I start from a dream, and my eyes fling open. I still when I feel an arm around me. Slowly, I look over my shoulder and sigh. Tate’s body is pressed into my back, his arm holding my waist.
I relax, allowing myself to feel his closeness, feel how perfect we fit despite everything we’ve gone through. I know that one conversation won’t magically make everything better, and he will probably never trust me again, but I can dream for a moment that we’re here together, and he’s holding me like he never wants to let me go.
I close my eyes again, feeling his soft breathing tickling my neck. We could’ve been like this all along. Had I not been scared. Had I not felt guilty for going after my dreams and thinking he didn’t fit in them.
His arm tightens around my waist, and I hold my breath. I don’t want him to wake up and regret this, distance himself. I want to hold on to this moment for infinity, wake up and go to sleep each day with his arms around me. I never stopped loving Tate, but I had to forget him. Could it be that we have a chance to learn to love each other again? I don’t know if he’d even want that.
When I feel his thumb brush over my stomach, back and forth in slow strokes, I sigh and melt into the mattress. I can tell he’s awake by the way his breathing has deepened. I wonder what he’s thinking about and feeling. When he buries his nose in my neck, I close my eyes and allow my sprinting heart to run wild. Goosebumps cover my skin.
“I guess we fell asleep…” his voice is gruff.
“Yeah.” I turn around and feel the loss of his arm immediately. Tate lies on his back and closes his eyes, covering his face with his arm.
“I should go.”
He lifts his arm and peeks his eyes open. “If you want to.”
“What are we doing?” I rest my head on my hands and look at him.
“I don’t know.” Tate mirrors me, lying on his side. “I’ve missed you.” His confession catches me by surprise. It must be written all over my face because he chuckles. “Don’t look so surprised. I loved you, Maddy, and you just left. It’s like we never got closure.”
I frown. That’s what this is, closure. He brushes my wild hair away from my face, rubbing a strand between his fingers. “I’m glad you changed your hair color.”
“It was time.”
“Have you missed me, too?” His voice drops, husky and full of emotion. I shiver at the feel of it washing over me.
“Of course I have. You’re impossible to forget.” If we’re being honest, I might as well tell him everything. “I regret leaving the way I did, but it was too late. I already hurt you and didn’t deserve your love.” I shake my head, looking over his body to the wall behind him. The door to the bathroom is there.
“I wish it would’ve been different.”
I look into his eyes when he speaks. “Me too, Tate. I’m sorry, I really am. Maybe it was for the best. I’d hate for you to witness how they changed me, made me a different person. You would’ve left.” I’m certain of it. The life I lived didn’t fit Tate.
“Or maybe I would’ve been there to support you as you fought back to stay true to yourself.”
“Maybe, but we’ll never know.”
“One thing I do know is that I would’ve protected you.”
“It’s done.” I shake my head. “What happened is done. There’s no use thinking about what-if scenarios. It wouldn’t change the past.”
“No, but we can change the future.” I stare into his baby blues, searching for more meaning. Does he mean our future together? Hope blossoms in my chest.
I don’t say anything for fear I’ll mess up this moment, so Tate leans forward and brushes his lips on my forehead, and brings his arm around me again, pulling me to him.
“I’ve got you, Maddy.”
We lie like that in silence for a long time. I allow him to comfort me. Then, I take a shower, grateful for the sweats and t-shirt Tate lends me. While he showers, I look around his house. It’s simple with warm colors. A picture frame in the living room houses a photograph of his parents and him. The wall behind the television is lined with pallet wood, giving it a homey and rustic feel.
I hear his footsteps and stop to turn and look at him. My lips part and my heart races as Tate walks out in low-hung sweatpants, a wrinkled t-shirt, and he’s rubbing a towel over his wet hair. Damn muscles on his arms. Goodness, arm porn to the max. He’s oblivious to the effect this view of him has on me.
