by Mary Campisi
She ignored the comment. “Did you know there are only four Casherdons on the East Coast? My friend knows how to locate people in a snap. You took less than ten minutes.”
His gaze narrowed a fraction. “I don’t think I like the sound of that.” That was an understatement. The idea that someone had been snooping around in his life pissed him off. A lot. “So? Why are you here?”
She fidgeted in her chair, clasped her hands in her lap. “It’s complicated.”
“Uh-huh.” When she didn’t offer more information, he helped her along. “How complicated?” Guilt pushed annoyance aside. He should have stayed in touch to make sure she was adjusting to Lewis’s death. The guilt burrowed to his conscience, dug deep inside, and settled there. It had nothing to do with his friend’s death and everything to do with how he’d comforted Stephanie after the funeral. Friends didn’t sleep with their buddy’s wife, and he could put any bullshit spin on it he wanted—needed to feel alive, had to get past the pain, wanted to provide comfort. Stephanie had been vulnerable and he should have refused her request to sleep with him. She hadn’t really wanted him, she’d wanted what she’d shared with her husband, wanted to feel that connection, skin to skin, heart to heart. Those few days together might have provided a little comfort, but it left them with a mountain of guilt. And she could say whatever she wanted, he knew damn well the main reason she’d left Philly was to get away from the memory of betraying Lewis. If Cash were in the ground and one of his buddies slept with Tess, he’d haunt the bastard from the grave. “Steph? Tell me what’s going on.”
She nibbled on her bottom lip, tried for a smile that flopped. “I have a son.”
“Wow.” She didn’t sound too happy about it. “Is that a good thing?”
Her face lit up and this time her lips pulled into a wide smile and pushed out her dimples. “Mason is the very best part of my life. I can’t imagine a world without him.” She clasped her hands tighter, leaned toward him. “I noticed your wedding ring. She must be one special woman.”
“She is.” What a damn understatement. Tess was his everything and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
“Do you have children?”
His chest squeezed like it did when he thought of the child they didn’t have, the one whose absence kept them from true happiness. All they needed was a baby. One would do. Any way they could get it—a boy or girl, didn’t matter. He and Tess were going to talk about adoption today, no more wasting time or dreams on trying to conceive. A child was a child, even if he didn’t come from their DNA. “Not yet.” The words fell out a bit harsher than he intended. “But we hope to soon,” he corrected in a more even tone.
“Children give us hope; they help us see the world as magical and forgiving and full of possibilities.” She swiped a hand across her face, blinked. “Ridiculous tears.” A sniff, and another hand swipe. “I know you’ll feel the same way.”
Magical? Forgiving? Maybe for the kid and Tess, but Cash would settle for the “full of possibilities” and teaching him or her how to rebuild a car engine. “So, tell me the truth about the tears and not some half-baked story about magic and possibilities.” When she smiled, he went on, “Is this about the boy’s father? Does he know?” Stephanie shook her head. “Ah.”
“He’s married.”
“Damn, Steph. Not good.” So not good. He’d never pictured her as a man’s mistress. What the hell had happened?
“He wasn’t married when we were together.” She looked away, cleared her throat. “It didn’t last. We were both in it for the wrong reasons.”
Okay, well, that wasn’t so bad. “You need to tell him.” The news might blow the guy’s world apart for a while, but if his marriage was solid, he and his wife would get through it. Plus, he’d have a chance to know his kid. “I’m guessing there’s nobody in your life who’s against you telling him? Like a man?”
“No, no man.” He saw the answer in those dark eyes before she spoke it. “There’s never been anybody but Lewis.” A faint pink swirled around her pale cheeks. “I’ve had a few relationships, but when you’ve felt heaven, how can you settle for less?”
Exactly. Cash had found his heaven with Tess and there’d never be anybody else for him. “I get it. How can I help?” Did she really not have anyone else to confide in? The thought that she had to turn to a guy she hadn’t seen in a decade unsettled him. The world could be a big-ass, lonely place but he hadn’t thought about it like that since he’d gotten back with Tess. She made his life brighter, his existence worthwhile. She loved him, even if he didn’t deserve her. Stephanie didn’t have anybody like that and maybe that’s why she’d come to him. The least he could do was listen, and then he’d talk to Tess and get her opinion. She’d know what to do; she knew all about this relationship crap.
“I never would have come to you if I’d had any place else to go.” Her eyes shimmered with tears. “Please believe that.” More hand clasping, so hard her knuckles turned white.
“Hey.” Cash reached for her hands, covered them with one of his own. “Relax. It’ll be okay. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m sick.” Her voice cracked. “Ovarian cancer.”
