by Amity Cross
Dr. Craig Hunter was the playboy of Columbia University med school, and I’d hated him at first. He was always top of the class despite his partying and womanizing ways. It totally infuriated me no end, and when we were both accepted into the same internship program, I’d thought of him as a bad smell I couldn’t get rid of. I wasn’t sure when things had changed between us, but we’d dated for four years and were engaged for a year when I found out that he hadn’t quite managed to put his wandering cock on a leash. For six years, three weeks, and two days, he’d been fucking women behind my back all over Manhattan.
“He was cheating on you?”
“At first, I thought it’d been going on for months. While I was in surgeries, he’d been fucking his way through most of the nursing staff. It turned out it had been happening for the entire time we were together. Like six years. I can’t believe I was so blind.”
“He didn’t deserve you, Sparks. He doesn’t deserve shit.” He slid his hand over my waist.
“It was meant to be me and him against the world. Our future was all set. My father had my career all mapped out.”
“Is that why you chose to come here?” he asked, running his fingers up and down my back. “To defy your father and get away from your asshole ex?”
“Yeah…but it wasn’t just because of all that. Everything I said about not wanting to get caught up in the trappings of the big high-flying career was true. I just wanted to do my thing and help people. I was good at ortho, but my Dad always turned his nose up at it.”
“Not the hottest kind of doctor to be, huh?”
“It’s blue collar to some, getting your hands dirty. Sometimes, I have to climb all over patients to snap their bones back into place, wrench arms back into sockets… It’s real hands-on. Grunt work, he says. He wanted me to specialize in neuro or cardio… Something dignified.”
“What about Dr. Dickwad?”
“Dr. Dickwad?” I asked, my lip quirking.
“Your ex.”
“He’s in cardio.” I sighed. I actually thought he would’ve gone into plastics when we were interns. Craig was an arrogant asshole like that. Boob jobs, liposuction…big money in the private sector. I didn’t want to talk about him anymore.
“Why didn’t you just say something?” Josh asked.
“It hurt too much,” I replied. “It still does. Not because I miss him, because I don’t anymore. I haven’t for a long time. It hurts because I’m ashamed I didn’t see what he was doing.”
“It’s not your fault, Sparks.”
I grunted. “So that was the big secret. I didn’t want to talk about it because it doesn’t have any bearing on how I feel about you. In the beginning, I was worried about letting go, but that night you took me to that concert…”
Josh’s eyes sparkled, and he smiled.
He didn’t move to follow my lead and reveal something about himself. He just lay there, his gaze studying my features.
“Josh?” I whispered
“Yeah?”
“Charlie said you started going to a new gym,” I murmured. “Pulse.”
“I didn’t know she went there,” he replied. “I ran into her there.”
She was a detective, but so was I in a way. A patient’s diagnosis was a carefully laid foundation of tests and questions designed to pinpoint symptoms that could eventually be treated. Part of that process was asking invasive questions that some people never wanted to be truthful about. Questions that were awkward and embarrassing.
Through all of our arguments and revelations, he hadn’t once talked about the man who put him in hospital. The man who came to see his doctor the day after he was dumped outside the ER.
“It’s his gym, isn’t it?” I asked and promptly held my breath.
He frowned. “Who’s?”
“The guy you fought the night I found you outside the hospital.”
He sighed sharply and rolled onto his back. Running his hand over his face, he scowled. I propped myself up on my elbow and reached for him, tracing the scars on his face with my fingertips. They weren’t huge or anything, just tiny white lines that were evidence of the many fights he must’ve had in that place. I’d never noticed before, but his eyebrow had been split, the hair growing strong over the mark. A few stitches had gone into that one, and whoever had sewn it up had done a fine job of it.
Finally, I dropped my hand and slid it over his waist, lying against his chest.
“He came to see me the day after I found you,” I went on. “He was the one who paid for your care.”
He grunted. “I figured.”
At least he wasn’t denying what had happened to him anymore. At least that was laid out in the open, and we could work through it.
“I don’t know why I went there, to be honest,” Josh said, rubbing his eyes. “I’ve never tried to approach him or anything. I’ve never seen him there.”
I didn’t want to ask the next question, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to know. “Did you want revenge on him?”
He sighed sharply, his jaw tightening. “I knew what I was getting into when I got into that cage,” he said. “I knew it might end the way it did that night. I’d be a fool to seek revenge on anyone when I was a willing participant.”
“Then why do you think you went to his gym?”
“I don’t know,” he replied sharply. “Maybe because he got out. He had a shit life, and now he’s got it all. I thought… I thought if I saw the place, then maybe…” He let his thought evaporate on the air.
Propping myself up again, I cupped his face and stroked my thumb across his stubble. “You might find your own way?”
As if he was ashamed, he cast his gaze away from mine and grimaced.
“I’ll help you, Josh,” I said firmly. “We’ll figure it out.”
Reluctantly, he pulled his gaze back to mine. Time, it’d just take time.
