She burst into laughter.
"What is so funny, Belinda?"
"By then you'll both have gray hair and no
teeth," she declared.
"But I won't have to hide a pregnancy or be
thrown out of a finishing school," I countered. Her
smile flew off her face like a frightened bird and was
quickly replaced by a scowl.
"I was just trying to be funny, Olivia. You don't
have to get nasty."
"I'm going to be late," I said wanting to
abruptly end the silly conversation. I turned away
from her.
"Right." She went to my dresser drawer. "I need
this tonight," she said taking back her bra.
"Where are you going?"
"Out to develop in other ways," she snapped
back at me and left my room.
I felt myself blush deeply red with anger and
then thought more about her and smiled. It was
amusing. For the first time I could remember, Belinda
was actually jealous of me. Our parents were talking
about my relationship with Samuel, asking me
questions about social affairs while she stood or sat by
listening. Family friends made comments to her about
my romantic involvement and not her own. Most
important, as far as I could tell, despite her flirtatious
manner, Samuel didn't pay her any particular
attention. Envy dripped from Belinda's lips and she
didn't know how to keep it from staining the pink
clouds on which she floated. Spite and anger were her
only means of defense. I thought it was purely out of
simple vexation when she announced one night at
dinner that she wouldn't attend the Childs'
engagement party.
"You can go with Olivia and Samuel, Daddy,"
she told him. "None of my friends will be there
anyway."
"You should be trying to make other friends,
Belinda," I said.
"My friends are just fine."
"They're fine if you want to remain forever in
high school," I retorted. Her eyes took on the shine of
forthcoming hot tears.
"You think you know everything about men
now just because you have a steady date all the time.
You just can't stop being bossy about my life. I'm not
you."
"That's always been fairly obvious."
"I don't want to be you!"
"Stop this bickering immediately," Daddy
ordered. Fortunately, Mother was always upstairs at
dinner now, and didn't have to listen to Belinda's
whining.
She stuffed a piece of bread into her mouth and
glared at me as if to say she was smothering her
words, but not her thoughts.
"If you don't want to attend the affair, you don't
have to, Belinda," Daddy consented.
I looked at him, surprised. He wouldn't want to
insult his friend Colonel Childs, but then on second
thought I realized he was probably happier Belinda
wasn't going. He wouldn't have to worry about her
behavior or silly things she might say. He was worried
enough these days. Mother seemed to be growing weaker and weaker and her stomach problems had returned. He and I were afraid that her next evaluation would bring us all only dreadful news. The threat hung over our house like a tempest threatening to wash our family out to sea. Daddy wore a mask of gloom, his eyes dark and heavy with lines I hadn't seen before etched from his nose to his lips. He walked with a lumbering gait, his shoulders dipped, his strength sapped by shadows of gloom clinging to the walls of our home, cowering in corners, licking their lips in anticipation of the dread that would come
knocking at our door. But something else came first. The morning of Nelson Childs' engagement
party, Samuel phoned to ask if he could see me
immediately.
"Can't it wait until you come by to take me to
the Childs' affair, Samuel?"
"No," he said. "I want to have a special moment
with you, Olivia. Please," he pleaded.
Mother had been sleeping longer and longer
every day and with the nurse there, there wasn't much
for me to do. I agreed, fixed my hair, put on one of
my new cotton blouses and a matching skirt and went
downstairs to wait. Daddy had gone to the office to
complete some work. He promised to be home early enough to dress for the party. However, he said he
would go himself instead of with Samuel and me. "No need for a third wheel on your bike," he
quipped. "You can ride very well on your own these
days, Olivia." He tried to be amusing, but I knew he
didn't want to go without Mother. She insisted he
show himself and represent her as well. Belinda, still
determined not to attend, deliberately rose earlier than
usual and left for Kimberly's house where she claimed
she would spend the day.
"Those snobby parties are boring anyway," she
said as her parting remark, "but tell Nelson good luck
for me," she added with a twinkle in her eyes. "I hope
he's got what he wants."
I decided to simply ignore her so she just trailed
that silly, little laugh behind her and left.
I was alone when Samuel rang the doorbell. I
let Carmelita greet him and show him to the sitting
room where I waited.
"Well," he said gazing about nervously. He was
wearing a business suit and tie, "your sister's not at
home?"
"Fortunately, no," I remarked.
He looked relieved about that, too.
"Fine," he muttered still standing just inside the
doorway.