He smiles and swings the towel over his shoulder, combing his fingers through his hair. I’m mesmerized by the water droplets that roll down the side of his face.
“Are you hungry? I’m sure that half-drunk coffee isn’t enough to hold you over and help with the hangover. We can order something.”
I nod, still mute.
“What do you want?”
“Huh?” Get it together, Madison.
He chuckles and heads to the kitchen, opening a drawer and holding a stack of menus.
“Perk of being one of the town heroes. Almost every restaurant will deliver to us since they know our schedules at the firehouse are insane.”
I head over to him after taking a deep, stabilizing breath. “Please tell me one of those has a bacon cheeseburger, greasy fries, and fountain Coke.”
“Ah, the hangover cure. Hasn’t changed since high school.” One side of his lips lifts in a smile, and I’m a goner. I want to be this way with him, get back what we lost.
“Guess not.” I smile, grabbing the menu he holds up.
“That’ll do the trick,” he lifts his chin toward the menu.
“Ohhh, I haven’t had a burger from Burger Buzz in forever.” I practically moan, and I may be drooling. Suddenly, my stomach growls loudly. Heat fills my cheeks.
Tate laughs and grabs his phone. “I’ll make sure they make it an emergency order.”
I roll my eyes, although internally, I’m kicking myself for the embarrassing moment. Tate and I talk while we wait for our food.
“Remember Mrs. Braxton?”
“Oh, my God, yes,” I laugh. “She hated me.” Our middle school math teacher had it out for me, I swear.
“She didn’t. Math’s just not your strong suit, so she was tough on you.” He shakes his head as we sit at the counter waiting for our food.
“I still remember that party in high school. The one out in the field that we got caught,” I tell him.
“I told you to leave, and you wouldn’t,” he smirks.
“Of course not. I wasn’t going to let you fall for the blame alone. If you went down, then I did, too.” Most of our friends left, and Tate, Rafael, and a couple of other guys got busted. Instead of running like Tate ordered, I took part of the blame.
“I knew at that moment I was completely in love with you.” He looks away.
We both turn serious, the conversation halting. I can tell he’s sorting through his emotions the same way I am.
Being with him was always easy. We’ve always shared a lot of the same ideas and values, and whatever we didn’t share, we respected. A part of me feels like this walk down memory lane is my one opportunity to spend with Tate, and I want to extend it as long as possible. I have no idea what will happen after this, but I hope we can at least have conversations instead of ignoring one another or arguing.
By the time I get home, my mom gives me a sad smile. She knows how much Tate means to me. My father thanks him for getting me out of the bar when he did. The damage was done before he arrived. Six Jack and cokes on an empty stomach are not a good idea. I know that, but I chose to ignore it so I could get drunk and forget my reality for a little while.
Thankfully, they don’t lecture me today. Although, I have a feeling that will change tomorrow once they’re not feeling sorry for me. Either way, I head to my room, keep Tate’s clothes on, and inhale his scent while I play my guitar.
Chapter 14
Tate
I have no idea what happened with Madison and me yesterday, but it’s like we fell right back to the easiness that’s always been bet
ween us. After hearing what she went through, I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to show up at that fucking label and demand answers—using my fist. How dare anyone treat someone else like that? Use their power to force themselves on another person.
So many things crossed my mind. The one with the brightest neon light—had I been there with her, I could’ve prevented this. If our lives had turned out differently, then I would’ve been there to make sure she was okay. While I know I can’t change the past and beat myself up for something that isn’t my fault, the thoughts continue to roll through my mind in waves.
Holding Madison as we slept was sweet torture. I didn’t want to let her go or move from our spot. I wanted to imagine what it would’ve been like had she truly been mine.
Mine or not, I’m going to make sure she’s safe and supported during this time. I’m conflicted in my feelings for her. Madison has always been the one, but that doesn’t mean we get to build a life with that person. Life is twisted, and we don’t always get happy endings. I’ve tried to move on, but no one has made me feel the way she has. We share a spark. However, I don’t know if I can get past her walking away so easily.
