date.
"Be careful with him. I don't want you getting hurt."
Liv frowned. He sounded serious, as if he knew something but didn't want to tell her.
But what?
* * *
CHAPTER ELEVEN
A Clear Reflection
Two years ago, Connor had a mother he knew cared about him. She watched to make sure he kept his grades up. Made certain he had good manners and was quick to tell him when he was behaving badly.
If his mother knew what was going on in his life now, she would have wasted no time telling him he was being selfish. But as Connor looked at her sedated form, immobile and greasy on the bed, he understood only that the mother he had, was gone.
&
nbsp; It had happened so quickly. He hadn't known what to do when it first started. Wait it out? But she'd only gotten worse. He'd tried to help her, tried to get her to leave Keith, certain once they were free of him she'd get better, but she refused. Always, it was, "I can't, Connor." So he'd pushed her to see a doctor, hoping the doc would see what was wrong and tell her to get out of the relationship, but when she finally went, all she'd been told was to take some medication for depression and sleeping pills for a peaceful rest. After that, no amount of pleading with her, pushing her, even shouting at her, penetrated the fog.
He turned away and went to his room. Guilt was a slow itch on his conscience. He shouldn't have messed with Liv, and he wasn't even sure why he had.
He cared about her more than any other girl, ever. He truly did not want her to get hurt, did not want her treated with disrespect. But he should want her to be happy, and shouldn't get in the way of it. So why was he?
He hardly understood his own feelings and didn't want to bother to try. Instead, he decided he wouldn't get in the way, and stop being so damned selfish.
His mother would be proud.
The thought did not make him smile.
When he got to Liv's house the next morning, the first thing he said was, "You know what I said about Jackson getting mad?"
Her smile dimmed. "Yeah?"
"I think it didn't come out right." Lie. She didn't necessarily need to know that though. "I meant he got mad at me for... I, ah...I wasn't exactly friendly about my...concern."
"Why?"
He didn't have an answer. "I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't mean to mess things up."
"You didn't. But I'm glad you told me."
He felt good all through breakfast. When they got to school, he was still floating on the Cloud of Rightness. He was able to greet Jackson with casual friendliness and to focus on Ana as he should. It clearly made her happy, which decreased his self-satisfaction, realizing how much his behavior hurt her.
His effort at selflessness was tested at dinner that evening when Liv asked him to help her pick out an outfit for her date.
"Are you kidding me?" He nearly choked on the milk he just swallowed.
"Please? You can give me a guy's opinion--"
"I don't know, Liv. Won't your parents think it's weird?"
"No. Why would they? Anyway, they aren't even here."
Connor suddenly wished they were, instead of out on a date night they'd claimed was long overdue.
"Please? Before you leave to get Ana?"
He wished now he'd planned on picking her up two hours earlier. "I don't--"
"Please."
He groaned. "This goes against everything I believe in, Liv."
She didn't quite hide her smile. "Is that a yes?"
"Never--never--tell anyone about this."
"It will be our secret."
"I still don't think it's a good idea."
"Your manliness will not be compromised." She grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs to her bedroom.
Her bedroom!
He'd never been anywhere near it. Had only passed by the closed door when Mark had shown him his army gear.
"This looks like a swanky hotel room," he said as he walked inside.
Liv actually beamed. "The bedding is called The Resort Collection." White, with a chocolate brown border, it looked luxurious against her mahogany furniture.
"I was expecting pink hearts and butterflies."
"That was two years ago. Okay. Sit here." She pushed him into a soft and deep chair that even he could appreciate was stylish. "I'll go try on some different outfits and you can tell me which one you like best." She ignored Connor's blatantly uncomfortable expression and went to her closet.
"You, uh, pick all this stuff out yourself?" He'd say anything to distract from his awareness that Liv was changing on the other side of a door that was open a crack.
"Yeah. I love decorating." She walked out of the closet. "If I wasn't so certain about studying psychology, I think I'd do home design."
He barely heard her. He was too riveted by the site of her in a short, flirty skirt and billowy top that should have been modest, but its see-through quality defeated that. "What happened to you?"
"What?"
He missed the blatant look of insecurity on her face.
"Your legs aren't lucky anymore." He was too stunned to censor his words. She always wore jeans. Always. And flowing tops that although looked good on her, hid her body more than anything.
He stared. For too long. Legs that had looked like toothpicks when he'd glimpsed them their sophomore year, suddenly looked sleek. And long. Really, really long.
Curves that he had never seen before were suddenly there too. Not lush, by any means, but still...sexy.
He shifted uncomfortably. "Next."
"What?"
"Next outfit."
"You don't like this one?"
