“Thank you for coming,” she says quietly, her voice hoarse from the crying.
“I’m glad that I could be here.” I don’t know what to say. What can I say? Nothing that comes out of my mouth will make it better.
She gives me a sad smile, and I follow her outside to the waiting car. She’s silent for the entire drive to the church, her hand gripping mine tightly, her eyes downcast, tears silently falling. We stay seated in the car outside the church. I think she’s trying to gather up the courage to go in, and I don’t blame her. It’s the final goodbye, one you never want to say. Finally, she looks up, wipes away the tears, and gives me a tight smile. “Ready,” she whispers, and I think it’s more to herself than me. She’s ready for what’s about to come.
I sit in the pew directly behind her, wanting to be as close to her as possible and offering the support she needs. Molly and Tyra have joined me, and the three of us keep our eyes on Bailey throughout the entire service. We watch as her shoulders shake while the priest tells us about her mum and how amazing her love for Bailey was, how beautiful and vibrant she was, that Bailey was the most important person in her life. She weeps softly throughout, but she’s hanging in there. She’s still standing, and to me that’s the main thing. She’s strong just as her mum was, although I already knew that about Bailey. She’s done so much in her short life. She’s sacrificed a lot to help her mum. I suppose that’s why I’m drawn to her. We all sacrifice something to help those we love.
Looking around the church, I see there are only about twelve people here, not including Tyra, Molly, and me. I would have thought that a woman who, by the sounds of things, was an outgoing person up until her cancer diagnosis would have touched more lives than twelve. I’m saddened by it; I wish more had come and said goodbye.
Once the service is over, Bailey asks Tyra and Molly to come with us in the funeral car. The next part is the hardest, watching as they lower the casket into the ground. I couldn’t face it with Mickey’s funeral, I didn’t want to watch it, I didn’t want that to be the last thing I have of him.
“I didn’t think there would be so many people here,” Bailey says softly, “Mum would have been happy that there was so many people who came to say goodbye.”
I’m shocked. She thinks there was loads of people?
“I don’t have anything planned for afterwards.” She begins to panic, her eyes widening and the tears falling again.
I reach for her hand and those haunted eyes look at me. So much hurt and pain in them, and I wonder if mine look like that too. “Don’t worry about it. They understand. Trust me, Bailey, they’re not here for any other reason than to say goodbye.” I squeeze her hand trying to give her some comfort.
“Thank you,” she whispers and turns to stare out the car window.
I turn to Molly, who’s looking at Bailey with so much sorrow before turning to me with such a helpless look on her face. “What can we do?” she whispers to me, and I shrug. I have no idea. We’re all as hopeless as each other.
Watching as they lower Bailey’s mum into the ground, my mind drifts to Mickey. I really need to visit him more. Knowing that he’s alone kills me. It hurts coming to a cemetery, knowing that you can’t go home with the person you love and miss. Walking away is the hardest part; I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. A loud wail from Bailey pulls me from my thoughts of Mickey, and instincts take over. My feet are moving towards her, and thankfully I manage to grab hold of her before she hits the ground. Molly’s at her other side in seconds and the both of us are holding her up as the priest finishes the service.
“I have to go. I hate leaving her,” Tyra’s gentle voice whispers to me. Molly and I’ve been standing with Bailey for a while. Everyone else has gone, and Bailey won’t move.
“It’s okay, I know Bailey appreciates that you came.” I glance over at Tyra to see her watery eyes. Seeing Bailey crumble has made us all cry. It was hard to watch, let alone feel. The whole time I’ve been holding her, her body has been shaking with her sobs.
“I’ll see you later,” Ty tells me as she reaches for my arm and gives it a squeeze before walking away.
I honestly couldn’t tell you how long Molly and I hold onto Bailey. It feels like it’s hours, but I’m going to hold her for as long as she needs, just as Molly did for me. When Bailey’s sobs subside, she looks at me, her blue eyes red and bloodshot; she looks really tired. “Can I go home now?” Her voice is no more than a hoarse whisper.
