by Amity Cross
Slamming the door to the nearest shower open, I turned on the water as far as it would go, locking myself in. Then I stripped, tossing the clothes marred by his touch to the floor.
After all the shit I’d been though in my life, I didn’t know what I deserved anymore. All I ever knew was loss and if Ash had rejected me any more bluntly than he just did, then…I didn’t know what. Better to not know. Ignorance being bliss and all.
Ducking my head underneath the spray of water, I let it wash away all traces of sweat and humiliation, hoping that would be enough to get the fuck over it.
14
Ren
I managed to sneak out of Beat the next morning before Ash showed up.
I knew all about rejection, but his stung the worst. I lay awake most of the night wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Wasn’t I pretty enough? Wasn’t I fit enough? Was it because I was the Coach’s daughter? Was it because I wasn’t easy? Was it because I was damaged? I couldn’t figure it out.
In the end, I closed my eyes and decided that I'd dodged a bullet. Ash obviously had issues and by our powers combined…I didn’t know if I had the strength to deal with his problems as well as mine. Someone would get hurt and it would probably be me.
I turned up at the cafe at seven like Joseph asked me to and Seth spent the half hour before opening showing me the ropes. He was kind and patient and explained everything down to the wire. Unlike the guys at Beat, he was extremely easy to talk to. They got me to clean tables and take orders out to customers, nothing that required rocket science, just vigilance.
By the time Josie came in, I was getting right into it and all thoughts of Ash had simmered down to a dull roar. This job thing was a great idea. It got me out of Beat and away from everything that was slapping me around the head. Dad, Monica, Ash… It was my own private space.
“Hey,” Josie called out, the bell over the door ringing at her abrupt entrance.
I leaned on the counter and smiled, feeling a little frazzled. “Hey.”
She dumped her bag on our usual table and asked, “Everything, okay? How’s working with Seth?” She gave me a suggestive wink.
“God, leave it Josie.” I rolled my eyes.
She looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow as I rubbed my temples. “Ash didn’t do something, did he?”
“He turned up last night while I was training,” I replied, unable to keep it in any longer.
“What? In the middle of the night?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “It was almost midnight.”
Josie leaned over the counter. “Did he come to see you?”
I frowned. I didn’t actually know why he’d come. Maybe he wanted to train like he did that first night when I almost smacked him out with that cricket bat. Or maybe he did want to see me. It wasn’t a secret I slept upstairs.
Josie took my silence as an admission. “He did!”
“I don’t know,” I hissed, glancing at Seth, whose back was turned at the coffee machine. “He helped me out a little and—” I clamped my mouth shut.
“And what?”
I slapped my hand on my forehead. “Shit.”
“Ren, you keep holding out on me.” Josie pouted. “Your entire life at Beat is like a soap opera and I need my fix. No cliffhangers.”
I sighed, not knowing how to talk about guys to anyone. It wasn’t high on the priority list until recently. “There was a moment…”
She gasped, her eyes widening in excitement. “An almost kiss moment?”
Reluctantly, I nodded. “The asshole dropped the facade for a split second, that’s all.”
“Ren.”
“Don’t Ren me,” I said with a tiny hint of a smile. “I’m embarrassed and totally mortified that I let him get to me.”
“Isn’t that the point?” she asked. “To let him get to you?”
I sighed. He’d get to me and destroy me. I shook my head, no. I was still too delicate after Mum and everything at the studio and if Ash’s rejection had been any more blunter than it had been, then I wouldn’t be able to get over it.
“He pushed me away, Josie,” I said, casting my gaze away, tears beginning to prickle. Fuck, tears? Did I give that much of a shit about Ash Fuller? He was nice to me once.
A pair of suits vacated a table by the window and I picked up the tub and cloth to clean up their mess.
“Maybe he’s shy?” Josie offered.
“Shy?” I scoffed, rounding the counter and making a beeline for the table. “He’s anything but shy.”
Truth was, I knew next to nothing about Ash Fuller and starting something with him, no matter how casual, would be stupid. That guy could be anyone.
“Order up, Josie,” Seth called out, holding up a take out cup.
Thankful for the reprieve, I focused on cleaning up the mess left behind by the suits, shoving all thoughts of Ash Fuller to the back of my mind, locking them up and throwing away the key. I’d have to deal with him sooner or later, but I’d rather it was later.
Much, much later.
15
Ash
Ren avoided me all day.
Or at least, I figured she was. She didn’t come back to Beat until late afternoon and she hid upstairs until I had to leave.
I stood outside of Beat in the darkness, staring at the door wondering if I should go in or not. It had been stupid to turn up last night, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed an outlet and she’d been there. I knew Ren took all the classes, I’d watched her form improving every night, but she steered clear of the Friday free-for-all. Thank fuck she didn’t go in for that or I’d drag her ass out of there myself.
Ren getting hurt didn’t seem to sit well with me and what the hell was up with that?
