by Laura Iding
The little boy didn't seem to notice all the high-tech machinery. He took one look at Grant and ran to his side. Grant responded by reaching his left arm over the side of the bed to awkwardly embrace the boy he'd grown to love like a son.
"Mom said you were shot." His big green eyes were wide with awe.
"I guess." Grant grimaced at the morbid glee on the boy's features. "So what have you been up to? Getting ready for Little League?"
Ben nodded, trying to crawl up the side of the metal bed frame to sit on his lap. Loren pushed away from the door to intercept his acrobatic feat.
"Hey, big guy." She swung him to the floor. "That's a sure way to get us kicked out of here."
"But I haven't seen Grant in a really, really long time, Mom," Ben protested dramatically.
Grant reached over to place his hand on the boy's head. "Right now I'm pretty banged up. But when they let me out of here, you and I can spend some quality R and R."
Ben frowned. "What's that?"
Loren let out a tired laugh. "R and R stands for rest and relaxation, two things you know nothing about." She flashed Grant an apologetic smile. "I don't think Ben's going to be happy until you can play ball with him again."
Ben filled him in on his latest T-ballgame, until Grant's nurse realized her visiting rules were being violated. She came in with a dark frown furrowed between her brows.
"I'm sorry, but no children allowed," she told them firmly. "I'm afraid I need to ask you to leave."
Loren apologized sweetly. As Ben gave Grant one last hug, she shot him a wink over her shoulder and mouthed the word, "Thanks."
Grant nodded understandingly. "I'll call you later," he promised, watching as they left. Sinking back against the pillows, he thought about his relationship with Loren. For the first time he wondered if he would have continued to date her, if not for the budding relationship he'd built with her son.
Once he'd planned on having a family with Serena. He understood that being a father was a time-consuming business, but he'd figured they'd find a way to make it work. Since their break-up he'd found himself drawn to Loren and Ben. He honestly looked forward to Ben's baseball games. But now the nagging doubt wouldn't leave him alone.
Had he tried to replace Serena's love with that of a ready-made family?
CHAPTER FIVE
"Rico, we need to talk." After coming upstairs, Serena caught the boy sneaking into his apartment, but this time she was quicker. She snagged him by his threadbare army green jacket before he could disappear.
The boy glared at her over his shoulder. She didn't ease up on her grip but steered him purposefully into her apartment.
"About what?" Shaking loose of her hold, he dropped negligently into one of her kitchen chairs, crossing his arms defiantly across his chest.
She sighed. She really wasn't in the mood for this.
"Want something to eat?" Serena wearily pulled a bowl of cereal and some milk from her fridge.
The flash of hunger in his eyes gave him away. Wordlessly, she brought two bowls from the cupboard and slid one across the table to him.
For a moment they shared a companionable silence as they ate. Then Serena pushed her empty bowl aside and pinned him with an expectant look.
"What's going on?"
"Nuthin'." Mouth partially full of food, he gulped the last of his cereal. Noisily, he slurped the leftover milk.
"Don't give me that crap, Rico. Do you think I'm stupid? You're hanging out with bad kids. Why?"
"They're not bad. They're my friends." He thrust his jaw out stubbornly.
"Friends don't play with weapons, Rico. Which gang are you hanging with? The Hombres? Or the Spikes?"
Startled, he stared at her. He obviously hadn't expected her to have any knowledge of the gangs, much less know their names. Serena wanted to shake him until his brains rattled in that pitiful excuse for a head.
"I'm not hanging with any gang," he denied.
"I'm betting the Hombres. They wear green." She eyed his jacket pointedly then leaned forward. "I'll call the police, Rico. You'll go to jail. Marta will cry. Is that what you want?"
His expression went carefully blank. "Go ahead. I don't care."
Helpless, Serena sighed. How could she convince him to see the truth? "Do you want to know why I know the names of the gangs? Because I see their wounded. Knife injuries because they like to aim for the gut. Maimings, especially missing fingers and toes, one of their specialties. And my personal favorite, gunshot wounds. They like to shoot people in the back of the head, execution style. The kid that was brought in a few weeks ago died. Is that what you're looking for, Rico? The thrill of courting death?"