“Of course, let’s get you in the car and get you home.” I nod to Molly, and the two of us help her into the car, her body too weak to walk.
Once we have her in, I move to climb in beside her, but she stops me with an imploring gaze. “Sorry, Katy, but I really just want to be on my own.”
Worry seeps in. I can’t let her be by herself. She’s hurting too much; how is she going to make it into the house from the car? “Bail…” I whisper. I can’t leave her alone.
“Please, Katy.” She pleads with me.
“Miss,” I hear a deep voice call from behind me and I turn to see the funeral director standing there. “Miss, we’ll make sure she gets into her house. I’ll make sure that she’s okay,” he promises me.
I go to open my mouth to argue but he holds his hand up to stop me. “I’ve seen this many times before. Miss Chester will get home and sleep,” he tells me, and I know he’s right. It’s what Mum did after Mickey’s funeral; although she didn’t come out of her room for days.
I turn to look at Bailey, and her eyes beseech me to let her be alone. I take a step backwards, and her body sags.
“I’ll text you later,” I promise her, and she nods. She knows that if she doesn’t text back, I’ll come to her house and check on her. “Love you, Bailey,” I confess.
She begins to cry softly. “Love you too, Katy. I’ll talk to you later.” The funeral director closes the car door, and Bailey is lost behind the blacked-out windows.
Molly’s arm goes around me, and I lean into her. “I feel awful letting her go by herself,” I say as I stare after the car driving away.
“I know you do, but Katy, you’ve done the right thing. Bailey needs to be alone, but you also made it clear that you love her and that you’re here if she needs you. She’ll call you when she’s ready.” Molly always knows what to say. She’ll always make me feel as though I’ve done the right thing. “You going home?”
I shake my head. “No, not yet.” I can’t face it, not right now. Going from this and straight into reminders of Mickey, it’ll be too much. “What are you doing?”
“I have to go home now. I’m running late. We’re going to Nanny’s birthday party.” She rolls her eyes. Her nan’s in her sixties and still acts as though she’s twenty odd. “Why don’t you text Owen and see if he’s busy?”
I contemplate it. I have sent him messages before asking what he’s doing, mainly because I was curious and other times because I was bored. He told me that he was spending time with Jess this morning, and I don’t want to interrupt them.
“Look Katy, it’s not going to hurt to ask him if he’s busy. The worst he can say is yes.” She gives me a pointed look, one that I know says either I text him or she’ll take my phone and do it for me.
“Fine.” I sigh as I take out my phone.
Me: Hey, are you busy? X
I always put an x after my messages to him, I don’t know why because I don’t do it with anyone else.
“Happy now?” I ask her with a raised brow.
“Ecstatic. Come on, let’s go to the tube station.” She links her arm through mine, and we start walking towards the station. Bailey lives in West London, so we’ve not that far to go to get home. “Shitty day, huh?” she asks as we walk past a florist.
“Yep, one of the shittier ones I’ve had in a while.” I still can’t get Bailey’s wails out of my head. I don’t think I ever will; they’ll be stuck there with Mum’s the night that Mickey died. It’s a sound I never want to hear again.
“Tell
me about it, I’m glad this party’s tonight. I need to get drunk.” She’s been going through a lot the past few months. Her mum’s on her case to go back to college and get a degree, so she’s been saving up to get a business degree. She’ll be starting college in September even though she has no interest in doing it. I think she’s hoping that by the time September comes around her mum will have eased up. Not to mention that dickhead she slept with in Manchester has been messaging her, apologising for what happened and asking if they can meet up. She’s got a lot of pressure on her right now and she’s admitted that she thinks she’s drowning.
“You need to.” I give her a nudge. She’s been working hard and doing everything her parents ask of her along with being by my side whenever I need her. For once she needs to let loose and just have fun.
My phone vibrates, and I look down to see a message from Owen.
Owen: Just making lunch, Jess, the boys, and Emme have just left. What are you doing?