All day and all night my thoughts were full of Ren. Who the fuck was she? Not more than an hour ago I was pounding my fists into some poor guy until he tapped out. Until the air was tinged with the sickly scent of blood. The beast was unleashed and all I could think about was her.
Kissing her, touching her, fucking her.
How fucked up was that?
I'd break her. Despite her bitch of a mouth, she'd had enough crap in her life. She didn't deserve to be destroyed as well. But it was too late, wasn't it?
I had to see her again, just her and I...just to make sure it was real.
I ran a hand through my hair, my heart jackhammering in my chest. Fuck, I was amped up more than usual. I needed to go in and blow off some steam, but she would be doing the same thing.
Motherfucking Ren. She was destroying my impulse control.
Grimacing, I stuck my key in the lock.
16
Ren
Day one of Operation Avoid Ash went down without a hitch. I didn’t know how long I could keep up with it, but I was determined to try.
I slammed a gloved fist into the bag hanging in front of me, relishing the sharp impact against my knuckles. Training had fast become my outlet in the first days I’d been at Beat, but now it had become an outlet for my sexual frustration. Rubbing one out didn’t seem to help, but beating the crap out of something did.
The outside door slammed closed and I jumped, my gaze fixing on Ash. Great. He punched the code into the alarm and prowled over to where I stood on the mat. I glared at him so hard it was a wonder he didn’t burst into flames.
“You came back?” I scoffed. “One night of humiliation wasn’t enough?”
He flexed his fingers, curling them into tight fists. “Ren.”
With a sigh, I glared up at him, my gaze falling on a cut cheek and skin that was already fixing for one hell of a bruise. “What the hell did you do to your face?”
“Shit, Ren. You worried that I’ve marred my good looks?”
I rolled my eyes. “God, you’re so full of yourself.”
“Your smart mouth turns me on, you know that?”
My pussy clenched. “Puke.”
I looked him over again and wondered where the hell he was going in between Beat an
d my midnight training sessions. Was he fighting someplace? Or just beating up guys for the hell of it? With Ash, there was no way of telling. That guy was a closed book.
Like I was addicted to punishment, I asked, “Why did you come here?”
Ash frowned and flexed his fingers. “I don’t want to go home.”
Despite my rage, I felt my heart soften. Turning back toward the bag, I said, “Spot me, then.”
He pulled off his shirt and kicked off his trainers before positioning himself behind the bag, like he had the night before.
Focusing on my anger, I went thought another set, reluctantly acknowledging that I preferred the resistance of a spotter than the swing back that I usually got.
After another, he stepped back and said, “That’s enough, I’ve gotta do my own.”
Grunting, I shook out my arms, waiting for him to move before I started a new set, this time working on the new kind of blows with my forearm and elbow that I’d learnt in class.
Ash took the bag next to mine and we did our own thing, our gazes catching occasionally in the mirror in front. He kept stealing glances and I didn’t like whatever thought he had running through his tiny brain. Anything in that guy’s head was bad news.
Finally, he said, “You’re getting better.”
Stopping to wipe my brow with the back of my arm, I said, “That’s the aim.”
“Why do you train?”
Raising my eyebrows, I shrugged. That was way to personal of an answer to give to the likes of Ash Fuller.
“What?” he asked. “Did I ask the wrong question?”
“I just don’t want to give you the answer.”
He flashed a cocky smile at me. “Why not? Embarrassed?”
I wanted to piss him off, so I asked the thing that would probably cut the deepest. “If you got kicked out of pro, then what are you training for?”
All he did was glare at me. I thought I’d seen Ash annoyed before, and that was bad enough, but it had nothing on the anger that flared to life in his eyes. “That’s none of your fuckin’ business, Ren.”
“You seem to know all of mine,” I spat back. I wouldn’t let him bully me into silence. I’d die before I let him get away with anything.
Ash clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring. We stared each other down for what seemed like a millennia before I ripped my gloves off.
“I’m done,” I snapped.
Not waiting for his response, I picked up my things and stalked into the showers. Locking myself in a stall, I stripped and turned the water on as hot as it would go. A minute later, I heard the stall door bang closed beside mine. Water started spraying and I turned my back, not that it made any difference.
We showered in silence, but it's not like we'd speak while naked and separated by a bit of chipboard. I thought of all the things I should ask him and didn’t think any single one of them was appropriate. Why did you get kicked out of pro? Why do you come here? Where do you go at night before you come here? What do you want from me?
“Ren?” Ash called out.
Automatically, I covered my breasts with my hands, even though he couldn't see. No matter what I did, I always felt naked around him. “Yeah?”
“Do you mind if I crash here tonight?”
I didn’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that. Blinking hard, I suppressed a shiver. There wasn't a couch or a spare mattress in the entire studio. The only place was my spectacular converted storage closet. The thought of sleeping in the same bed next to Ash...next to his perfect male body...made all the parts that mattered come alive. Fuck.
“Ren?”
“Why?” I squeaked.
There was a pause before his answer came over the shower wall. “I'm beat.”
He sounded so tired and defeated, all my resistance fled the building. “Okay.”