He dropped his gaze, but remained silent. Was he shutting her out? Or had her words sunk in, even a little?
"The other night they brought in a kid who'd shot a cop. He's going to prison for a long time. The police will try him as an adult, even though he's only fifteen. His life is over." She reached over and grabbed his arm. "Listen to me. Stay away from the Hombres. Nothing good will come of them. Only pain and sadness. Marta loves you. Don't hurt her like this."
He idly kicked his legs against the chair, keeping his gaze on the floor. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, he glanced up at her.
"I'd never hurt my sister."
Serena swallowed hard. "I know you love her, Rico. She loves you, too. She worries when you stay out so late."
"I can take care of myself."
"That's right, you can. But you need to help take care of Marta, too. You're all she has left in the world."
He seemed surprised, as if he expected an argument. She knew better than to question his ability to take care of himself. After a few minutes, he thoughtfully nodded.
Serena was careful not to let her satisfaction show. Instead, she gestured to his empty cereal bowl. "Are you still hungry? I could make you some eggs."
He shook his head. "Nah. The cereal was fine."
"How about another time, then?" Serena quickly made a mental inventory of her freezer. "Dinner. Tell Marta I'll cook spaghetti."
"OK." Rico slid from his chair. "I'll let her know."
"Great. See you later."
The boy dashed from her apartment. The door slammed shut behind him. Seconds later, she heard the sound of his apartment door opening then closing across the hall.
Mission accomplished, Serena thought with a sigh. Oh, she wasn't naive enough to think she'd turned him completely around with one conversation, but she hoped Rico would stick closer to home at least for a while. Conjuring the image of a gunshot wound or knife wound in his wiry twelve-year-old body was too easy. She pushed up from the table, carrying their dirty dishes to the sink. Maybe she could talk to Grant about Rico. A cop might have more of an impact on his impressionable mind than a sympathetic neighbor.
Besides, Grant was good with kids. Especially boys.
The thought caused a familiar pain to cramp in her stomach and she bent at the waist, trying to catch her breath. The pain eased, but didn't let up completely.
Still clasping her stomach, Serena headed down the hall, pausing outside the door to the second bedroom. She placed her hand on the doorknob, but didn't go in.
For a moment she closed her eyes and leaned on the door frame. She'd been doing so well. The doctor had encouraged her to stay out of the room. Weeks had gone by without needing to go inside. Why now? Because of Grant? Because of the idea of him being a good father?
Deliberately she unclenched her fingers from the handle. Somehow she found the willpower to turn away. She knew by now there was no point in going back. Her efforts needed to be centered on moving forward. On living her life, not wallowing in the past.
She retreated to her bedroom, bone tired, her stomach hurting. There was nothing she could take for the pain because it wasn't physical but emotional. Sleep didn't come easily.
The sick certainty that she should have told Grant the truth months ago kept her awake for a long time.
Exhausted by the steady stream of visitors yet bored at the same time, Grant found himself glancing frequently at the clock between naps, waiting for the start of Serena's shift.
As upset as he'd been at first, he now looked forward to seeing her again. Grant told himself it was because she'd helped save his life, his guardian angel of sorts. Her dedication to her career had been one of the things he most liked about her. Their engagement had ended abruptly but maybe they could salvage something. Friendship, for starters.
Long hours later, Grant caught sight of Serena standing at the central nurses' station. Man, she was so beautiful. The phrase was trite but in her case so very true. She'd pulled her red-gold hair into a ponytail, although little wisps escaped to curl around her face. The baggy blue scrubs only emphasized her slender figure. Had she lost weight over the past eighteen months? He frowned. He didn't like the thought of Serena being stressed to the point of losing weight she couldn't afford to lose.
She glanced up and caught him staring. Their gazes locked. Then she smiled and nodded at him before turning back to the chart she was reviewing with another nurse.
