by Jay Bell
Kelly pocketed the phone. As he stood, he saw his mother’s worried expression. “There’s nothing to tell. We’re just friends.”
Laisha considered him. “When I was in college, your father kept saying the same thing. He’d show up at my dorm room day after day with a bouquet of flowers, and he’d always say—”
“Flowers for my best friend,” Doug said. “You looked terrified each time. Somehow it worked though.”
“Yes, but all you needed to do was tell me the truth. Instead of flowers, I wanted to hear how you really felt about me.”
His father appeared puzzled. “But you liked the flowers, didn’t you?”
“Not as much as I liked you showing up. And I wasn’t terrified. I was excited. And nervous.”
Kelly watched his mother’s eyes shine at the memory. A little persistence and a bunch of flowers. If only it could be that easy for him, strolling up to Jared and thrusting out a bouquet of roses that communicated everything he felt. Or better yet, forget the flowers. Kelly would rather speak those three magical words. What a way to come out! No careful explanations, no awkward questions afterwards. Just the truth, spoken aloud, carrying countless implications in so few syllables.
I love you.
Jared was easily entertained. Kelly couldn’t remember ever seeing him yawn, even near bedtime. Thank goodness, because this was their third trip to the mall this month and November was still young. They strolled through stores long-familiar to them both, eyes scanning inventory that hadn’t changed since their last visit. Neither was looking to buy, so they mostly just talked.
“I can’t believe you brought that thing along,” Jared said.
“Why?” Kelly asked, reaching for the camera that hung around his neck.
“It’s so nerdy.”
“The camera is awesome.” Kelly lifted it to his face and clicked the shutter. On the display screen flashed an image of Jared looking annoyed. He’d add it to the collection. Kelly lowered the camera slightly and glanced around for inspiration. “Grab that dress and hold it up.”
Jared appeared puzzled before taking a dress off the rack. He held it away from him, looking like a bullfighter wielding a black flag covered in sequins.
“Hold it against you,” Kelly said.
“You’re crazy!” Jared guffawed, but did what he was told. “You’re not going to take a photo, are you?”
Contrary to his words, Jared was clearly amused by the idea. He even flipped the hanger over so it couldn’t be seen, holding the dress fabric right up to his neck. Like Kelly, he had a runner’s build, meaning he was lithe enough that the dress might actually fit him.
“Looking good,” Kelly said as he snapped a few photos. “I think we might have found this season’s top model!”
Jared jutted out his hip to appear more feminine. After a couple more photos, he reached for the camera. “Your turn.”
“Not a chance,” Kelly said, taking a step back. “My drag days are firmly behind me.”
Jared snorted. “Just as well. You know you can’t compete.”
“You’re probably right.”
One of the salesclerks gave them the evil eye, so they put the dress back, left the store, and headed out to the mall corridor. Kelly flipped through preview images on the camera as they walked. One was a close-up of Jared’s face, and for once he didn’t look annoyed. Damn that smile was gorgeous!
“Stop messing with that thing,” Jared hissed.
Kelly glanced up at him, then followed his gaze to a group of girls coming toward them. Not wanting to embarrass his friend, he slung the camera around to his side where it stood out less. Jared started strutting just as the girls were passing, his head turning to follow them. Then he pretended an invisible force was dragging him backward, like a hooked fish. After hopping on one foot a couple of times, he winked and resumed walking normally.
The girls giggled. Kelly turned away from them with a grimace. Nothing confused him more than the fairer sex. Did their giggles mean they thought Jared was stupid? Were they mocking him? Or, like Kelly, perhaps they found his antics more adorable than embarrassing.
“You’ve got to work on your moves,” Kelly said once the girls were out of earshot.
“They liked me,” Jared said, oozing confidence. “Besides, I didn’t see you trying.”
“I let the ladies come to me.” Kelly instantly hated himself for pretending. He should be brave like his mother kept insisting he was. Besides, what did he have to gain by playing straight? If Jared was interested in him, this little charade would send the wrong signal. Coming out would be more strategic. That way Jared could do the same and they could finally admit the truth to each other.