Me: Molly and I are on our way to the tube station, Bailey’s mum’s funeral is finished x
Owen: Want to come over?
“See? Told you to text him.” Molly gloats.
“Oi, you nosey cow, stop reading my messages.” I fake outrage, and she just laughs in my face. “Should I go over?”
“Duh, of course you should. Look Katy, as much as you want to deny it, you’re falling for the guy. Hell, I’d put good money on the fact that you’re already in love with him.” Her eyes shine bright with happiness. “You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen you, and that’s saying something since you’re the most miserable I’ve ever seen you.”
I open my mouth then quickly close it. What? “How does that even make sense?”
She looks at me as though I’m stupid. “You’re miserable because you lost your brother, you haven’t even let yourself come to terms with that fully at this point. Katy, have you even told Owen about Mickey?”
I quickly shake my head, shame hitting me when I see her shocked expression.
“You haven’t? God, Katy, why?”
I shrug. “I don’t want to bring it up. I don’t want to talk about it.” My phone vibrates, and I look down to see that Owen’s texted me.
Owen: I can come and pick you up?
Me: I’ll come over, I’ll get the tube. I won’t be long. X
Owen: Okay see you soon.
“Katy, this is what I’m talking about. You can’t not talk about Mickey. He’s an important person in your life. Hell, if I wasn’t so persistent, he’d have been your best friend. You have to talk about him.” I don’t look at her because I can tell she’s crying; I can hear the tears in her voice.
“It hurts. I don’t want to hurt anymore,” I confess quietly.
She pulls me into her arms. “It’s going to hurt even more when you come to terms with it. Locking it up tightly is just putting off the inevitable. Don’t hide him Katy. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to be celebrated, his life deserves to be celebrated. He was one of the best and that’s how he should be remembered.” She pulls away as she cries softly, her tears flowing down her face.
“I know, and I’m not hiding him, I’m just not ready to share that he’s gone. Okay?” I don’t want to keep talking about this; I can’t keep talking about this.
“Okay, just remember, Katy, I’m here whenever you need me. I’m not going anywhere.” Her voice is louder. She wants me to hear what she’s saying.
Walking into the station, I come to a stop, since we’re going on separate trains. “I know you are Mol, I know, you’re the one constant I have. Without you, I honestly think I would have lost the plot by now.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You would be doing fine. You would no doubt be doing what you’re doing now, making sure your family is out of debt, that Mickey’s funeral is paid off, and saving so this won’t happen again. I know you, Katy. You wouldn’t have broken yet, because you have people who rely on you.” I hear the pride in her voice.
“That maybe so, but I still don’t think I could have done this without you.” She rolls her eyes, and I sigh. “Can’t you take a bloody compliment?”
Now it’s her turn to shrug. “Call me later, okay?” I nod, knowing that I won’t. She’s going to her nan’s party. I won’t be interrupting her while she’s there. “Katy, I mean it, you call me when you’re on your way home. You never know, I may need you to rescue me.”
“Okay, I’ll call you when I’m on my way home. I don’t expect to be at Owen’s for too long anyway.” I’m not working tonight so I’m not in a rush to get home. I’m drained, and seeing Owen will help, but I’d still love to go home and see my mum.
“Good.” She leans in and hugs me, giving me a kiss on the cheek as she does. “I better go. Text me when you get to Owen’s.”
I roll my eyes, I’m nineteen, I know how to get somewhere safely.
“Just do it,” she demands.
“Fine, and you text me when you’re home,” I counter with a raised brow.
“You’re such a child.” But she holds out her hand and we shake. “Go before he begins to wonder what’s happened to you.”
“Bye Mol, love you,” I call out as I turn and head towards the platform.
“Love you too,” she calls back, and I can hear a deep chuckle. Sometimes I forget we’re in public. I turn to see a man staring at me with a huge smile on his face. I smile back and hasten my pace towards the platform.
