by K. Ryan
I shook myself out of my stupor and forced a fake smile across my face. "Everything's fine."
Then, with a quick sigh of resignation, I gave in...just a little bit.
"Hey, Becs? Has Ariel, you know, posted anything else online since yesterday?"
Becca frowned back at me and I almost wished she would decide not to be my number one enabler right now. Almost. Since my best friend loved drama and obviously wanted to help me, it probably wasn't a difficult decision to make. The phone was in her hand again and she was scrolling through it without so much as a warning that I might not like what she found.
Oh well.
She held the phone out to me a few moments later with that familiar grim line crossing her face. This was probably the worst idea I'd ever had in my entire life, but I did it anyways. This time, Ariel had uploaded a picture taken on the bar inside the clubhouse. It was just two bare arms side by side without a caption, but I immediately recognized the intricate black skull tattoo on the obviously male forearm.
"You want me to cut that bitch?" Becca muttered lethally. "'Cuz I totally will."
I just shook my head as Becca kept scrolling to the update Ariel just posted a minute ago like she could literally see what we were doing right now and maybe she could. Bitch.
"Best weekend ever with Lex, Dom, and CS!"
If she'd wanted me twitching with rage, all she'd have to do was look under the table right now to see my heels digging into the floor to keep myself from charging right for her skinny little throat.
At the very least, I could rest assured that all this drama would be resolved at some point tonight because there was no way Ariel would miss her chance. I was just going to have to figure out a way to reconcile whatever happened next.
Becca exhaled loudly. "Seriously, Belle, how are you not knocking over tables right now and beating the hell out of her?"
"Because she's doing this to get a rise out of me," I pushed out through gritted teeth. "Besides, anyone named after a Disney character just isn't worth the effort."
Becca shot me a sympathetic glance and chewed on the inside of her cheek, quickly setting her phone back on the table. My eyes scanned the crowd, searching for that familiar blonde head and leather cut, and even with all these people, I found him almost instantly. It was like I could just sense where he was.
His back was to me and his head was bent low to hear something Lexie was telling him. As he brought his beer bottle to his lips, the bottle suddenly froze in mid-air. His head snapped to the side and then he put his hand on Lexie's back just as quickly to give her a quick kiss on the side of her head.
I lost all train of thought when Caleb turned on his heel and headed right for our table. His steps were purposeful, weaving in and out around the tables and I found myself mesmerized...the way he walked with so much confidence, so much swagger, it was hard not to swoon. I'd like to believe I was part of the reason why he walked with so much cool, easy self-possession, but now everything I knew about us felt twisted.
"'Sup, babe?" Caleb hovered over me to murmur in my ear as his warm hands settled over my shoulders and I curled into the welcome sensation. He glanced over at Becca and tipped his chin to her in greeting.
My senses were just going into overdrive today; everything was heightened, everything more intense and his touch wasn't enough to scare away all the doubt and anxiety lingering in my stomach.
"Hey, baby," I shifted a little to turn my cheek and he gave me a quick kiss.
"Sorry I've kinda been a shitty date. Duty calls, you know?" he chuckled and dropped down into the chair next to me. He reached forward to tangle our fingers together, and he was observing me carefully now, worry etched across his gorgeous face and part of me just wanted to throw my napkin down and run into the bathroom until this night was finally over. The other part of me was very aware that doing something like that would cause the scene I was trying to avoid.
There had to be a part, buried somewhere underneath all this anxiety and craziness, that knew I had to be strong enough to see this through to the end. I just had to find the strength to make that a reality and hold my head up.
"Don't worry about it, baby. It's not a big deal," I answered and put on the most convincingly brave face I could muster for him.
His eyes narrowed for just a moment and then he rubbed my fingers with his free hand before brushing his lips across my knuckles. The sweet gesture was something he'd done before, something I should be used to at this point. I wanted to take that as a sign of reassurance, of him wordlessly communicating that everything was going to be okay, but I also couldn't afford to fall into a trap of false hope.
"I've been kinda MIA for you during this thing and it feels like this is the first chance we've gotten to really talk since I saw you at the shower yesterday. I'm sorry about that, babe," he told me, still holding onto my knuckles. "Look, Iz, Lex told me—"
He never got a chance to finish because Ariel suddenly materialized next to us, positioning herself directly above where we sat. Caleb glanced up at her with exasperation creeping across his face and he sighed heavily.
"Hey, Caleb?" Ariel asked in a voice so syrupy-sweet I wondered if I'd get diabetes just from hearing it.
Caleb's eyes flicked back to me for a second before turning to her. "Yeah."
"Do you think we could talk?"
That bitch must've had balls of steel to start this right in front of me.
But then Caleb's eyes shifted back to me. "Is that alright, babe?"
Because of all the thoughts poisoning my mind already, I didn't immediately understand what was really happening here. I think I'd almost talked myself out of believing this night could actually end well for me and now I found the love of my life watching me with that beautiful, crooked smirk twisting his lips.
"Yeah, I think that'd be okay, baby."