Yeah, right. Kelly sighed. He already knew the truth. Jared was straight. There wasn’t a chance in hell they could be together, but in the meantime, at least he could pretend. As long as he never gave Jared an opportunity to shoot him down, Kelly could keep dancing with his own delusions.
“Sorry, man,” Jared said, mistaking the reason for his exasperation. “I was only kidding. Besides, who am I to talk? When’s the last time I got any action?”
Kelly grinned. “When your cousin tried to kiss you.”
Jared winced. “Don’t remind me.”
They both laughed, but as they kept walking, Kelly glanced over at Jared and wondered why his friend was always single. Sure he had sort of a big nose and his forehead was often a battleground for acne, but past these imperfections, he was downright fine. If the ladies couldn’t see that, it was their loss.
“Hey, we never go in there,” Jared said, bumping against Kelly and forcing him to enter a store.
A moment later Kelly found himself surrounded by princesses, pirates, and animals wearing human expressions. Disneyland had come to Texas, or at least its gift shop had. He followed Jared, who picked up various items and made snarky comments. Kelly barely heard his words, amazed by the sheer amount of corporate propaganda stuffed into such a small space. He lifted his camera and took a few photos, feeling like a tourist at the actual theme park. When they circled back around to the entrance, a pile of stuffed animals caught his eye.
Eeyore—the eternally depressed donkey from the Winnie-the-Pooh books. As a child, Kelly had always liked him best. Unlike the other maniacally grinning characters in children’s stories, Eeyore seemed much more honest. With his big fat back turned away from the world, he seemed to say, “Prepare yourself, kid. Life sure can suck sometimes.” Here the message was loud and clear. Eeyore the stuffed animal wasn’t even allowed his individuality anymore, set among countless plush clones of himself. Adding insult to injury was the sign above him advertising seventy percent off the normal price.
“We don’t want him anymore,” Kelly said, peering through the camera’s viewfinder. “Take the miserable ass home with you.” He snapped a couple photos and was steadying himself to take another when a concerned face filled the lens.
An older man stood between them and the display, an open palm raised as if he were a celebrity trying to fend off paparazzi. “I’m sorry, but we don’t allow photos.”
Kelly lowered the camera. “Why not?”
“Company policy,” the man said, hand still poised in the air.
“It’s just a bunch of stuffed animals,” Jared replied.
“No,” the man corrected, “it’s company property.”
“What if I bought one?” Kelly asked. “Then it would be my property and I could take photos of it all I wanted.”
The man hesitated. “That’s correct.”
“So then why does it matter?” Kelly pressed. “If people can take photos of them at home, it’s not like there’s some big secret worth protecting. You can probably find hundreds of photos of these things on eBay right now.”
The man dropped his hand and glanced around helplessly. Then another idea must have occurred to him, because he stood up straight and sniffed. “You can’t take photos of the store,” he said. “Company policy.”
&
nbsp; Kelly snorted. “Trying to stop your competitors from stealing your amazing marketing secrets?”
“Like putting sale items by the entrance,” Jared said. “To lure in customers.”
“Or how the cartoons playing at the back of the store get kids in the rest of the way, dragging their parents along with them.”
“Or the impulse items near the cash register,” Jared said.
Kelly nudged him playfully. “Gosh, no one has ever thought of that before!”
The man glanced between them, his face turning red. Finally he sputtered, “Do I need to call security?”
“Don’t bother,” Kelly said. “We were just leaving.”
Before they went, he took one more photo, this time of the man’s blood-flushed face.
“I had no idea how much fun that camera could be,” Jared said as they continued walking down the mall corridor. “It’s annoying when you point it at me, but I never realized it would piss other people off. Let me try!”
“No way,” Kelly said. “It’s expensive. Besides, that guy was a big enough asshole to actually call security. Let’s go before they show up and make me delete my photos.”
