CHAPTER TWELVE
ALESSANDRO DRUMMED HIS fingers on the steering wheel, releasing the tension building within. He was so aware of her emotions he seemed to be absorbing them. She seemed unnervingly attuned to his moods too. As he’d told Vassily the other day, he kept the things most precious to him private, yet somehow he’d ended up spilling half his life story to her back in Italy. And as she’d listened the soft compassion in her clear eyes had made him speak even more.
Now yet more memories stirred as they drove through the village near White Oaks. Memories long-buried that impacted his usual carefree demeanour. Usually nothing meant enough for him to get that upset about it. It made making deals easier when he could be clinical. He’d be clinical about this too—somehow.
‘The village seems smaller,’ he commented, to slice through the strained atmosphere.
The energy in the car crackled.
‘I’m sorry I’ve made you come back,’ she said suddenly in a small voice.
He hated hearing that apology—the anxiety that simmered beneath her beauty. But he knew he wasn’t really the source of her upset. She was worried about Susan. And scared to see Brian.
He was compelled to reassure her with the reality. None of this was her fault. He smiled at her. ‘I’m the one driving—you haven’t dragged me here.’
She didn’t smile back. ‘They kicked you out when you’d already lost so much. They took Aldo’s company.’ She dragged in a breath. ‘You must hate the place—and I’ve made you buy it.’
‘I could have said no,’ he pointed out simply. ‘Stop worrying about me. All that was a long time ago. Zetticci was Dad’s. I know who I am. I know what I’ve done since.’ He reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘Don’t feel bad for me, Katie. I know you’ve spent all your life caring for Susan and being careful around Brian. You don’t need to do either of those things with me.’
Beneath his hand hers tensed, and he saw her blink a couple of times.
‘I think I should still care about how you’re feeling,’ she said huskily.
A ball of discomfort tightened low in his gut. She was so disarmingly honest sometimes. He turned back to focus on driving instead of staring at her.
He cleared his throat as he turned down the long driveway of the estate. ‘The gardens look even more magnificent than I remember.’
‘Susan might be in a wheelchair now, but she still supervises the plantings like an army general.’ She looked at the trees and exhaled shakily. ‘I can’t wait to see her.’
But when he pulled up outside the main house Katie didn’t undo her seat belt, or make any attempt to move.
‘You’re worried about seeing him?’ he prompted.
She swallowed and nodded.
Alessandro unclipped his belt and leaned across so that he could look into her pretty eyes properly. ‘You have no trouble standing up to me,’ he murmured lightly. ‘I’m a brilliant businessman, but you negotiated with me and won. You have me wrapped around your little finger and saying yes to your every request.’
A small smile slowly curved her lips.
‘You’ve put me in my place with no problem at all,’ he reminded her with a little wink. ‘Besides, what can he do to you now?’
* * *
Katie squared her shoulders and knocked on the door. Alessandro was right. She could handle Brian—and more importantly she was going to see Susan.
To her surprise, Brian was smiling as he opened the door and welcomed them into the wide foyer. He was also alone.
‘Where’s Susan?’ Katie frowned as she looked around for signs of her foster mother.
Brian ignored her question. ‘It’s been a long time, Alessandro.’
‘Where’s Susan, Brian?’ Katie asked again.
‘She’ll be here shortly.’
Brian’s smile seemed superglued on, and he still hadn’t so much as looked at Katie.
‘I thought we should have a minute to fully settle the situation first.’
‘The situation is settled,’ she said crisply. ‘We’re only here to see Susan.’
He finally faced her. His swift glance took in her new clothes and that horrible crocodile smile widened more. ‘I underestimated you, Katie. Alessandro’s backing is even more secure than Carl’s would have been. We can restore White Oaks completely. You won’t have to spend hours making those silly sauces any more. All that effort for such little return.’ He stepped closer. ‘You’ve done well. Everybody wins.’