A strange sense of peace settled over him. He laid his head back against the pillow with a sigh. She'd told him she would return, but Grant had been half-afraid she wouldn't show.
Now he could rest.
The beeping alarm of his IV woke him. He turned toward the sound and saw Serena pushing buttons on his IV pump.
Wait a minute. Not Serena, some other nurse. A tall blonde. He frowned.
"Who are you?" His dry throat croaked with the effort to speak.
"Hello." The nurse looked up from the IV pump and smiled at him. "My name is Amy. I'm your nurse for the shift."
He couldn't quell his panic. "But where's Serena? I saw her a little while ago."
"She has a different patient assignment tonight,"
Amy explained patiently. "You've been sleeping for quite a while. I'm glad. Resting is good for you."
Now that he realized that Serena had chosen to take care of someone else, he didn't think he'd get any more rest. Was she avoiding him? He tried to curb his disappointment. "Please, ask Serena to come in and talk to me. Just for a few minutes."
"First I'll need to change your dressings, then I'll find Serena. She might be busy with her patients, though."
Grant gritted his teeth when Amy pulled the dressing off his chest incision. Damn, that hadn't hurt a bit when Serena had performed the task.
"This really looks great." Amy's tone held satisfaction. "No signs of infection."
Silently Grant nodded, although he really didn't care. He wanted her to hurry up already, so he could talk to Serena.
Amy left a few minutes later. Grant stared at the doorway, listening to the beeping on his heart monitor. The regular tone should have reassured him. Instead, his mind raced.
Why had Serena switched patient assignments? Because of his bad attitude when he'd first woken up? Or because she didn't want anything more to do with him? Maybe she really couldn't bear the sight of him, not when he'd come so close to leaving this earth for good.
"You wanted to talk to me?" Serena hovered in the doorway.
"Yes. Come in, please." He motioned her closer.
She came up to stand by the side of his bed, glancing over him anxiously. "Is there something wrong?''
"Yes. I was expecting you to take care of me."
Her eyebrows rose questioningly, then her gaze dropped to her hands. "I thought it would be best to take care of someone else tonight. Amy is an excellent nurse."
"Maybe, but she isn't you." Grant held out his hand, palm up. After a moment's hesitation, she placed her hand in his. Her small hand was strong and he squeezed it gently. "Your voice brought me back, Serena. I owe you my life. I didn't mean to react so strongly when I realized you were taking care of me."
A sad smile played along the corners of her mouth. "That's OK. I'm sure seeing me was quite a shock."
"Worse for you, though," Grant countered.
"Yes, it was." Serena squeezed his hand then pulled hers from his grip. She stepped away from the bed, putting more distance between them. "I'm sorry, Grant, but I can't stay long. My patient is only four hours post-op from open heart surgery. I need to keep a close eye on him."
"I understand." Grant really did understand, although he wanted to persuade her to stay. But one thing about Serena, she took her patient care seriously. Trying to consider the poor guy who'd had major surgery, he waved her off. "OK, then. If you wouldn't mind stopping in before you leave, I'd appreciate it."
"I will." Serena flashed him another of her sad smiles. Had he put that sadness in her eyes? The thought was sobering. Toward the end of their engagement, he'd known she'd often been sad. But he'd been hurt as well. Why did he long to comfort her now?
Grant only caught glimpses of Serena throughout the rest of her shift. She was busy, he could see the way she hustled from one task to the other.
By early morning, though, he lost track of her. Dr. Hardy came in to give him the news he was being transferred to a ward. While he was grateful to be taking a step in the right direction, one thought overshadowed the others.
Serena hadn't come to say goodbye.
"I don't like the looks of that blood pressure," the resident commented from the doorway.
Serena didn't answer. She didn't exactly like Mr. Grayson's blood pressure either, but she was doing the best she could. She titrated his dobutamine up another notch and hung another bottle of albumin.
