“Ava isn’t a psycho any more than you or I.”
“You don’t know her like the rest of us.”
“The rest of us?!”How was I going to get through to him without telling the truth about this too? “Heath, you’ve only been in this town for a month! You don’t really know any of these people.” I gestured to the chattering strangers walking up and down the hallway, pretending to ignore the scene he was dragging me into.
“You don’t know her either, for that matter. It’s all in your mind.” My eyes darted to Daisy as she walked up behind him, intruding upon us purposefully.
Her eyes met mine and I plastered I happy smile on my face ending the discussion. I saw the worry in her features, which she tried to hide. She touched him on the shoulder, “Baby?”
“Hey, babe,” He smiled, brushing me off like dirt from his palms. “I was just asking Layla about the quiz. I don’t think I did very good…”
I smiled and played along, “And I am a genius. Already know I aced it.” I finished, raising my hands in agreement.
“Can you walk me to practice?” Daisy asked pulling him away from me.
“Sure,” he relented.
As he turned to her and away from me, Daisy reached up and put her hand around his neck. Heath leaned to take what she was offering. Watching the display was painful. Their kiss was like a dagger to my gut.
I wanted to claw her eyes out, and I’m sure she knew it. No girl would have come over like she did if she wasn’t blatantly marking her territory. She successfully delivered her unspoken message, but it wasn’t one I was willing to heed.
Daisy wasn’t a mean person, but she knew Heath and I had some kind of connection, even Ross, the dumbest guy in the senior class noticed. You didn’t need to read auras to see the connection between the two of us, even if Heath was doing his best to deny it.
I felt the cord between us stretch even further, thinner and thinner. He had been so close to me, only inches away, still wrapped in someone else. He said he didn’t want to hurt me, but he seemed to be doing his damnedest at it.
Heath ended the kiss, but not quickly enough. He looked back at me while his girlfriend pulled him down the hallway and out of my reach. I saw the indecision and emotions he was trying harder and harder to deny. He would probably apologize later, thinking that would make things all better.
Ugh! What am I doing!
Daisy turned around once more, “Hey Layla, will you tell Daddy I won’t be home for dinner. Heath and I have plans. He’ll understand, I’m sure.”
She didn’t need to tell me that. She could have called her dad herself. She just wanted to me know she would be with Heath tonight, spending time in his arms, and not me.
Jealousy shot through me so strong the wall I held onto crumpled into chunks of charred plaster. That was my man, my love, my soul mate that she was wrapped around. As much as it hurt, I wished I had some assurance that what I was doing the right- trying to steal Heath away from a peaceful life. Even as the Porter, he could live here, love her. Orrin was gone. It was Heath that I needed to protect from that point on. It would hurt so much to know Heath chose someone over me, but if I truly loved him, then I needed to put him first- the world came second, I came a distant third.
I couldn’t talk to my dad. I wasn’t allowed to contact him, and I wouldn’t put his life in danger to try to break my judgment.
I couldn’t talk to Mr. Reese. I had told him about my past relationship with Orrin, the Porter, but ultimately he was Daisy’s father.
Orias would tell me to stick to the plan. He wanted Orrin back too, which meant he wanted Heath gone. He didn’t care how I did it, he just wanted results. Just like the dream I had involving the fire in the field. He might tell me the truth, but they were half-truths, lies of omission. He always had an agenda and made little effort to conceal it.
That left only one person I could trust.
I headed early to the field where we practiced. It was hot, but nothing compared to the boiling blood that coursed through my veins. Orrin was my first love, and I never had a reason to be jealous, until Daisy. Jealousy made me weak and my daemon strong. If this continued I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on.
Under the shade on the tall oak tree I looked around hoping I was truly alone. But just because I couldn’t see them, didn’t mean there weren’t eyes watching me at that moment.
If my mother really was watching like she told me she would be, then already knew. I wouldn’t need to call her, I could just start talking. But still I hesitated. It felt odd, unreal, to talk to her as if she had never left. I spent so long thinking she was dead.
All my lonely, angry tears flowed when I felt her hand on my shoulder, and I was flooded instantly by the peace only a mother could give. I turned around and saw the concern on her face. She enveloped me in a hug holding me so tightly needing me as much as I needed her.
My mother’s hands touched my face and all my pain ebbed away.
And yet another monster, a green selfish one, was bound and chained for the time being.
Chapter 17
My Mother’s Daughter
“I still can’t believe you actually came. I mean, I hoped you would,” I hiccupped.
She said nothing but smoothed back my hair and smiled.
“How did you know?”
“Oh, Layla,” She chided, “I know you think I haven’t been around for most of your life, but you aren’t a stranger to me. I know this face.”
I wanted to crawl in a ball and let her rock me like a baby. I was tired of fighting for a life that only months ago was mine. “It feels like I’ve lost everything. First You! I had to watch Orrin die, and then my home, even Ben. And especially Dad. I miss him so much.”
She didn’t make any efforts to stop my rambling. I was grateful she only waited and listened. “What am I even doing here? I don’t know anymore. Most days I just wanna go home.”