He was so dismissive, so ignorant, and he didn’t even realise how cruel he was being. He had no idea how much her work meant to her.
‘Seriously...?’ Katie muttered with appalled amazement.
This was why he was smiling and not shouting at her for defying him? Because he thought she’d done a better deal than the craziness he’d arranged? And now he was acting welcoming in order to manipulate her, because it was in his best interests?
‘Alessandro.’ Brian turned back to her silent husband. ‘Why don’t we—?’
‘Where’s Susan, Brian?’ Katie interrupted impatiently.
He shot her a displeased look.
She turned her back on him and walked into the hallway. ‘She knew we were coming. I talked to her about it last night...’ She trailed off and listened, but the house was eerily silent. She looked back at Brian.
He glared at her, and that old meanness tightened his features. ‘I knew we had things to discuss privately, so I told her you’d changed the time you were arriving.’
‘You...what?’
‘She’s out with one of her new companions. They’re very thoughtful and caring, those nurses. Susan’s happier than she’s been in years.’
Katie brushed off that deliberate dig, still getting her head around what he’d done. ‘You lied to her about when I was coming?’
Her pulse roared in her ears. How typically controlling. He’d know how much Katie wanted to see Susan. This was a petty way of inflicting pain. But Susan had been looking forward to seeing Katie too.
‘How could you do that to her?’ Katie stared at him.
‘She’ll see you soon enough,’ Brian shrugged.
Hurt exploded. ‘The only reason we’re here is to see her. I want to ensure Susan’s happiness and security at White Oaks.’
‘And apparently you’ve achieved that by marrying Alessandro. Well done.’
She gaped at him. ‘All that matters to me is her happiness. You know, I have no idea why she stays married to you, but that’s her choice. Here’s my choice—you can live here, but only as long as you care for Susan properly. No more “conferences”, Brian. No more gambling. If you put one foot out of line it’s all over.’
He stepped closer. ‘You can’t tell me what to do.’
‘The way you’ve told me what to do all my life?’ She’d laugh if she didn’t feel so bitter. ‘You don’t have to do as I say, but as I now own this property—’
‘You manipulative little—’
‘What?’ she interrupted furiously. She wasn’t going to let him berate her again. ‘You never let me feel safe here—or like I belonged. You always threatened me to make me do what you wanted. No more, Brian. You can’t bully me now.’
‘Because you’ve brought him with you?’ he sneered.
‘Because I don’t care any more,’ she yelled. ‘Because I’m doing what I want. What’s best for me and what’s best for Susan and that’s it.’ She drew breath and stared at the defiance in his eyes. ‘She’s not coming back for hours, is she?’
He didn’t answer.
‘Do anything like this again and you’re gone.’
She turned on the spot and walked out of the house, instinctively turning towards the silent shaded safety of her youth—away from Brian, away from the conflict that had always festered...away from Alessandro. She didn’t want him to see
—
‘Katie.’
He caught her shoulders as she stumbled. She bowed her head but didn’t turn. She didn’t want to look at him. She was too hurt.
All her life Brian had made her feel inadequate, as if she were a disappointment—only there on sufferance because Susan had wanted her. He’d controlled her with that sense of obligation—playing on her gratitude and guilt.
‘You were amazing,’ Alessandro muttered, pulling her back to rest against him.
‘No...’ She shook her head and resisted his embrace. ‘No, I wasn’t. I ran away.’
He turned her in his arms and searched her face, muttering something low and indecipherable, then pressed her head against his chest and cradled her. ‘I’m sorry he hurt you,’ he muttered gruffly into her hair.
She knew he saw her turmoil and sadness. Her hands reached out of their own accord, resting on his waist. His warmth and strength burned through his shirt. All she wanted was to feel better. To feel that someone wanted her. Her birth parents hadn’t wanted her. Nor had Brian. And he’d kept her from seeing Susan today. Susan who loved her but whom she was going to lose too soon...
