by Jay Bell
“Yeah,” Kelly said. “It’s been an amazing six months. Six and a half,” he added quickly.
William looked exasperated. “It’s been memorable to say the least. Listen, I’ll probably be in a lot of trouble, so...”
Kelly grimaced. “Yeah, I know. We’ll still see each other in school, right?”
“Right. They can’t take that away from us. If only Romeo and Juliet had the same lunch period, the whole tragedy could have been averted.” William hesitated. “Still, don’t do anything crazy like showing up at my house in the middle of the night, okay? We should take things easy.”
Kelly shrugged, not willing to agree. “Text me, okay?”
William nodded. After a half-smile, he turned to walk away. As Kelly watched him go, he couldn’t help but think of that alternate reality again, where in a room lit by dancing flames, they were warmly wrapped in each other’s arms.
The next time they saw each other was in court. Mrs. Townson had kept William out of school on Monday so they could consult with a lawyer. That seemed a little extreme to Kelly. Then again, maybe his own mother would have too if she wasn’t a lawyer. She dealt in bankruptcy and not juvenile delinquency, but this made her feel comfortable with how their court date would proceed.
Kelly would start by apologizing, something he had plenty of practice with lately. At his mother’s insistence, he had already apologized to her for breaking her trust, to his brother for being a bad role model, and even to Mrs. Townson in a written note. Kelly said he could do so in person, but his mother just shook her head and handed him a pen and paper.
He expected to see William the next day, but when Tuesday’s third period rolled around, William’s seat was empty. Kelly skipped lunch that day, unwilling to eat alone. Then his mother picked him up in the afternoon, just as she had dropped him off, since he was no longer allowed to use the car. All part of the plan. Kelly was to inform the judge that he had lost permission to drive, which she hoped would circumvent his license being suspended. Kelly felt they could just pretend instead, but she was adamant. No car.
At home he changed into a suit before being whisked away to the courthouse. To lift his spirits, Kelly pretended he was headed there to get married; the fantasy strengthened when he saw William in a dress shirt and tie. No wedding bells though. Just grim-faced parents who watched with eagle eyes. Kelly and William approached each other cautiously, perhaps fearing if they showed any enthusiasm, this moment together would be taken from them as well.
“I don’t want to kiss,” William murmured under his breath. “Not in front of them.”
“Save it for when we’re in front of the judge,” Kelly joked.
William didn’t laugh. “I need this to go well, okay? I don’t want this affecting my chances of getting into the Coast Guard.”
Kelly resisted an eye roll. “I’ll behave. You know, sometimes they sentence people to join the military instead of sending them to jail. Maybe I’ve just increased your chances. You’ll probably be shipping out tonight.”’
This earned him a smile. Court itself wasn’t as whimsical. The judge seemed bored more than anything. Kelly recited his speech, which involved him expressing regret and describing all he had lost already due to his error in judgment. William’s words were more emotional, focusing on how he’d let his mother down. They didn’t seem practiced, meaning they were probably sincere. At the end of this all, they were sentenced to thirty hours of community service and placed on a kid version of probation. Basically they couldn’t get into trouble for the next six months and that was it.
Kelly thought the worst was behind them, but his parents appeared just as displeased as before.
“You think it makes me happy seeing you in court?” his mother asked. “This better be the last time!”’
“What about jury duty?” he asked.
She answered by swatting him on the back of the head. He felt like they should all go out to celebrate or something, but of course that wasn’t in the cards. When his parents went to speak with Mrs. Townson, he lagged behind so he could have a word alone with William, who also failed to look placated by the light sentence.
“Could have been worse,” Kelly said.
“Speak for yourself. I’m grounded for a month.”’
Kelly winced sympathetically. “Two weeks. Unless my mom hears how long you’re grounded for. Then she’ll probably increase my sentence.”’
William glanced at their parents. “I should go. I guess we’ll only see each other in school.”’
“Not true,” Kelly said. “We have thirty hours worth of dates coming up. It’s just that they’ll be spent serving the community.”’
Chapter Nine
Kelly hopped from foot to foot in front of the door, wanting to stay in motion, even though he had reached his destination. The afternoon sun felt good on his back, the light breeze cooling the sweat on his skin. When the door opened, Kelly held his breath until he was certain who it was.
“You shouldn’t be here,” William said, eyes travelling down Kelly’s body.
“Your mom is still at work, right?”
“Yeah. She’ll freak if she finds you here.” But he stepped aside anyway, allowing Kelly to come inside.
Little had changed in a week. No iron bars on the window or nanny cam on the bookshelf. He casually glanced toward William’s feet, searching for signs of an ankle monitor. “How’s house arrest treating you?”
“Ha ha,” William answered, shutting the door. Then he turned to consider Kelly again. “I’m horny as hell.”
“Me too. There’s always the bathroom stall at school. Our parents have driven us to it.”
“Yuck.”
“How much time have we got before Mom gets home?”
“Half an hour,” William said. “But you’re disgustingly sweaty.”
“Then you better hop in the shower with me.”
