His eyes scanned the swell of her breast above the sheet. “Oh, you’re definitely worth it, darlin’, but I got to admit, I hate feeling this way. I’m used to being in control. Women pass through my life; I don’t invite them to stick around. When it’s time for them to move on to a new man, I’m more than ready to let them go.”
She cringed to think of all the women who’d passed in and out of his life over the years. All the women still to come. “But with me, it’s different?” She hated that she needed his reassurance, but she wanted to know that he hadn’t professed his love just to get her into bed one last time.
“You know it is, baby. Now why don’t you come back to bed? I’m tired of talking.”
His invitation hit her like a slap in the face. Instead of reassuring her, he’d convinced her that sex was the only thing on his mind. What a fool she’d been to think otherwise.
He heard the spray of the shower, and it took everything in him not to barge in and demand they have this out right now. He knew she was having doubts, about him, them, it was etched on her face. But he’d be damned if he’d let her fear chase her away. They were both going to face their fear and insecurity together, and by the time they’d moved through the worst of it, they’d have the rock-solid relationship he wanted.
Forcing himself to perform the mundane task of making coffee, toast, and scrambled eggs, he listened for the sound of her feet padding down the hallway. He prayed she wouldn’t demand he take her back to her car without granting him the time he needed to plead his case.
Minutes later, she stood in the doorway watching him set the table for two. “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier,” she said quietly.
Leaning over the table with a spatula and skillet in his hand, he looked up at her. Damn, she was even more beautiful with her face scrubbed free of make-up and damp tendrils of hair curling around her shoulders. “It’s okay.” He smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I can be a bit of a bear before I have my first cup of coffee in the morning, too.”
She gestured toward the table. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble. I usually make do with coffee and a muffin in the morning.”
He pulled out one of the chairs, inclining his head as he waited for her to take it. “Didn’t your mama ever tell you breakfast was the most important meal of the day, sugar?”
She laughed. “Maybe it is when you’re working on a ranch all day, but the heaviest thing I lift is a guitar.”
Once she was seated, he knelt down beside her, taking her hand in his. “You need to take care of yourself. I know your career is important to you; I get that.” He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear, and she turned her cheek into his palm, closing her eyes. “But you’re important to me, and I want to take care of you, if you’ll let me.”
She looked down at him, obviously hesitant to voice her concerns. “I love you for wanting to take care of me, but…”
His heart plummeted as he waited for her to continue. Her doubts obviously ran deeper than he thought. “But what, sweetheart? What is it?”
“I’ve had people taking care of me all my life. First, it was my mom, then my step-dad, and when I moved here, it was my dad. I’ve tried so hard to become my own person the last few
years, but every time I try, there’s someone waiting to step in and take care of me. I’m a grown woman; I should be able to take care of myself, J.T.”
He knew she was right, but he couldn’t quash the primitive urge to protect the woman he loved. “Honey, I don’t wanna smother you. I don’t wanna take over your life. That’s not what this is about.”
She took his hand, holding it in hers. “Then what is it about?”
“It’s about me loving you, wanting to protect you.” He sighed, wishing he could find the words to help him explain. “You’re important to me. I can’t believe how important. And I know that’s only going to grow stronger with time.”
Smiling, she said, “I’m not going to lie; you scare the hell out of me.”
The last thing he wanted to do was scare her. Was he coming on too strong? Should he back off and let the relationship develop at a natural pace instead of trying to secure a commitment before she left on tour? He was so lost, so confused, and he hated it. “I don’t ever want you to be afraid of me, darlin’.”
“Whether you realize it or not, you’re an awful lot like my daddy.”
He grimaced. Luc had a reputation for being ruthless, and those who knew him said he wouldn’t hesitate to bulldoze anyone stupid enough to get between him and whatever he’d set his sights on. If that’s the way she viewed him, it didn’t bode well for their future. “What makes you say that?”
She laughed at his pained expression. “It’s not an insult. He’s strong, confident, opinionated, just like you are.” She pressed her palm to his cheek. “He may have a reputation for being mean and nasty, but what people don’t know is that he can be sweet and wonderful and fiercely protective of those he loves, just like you.”
“Then the fact that you’re drawing comparisons between us is a good thing?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I took a psychology class once and learned that most women either marry someone exactly the same or the complete opposite of their father. I was certain I’d marry someone completely different. I thought I wanted a man who was gentle, patient, understanding, tolerant…”
He dropped his head, trying to come to terms with the fact that he didn’t seem to have any of the qualities she was looking for in a life partner. “I see.”
She ran her fingers through his hair. “No, you don’t.”
He lifted his head. “Maybe you’d better tell me what it is you’re trying’ to say baby, ‘cause something’s obviously gettin’ lost in the translation.”
She cupped his chin in her hand, leaning forward to brush her lips across his. “What I’m trying to say is that I think you’re amazing. I love and respect everything about you, J.T. Your strength and determination, your ambition, loyalty to those you love, that supreme confidence you have. Hell, you walk in every room like you own it. You have no idea how much that turns me on.”