I kissed him softly before he said, “We better get up so I can get you to work.”
Knowing my declaration had been pushed away for now, I nodded. We’d come a long way since last night. Last thing we needed was for me to push a little too far. A lot of faith went into relationships like ours, and I just had to keep on keeping on or die trying.
He was worth it even if he couldn’t see it yet.
23
Josh
I pulled my car into the loading bay out the back of the hospital and glanced at Sparks.
She sat in the passenger seat, her hands clamped tightly around her bag, her gaze firmly on the street in front of us. Dark circles rimmed her otherwise pretty eyes, and they were still slightly puffy from our fight and her admission.
Last night… Well, it was really fucked up. Things were patched up for now, but it was only a matter of time before I had to face my past…and my future.
That douche she had been going to marry back in New York sounded like a real piece of work. Using her to better himself while still trying to live the bachelor lifestyle behind her back. Sparks didn’t deserve that shit.
And that’s what made me the biggest prick of them all. I wasn’t cheating on her, but I was still dicking her around, and she knew it. She fucking knew it and was still hanging on. Either she was desperate or she saw something redeemable in me that I didn’t.
I mightn’t be fighting at The Underground anymore, but there was nothing else to follow it up with. The money I’d won would see me through a couple of months, but then I had to find a job. Shit, a fucking job. With my empty resume, I’d probably end up shoveling shit on the side of a road someplace.
“Sparks?” I glanced at her, the sound of the indicator clicking on and off loud in the silence.
“Hmm?” she asked, turning to stare at me.
“We’re here.”
“Oh.” She blinked a couple of times before unbuckling her seatbelt.
“Have a good day,” I said, leaning over to give her a quick kiss.
“Yeah.” Opening the door, she slid out of the car.
“See ya.”
Hesitating, she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before leaning down. “Josh?”
“Yeah?”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Instead, she knelt on the passenger’s seat and pulled me in for a kiss. Her tongue dove into my mouth greedily, her lips hard against mine to the point my cock began to twitch, thinking it was about to get lucky.
Pulling away just as quickly as she’d pounced, she smiled. “See you later.”
My heart lifted, and I smiled in return, watching her walk into the hospital. Just as she was about to walk inside, she turned and waved. Lifting my hand in response, I waited until she’d disappeared before pulling back out into traffic.
Knowing Charlie would be at Pulse this time of morning, I went straight over. I needed to get a workout in anyway, and there was no escaping the cross-examination. Best to get it over and done with as soon as possible so I could get on with my life and figure out what to make of my bleak existence.
The gym was busy when I rolled up fifteen minutes after dropping off Holly. Seven a.m. was peak time for all the office monkeys, so the machines were full and classes were jam-packed with young twenty-somethings doing Pilates and yoga.
I ran into Charlie as she was leaving the women’s change rooms. She looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow before shaking her head. I always turned up ready to go, so I was in my trainers, shorts, and singlet, but I was smart enough to know she was giving me the evil eye for another reason. Chicks talked, and she would’ve heard some choice words from Holly about me.
“Morning,” she declared, waiting for me to catch up.
I grunted.
“Cardio?” she asked, nodding toward the machines.
I shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose.”
She paused, holding her water bottle against her chest. Here it comes…
“So things are good with you and Holly? We didn’t see you again after she walked out last night.”
“Yes and no,” I replied truthfully.
“It’ll take time,” she said as we began walking toward the cardio machines.
If one more person talked to me about time, I’d have to beat my head against the wall. Patience had never been my strong suit, and that’s all anyone was asking me to do. It was giving me the jitters.
“Have you looked into those flowers?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah,” she replied. “There’s not much to report. Everyone’s clean.”
“Can’t be.”
“Can so. It could just be an overenthusiastic patient trying to thank her or some poor guy with stars in his eyes. It’ll probably just fizzle out over time.”
“What about the florist? Surely they have records?”
“The flowers were delivered, and they didn’t keep a record because they were paid for in cash.”
“What about security footage?”
“Holly didn’t want it to be an official investigation so I can’t get my hands on anything. Not legally.”
“So that’s it? She just has to put up with some douche sending her creepy presents?”
“There’s nothing else I can do, Josh. As far as the law is concerned, there’s no other evidence that suggests anything more is going on. My hands are tied.”
“Fucking bullshit,” I cursed. If I were a cop, I’d hammer at it until the case was cracked wide open.
She raised an eyebrow at me and hopped onto a bike.
“Anyway,” she said, starting to peddle, “didn’t think I’d see you for a while, if at all.”
“You shouldn’t have let her go there, Charlie,” I said thinly, taking the bike next to hers.
“She needed to.”
“She didn’t,” I threw back at her. “Considering how many threats have been thrown at me in that place since I got back, the best place for Holly was somewhere far away.”
“What about the bit where you were risking life in a wheelchair? When were you going to mention that?”
“I think I’m missing something here, Charlie,” I replied.
“What’s there to miss?”