"It's too-- Next."
Liv hesitated, as though she were caught between hope and uncertainty. She disappeared into the closet and came out a few minutes later, wearing a baby doll dress this time.
"It's short."
She changed again. A long black cotton dress.
"That's better," Connor said, though he frowned at the degree of cleavage she showed. "I don't think your mom would be okay with you wearing that."
She lifted up her hair in a ponytail and showed him the back.
"No way. You whole back is practically exposed."
"Does it look gross?"
"Gross?" It looked soft. And sleek, like the rest of her. "Try something else."
Liv sighed and changed again.
Connor shifted, hoping to ease his discomfort. He almost thanked the heavens when she came out in a long, flowing skirt and fitted tank top. "That one."
"Yeah?"
"Absolutely."
Her smile was radiant. "Thank you."
"Can we go downstairs now?"
Liv laughed. "You can go."
Connor bolted. He couldn't get out of there fast enough. He'd been messing with her head the day before, but now he wondered if she was messing with his. Taking him to her bedroom. Showing him details about her body she'd always kept hidden.
He stopped himself. This was Liv. She didn't have a clue. And he had no right to look at her. Or think anything about her. For more reasons than he could count.
A few minutes later he heard her coming down the stairs. "I'll make you some cookies to show my appreciation," she called.
He looked up from the television. "White chocolate macadamia nut! Please." He got up and followed her into the kitchen. He watched her fluid motions as she prepared the batter then said, "Jackson is a lucky guy, Liv."
"Lucky he doesn't snap?"
The comment startled him, made him laugh. "Well he is kind of skinny."
"Maybe that's why Chelsea said we look good together."
"Why didn't she go after him?" He only sounded a little irritated.
"Haven't you heard her talk about The Unrequited Love of Her Life?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"How much do you hear when we talk?"
"No idea."
"That's comforting."
"Well?"
"You know Jayden Crane?"
Connor used to hang out with him years ago. Every once in a while, he still skated with him. "Seriously? How do they even know each other?"
Liv laughed at his astonishment. "I know. They're polar opposites. But I guess she's known him since grade school. Loved him since then too."
"Sad."
"She prefers to think of it as optimistic."
They shared a look of sympathy and amusement. "Only Chelsea," Connor said.
"Exactly."
"You've changed a lot, Liv."
"What?" She seemed startled by the sudden shift.
"Yeah, you've really... I just noticed, you, um, look really great. Not sure I can call you a twig anymore."
"Reall
y?" Christmas trees weren't as bright as her smile.
"Yeah." He felt enormously uncomfortable, yet felt compelled to make amends for his thoughts and actions since he'd seen her interest in Jackson. Well, and Brody, come to think of it. "I think Jackson really likes you. Just make sure he treats you the way he should. I don't want him to-- I'm kind of a jerk sometimes. Don't let him be like that with you."
"You're aware you can be a jerk?" Her false astonishment amused only her.
"I'm serious, Liv. You mean a lot to me." He couldn't even look at her as he said it.
"You mean a lot to me too," she said softly.
He couldn't resist looking back into her blue-brown eyes. "He's a lucky guy." He couldn't say any more. Hoped it was enough to answer the question she didn't have, explain the selfish behavior he never wanted her to know about. But it was his atonement, his answer, his explanation, and one that made sense to him.
Now he could let it go.
* * *
CHAPTER TWELVE
Dating
Liv's excitement was tempered by nerves as she got ready for her date with Jackson. Or maybe nerves came first. Butterflies were waging a war in her stomach until she felt a little sick.
Connor was no help. He kept shouting up the stairs, "Are you done yet?" Followed closely with, "Hurry up!" She didn't even know why he was there. He had said at school he was going out with Ana straight after work. Yet here he was.
"Liv!"
"All right! I'm coming." She swiped the brush through her hair one last time and descended the stairs stiffly. She didn't want to muss a single strand.
Connor and her parents waited at the bottom. Mom and Dad both smiled with misty sentimentality when they saw her. Connor's expression was inscrutable.
"Livvy," Dad said, "you clean up pretty good."
Liv's sigh was long-suffering. "Wow Dad, don't overwhelm me."
Mom's eyes had a suspicious gleam as she said, "Oh sweetie, you look stunning."
Connor only nodded. Did that mean he thought she looked stunning too? "Okay, I gotta get Ana now. Did Jackson say where he's taking you yet?" He'd asked a few times already. She knew he was hoping she'd let it slip.
"You know I'm not going to tell you. You would totally show up and crash my date."
"What!" He sounded convincingly offended. "Whatever. I'm just being friendly. It's what friends do."