That smile across his lips just widened and he leaned forward to press a quick, meaningful kiss into my lips, lingering there for a few extra moments to make his point.
I got it.
As it turned out, I hadn't needed to be worried about this weekend at all.
Ariel gaped down at us, dumbstruck as Caleb nodded to her and then he pushed out of his chair, gesturing with his head for her to follow him. As they weaved around the tables, he glanced over his shoulder and shot me a quick wink. It didn't matter where they were going or when they got back. I knew how that conversation would end now.
Becca's elbow nudged my side and she leaned in to whisper, "He loves you."
My eyes followed that leather cut all the way out of the reception hall and a slow, confident smile spread across my face.
Yeah.
He loved me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Somebody That I Used To Know
Caleb
I led Ariel out one of the side doors to the reception hall, hoping we weren't bringing too much attention to ourselves, and only took a few strides into the hallway because I wasn't going any further if I could help it.
"Alright, let's make this quick," I cut right to the chase. "What's up?"
After all this time and in spite of all our history, it was still strange to be standing like this in front of her now. I didn't feel the way I thought I would feel. She didn't look the way I thought she would look. And that was okay because things were different now.
Ariel's eyes darted around nervously and she folded her arms around herself. "Caleb, can we go somewhere...I don't know, more private? I have some things I really need to say to you and I don't really want to do it like this."
I just shrugged. "Nah. I'm not gonna do that. Maybe we should just start with all that shit you posted online, huh? You know to try to mess with my old lady?"
Her eyes bounced up from the floor in shock.
"Yeah," I shrugged again. "Lex told me what you were doin'. Even for you, that was some real petty, immature bullshit, don't you think?"
Her dark eyes narrowed, even though she knew she'd been caught
. Now, her voice took on a sharper edge, a tone I knew well from all our screaming matches before she left. Jesus, what had I ever really seen in her in the first place? Why the hell did I stay with someone so selfish and heartless for as long as I did?
"So, that's how it's gonna be then?" she snapped. "This is really gonna all revolve around her?"
This time, I didn't want to fight.
"Ariel?"
She shook her head before shifting her gaze back up to me. "Yeah?"
I didn't miss a beat. "Isabelle is my old lady. You know that. It's not new information. I don't have to be out here with you right now and she didn't have to agree to it either. So, say whatever you gotta say, but watch yourself."
Her arms wrapped around her middle, a defense mechanism I'd seen her do a thousand times, and that's how I knew the shit was really about to hit the fan.
"Why her, Caleb? Why did it have to be her?"
"Because I love her," I shrugged simply. "That's why."
Ariel shook her head violently like the swaying motion would somehow jerk that reality from her consciousness.
"I don't believe that," she told me, her voice firm but quiet. "You've always known how much I don't like her. How Little Miss Perfect always drove me absolutely crazy. I know that's why you're doing this—you knew how much it would kill me to see you with her. That's why you chose her, right? You wanted to hurt me in the worst possible way by picking the one person you knew I wouldn't be able to stomach seeing with you?"
Some things finally clicked into place for me now. The way Ariel's eyes always seemed to narrow whenever we passed Isabelle in the hallway. The way Ariel never missed an opportunity to demean just about everything she could about Isabelle from her overachieving grades to the way she wore her hair—and making sure I was in earshot for all of it. Suddenly, that punch to the head I'd suffered in high school for watching Isabelle's high kicks a little too closely made a hell of a lot of sense now. Ariel felt about Isabelle the exact same way I'd always felt about Brandon Davis.
Still, she was way off-base in her twisted logic to make sense of my relationship with Isabelle.
"Trust me, Ariel, your feelings about Isabelle have nothing to do with why I'm with her."
Unfortunately, Ariel still just heard what she wanted to hear.
"So she's just a rebound then, right?" Ariel asked, hope creeping into her voice in a way that set me on edge. "That's it? She's just a rebound?"
I shook my head. "Isabelle's no rebound. I told you already. She's my old lady. I'm with her. Sooner or later, you gotta figure out how to make peace with that."
Her chest was heaving now and her fists twisted up into tight white balls at the sides of her bridesmaid's dress. "I never should have left. I should've stayed here in Claremont with you."
I scrubbed a hand over my face before letting myself look at her again.
"Little late for that, Ariel," I told her hoarsely.
Four months ago, I would've given anything to hear those words come out of her mouth. And now, I just wanted to turn around and head back into the reception so I could dance with my old lady.
"I don't believe that," she shook her head furiously, her entire body literally shaking.
"Well, I don't know what to tell you then."
It was as simple and as complicated as that.
"You don't have to say anything, Caleb, because I have so much I need to say. So much I need to tell you. These last four months have been absolute torture for me. I hate California, I hate my school, I hate my life there and every day I wake up, wishing that I was waking up with you in your bed."
I just shrugged, folding my arms across my chest and staring a hole into the carpet at my feet.
"There were so many times I wanted to call you," she went on, her voice shaking with each syllable. "I just wanted to hear your voice, to tell you...but I thought you'd hang up on me."