I rolled my eyes and upped the tension on my bike. “The part where you think you know what’s best for a dude you hardly even know.”
“You’re such a baby, Josh,” she said, ignoring my quip. “Are you going back to fight?”
“No.”
“So you guys are still together?”
“For now.”
Charlie let herself freewheel for a moment while she turned to stare at me like I was a moron. “What do you mean ‘for now’?”
“Until she realizes I’m not good for her.”
She sighed dramatically. “You’re such a Debby Downer. Have a little faith in yourself. If it weren’t for your stubborn pride, you’d see what everyone else does.”
“Yeah, and what’s that?”
“A fucking good guy with a great deal to offer. You might be a little lost right now, but that’s only temporary.”
“How do you know that?” I asked. “Have you got a crystal ball? I can’t see anything in my future. I’ve got nothing to offer her, Charlie. I don’t know how many times I can explain it.”
“Ugh,” she grunted. “Neither do I. Your head is as thick as a fucking brick.”
“Can you just shut up about it for a while?” I asked, cycling harder.
“Only until I hit ten k’s, then you’re mine, Caplin.” She upped her tension and began powering, peddling like she had a million things she wanted to hammer into my skull. Damn women.
We cycled hard for a while, my mind a tumble dryer of chaos.
“Ten k’s,” Charlie declared, and I instantly hated that she was fit. “Time to fess up.”
I narrowed my eyes, trying to keep control of my temper.
“Have you told her about everything yet?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Things have a way of coming out when you least expect them to, Josh. Trust me, it’s better it comes from you than someone else.” She took a mouthful of water from her bottle and then slid it back into the holder. “There were plenty of eyes on you the other night.”
They had eyes on Sparks? Shit.
“Then why did you let her talk you into taking her there?” I asked with a scowl.
“Oh, it was the part where she said you were risking permanent paralysis.” She waved a hand at me. “Just that one little thing you forgot to mention to me…or anyone.”
“It was my business,” I growled. “Mine.”
“So I had no right? Please. Stop being such a macho asshole, and let someone give a stuff about you for once. If you keep insisting on being so stubborn about shouldering all your problems, then you’ll really be left with no one.”
“Tell it like it is, for fuck’s sake,” I shot at her sullenly.
“That’s what being in love with someone is about. Your problems and happiness are theirs and vice versa.”
I screwed up my face. Love? When had this become a conversation about love?
Charlie paused and looked me up and down. “You are in love with her, right?”
Jumping off the bike, I began to grind my teeth.
“It was a shitty thing that happened to your Mum, and it was even shittier that you had to do what you had to do, but you don’t have to shoulder life alone. Not when someone like Holly keeps taking shit from you. One day, she won’t be there, and it’ll be all because of you.”
“Fuck you,” I snapped at her. “You don’t know shit, and you don’t get to talk about my Mum.”
Eyeballing me, she said, “You know I’m right.”
Snarling at her, I turned on my heel, anger boiling in my gut like acid. Striding across the gym floor, I was so hell-bent on getting the fuck out there I slammed into a guy coming the other way.
“Hey,” he exclaimed. “You okay, dude?”
Glancing up, the blood rushed from my face, my heart beginning to slam inside my chest like a jackhammer.
&
nbsp; “Josh,” Ash Fuller said, clapping me on the shoulder. His gaze drilled into mine in warning, but he didn’t need to worry about me.
“I’m not here for you,” I spat. “Not anymore.”
I went to walk around him, but his hand held firm on my shoulder. “Hold up a minute.”
“I really need to go,” I said, beginning to feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, but I’d never wanted to. The only reason I’d started coming to Pulse was to see what he had. I didn’t want anything else. I seriously needed a fucking clue.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you,” he said, his voice low so he wouldn’t be overheard.
“I don’t want an apology.”
I wanted my life back, but he wasn’t to blame for that. My father was. The day he took my mother from me was when everything went down the shitter.
Ash held his hands up and nodded. “Fine but know that my door is always open.”
“I don’t want your pity, either.”
“It’s not a pity door, mate,” he said, crossing his arms. “You ever need help getting out of that place and getting on with your life, you let me know.”
He clapped me on the shoulder once more before stepping around my dumb ass and wandering off across the gym. My gaze followed his progress before crossing Charlie’s. She raised her eyebrows, but I’d already turned away.
I’d had enough fucking bullshit happen in the last twenty-four hours to last a lifetime.
I didn’t need their help. I was Steel. I was hard as fucking nails.
I didn’t need anyone’s help.
24
Holly
I was totally beat.
Eight hours in the operating theater had totally wiped me out. After a long, emotional night with Josh, I was feeling the aftereffects. My feet ached, my eyes were scratchy, and my heart was still a little bruised.
Scrubbing out and dumping my gown into the laundry chute, I began to dream about my soft bed at home. The sheets would still smell of him, and I planned to bury myself deep within the cozy blankets and sleep…but there was the matter of paperwork to finish up before I could even think about leaving for the night. Ugh.