They didn’t last long, not just because they were short on time, but a whole week without sex felt like an eternity. Kelly had been on the verge of declaring himself a virgin again. Once back in his sweaty clothes, he towel-dried his hair as he inspected William’s bedroom. The new Transformer stood in the midst of the animal figures, like some sort of robot shepherd.
“I love that thing,” William said, pulling on a pair of jeans before sitting on the bed. “My mom walked in the other day when I was zooming it around in helicopter mode. Totally embarrassing, but so much fun.”
Kelly grinned. “Are you looking forward to community service tomorrow?”
“I wanted to talk to you about that.”
Kelly sighed and plopped down on the mattress next to him. “Not this again.”
“I’m volunteering at the Food Bank. I’ve thought about it and—”
“Nooo,” Kelly groaned. “You saw the video on their web site. We’ll be packing boxes of food nonstop. It never ends. We won’t have any time to hang out or have fun.”
“Picking up trash is fun?”
“No, but the work isn’t so relentless. We’ll be together out in the sunshine and fresh air, keeping Austin beautiful. I’m bringing food along, so we can have a picnic together on our break.”
“The Food Bank helps feed hungry people,” William said. “That’s more meaningful to me. Besides, it’ll look better on my Coast Guard application. I’m going to keep doing this past the thirty hours too. I want to be seen as a volunteer, not someone who helps out only to pay off a criminal debt.”
Kelly raised an eyebrow. “You’d rather look good than spend time with me?”
“No, I’d rather feel like I’m making a difference. Cleaning up the environment is nice, but I want to help people. That’s why I’m becoming a rescue swimmer.”
“Charming, but this is the only time we’ll have together until you’re ungrounded.”
“Then spend it with me packing boxes of food.”
Kelly clenched his jaw. “It’s bad enough we’re being punished for this. I’m not going to make it
hard on myself by working my ass off.” William shrugged. “Then I guess we’re volunteering separately.”
“I guess so.”
Kelly flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling, wishing just one conversation with William could be normal. Jesus was great and all, but he would have made a shitty boyfriend. No time for a romantic night out, my child. I’ve got starving orphans to feed and lepers to bathe.
“I want to see more of you,” Kelly said.
“You know where to find me. School or the Food Bank.”
Kelly rolled over to face him. “Can you start picking me up every morning? I’m sick of riding the bus.”
“I thought your mom was giving you rides?”
“Nope. She wants this to be as humiliating as possible.” Kelly reached over and put a hand on his back. “Please.”
“Okay,” William said. “You better get going.”
“So I won’t see you again until Monday? You could at least try Keep Austin Beautiful with me. Just for this weekend. If you don’t like it, you can go be a worker bee.”
William glanced over at him. “I’m trying to turn something negative into a positive.”
“So that’s a no?”
“That’s a no.”
Kelly stood up, gave him a passionless kiss on the cheek, and walked out of the room without saying another word.
William smiling, crossing his eyes, laughing, sleeping, swimming, sitting with his hands behind his head and staring off into nothing. A dozen different Williams, all spread out on his bed. The idea made Kelly’s head spin. Too bad these were just photos and not the real thing. Regardless, his insides got all tangled up, as if he were looking at the man in the flesh. William drove him crazy in a lot of wonderful ways. And quite a few bad ways too.
“Maybe I’m just not good enough for him,” he said to the sympathetic voice pressed against his ear.
“Or maybe he’s just too goody goody.” Bonnie sighed into the phone. “Remember that girl I dated briefly? The one who was saving herself for marriage. I kept telling her it would never be legal in Texas, and if it ever was, she’d probably be in her sixties by then. Nobody wants a wrinkly old virgin.”
Kelly chuckled into the phone. “I remember. She even wore one of those purity rings, right?”
“Yep. And I was all starry-eyed because of it. I thought she was so noble, so full of integrity. Of course not being able to get into her panties drove me wild too. But eventually it got boring. She was a little too pure. She wouldn’t even play poker with me.”
“Was it strip poker?” Kelly asked.
“Well yeah, but come on. Live a little! ”
Kelly considered the photos on the bed, rearranging a few. “William isn’t that bad.”
“But...” Bonnie supplied helpfully.
“But he’s obsessed with doing the right thing. And the Coast Guard. Oh my god, don’t even get me started on all of that. I want to run in the Olympics, and I will, but my entire life doesn’t revolve around it. It will one day, but I don’t live and breathe for that moment. I can either let myself have fun now, or shriek in terror every time someone offers me a candy bar.”
“I’d like to see that,” Bonnie said. “So what are you going to do?”
“What can I do? I love him.”
“Then you’ll just have to suffer in silence. Good luck with that.”
“Thanks,” Kelly said, not hiding his sarcasm.
“How’d volunteering go today?”
“Fine. Next to no supervision and beautiful weather. The cars roaring by every few seconds sucked, but I could have made it romantic.”
“You coming to group tomorrow?”
“Nope. My battle with litter continues. Besides, I can’t drive right now.”
“I could have picked you up for once. How awesome would that have been?”
“Actually, you could pick me up and drive me to my stupid community—”
“Oops! Battery is dying. Can’t talk!”