"Yeah, well, you were right," I shot back darkly.
Her eyes widened and then she launched herself across the carpet, quickly closing the space between us. I didn't have much choice but to backpedal until she'd literally backed me into the wall right behind me.
"I never should've left because I still love you, Caleb," Ariel whispered into the still air. "I wanna come back home for good. I need to be with you again."
Ariel was reaching for me now and just as her hands were about to come in contact with my chest, I roughly batted them down. I was trying to be civil—I really was, but the longer we stood here, the more difficult this was becoming. The more difficult she was becoming.
"Caleb, don't," she sobbed, desperately groping for me, but I just shoved off the wall to put some space between us. "I know I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I was just trying to do something for myself. I never meant to hurt you and I'm so sorry, Caleb. I'll never forgive myself for that."
She was trembling now and furiously wiped away the fresh set of tears that streamed down her cheeks. Seeing her cry had always been one of my weaknesses and it looked like that hadn't changed because I just couldn't bring myself to walk away from her now. She must have read my silence as an opportunity because that just spurred her forward.
"I'll move back to Claremont," Ariel sputtered desperately. "I know it'll take some time, but we can fix this. We can go back to being us again. I know you still love me, Caleb. Even if you really do have feelings for her, you can't tell me you don't feel anything for me at all because I won't believe you."
I just shook my head and scrubbed both hands over my face. "It's been four months, Ariel. A lot of shit has gone down and you...you destroyed me. I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you otherwise. All I did for a month was guzzle whiskey, smoke weed, and screw any girl who was willing, but I'm not that guy anymore, Ariel, and that's because of her. And the fact of the matter is that if you really wanted to be with me, like you just told me, you never would've left. You would've turned your ass around in that cab and come back. You never would've gotten all the way to California and stayed there for four months if you really wanted us to be together."
Ariel flinched violently at those words and reached for me again, but I shrugged out of her grasp.
"It took me awhile to see it, but it's always been her," I spread my hands out in front of me to reiterate my point. "I think we've both known that for a long time. Neither of us just knew what to do about it."
She just pretended not to hear me. "She'll get over it and go to art school or wherever and you and I can go back to the way things used to be."
"You and me were never gonna work, Ariel. You gotta see that."
Ariel's lips parted slowly, like she was trying to find the words to respond, but was coming up empty. A few moments of silence passed as she just sniffled across from me, unable to bring herself to make eye contact with me. So I just pressed forward. She'd said everything she needed to say and it was time I did the same.
"Look, Ariel," I started hoarsely. "We were never good for each other. You and I both know that there weren't many days when we weren't fighting, and Jesus, that shit's just not normal. Everything was always a battle, everything was always a screaming match. We made each other miserable and you know it. Even before everything started this summer about you leaving, there was always something we were pissed at each other for, always someone lookin' for a fight."
"I don't remember it that way," Ariel called out softly.
"That's because you're not thinking clearly right now. But in a few days, maybe even a few weeks, you'll know I'm right."
"So you're saying it's my fault?" she demanded, her hands perched angrily on her hips and her face flushed red. "It's my fault because I did one thing for myself?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying," I shook my head. "But you did all that behind my back. How do you think that made me feel? There were plenty of schools you could've went to here and we might've been able to find a way to make it work, but you had to choose the one that was just about as far away from Claremont as you could go. Ask you
rself why you did that, Ariel. Ask yourself why you chose California, why you chose UCLA, and then look me in the eye and tell me you still wanna be with me."
Ariel's eyes widened and I knew I'd finally struck a chord. Her hand flew back to cover her mouth and her eyes squeezed shut, her shoulders drooping down in defeat.
"We were never gonna make it," I went on softly. "Even in high school, we were always just trying to force each other to fit into something that never really had a chance and we should've let each other go a long time ago. But being with Isabelle isn't like that. She's taken all the bad, she's seen me at my worst, and for the first time, Ariel, I feel like everything fits. And I—" I shook my head suddenly. "You know what? I don't have to explain this to you. All you need to know is that I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
Something shifted in Ariel's eyes and then she was charging right for me. Her hands reached for my face to kiss me and I just shrugged her off, gently brushing her hands back down. But when she reached for my face again, I wasn't so gentle.
"Ariel, stop," I held her wrists down at her hips so she couldn't move any closer to me. I didn't understand why she didn't get it yet, why she was making this so damned difficult, and now, I just needed this to be over. "There's nothing more to say here. I said I'd talk to you because...I don't know, maybe because we were together for so long and I'm tryin' to be respectful here and I really don't wanna hurt your feelings, but this needs to stop."
She shoved out of my grip, stumbling back on her heel as she fumbled for something to support her.
I just shook my head. "We're done here, Ariel. And I'm sorry you came into this thinking it was gonna end differently, but this can't really be a surprise. You saw me with her before at the table, at the clubhouse—didn't you see the way I feel about her?"
Ariel's face crumbled and she whispered hoarsely: "I didn't want to."
I folded my arms across my cut as I appraised her, hoping she was finally starting to get it.