Still she said nothing.
“Was Orias telling the truth when he told me to come here? Am I supposed to try and get Orrin back?”
“What do you think?” She asked.
“I don’t know what to think. Orrin seems happy with his life as Heath in Balmorhea. He doesn’t seem to need me or want to be around me. I know he needs to learn about his birthright as the Porter, but does he need me? I just don’t know anymore.”
“Does he?” She replied, “Do you think he needs you?”
I stopped, “Well,” She knew something I didn’t. She knew lots of somethings I didn’t, “That’s what Orias told me.”
“What did your father and I both tell you about trusting daemons?” My mother asked.
“I know, I know! I knew the moment I did it, it was wrong. But at the time I didn’t care.” I felt so stupid. I knew it was wrong to enter into a deal with Orias. He told me how to find Orrin and help him recover his memories. He said it was the only way. He never asked for asked for anything in exchange- yet.
“You think he tricked me?” I wondered. “Orias told me he needed Orrin back as much as I did. Why would he get me to do anything to hinder that? I don’t get it. He told me he was going to help me. I remember.”
“As his soul mate, only you have the ability to help him remember. You two are bonded for eternity. You have the power to restore his memory and make him remember his love for you…” Orias had said.
“He said we were soul mates. I thought it had to be true. Especially after dad freaked out when I told him that we tied ourselves together.”
“I know. It was hard for me to watch the two of you and not want to stop you.”
Confused, I asked, “Why would you want to stop me? And hold up- just how much of time do you watch me? What exactly have you seen?”
“More than I would care to, that’s for sure.”
My face reddened thinking of all the private moments between Orrin and me, wondering to which ones my mom had witnessed.
“Layla, you’re my daughter,” She laughed. �
�Orrin may have been old enough to make those kinds of decisions, but you were- you are, still so young.”
“I’m old enough. I know enough.”
“I didn’t want you to get hurt. That’s all,” she soothed. “Tying your soul to another’s is a big deal. It can be forever, and in your case that could be a really, really long time.”
“I love him,” I answered.
“I know. And that’s the only thing that matters.”
“So what are you telling me to do?”
My mother laughed, her voice sounding childlike in its angelic innocence, “I would never tell you what do to. This is your life, and you must make your own decisions.”
“But Orias said we would die without each other.”
She sighed, “Layla, now you just sound like a silly teenager.”
“I am a teenager!” I shouted.
“Daemon or not, angel or not, you will not die without each other. Orias just told you that so you would come and do what he could not- make his son remember his birthright. I know the way you two feel about each other, the desperation and the joy. I have felt that too.” Her eyes looked away, remembering something painful. Her sweet voice cracked, “I gave up the love of my life as well as my own daughter…and I survived.”
“What kind of life is that?” I asked earnestly, “Why did you do that? If you loved us so much, then why did you leave?”
She looked defeated, the pain of my question dug into her heart, “Sometimes loving someone means doing what is best for him- not for you.”
“That’s what I’m doing! I’m trying to help Orrin.”
“Is that what you really think?”
Another question. She was talking in circles, taking me round and round with only one path out of the conversation- only one conclusion to draw.
“Orias said Orrin and I would always find each other. And…and I wasn’t gone from Providence but one day before Orrin showed up in my life again. That’s gotta mean something!”
“It does.” She stopped.
“Well, are you going to tell me what it means?”
“No,” She said flatly.
I rolled my eyes and pulled the ends of my hair, “You’re supposed to be helping me!”
“I could go if my presence is upsetting you.”
“No! Don’t do that!” I said quickly, “I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m just stumbling through this and going to do some kind of irreparable damage.”
She sighed, “You’re not messing up. You’re doing just fine. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.” She put her fingers under my chin. Our eyes were leveled on each other’s when she said at last, “But I need to tell you one last truth before I leave. And it’s very important.”
“You’re leaving already?” I whined.
“An invasion is imminent. A plot has been set in motion. Orias wants his son back. Samael wants the Porter on his side as well. You were right to assume the daemons are stuck without him. Those daemons on Earth will die without a way back to Hell, and those in Hell are only beating on a locked door. If you decide to keep on in your pursuits, you must know of the repercussions.”
“Oh…” I mumbled.
“One day, I will be forced to choose a side,” She said, her words ominously hanging in the air, “And so will you.”
I know which way her allegiance swayed, but I still didn’t know where my own resided. I had never thought about picking a side. It didn’t matter which side I picked, Heaven or Hell, someone I loved would be on the other side.
“So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t?”
She laughed, “If that’s how you see it. You are a daemon, after all.”
I frowned, “Not funny.”
“You’re much more than just that, Layla. You are the Beacon.” She moved from me and I knew she was going soon, “He knows how you feel, Layla. You’ve told him. Heath’s not immune to it. If he wants you, then let him choose you. It’s the only way you both will know it’s meant to be.”
She was gone with the next gust of wind.
She was right, of course.
Seeing Orrin as Heath, watching him choose Daisy over and over again didn’t just hurt me- it weakened me.