The line went dead. Kelly glanced at his phone questioningly before setting it aside. Then he went back to staring at his photos of William, because for the moment, they were all he had.
Miserable. The rain had come on Sunday and the heavy gray clouds had refused to blow away since then. Kelly had inhaled enough of the wet weather to pollute his spirits. He couldn’t seem to shake his bad mood. Even William picking him up in the morning hadn’t helped, perhaps because that sunshine smile was nowhere in sight. Instead he was quiet as he drove them toward school.
“So how was the Food Bank?” Kelly asked, his voice sounding snider than he intended.
“Great. The people there are really cool. We worked our butts off, but everyone is so pumped that it’s kind of fun. My voice was hoarse at the end of the shift from talking so much. How was yours?”
“My voice?” Kelly said. “Silky smooth. I didn’t talk to anyone. I just kept thinking of you. We could have had our picnic. It would have been perfect.”
“Kelly—”
“Of course Sunday the weather turned to piss, so it’s just as well you weren’t there. I had to wear a trash bag to stay dry.”
William glanced over at him. “Really?”
Kelly snorted. “Yes. I tore a hole in one of them for my face. And two little holes for my arms.”
“I’m sorry I missed out.”
“I bet.”
The car was silent a moment before William spoke again. “You can still come to the Food Bank with me next weekend.”
Kelly set his jaw. “And you can still join me for trash duty next weekend. Why do I have to be the one to compromise?”
“You really want me to answer that?”
Kelly raised an eyebrow. “Please do.”
“Because none of this would have happened if— Never mind.”
“No, say it!”
William shook his head.
Kelly stared at him. “You think this is all my fault? I was trying to make our anniversary special!”
“It’s not that,” William said. “It’s your attitude. If you had been nice to the police officer, admitted that we were about to make a mistake, he might have let us go with just a warning.”
“I doubt that.”
“I don’t, because you’re right. He could have called your mom, verified that she bought you the alcohol, and that you had permission to drink it. At home. He probably would have taken away the champagne, slapped us on the wrist, and let us get on with our evening. Instead he ended up handcuffing you. You get why, right?”
“Gee, I wonder.”
“This isn’t because you’re black!” William huffed. “It’s because sometimes you behave like a monster. Instead of trying to reason with the other person, or charm your way out of rough situations, you fly off the handle. Of course the police officer handcuffed you! Hell, I felt like doing the same.”
“Because I stood up for myself?” Kelly said. “Jesus Christ, I had no idea you were so subservient. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re desperate to join the Coast Guard where some jarhead will tell you what to do and how to think.”
William looked over at him, eyes blazing with warning. “You just love bringing that up, don’t you? Enlisting means everything to me, and you never pass up a chance to make me feel shitty about it.”
“Maybe you should!” Kelly said. “Especially if the Coast Guard is more important to you than spending the weekend with your boyfriend!” “So what?” William thwacked the windshield wiper controls. The blades swiped faster as the rain increased. “You think eating sandwiches together while picking up trash sounds appealing to me? And really, why should I reward you for getting us into this mess?”
Kelly crossed his arms over his chest. “So it’s all my fault?”
“Yes! How can you not see that?”
“Maybe because I’m not interested in placing blame. I didn’t make you feel bad for costing me the race.”
William appeared stung. “The triathlon?”
“Yes, the triathlon. I didn’t give you shit just because you tripped and fell. You’re not perfect either. You never will be, no matter how much you try, so come down off that high horse.”
William shook his head. “It’s not about either of us making mistakes. It’s about how you react to them. You were cool during the race. Why couldn’t you have been that way with the police officer?”
“With the pig?” Kelly snarled. “Maybe because I don’t love him!” William’s voice was muted when he responded. “And do you still love me? All we do these days is fight. I think you did love me back then. I believe you. But something has changed because it’s obvious I don’t make you happy anymore.”
“You do,” Kelly said, feeling exhausted already. “But not when you put other things before our relationship. Not just other things. Everything! Your mom, the Coast Guard, and the needs of just about anyone who stumbles into your life. You’re always thinking about them and not us. But despite all of that, no matter how much your chivalry makes me want to tear my hair out, you still make me happy.”
The motors of the windshield wipers groaned as they worked overtime to send water flinging away. The thumping sound filled the car, the silence just as suffocating as the humidity outside. Instinct caused Kelly’s stomach to fill with dread as he waited for William to speak.
“The thing is, I’m not sure I’m happy anymore.”
Kelly’s jaw dropped, even though he saw it coming. “What are you saying?”
William chewed his lip and glanced over. “I don’t know. Maybe just a break. We can try being friends again and—”
“Because I messed up?” Kelly shouted. “Because I’m human and actually let myself feel anger? What’s wrong with that? Why do you have to be such a fucking robot?”
“I’m not a robot,” William grumbled, his jaw clenching.
“Sure you are. Just like your toys. That must be why you admire them so much because you want to be the same way. Plastic and unfeeling.”
“I get angry!” William shouted back. “You know I do. But I also understand the concept of restraint. You flip out every five seconds like 5}
“I do when I’m with you because you always—”