I rush down the stairs when I see the tube is on the platform. I don’t get why I always run. There’s always another in three minutes. This time I make it onto the tube before it pulls away. Butterflies form in my stomach as excitement builds, as it does every time I know I’m going to see Owen.
Chapter Fourteen
Climbing the four flights of stairs, I make my way up to Owen’s flat. This estate looks ten times better than mine does. There’s no graffiti on the walls, there’s no rubbish on the ground. It looks clean, and it looks posh. The flats are owned by the council and are given to those on benefits, Mum and Dad had a council flat, but they bought it, or are in the midst of buying it as they’re paying the mortgage off. I smile as I get to his front door; he has a plant outside. It’s weird to see, but I think it’s quirky. It actually reminds me of something Lynn would do. Owen doesn’t sound or act as though he should be living in an estate like this. He sounds normal and down to earth.
Knocking on the door, my palms become clammy as the nerves kick in. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like it’s our first date. My stomach is doing somersaults as I hear footsteps walking towards the door. My pulse starts to race as the click of the bolt unlocking. I wonder if I’ll always feel this excitement when I see him. The door opens and he’s standing there barefoot, faded denim jeans, and a tight navy blue T-shirt; one that shows all his muscles.
“Hey, gorgeous.” His soft husky voice is my undoing. I give him a shaky smile as tears spring to my eyes. He opens his arms wide and I walk into them within seconds. “You okay, Cher?” He’s been calling me that since our date. He thinks it’s funny, it’s cute and I hope he doesn’t change it.
I nod into his chest. “Yeah, today was tough.”
“I bet.” He pulls me to the side as he closes the door. “You want a cuppa?”
“No, thank you.” Suddenly I’m shy. Maybe because I’m vulnerable after the funeral. I manage to keep the tears at bay and just cling onto him instead.
His thumb comes to rest under my chin as he lifts my face and stares intently into my eyes. God, this man. I think Molly was right. I think I’m falling for him. I know it’s stupid. It’s way too soon. It’s only been a month.
“How’s Bailey?” Warmth from his breath tickles my face.
Guilt hits me because I’m here instead of being with her, even though that’s what she wanted. “She’s in a bad way. I wasn’t allowed to stay with her as she wanted to be alone.”
“Cher.” His voice is gravelly, and it sends tingles down my spine. “You’ve done
what she’s asked, that’s all you can do.”
I nod against his hand. “I know, it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. I don’t think she should be alone, but I can’t force her to do anything.”
“That’s one of the things I love about you, you always put everyone’s feelings before yours.”
I inhale sharply. Love? He loves me? I shake my head. No, it’s just an expression. “You make me out to be a saint.”
He chuckles. “You won’t be a saint if I have my way with you.”
I gasp.
“You okay?” he asks, smirking at me.
I wrap my arms around his waist and pull my head away from his hand and then lay it back on his chest. “I’m okay.” I am, I still feel as though I should be with Bailey, but being with Owen always makes me feel better.
His hand moves down to my arse, the other going into my hair. He gently tugs a strand and I look up at him; his brown eyes are dark with lust, he’s looking at me as though I’m everything he could ever want. I lick my lips, wanting him to kiss me; his eyes catch it and a pleased smile graces his lips. His mouth crashes down on mine, and he bites my bottom lip gently, making me gasp. Taking advantage, his tongue snakes out, touching mine as they come together furiously; the kiss starts to heat up, and my toes curl. I know where this is heading, and right now, I need it. I didn’t think it would happen this quickly, but it feels right.
I reach up on my tiptoes and my hands go to his head, drawing it down so I can deepen the kiss. I need more; I need him. He must sense my need as his hands go to my arse, and he pulls me closer to him. I can feel how hard he is through his jeans; he wants me as much as I want him.
“Owen.” I moan as he kneads my arse.
“I know.” He groans as he pulls me against his cock.
My hands begin to roam his body; I really need him. “Please,” I beg him.
The Sacrifices of Life (The Working Girls Book 3) Page 12