The relief he felt in that moment told him how much he needed her approval, her praise. He wanted to know that she thought he was man enough to keep her happy, exactly as he was. “I’m glad to hear you say that, baby. ‘Cause I don’t know if there’s a damn thing I could do to change my ways now, not even for you.”
She brushed a kiss across the stubble on his cheek. “I wouldn’t want to change a thing about you. I love you exactly the way you are.” She smiled, shaking her head. “You have no idea how much it cost me to admit that.”
He frowned. “What’re you talking about?”
“I was in such a snit earlier because I thought you’d said all those things last night just to get me into bed again.”
He drew back to look at her, trying to decide whether she was kidding. Obviously not.
“Seriously? You thought I was feeding you a line just to get you in the sack?” He tried to understand it from her perspective, but it still cut deep to know that she had so little faith in him.
If he’d lived his life differently, perhaps had the moral integrity of any one of his brothers, she wouldn’t have had those doubts. But he wasn’t Dave or Derek or Ty. He was J.T., the hell raiser—the selfish one who chased thrills and women and damned the consequences. He didn’t want to be that guy anymore. He wanted to be a man Nikki would be proud to call her man.
He got up and moved around the table, claiming the seat across from her.
“Hey, did I say something to offend you?”
He reached for the coffeepot in the middle of the table, pouring each of them a cup of the steaming brew. “No, I’m good. You just helped open my eyes to a few things.”
She raised the cup to her lips. “Like what?”
He refused to look at her when he admitted the truth. “I’m not good enough for you, Nik.”
She set the cup down carefull
y, staring him in the eye. “What the hell are you talking about? I just spent the last five minutes listing your attributes.”
After picking up his fork, he leaned over his plate and scowled, trying to force the bitter words past his lips. “Yeah, and in the next breath you told me you couldn’t believe a word that came out of my mouth ‘cause I’m nothing but a man whore. And you know what? You’re right.”
The color drained from her face. “Are you saying you didn’t mean any of the things you said last night?”
He hated that she could still ask him that question. Throwing his napkin down on the table, he said, “Let’s get the hell out of here. I lost my appetite.”
Nikki replayed their conversation over and over in her mind as she listened to Ty belt out his latest hit. She tried to determine what she’d said or done to make J.T. shut her out. There was no other way to describe it. He went from being warm and loving to cold and resentful. He’d barely uttered a word on their way back to Jimmy’s, and when she reached across the seat to brush a kiss across his cheek, he jumped out of the truck so fast she thought his seat was on fire.
Setting his guitar down to grab a bottle of water, Ty said, “You okay, pretty lady? You been kinda quiet this morning.”
“I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
Ty raised an eyebrow, a smirk on his handsome face. “That wouldn’t have anything to do with my brother now, would it?”
She felt the heat straight to her scalp. “Uh, I didn’t mean…”
Ty laughed before taking a drink. “It’s okay. You and my brother are adults. What you do behind closed doors is your business.”
“I don’t want things to be awkward between us because of this.” She counted Ty among her friends, and now that they were going to be traveling together, it was more important than ever they get along.
He hooked his arm around her neck. “Now why would things be awkward between us? You know I’m crazy about you, so is Avery. If my brother’s dumb enough to screw up the best thing that’s ever happened to him in his miserable life, that’s all on him.”
She smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Thanks for saying that.”
“Now why do I get the feeling that dumbass has already messed this up?”
Sighing, she closed her eyes, wishing she could start this day over again. She’d give anything to turn the clock back a few hours and wake up in his arms again. She wouldn‘t have made assumptions about where they stood, or where their relationship was going; she would have asked outright and saved them both a lot of grief and misery. “Truth is, I don’t know what the hell he’s thinking, Ty. When he dropped me off, he couldn’t even stand to look at me. I don’t know what I said or did…” She damned the steady stream of tears flowing down her cheeks. She didn’t cry, especially not in front of people. Sniffling, she said, “I’m sorry. I’m sure this is the last thing you need right now.”
“Honey, you’re not the first woman to cry on my shoulder after my brother broke her heart.” He cursed softly. “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that, huh?”
She reached for a tissue, forcing herself to get it together. In fact, Ty had said exactly what she needed to hear. She needed to be reminded of whom she was dealing with. J.T. was the self-absorbed womanizer; Ty was the good guy who treated women the way they deserved to be treated. Too bad Avery had already landed him.
“You know what? J.T. isn’t worth my tears.” She tried sending that message to her subconscious, but it didn’t stem the flow of tears. “I’m going to forget about him and put the focus where it belongs, on my music.”
Ty grabbed another tissue from the box at his elbow and began blotting her tears. “You sure you can do that, hon?”
Shrugging, she said, “Sure, why not? It’s not like we’ve been together for years. It was just a few meaningless dates.” Only, to her, their time together meant everything. Too bad he didn’t feel the same way.
“Sometimes it’s not about how much time you spend together, but what you do with that time that counts.” He smiled, tossing the crumpled tissue into a wastebasket. “I knew I was in love with Avery from day one. She blew me away, made me feel something no other woman ever had.”