The water cut out over the partition and I followed suit, drying myself off. Pulling on a tired looking tank top, undies and shorts, I cracked the door open, clutching the towel over my breasts. Ash was sitting on the bench, his back to me. The air smelt like whatever soap he used and it was the same spice I got a whiff of the night before.
Shit, what had I signed up for?
His shoulders sagged as his hands worried a towel and I wondered what had him so worked up. He’d been so angry when I’d asked him about his training, but all that had seemed to have washed away in the shower. It wasn’t like he was going to tell me, we hadn’t been very personal until now and last night definitely didn’t count.
“I’m finished,” I murmured, stiffening when he looked up at me.
He nodded once and followed me from the showers and up the stairs.
Maybe I should’ve been embarrassed that Ash was about to see the life my Dad had resigned me to, his long lost daughter shoved in the storage closet, but I didn't care. All I could think about was the fact that he was going to be sleeping beside me. His body was so bulky, I wasn’t sure there would be an inch of space between us.
I flicked on the lamp and all my shame was illuminated in a soft, golden glow.
When he stepped into the room behind me, Ash didn’t say anything when he saw my pathetic set up, he just unceremoniously dumped his stuff in a corner, waiting for me to get into bed before him. Waiting for me to set the boundary.
Hanging my towel over the edge of the shelving, I slipped into bed, taking the far side of the mattress. My back was to him, embarrassed that he’d seen what my life had amounted to. A duffle bag full of clothes and a mattress. If he didn’t want me last night, then he sure as fuck didn’t want me now.
The mattress dipped as Ash climbed in beside me without so much as a word. He clicked off the lamp, plunging us into darkness. I buried underneath the covers, all my nerve endings hypersensitive to his nearness. I was in so much fucking trouble.
Ash shifted and when I felt his big paw of a hand close over my waist and tug me back into his chest, I almost had a breakdown. Did he understand what this was doing to me? My entire body was in agony and that kind of terrified me. Having that kind of reaction to a man had never happened to me before. The kind of reaction where I wanted to fuck and fuck and fuck until I forgot my own name.
Ash buried his nose into my hair and breathed deeply, flexing into my ass. His cock was hard and he was pressing into me from behind and I wasn’t sure what I was meant to do. He’d never tried to kiss or touch me and now he was rubbing his dick into my ass? His hard, and from what I could feel, huge dick... My pussy began to tingle and clench and I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from moaning.
My body couldn’t take it so I rolled my hips backward, rubbing my ass against him and a hand came down on my hip, fingers biting into skin. He held me still for a moment, his lips brushing against the back of my neck. Fuck, I was about to explode. He pressed against me once more, letting out a heavy breath, before letting me go and rolling onto his back.
I considered kicking him out, but the masochist in me wanted him to stay close, even though he kept rejecting me like a nasty piece of ass.
I could say I didn't care all I wanted, but the only fool in this scenario was me. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. Sure, I was afraid of being abandoned again, but I still wanted someone.
Not just anyone.
I wanted Ash.
17
Ash
That first night, I cleared out before Ren woke.
During the night, she’d turned over and flung an arm over my stomach, her cheek resting against my shoulder. I reached over and tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear, probably the only gentle thing I’d ever done in my entire life, and slid out from under her. If she’d been awake, there was no way in hell she would’ve been caught dead with her arm around me. I’d made sure of that.
I scooped up my stuff, dragged my sorry ass out into the hall, got dressed and went home. Once I got to the small studio I rented near the city, I beat off in the shower like a fucking jerk.
Ren didn’t even acknowledge me when I r
eturned to start training with Coach and the Twins later that morning. Was she pissed, embarrassed or something else? I was too stupid to know.
That was the first day that I found it in myself to approach Coach about the financial situation of Beat. I never cared that much before, but I wasn’t that dumb that I hadn’t seen all the red warning notices that were mailed on a weekly basis. They were littered all over the desk upstairs.
You could say getting to know Ren had sparked something in my dead heart, or I could’ve just grown the fuck up over the past four years. Who knew?
I owed Coach for a lot more than taking me back under his wing. A hell of a lot. Without him, I’d never have had a shot at pro in the first place. I’d not only fucked up my dream, but his as well. If I could get his studio back to what it used to be, then that would be a start at fixing everything that I’d broken.
Knocking on the office door, I cracked it open, peering in at Coach who was hunched over the desk, worrying his temples.
“Coach?” I called out.
He sat up straight, shuffling a pile of papers with big red letters stamped on them, under a folder. “Hey, Ash. C’mon in.”
Closing the door behind me, I eyed the pile of letters he’d tried to hide and pulled the bank cheque out of my pocket. Five minutes at the bank, a piece of paper later and here I was. Smoothing it flat, I slid it across the desk with a thick finger.
Coach glanced at the cheque, then at me with confusion. “What’s this?”
“I don’t need it,” I replied.
He picked it up and his eyes widened in surprise. There were a couple of zeros on that thing and the chick at the bank had done the same thing.