Her heart tore. ‘How can he still hurt me?’ she whispered.
‘Because you care,’ Alessandro muttered against her hair. ‘It’s complicated. He raised you...part of you might always want his approval, might always love him. Even when he’s let you down.’
Katie lifted her head and gazed into Alessandro’s eyes. How was he so compassionate and insightful and complex...and so right? Was it because he knew something of how she felt?
‘Did it feel as if your father had let you down when he married Naomi?’
He froze for a moment, but then nodded. ‘I wanted him to be happy, but I couldn’t understand how he could be happy with her...’
Katie smiled sadly. ‘Was any woman going to live up to your mother?’
He sent her an equally sad smile and admitted it. ‘Probably not. But he could have done better. He could have found someone kind. She wasn’t. And he wasn’t strong enough to move, to work all those hours... But he wanted to please her—he wanted to be loved.’
Katie’s heart curled in. ‘I can understand that,’ she said softly. ‘Most of us want to be loved.’
Alessandro shook his head. ‘No. Some of us don’t want that at all.’ He smiled at her. ‘Too much drama.’
She knew he was deliberately making a joke, but she couldn’t smile back. ‘Too much hurt?’
He paused. ‘That too.’
The truth hovered between them—an invisible, impenetrable wall.
He pressed his palm to her cheek. ‘Katie—’
She didn’t want to talk any more. She didn’t want to think any more.
‘Don’t be nice to me,’ she whispered.
He could never give her what she really wanted but she didn’t care about that. She just wanted to feel better.
‘What should I be, then?’ he asked with a remnant of that old teasing glint. ‘All mean and horrible like him?’ He cocked his head and the glint brightened into something fiercer and his smile faded. ‘I don’t care if that’s what you’re used to—you’re not getting it from me.’
A fierce bubble of emotion fizzed in her chest. ‘What am I getting, then?’
‘What do you want?’
Pure emotion pulsed. Hurt, angry, aching for something, she gazed at him. ‘Solace.’
His chest rose and fell, and she snatched a glimpse of turmoil reflected in his eyes. But then he bent and kissed her gently. Too gently.
‘Why have you stopped?’ That wasn’t what she wanted.
With a rough groan he kissed her again—and the floodgates were opened.
Katie clung to him, pouring her need into his kiss. She lost everything in that one searing kiss—all reason, all hurt, even her footing. She was literally swept off her feet. But somehow he was with her, pressing so close on the warm summer grass. And there was nothing smooth or practised in this. It was simply a kiss—soul-deep, urgently seeking to satisfy a longing so intense neither could stop.
She shook, unwilling and unable to break the seal of their kiss. And he was too. As their mouths clung their hands moved the clothing necessary and suddenly he was there—all there—right where she was hot and wet and hungry and needing his fierce, hard strength.
She sobbed into his kiss as he gave her what she needed. Locked together, their connection was deep and intimate, and somehow their physical closeness became an exposition of something else altogether. A welter of emotions tossed within her—and warmth of a different kind radiated over the intense heat of pure passion.
But she couldn’t stop to define it because she’d already exploded, her body radiating that desperate, devastating delight.
But even as she struggled to recover, struggled to stand and walk with him back to the car, she knew the difficult truth. It still wasn’t enough.
* * *
‘We’ll come back soon. We won’t tell him when. You’ll see Susan, I promise.’
‘I know.’
Alessandro glanced at her quickly, then turned back to the road. He was struggling not to speed, not to get them the hell out of there as fast as possible—away from what had just happened.
Not Brian and his petty meanness. But Katie and him.
He’d done the one thing she’d asked him not to. And while she’d been willing at the time that was only because she’d been emotional. Vulnerable.
His emotions churned—want, pain, denial. He’d wanted to reach out to her. He’d been desperate to see her smile again—to hold her close and comfort her. Yes, to offer solace.