"What was so important that it couldn't wait for
later in the day, Samuel?" I demanded. "It's only a
matter of a few more hours."
"This couldn't wait a few more minutes," he
said smiling like someone who had a deep secret he
wanted to reveal. "Mind if I sit?"
"Of course not. Please do," I said and he took
the chair across from the settee. He fumbled his hat in
his hands for a moment and then smiled again. "Well, it's a fine day for the Childs' engagement
party," he said.
"Yes, but I knew about the weather before you
arrived, Samuel." He saw my patience dwindling._ Finally,, he cleared his throat, straightened his
shoulders and began.
"I was thinking on the way over here that you
and I haven't been together all that long, but we sure
have spent qualitytime together, and so," he
continued, barely taking a breath, "it's not the length
of time that matters between two people, it's the value
of the time they've spent in each other's company. Do
you agree with that?"
"Certainly," I said.
"Then you agree that our time together has been
valuable?" he asked encouraged.
"I wouldn't spend time with you otherwise," I
replied. "I'm not one to waste my time."
"Of course not. In fact, that's what convinced
me I was not being too forward, not rushing things."
"Things? What things, Samuel?"
"Things between us. I came to tell you that I've
enjoyed your company so much, I don't want it to end,
but even more important, I don't like the
interruptions."
"Interruptions?" I had to shake my head and
smile with confusion. What was he talking about? "Nights, mornings, pieces of afternoon . . . I
mean all the time in between our dates," he said. I still looked confused and shook my head. "What are you saying, Samuel?"
"I told you I wasn't the most eloquent of
speakers. It takes me a little while to get to the point."
He stiffened up in the seat. "What I mean to say is I
want to make a steady diet of Olivia Gordon." "What? Steady diet?"
He reached into his pocket and plucked out a
small box. His smile widened as he rose from his
chair and then went on one knee before me.
"I thought you might like this done the oldfashioned way," he began and opened the box. In it was an engagement ring that rivaled the
one Carson McGil had given Belinda, only I thought
this one had a more elegant gold setting with
baguettes.
"I took the liberty of ordering this," Samuel
continued, "in the hope that you would give an
engagement between us serious consideration." Stunned by the twinkling diamond and the
proposal, I sat dumbfounded. He remained on his
knee, holding out the ring in its box before me.
Slowly, almost like one afraid that if she touched it, it
would disappear, I plucked the ring out of the box and
looked at it closely. It was breathtaking.
"Not having a mother to advise me, I had to
depend on an expert jeweler," he said. "I hope you
like it."
"It's a beautiful ring," I gasped. I was
hypnotized by its magical twinkle.
"Try it on," he urged.
I considered it and then did so, finding it a
perfect fit. I turned my hand around to look at it from
different angles. The hand that I thought looked so
thin and bony now looked like it belonged to a
princess.
"How did you know the correct size?" "That was a bit of conspiracy," he confessed,
"between me and your father. He got me one of your
present rings and I had it fitted."
I dropped my hand to my lap as if the ring had
taken on the weight of a lump of lead.
"My father already knows about this?" I
groaned with disappointment.
Samuel nodded.
"I didn't want to appear too forward in his
eyes," he said quickly. "And I thought if he got one of
your rings to me . . well, as you see, it worked as far
as fitting."
"I don't like secrets, especially when I'm the
only one not in on them," I intoned as if I stood
behind a pulpit.
He shook his head.
"I assure you. Nothing sneaky was done. No
one else knows about this," he said. "Please," he
continued, "don't get the-wrong impression." I played with the ring, tugging it as if to take it
off and then turning it on my finger. He watched, his
eyes widening in fear and anticipation.
"I do believe with all my heart that we can have
a wonderful life together, and I hope you feel the same way," he continued, his eyes fixed on my fingers. "We share interests. We share ambitions. I hope I haven't upset you," he added when I didn't
respond.
"It's so sudden. I hate being surprised. I like
preparation."
"I know, but why can't good things be sudden?
Bad things often are, as you know yourself. Anyway,"
he went on, "I decided that today, a day we're going to
Nelson's engagement party, would be a great day to
announce our own."
I thought about it and smiled to myself. Yes,
wouldn't it though, I thought. I wondered about the
expression on Nelson's face when he saw the ring on
my finger, and the expressions on the faces of all
those people who were satisfied in believing I would
never be married. They were convinced I would end
up a spinster, running my father's enterprises, while
my sister, my beautiful sister, landed some rich and
handsome young man. Wouldn't they be shocked? "Don't you think it would be a good day to
make such an announcement?" Samuel pursued. I snapped out of my reverie and gazed down at
him. He was looking at me as if I were about to
pronounce a verdict in a court. His eyes were filled
with anxiety and the dread of hearing a refusal. "Yes," I said. "It would."