Needing an outlet, I head to my spare bedroom, where I’ve set up a gym and work out. I burn the energy and anger in my body, taking full advantage of my punching bag. In my mind, I have a faceless man in front of me, and I’m punching the living shit out of him.
After a longer workout than usual, I shower and grab my wallet and keys. I don’t second guess myself as I drive to Madison’s house to check in on her. I don’t have her phone number, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see her in person.
Ms. Sullivan greets me at the door with a smile. “Hi, Tate, how are you?”
“Good and you?” My hands slip into my pockets.
“I assume you’re here to see Madison. She’s out on the patio.”
“Thank you.” I smile gratefully and make my way through the familiar home. I spent a lot of time here when Madison and I were together.
As soon as I step out onto the patio, I pause and watch her. She’s sitting with her legs crossed on a lounge chair. Her back’s to me, and she’s strumming her guitar, her soft voice whispering words. Although her voice is quiet, I can feel the emotions coming from her.
When I clear my throat to make my presence known, she turns around with wide eyes.
“What are you doing here?” She rests the guitar next to her.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay, see how you’re doing today.” I walk toward her.
“Oh.” She watches me approach. She’s gorgeous with her messy hair and curious green eyes.
“How are you?” I sit on the lounge chair next to hers. She turns to sit on the edge and face me.
“I’m good.”
“Really?” I narrow my eyes. “Because you look scared.”
“Well, my career and reputation are in jeopardy, everything I’ve worked so hard for. I’m being sued for millions in damage, and the man who assaulted me is a free man. So yeah, I’m definitely scared.” She doesn’t move, just stares at my eyes.
I tilt my head and study her. When Madison felt defensive, she’d always turn to sarcasm. I see that hasn’t changed.
“Do you think he’ll come after you?” Fear grips me at the thought of her being in more danger than I thought. It’s my guess that the guy didn’t like her accusations being made public, which could motivate him to get revenge on her.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. He used to throw subtle threats for me not to say anything. This wasn’t supposed to come out. I sent a private letter informing them that due to this, I wanted to end my contract with them.” She shakes her head, peering down at her hands on her lap. Her fingers twist together nervously.
When she looks back up at me, her eyes are watery. I move to sit next to her. Without thinking, I put my arm around her.
“We’ll keep you safe,” I promise before kissing the top of her head.
“It’s not your job, Tate.” Stubborn woman.
I look at her and clench my jaw, taking a deep breath.
“You don’t need to feel guilty about this. I know you, Tate, and this isn’t on you. This happened, but it’s not because you weren’t with me.” She reads my thoughts from earlier.
I sigh and rub the back of my neck. “That’s not…” I shake my head.
“It is,” she stops me.
“Maddy,” I whisper, closing my eyes. “If anything happened to you… Yes, I’ve been angry at you for years because you didn’t give me a chance to decide what I wanted in my life. That doesn’t mean I want you to hurt.”
She looks away from me toward the pool. Her chest rises and falls slowly. She messes with her hair—tucking it behind her ear, brushing her hand over it and causing it to fall to the side, twisting it in a bun and letting it go.
“I can’t accept it,” she finally says.
“Why not?” I growl. I’m getting frustrated.
“Because I won’t be able to stop from getting my hopes up, and it’s not fair to either of us.” She holds my cheek. Her touch is gentle. Madison gives me a sad smile, her thumb rubbing over my lower lip. I close my eyes and soak her in.
She leans in, and her soft lips touch mine before she stands and walks away. I’m rooted to my seat, watching her. Before she can make it to the door, I react.
Jumping to my feet, I yell, “You don’t get to make this decision for us again. I won’t let you. I won’t just back away without a fight this time.”
Her eyes snap open as I stalk toward her. I stand toe-to-toe with her, scanning her face. Her lips are parted and eyes unblinking.