But holding her close had led to other things. The need to connect with her had been primal and he’d done it the one way he knew best. Physically. He’d meant only a kiss, but passion had overtaken him. All he’d wanted was to heal the bruise on her heart, but what he’d done was put her at risk.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said tightly. ‘I shouldn’t have—’
‘I wanted it too,’ she interrupted quietly.
‘No, I lost control. I didn’t use anything’ He’d had unprotected sex for the first time in his life. He’d never lost control like that before. ‘You might—’
‘I’m on birth control,’ she said softly.
He was so stunned he almost slammed on the brakes. That flash of a future, that wisp of an image of Katie cradling their baby, wasn’t the shocking possibility it had been a second ago.
‘Since when? You were—’
‘I’m on it for other reasons,’ she mumbled. ‘But it means that what just happened won’t...’
‘Have long-term consequences?’ he finished for her.
But it felt like a lie. When he ought to feel instant relief, he felt a sinking inside instead. Surely not disappointment? What was wrong with him?
That hadn’t been escape he’d sought to offer her. It hadn’t been solace. Hadn’t he taken advantage because it had eased his own demons to hold her? Because he’d been desperate to touch her? He’d ached for her softness, her surrender.
He’d hated the exclusion and isolation from her in these past days. He’d hated the restrictions she’d put on them. He’d assumed his fascination with her would fade, whether they burned out their desire or not. He’d thought that if it were starved it would die. It hadn’t. And even sated again it still hadn’t.
Could he really blame this on old habits? The other day he’d recoiled from her suggestion that there was something emotionally needy in his liaisons. But wasn’t it exactly that? Yes, he used sex as an escape—for fun, to alleviate boredom or stress...but he also used it to hide from his hurts.
The trouble was that now he’d recognised that those hurts were still there... But, even so, what he’d done with Katie hadn’t just been about using sex to assuage their pain. It hadn’t be
en just rampant libido either. Those weak justifications minimised what had happened.
The truth was that too-quick moment under the trees had been the most intimate experience of his life. Never had he wanted to feel as close to someone, to give to someone. And in the aftermath he ached.
Grimly he parked the car in the basement garage of his London apartment and escorted her into the elevator. He’d have to remove himself—temporarily shift into another apartment. He walked through the lounge, tossing the keys on the table as he went. He’d call the building manager and see if there was a unit free.
‘Alessandro.’
Reluctantly he glanced at her. She stood in the middle of his lounge. Her face was pale and tear-stained and her pretty dress was crumpled. She’d never looked as beautiful. If he was going to leave, it had to be now.
‘I’m taking you to bed, Alessandro,’ she said, with that quiet boldness he loved to see in her.
‘Are you?’ He swallowed and felt his self-control slip. He tried to joke. ‘I thought you didn’t want to make things any more complicated?’
‘I think it’s a little late for that.’
‘No, it’s not.’ It couldn’t be.
‘You like control. Are you afraid that if you give too much away you’ll lose control altogether?’
‘Katie—’
‘I’m not going to hurt you.’ She stepped towards him.
As if that was the issue! ‘You’re no longer afraid that I might hurt you?’ he growled.
She shrugged carelessly. ‘I want that escape. Just for a while.’
‘Is that really all it is, dolcezza?’ It didn’t feel like it to him any more—and suddenly he was angry. ‘It’s always been an escape for me,’ he said harshly. ‘It wasn’t always about the woman I was with—more about the thrill of the chase, the orgasms.’
She flinched—then froze.
‘I get off on seeing my partner get hers too. I always like doing that for her. But you...it’s different.’ Somehow it mattered more. ‘I don’t just get off from making you climax,’ he muttered, almost malevolently. ‘It’s an imperative. I ache to taste you. To make you shake. To hear you scream. I want nothing more than to render you mindless...so that all you can do is beg for me. Because that’s how much I want you. I don’t get off from that. I live for it.’
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