His face exploded in a smile. He kissed my
hand and jumped to his feet.
"How wonderful. I'm the happiest man in the
world, happier than Nelson Childs because I'm sure
we'll have a better marriage," he added. My eyebrows
turned up at their centers.
"Really?"
"Yes, really, really. We're perfect together,
Olivia. We didn't need some social matchmaker
bringing us together. The moment I saw you in that
office behind that desk working like a bee, I knew you
and I would be a great team. We'll own the Cape
someday. I swear.
"I've had my sights on a special home for us,
Olivia," he continued. "It's a large two-story house,
very old and prestigious, the original portion having
been built around 1780. I'm planning on gutting it and
modernizing it. We can build onto it. I'll take you
there tomorrow and you can begin to plan it out with
our architects. I want it to be ready for us the day after
our honeymoon," he said.
"It does sound like you've been planning this
for some time, Samuel, longer than we possibly could have known each other," I commented with narrowed,
suspicious eyes.
He stared a moment and then laughed. "Well, I've been planning to find the perfect
wife for some time and I've been planning where we
would live. The house is situated on a most desirable
piece of land between Provincetown and North Truro,
with its own private access to the beach, just like you
have here, and room for gardens and a view of the sea.
You'll see you're not giving anything up in marrying
me. I'll take you there in the morning, first thing," he
promised. "I'll come as early as you want. What time
do you want me?"
I had to laugh.
"Let me catch my breath, Samuel. You're
making me dizzy spinning and jumping and making
these dramatic pronouncements like some town crier." "I want to; I want to keep you dizzy with
surprises and happiness," he said. "I've got to go home
to tell my father the good news, and then be back in
three hours to take you to Nelson Childs' engagement
party. We'll steal the limelight," he promised, slapping
his hands together.
He started out of the room and then turned and
rushed back to plant a quick kiss on my cheek. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you for making
me the happiest man in the world."
He turned and left me sitting there, dazed, the
diamond glittering under the light of the lamp beside
me, my heart galloping.
What a wonderful surprise this will be for
Mother, I thought as I stood up. My legs felt a bit
weak under me as the realization of what had
happened sunk in. I was engaged and to a very
handsome man. In a
sweeping moment, I was ahead
of Belinda again and the proper thing would happen:
the older daughter would be married first. Mother
would surely be pleased and she so needed something
to make her happy and bring a smile to her weak, thin
face.
As I started for the stairway, I heard a voice
within me ask, "But do you love him, Olivia?" I paused.
"He didn't mention it," I muttered to myself.
"He didn't even ask. It was as if he knew that love was
something I believed grew between two people. Those
who claimed they were struck by lightning and heard
bells ringing every time they kissed were people
living in a fairy tale, putting themselves into romance
novels and films. In the end when reality set in, they were the most disappointed. The best marriages were ones like the one I was about to consent to: a marriage built on sensible, logical blocks, giving it a firm foundation. Love would come later, I thought. First, we had to respect each other and succeed together. Then, we would look into each other's eyes and say, "Yes, yes, there's another strong bond there, an emotional tie that is now strong enough to hold two independent people together securely. Now it's proper and right to say, 'I love you,' and have it mean
something."
I climbed the stairs and went to Mother's room.
She was dozing. Her nurse looked up at me. "I'll stay with her awhile," I said.
"Very good." She rose. "I'll just go down to
have some coffee," she said looking at Mother. She
shook her head, her eyes dark. "Call me if you need
me," she said before leaving.
I sat by the bed and studied Mother's small,
burdened breaths that made her chest look heavy. Her
bald head ravished by the chemotherapy was wrapped
in a silk scarf. Her skin was so pasty white, she looked
like she had no blood.
After a few more moments, she whimpered and
grimaced and then opened her eyes to see me sitting
there. "Oh, Olivia, dear. Have you been here long?" "No, just a few minutes, Mother. I came to tell
you something so you would be the first to know," I
said, despite the fact that Daddy had been in on
Samuel's plan, perhaps even before Samuel had
thought of it himself.
"What, dear?" she asked trying to turn toward
me. I fluffed her pillow and helped her sit up. Even
though my hand moved around her face like a
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