“This isn’t goodbye, Madison. Fuck,” I growl, tearing my hands through my hair.
“You don’t think my hopes are up after last night?” I ask. “You don’t think I wish I could hold you like that every day? Hold you while we sleep? It’s all I’ve dreamt about, all I wish I didn’t want since you left me like an insignificant memory.” I curse, trying to gain control of my emotions.
“No,” I shake my head. “You don’t get to make the decisions for us anymore. I know you feel it, too.”
“How can I not?” She throws her hands in the air. “It’s always been like this between us. We’ve always burned brightly. But fire’s deadly, Tate, and I’ll take you down with me.”
“Why do you think this way about yourself?” I toss my head back and stare at the sky.
“Because I already hurt you once. Now, there’s more at risk. I’m not just Madison anymore, and my life is about to get put through the wringer. Are you really willing to stand there by my side and watch this all go down?”
“I ain’t watching; I’m fightin’. For you, for everyone who’s had to go through what you did, and for us. You can’t do this alone. You’ll break because anyone would break if they tried to overcome something like this without support. But this is personal for me. I should’ve gone after you, not accepted your choice, asked questions. I may be a few years too late, but if I’m getting the chance to, I’m going to act now.”
Tears roll down her cheeks, her nose pink. I wipe away her tears and lower my voice. “I’ll need time. Time to learn to trust you again, and you’ll need to communicate and consider me in your decisions. But damn it, I want to see if we still blaze or if we’ll end up cool ashes on the ground. I hope it’s the first option because you’re all I’ve ever wanted.” My heart pounds as I confess my feelings. I’m giving her the opportunity to hurt me again, but I hope the years have made her wiser. I hope she’s right there with me after what she’s said.
She’s right in front of me, real and breathing instead of a mirage. I’m tired of wasting time trying to find someone to fill her shoes. I’ve never believed much in second chances, but I’m eating my words right now because, with Madison, I’ll risk it.
“What if you’re putting yourself at risk?” She takes a tentative step toward me.
“I’m not.” We stare at each other.
“Maybe I already did.”
She shakes her head. “Not with how angry you were not too long ago.”
“Anger isn’t the same as not forgiving. Anger is the heart bleeding. Anger is the pain we carry for not being able to change the past. Anger is my broken pieces missing you.”
Her body shakes, and I wrap my arms around her.
“I never thought you’d be able to look me in the eye, let alone say these things,” she mumbles into my chest. What she may not realize is that when you love someone unconditionally, you accept everything about them—mistakes, flaws, beauty. When it came to Madison, I loved her without condition, every single piece of her.
“Why don’t you come sit back down and sing me a song?”
She smiles, showing off those dimples, and nods. Her face is blotchy from crying, but that doesn’t stop her from being beautiful. I sit beside her on the lounge chair, and she grabs her guitar. As soon as she plays the beginning of the song, I recognize it. My eyes meet hers, and she gives me a secret smile. I remember when she wrote this song. We were sitting on the bridge as I skipped rocks, and she worked on it.
I get lost in her smooth voice as she serenades me. Memories crash down on me, and I close my eyes. Like an old reel, I relive our relationship as she sings about it. I loved her with everything I had, and I believe she loved me. We gave everything to each other.
I open my eyes when I feel her hand on mine. Madison stares at me with a serious expression.
“Are you sure?”
“When it comes to you, I’ve always been sure.” I turn my hand over and link our fingers, brushing her soft skin with my thumb.
“A lot is going to change in my life.”
“I’ll help you find direction.” I squeeze her hand.
“I’m going to screw up.”
“You already did,” I tease with a smile.
She shoves my shoulder. “I’m being serious, Tate.”
“Me too. Maybe this is our chance to make things right, have everything we always wanted.”
“I need you to know that despite what it seemed like to the public, it was an act. I had to be a certain way, but I didn’t change as much as you think.”
Homecoming Queen: A Second Chance Romance (Carlisle Cellars Book 2) Page 10