Nikki smiled through her tears. Just because she was miserable right now didn’t mean she’d given up on finding what Avery and Ty had. She just wouldn’t be finding it with J.T., and one day she knew she’d be grateful for that. But today wasn’t that day.
“I’m not gonna lie to you. My kid brother has a lot of growing up to do before he’s ready for a serious relationship. He’s spent most of his life chasing the thrill, either with women or on the back of a bull. Eventually, he’s gonna have to realize that real life isn’t like that. Sometimes, it’s mundane, but he shouldn’t have to risk life and limb just to feel alive.”
She propped her elbow on the table, resting her head in her palm. “You think that’s what he’s been doing?”
Ty nodded, raising the water bottle to his lips. “He’s had some pretty big shoes to fill. Our older brother Dave is the hero, the guy willing to put his life on the line for his country. Derek has stepped in front of half a dozen bullets to save innocent civilians.”
She sighed, suddenly feeling sorry for J.T. It was hard to imagine a man like him feeling as though he didn’t measure up. He was perfect, at least in her mind. “And you’re this uber-successful musician.”
Ty laughed. “It’s not like I’m out there saving lives or fighting for my country, but yeah, I guess I’ve found my way. Don’t get me wrong. J.T.’s well respected in rodeo circuits. Hell, he’s the best there is, but in his mind, I think he feels that riding bulls pales in comparison to what the rest of us have chosen to do with our lives.”
“Have you ever tried to talk to him about it?”
Ty shrugged. “Sure, I’ve tried, but he always shuts me down.”
“At least I’m not the only one,” she muttered. Looking up at Ty, she tried to decide whether it was her place to divulge his brother’s plans for the future. “Did he tell you that he planned to buy Jimmy’s?”
“No shit?” Ty said, claiming the stool beside her. “No, I had no idea. Huh, good for him. Maybe that’s exactly what he needs to get his head on straight. I know the idea of retirin’ was really messin’ him up. He had no idea what direction to take. If he’s found what he’s looking for in Jimmy’s, I say good for him.”
She rubbed her tired eyes, wondering where she would find the energy to get through the rest of this day. It was only 11:00 a.m. It would be another twelve hours, at least, before she could lay her head on a pillow and try to sort through this mess with J.T.
“You sure you wanna do this?” Jimmy asked, his pen poised over the legal document. “This is your last chance to back out, boy.”
“I don’t want to back out. This is what I want.” Hell, who was he kidding, he needed this if he was going to maintain his sanity. The thought of waking up every morning with no purpose, no direction, scared the hell out of him. At least Jimmy’s would give him a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and maybe with a little luck, and a lot of hard work, he could prove that he had a talent for something other than riding bulls and banging buckle bunnies.
The thought of buckle bunnies reminded him of Nikki, who was as far removed from a buckle bunny as a woman could get, which was why he’d decided she was too damn good for him. No matter how much it irked him to admit it, buckle bunnies were more his speed. Maybe one day he’d earn the right to love a woman like that, but this morning she’d reminded him that he wasn’t even fit to breathe the same air as her, at least not yet. A rising star coupled with a washed-up, beaten up, rodeo king. It was laughable, and he had no doubt the tabloids would concur once they got wind of it.
No, it would be better to spare Nikki the humiliation of being linked to a bum like him. Not that he’d ever thought of himself that way before. In fact, he’d been a catch, the big prize on the rodeo circuit, but life outside of thos
e stadiums of cheering fans looked and felt a whole lot different, and he was going to have to learn to adjust to life as a barkeep, instead of the world champion he’d once been.
Chapter Seventeen
Three Months Later
J.T. was throwing back his third shot of whiskey when the door opened and Luc strode through, looking like he had a score to settle. Too damn bad. The guy should be happy he’d dodged a bullet. He could’ve wound up with a loser like him for a son-in-law.
“We’re not open yet,” J.T. muttered, pretending to look over last night’s receipts. Truth be told, he couldn’t care less whether the books were balanced. He knew the bar was still making money, thanks to a topnotch manager, who’d agreed to stay on after Jimmy left.
“Then you should have the good sense to lock the door.” He sat on the stool in front of J.T., pushing aside the stacks of paper between them.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get out of here.”
Luc pointed at him. “I’m here to try and talk some sense into you, so shut up and listen.”
J.T. didn’t take orders from anyone, especially Nikki’s high and mighty father. He was the reason he’d started questioning himself in the first place. Despite all the posturing, he’d started seeing the situation through Luc’s eyes and began to realize that’s how the world would see it.
Nikki had been on the road with his brother almost three months now, and they were opening to rave reviews every night. She was becoming the star everyone knew she would, while he was stuck here, drowning his sorrows in a bottle. His rodeo career was behind him, and so was the woman he couldn’t get out of his head.
“I’m not interested in anything you have to say, Spencer.”
“Too bad, you’re gonna listen whether you like it or not.”
J.T. braced his hands on the bar. He was itching for a fight to relieve some of this pent up frustration. If it had to be Nikki’s old man, so be it. “You think you can come into my bar and start barking orders at me? Go to hell.”
Relentless (Nashville Nights) Page 18