They arrived safely at the car without incident, which was almost disappointing. Then they grabbed some fast food from a drive-through and cruised around Austin as the sun set, not having a destination in mind and not caring. Being free was enough. No parents, no school. No rules except for traffic laws, and Kelly broke most of those at one point or another. As long as the car was in motion, they were free. Jared was DJ, choosing songs from the MP3 player connected to the car stereo. Occasionally, when some random thought occurred to him, he would turn it down and they would talk.
In other words, the perfect night. On Monday when he was back at school, other people would no doubt brag about a big weekend party or whatever. Kelly would simply say that he and Jared drove around, but that didn’t communicate just how amazing a time this was. Hanging out together felt good. Simple as that. From the frequent grins Jared flashed him, he felt the same way.
So maybe there was no chance of them getting physical, but surely this was the reason Jared was single. No girl could offer him companionship like Kelly could. Aside from sexual frustration, Jared probably didn’t feel he was missing much of anything. Kelly sure didn’t. Sex together would be awesome, but they already had everything else.
The contents of the gas tank dwindled to fumes as the night wore on. Neither of them had cash for a refill, so they drove back to Kelly’s house. Hopefully one of his parents would take the car out on an errand in the morning and fill it up again. Otherwise he’d be pushing it anywhere he wanted to go.
Once upstairs in Kelly’s room, they watched TV, the queen-sized bed doubling as a couch. After catching the second half of an instantly forgettable action movie, they shut it off. Jared flopped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. Kelly sat cross-legged and watched him, resisting the urge to grab his camera. The sole illumination came from the off-white Christmas lights he’d hung in one corner. The shadows cast across Jared’s face made him appear much more introspective than usual, but when he spoke, his words didn’t suit the moody scene.
“I wish I was the fastest man alive.”
Kelly chuckled. “Why?”
“Because I need to win that race.”
“The triathlon?” Kelly shook his head. “Why are you so obsessed with it?”
Jared rolled over to face him. “Because winning a bunch of ribbons and medals isn’t enough.”
Kelly glanced over at his underwear drawer, where he’d carelessly stashed his own awards—all of them first place except for the events he’d allowed Jared to win. Both he and Jared were competitive, a trait that drew them together. Kelly worried it could also tear them apart. Lately Jared’s enthusiasm had begun to fade. The one time Kelly asked why, Jared simply shook his head. All that changed once the triathlon had been announced and Jared found his competitive fire once again. But only after making sure Kelly wouldn’t be entering.
“Do you resent me?” Kelly asked. “I know I win a lot of events, but I didn’t want—”
“It’s got nothing to do with that,” Jared said. “Yeah, I wish I was as fast as you, but even if I’d placed first in every event last year, it still wouldn’t have made a difference.”
Kelly’s brow came together. “Made a difference how?”
“To my dad. I thought he’d be impressed, but when I tossed those medals on the table, he just nodded and said ‘good job’. Then he started talking about Steven again.”
“Your brother.” Kelly nodded his understanding. Steven was two years older, currently at the University of Texas on a football scholarship and playing for the Longhorns as a wide receiver.
“I’m so sick of living in his shadow,” Jared said. “I’m not strong enough for football, and my hand-eye coordination sucks, but I can haul ass. I could leave my brother in the dust, not that it matters to my dad. It’s all Steven and his stupid pigskin. Especially now, with big-league scouts chasing after him.”
Kelly’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”
Jared nodded. “Yup. Two more years and he’ll probably be in the fucking NFL. But before that happens, just once, I’d like to get my dad’s attention. Have you seen the trophy?”
Kelly had, because three weeks ago, Jared had dragged him to the front of the school to bear witness. There, in one of the glass cases, was the trophy. Coach Watson was campaigning to get the school behind an official triathlon club, even pushing the sport as a potential elective. Desperate to get as many students signed up for the race as possible, he’d chosen a trophy that was an ornate disaster. Three pillars rose up from a bronze plate, forming a pedestal, and on this sat some ungodly version of the Holy Grail—a golden cup complete with looping handles and three fake rubies.