Mr. Grayson had taken a turn for the worst just as she was trying to give a report to the oncoming day shift nurse. Between the two of them, they labored over the patient, attempting to get him stabilized.
"Dr. Hardy is on his way," Judith told her. "He wants to see his I and O."
"Too much output from his chest tube in the past hour," Serena noted as she examined the chest tube collection chamber. "He may need to go back to the OR."
As she spoke, Mr. Grayson's blood pressure dipped even further. Just then Dr. Hardy walked into the room.
"What's going on?" His features pulled into a dark scowl.
Serena was used to Dr. Hardy's black moods. She quickly rattled off what had transpired in the past hour.
"He's bleeding." Dr. Hardy glared at the blood filling the chest tube chamber as if the situation were the patient's fault. "He'll need to go back to the OR."
"Should we give him another two units of blood first?'' Judith asked as she carried the two bags into the room.
"That would help." Sarcasm laced his words.
Serena ignored him, just like she ignored everything else that didn't directly impact her patient. But as she worked over Mr. Grayson, she wondered what Grant was thinking. Her shift had ended a good half-hour ago but she hadn't moved from this bedside for the past few hours.
"Hell. Forget about going to the OR. Get me the chest tray. We'll crack him open right here." Dr. Hardy was already shoving his arms into the sleeves of a sterile gown.
Serena had already brought the chest tray to the room earlier, the minute her patient's blood pressure had begun to dive downward. She donned her own gown and mask, then quickly opened the sterile tray.
Her heart pounded as Dr. Hardy quickly cut through the sternal incision. This type of bedside OR didn't happen every day in the ICU, but often enough that she'd been through this before. Judith brought additional supplies into the room as Dr. Hardy demanded, leaving Serena to act as his OR nurse.
Blood pooled everywhere, but Dr. Hardy finally found and repaired the bleeder. After another hour, he sutured his patient's chest closed. Mr. Grayson seemed to be holding his own.
"Let me know if there is the slightest change." Dr. Hardy tossed his soiled gown into the trash.
"I will." Serena helped clean up the mess as Judith quickly recorded the most recent set of vitals.
"So, do you really need a report?" Serena joked as she and Judith passed each other in the room.
"Nah, I thi
nk I can figure things out from here." Judith hauled the trash out of the way. "Thanks for sticking around, though. I appreciate the help."
"No problem." Serena scrubbed her hands and arms down at the sink. The metallic scent of blood couldn't be so easily erased. "Anything else before I go?"
"Nope, that's all for now."
"Good." Serena headed to the central nurses' station. She glanced into Grant's room, but it was empty. One of their housekeepers was mopping the floor. When she looked back at the assignment board, she realized Grant's name had been wiped clean.
"Where did Grant Sullivan go?" Serena asked the unit secretary.
"They transferred him out. He's on the third floor surgical unit."
"Thanks." Dazed, Serena left. Grant had already been moved to a private room. Clearly she'd been too deeply immersed in Mr. Grayson's bleeding chest to see him leave.
The third floor surgical unit wasn't far, so she headed down the hall towards room number twenty-one. But she didn't find Grant in his room that time either. Once again, she went to the unit clerk.
"I'm looking for Grant Sullivan, he's in room twenty-one."
"Oh, you just missed him. They took him down to Radiology for some tests. Should be back in an hour or so."
Serena nearly swayed on her feet. Another hour? No way would she last that long. She already needed to prop her eyelids open with her fingernails. "Thanks. I'll come back later."
Serena left the hospital to return home. Thankfully the ride was a short one. Exhausted, she climbed the stairs. Deep down, she acknowledged she wouldn't make the effort to see Grant later. Maybe this way was best.
A clean break was probably easier for both of them.
CHAPTER SIX
Her impromptu meal with Marta and Rico went well and afterwards Marta thanked Serena for taking the time to talk to Rico.
"I don't mind, Marta." Serena gave her friend a hug. "He's basically a good kid. Just a little lost in his search for friends."
"I wish I could be home more," Marta sighed. "But we wouldn't survive on minimum wage."