It was killing me.
I came to Balmorhea to fight for him- to fight for us. I could try to back off, but not go away. I would do what my mother did for so long my father- love him from afar.
I could try.
I could watch Heath like my mother watched me- be what he needed. If he stumbled, I would be there to help him up again.
I would be his guardian angel.
***
That night was the second night I took a trip nightwalking.
And again I wasn’t alone. The dreamworld was a place where Lillith, my father, and mother could reach me or untold others I hadn’t considered. It was a world where I was in control, but I still didn’t know all the rules. The lack or color and sound terrified me the same as it did so many nights ago, but my isolation didn’t last long.
As the scene materialized, found myself on the beach in Providence, the same place where Orrin was murdered in front of me. I didn’t want to be there, but I couldn’t change the scene. My mother appeared in front of me, long blonde hair, white skin, and beautiful smile. I didn’t understand how it was possible that I looked so much like her and still resembled Lillith too.
She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice only resounded in my mind.
“You need to touch the center of your sorrow, be flayed open to life’s betrayals. You will know his pain as well as your own- they will burn, united in the embers. You will bear the accusation of betrayal and betray your own heart in the process. It is when all of your walls fall and all of his defenses fail. It is when you can truly know the beauty of being alone, not lonely. Only then you will have the peace and love you seek.”
My eyes opened eyes to the dim moonlight. I slept little that nights away from Heath. This long ride through confusion was brutal, and the destination was bleak.
Chapter 18
My Strongest Weapon
Silence.
My silence.
It’s what kept my heart safe those long days together. I was surrounded by his presence while we were at school. At night I was drowning with his absence. I wanted so much to run the few miles to his house, crawl through his window and see his face. I wanted those nights in Providence where Orrin would sneak into my window and wrap himself around me. Even though I was asleep, I felt him near.
“You’re not focused Layla,” Mr. Reese said, after watching me fail at our meditative exercises. I left Mr. Reese and Heath sitting in dirt. It was hot out, but it wasn’t the sun bothering me. Both men had sweat dripping down their shirts even thought they were in the shade of the tree.
“I know,” I sighed. “I think…I think I need to be done for the day.” My eyes darted to Heath who was looking straight at me. His new intensity unnerved me, only because of my own recent decision to back off. He stood up abruptly, brushed off his jeans and headed back to his truck.
“Where’s he going?” I asked already regretting whatever it was that set him off.
“He’s having a rough time of it right now. He just found out he’s part-daemon, you know.” He smiled.
“This isn’t easy for me either.”
“No one said it was. Life isn’t supposed to be easy. But it’s worth it, wouldn’t you agree?” Mr. Reese asked me.
“What- like in the end, you mean?” I asked.
“No. Every. Single. Miraculous day.” He looked at me unwaveringly.
“I guess,” Was my teenage melodramatic answer.
Back at the house Daisy was still avoiding me. Gone was that friendly smile that she had so readily for me before. I did feel bad that we had reached this point- she didn’t deserve to have her life interrupted by me. She didn’t deserve to have her boyfriend stolen away by the daemon within him or the daemon in her own home. Daisy stayed b
usy with after school track practice, Heath, or homework. She kept her door shut and her mouth closed.
I wondered if she had noticed the change in Heath too.
Has he become more distant? Did he talk about me? Did he say my name?
I desperately wanted him to come to me on his own, but it was a choice he would have to make. I still hoped he would snap out of it and these memories forced upon him by his judgment would all feel like a dream. I hoped that if happened, he would want me again. He would feel that same urgency, that tight band in his chest that had once connected his soul to mine.
Did our soul tie even exist anymore?
There were too many unanswered questions. I would have to wait until they revealed themselves in their own time.
I hate waiting.
Ava texted and said she was coming over. I didn’t know what she wanted, but my menial homework was done and I needed a distraction.
“Do you mind if I go out for a little bit? Ava’s coming over and I thought we could go up to the stadium and hang out.”
“Actually I do mind.” He stated.
I rolled my eyes rudely, “Really?”
Mr. Reese was setting the table and didn’t even meet my gaze, “Really. We’re going to have dinner. I don’t think it’s a good idea to go out this late. The only thing waiting for you in this kind of darkness is trouble.”
“Oh come on! I can take care of myself. It’s not like I need your permission anyway.”
He smiled sweetly, ignoring my snarky tone, “We’re about to have dinner. Ava is more than welcomed to join us, but” his eyes darted toward the hallway where Daisy’s door was securely closed, “it is unwise to leave the house this late at night. Daemons are drawn to you, Layla. You’re the Beacon. You’re a bright shining neon sign attracting all kinds of danger to yourself and those around you. You could at least try and let me protect you while you’re here.”
He was right, but I didn’t like it.
“I don’t like being told what to do.” I argued.
“No one does. But that defense doesn’t make what’s outside that door go away anytime soon.” He put a casserole in the center of the table and said in his most placid voice, “Please go let Daisy know that dinner is ready.”
The Porter Page 14