“Exactly,” Jared said, misinterpreting Kelly’s look of abhorrence as one of awe. “Just imagine me slapping that thing down on the dinner table. It’ll blow Dad’s mind.”
Few trophies, if any, could compare with getting headhunted by an NFL scout, but Kelly didn’t have the heart to tell Jared that. “I’m sure your dad is proud of you already,” he said. “He’d be crazy not to be.”
“Maybe,” Jared said, rolling onto his back again. “He’ll be way more proud if I bring home that trophy.”
“And you will,” Kelly promised him. “On Monday, it’s back to training.”
They mapped out a rough plan of areas to strengthen. By the time they were too tired to discuss it anymore, Jared was smiling again. After taking turns in the bathroom, they stripped down to their underwear, just as they always did. Once under the sheets and the room was dark, they went to sleep. One of them did, anyway. Kelly remained awake, listening to the sound of Jared’s breathing. When enough time had passed—more than an hour according to the red digits on the nightstand—and when he felt certain that Jared was deep asleep, Kelly shifted in bed.
To an outsider, he hoped this sudden movement appeared careless and impulsive, maybe a reaction to a dream, resulting in his arm pressing along Jared’s side and one knee nestling against Jared’s leg. Kelly remained rigid, terrified as always that the body contact would wake his friend. When it didn’t, he allowed himself to exhale and relax, basking in how warm their skin became where it touched. Unable to resist any longer, he moved once more, resting an open hand on Jared’s back. This was all Kelly ever allowed himself, and frankly, it already seemed too much. But he liked it. Only in sleep could Jared be his unknowing lover, providing him with comfort impossible in the waking world.
Chapter Two
When Kelly awoke the next morning, Jared’s side of the bed was empty. This caused a jolt of fear, accompanied by nightmare images of their bodies getting tangled up during the night, Jared waking to find Kelly’s arms around him. Then he heard the drone of television, the volume turned down low. Nothing had happened last night. For better or worse, everything was still the same.
Ja
red sat on the edge of the bed, watching the original Terminator movie. At the moment, a waitress with heavy-metal hair was locked in combat with an evil Arnold Schwarzenegger. Jared, having put on his jeans, watched all of this while chuckling under his breath.
“Laugh all you want,” Kelly said, yawning and stretching. “It’s a true story. I’m actually from the future. I was sent back to protect you because one day you’ll save the human race. To do so, first you must win the triathlon.”
Jared glanced back at him. “You seriously need to get a Blu-ray player up here. Nothing sucks worse than Sunday morning television.” “Feel free to buy me one for my birthday.” Kelly sat up and watched the screen, waiting for his morning wood to go down. Once it had, he slipped on his jeans and went to use the restroom. When he returned, the television was off and Jared was putting on his shoes. “Leaving already?”
Jared nodded. “You’ve got church, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but there’s still time for a bowl of cereal.”
“No thanks.”
Kelly blinked. Maybe something had gone wrong in the night. “You sure? We’ve got Count Chocula. Or Boo-Berry. Lady’s choice.”
“Definitely not. I’ve been drinking protein shakes in the morning. Part of my training.” Jared finished tying his laces and glanced up. “We still on for tomorrow? After school?”
“Totally,” Kelly said, relaxing a little. He walked Jared to the door, then strolled into the kitchen to gather his breakfast. He ate while sitting on the couch, watching his little brother play video games. Royal challenged him to a round of Mortal Kombat afterwards, which turned into a multi-hour marathon lasting through lunch. Kelly wasn’t pulling any punches, leaving his little brother sulking.
After one particularly bad beatdown, Royal paused the game and glowered at Kelly. “Aren’t you supposed to be at your gay-ass club?”
Kelly noticed the time, tossed the controller aside, and gently smacked his brother upside the head. “Don’t get lippy or the fighting will move from the screen to this floor.”