“Shit.” Cash eased out of his chair, knelt in front of her. “Oh, Steph. I’m so damn sorry.” Cancer scared the hell out of him. He knew people who beat it, but he knew too many who didn’t. Why the hell couldn’t they find a friggin’ cure for the bastard? It destroyed families, stole dreams, killed hope. Would it do that to Steph, too? “What’s the prognosis?” Another shake of her head, followed by a low cry that gouged his soul. Stephanie wasn’t going to make it.
“The chemo didn’t work. It came back.” She paused, sucked in a deep breath. “The doctor said I might have four months, maybe five, but there’s nothing else they can do now except make me comfortable.”
“Steph.” Cash’s eyes burned. “How can I help you?”
When she looked at him the tears spilled down her cheeks, landed on her shirt. “Help me find the courage to tell Mason’s father.”
“Sure.” Cash squeezed her hand. “Just tell me what you need.”
“I need him to accept Mason, welcome him into his family.” She paused, swiped at her cheek. “Love him. I wish I had time to let him get used to the idea of a son before I told him about me. But I don’t.” Her breath fell out in exhausted defeat. “People think it’s so great to be an only child; you get the attention, the extra gifts, the first pick every time. But when life goes wrong, you’re it, no siblings to turn to, no support systems in place. My parents are dead and my son will be alone. It’s a horrible, frightening feeling.” More tears, this time accompanied with gasps and shoulder shaking.
“The father’s the key, Steph. He’ll do the right thing by his son. You’ll see.”
“I would give anything not to have to do this, but I don’t have a choice.” She paused, said in a gentle voice, “I hope he doesn’t end up hating me or his son because of it.”
If the guy were a real man, he’d accept the boy and his duty. It’s what Cash would do in a situation like that. Steph’s son needed a home and a place to feel wanted. Hell, if the real father didn’t work out, maybe he could talk to Tess about welcoming a child into their home. He guessed the boy wasn’t a baby, but that was okay. In fact, Cash liked the idea of being able to carry on a conversation and not have diaper duty. “You know, if it doesn’t work out with the real father, I might have a thought or two.”
She stared at him, shoulders stiff, eyes wide. “What kind of idea?”
The kind that could change lives and bring happiness. “One thing I learned about marriage is never commit to anything without talking to your wife first.”
“You really love her, don’t you?”
There was no embarrassment or hesitation when he said, “More than my life.”
“She’s beautiful. When I saw her yesterday, I could see the two of you together. I’m so happy for you.”
Stephanie had seen Tess?
Cash’s police training kicked in and he poked around for answers. “Sorry I missed you.”
She shrugged. “Your wife said you were at work and I know we shouldn’t have just dropped by, but in my situation where every hour matters, I didn’t want to wait.” Those dark eyes turned black. “I really am sorry…about all of this.”
Hmm. If Tess found the business card in their mailbox, when had she met Stephanie and her son? And why hadn’t she told him about it? Was it because of the boy? One more reminder of what she didn’t have? “It’s okay.” He’d get to the bottom of his wife’s information withholding later. Right now he had other issues to deal with, like helping a dying friend find her son’s father. “Listen, I want to help you, okay? We’ll figure out a plan and I’ll go with you to tell Mason’s father.” He paused, added, “Tess should come, too.” It would give her a cause to care about other than the child they didn’t have, and if the guy was an asshole and didn’t want to have anything to do with the boy, maybe Cash and Tess could adopt him. Yeah, why not? But there was another reason he wanted his wife on the trip and it had nothing to do with her delicate psyche or his desire to give her a cause. Cash wanted her with him because he and Steph had a history together that went deeper than friends, and while it might have been wrong and short-lived, it had existed. Tess would sniff it out the second she spotted him and Steph together, and if she didn’t, he’d tell her because he couldn’t not tell her. Shit, this was not going to be good, but he had to do it. No lies between them, no secrets, just truth. Double shit.
“Cash.” Stephanie squeezed his hand, held his gaze. “If there was any other way, I never would have contacted you. Please believe that.”
“Hey, I get it.” Enough of the emotion stuff. He could only handle so much in one sitting. Facts, that’s what he needed so he could draw up a plan and execute it. That’s what men did; got details and found a fix. “Let’s get started. Tell me about Mason’s father.” It was best to know one’s opponent, and this guy was definitely an opponent because if he were married, he might not want Steph showing up on his doorstep with his child.
She cleared her throat, sat up straight, and leveled him with words that took him down faster than the two bullets he’d taken a few years ago. “It’s you, Cash. You’re Mason’s father.”
2
Tess opened the door and stepped into the home she’d shared with Cash since the day they pledged their hearts to one another. Not many couples were given a second chance and they’d promised to do whatever it took to remain strong and united. But she’d never considered Cash might have a child. She’d spent hours practicing questions so she could push them past her lips when she faced her husband. While she’d only seen the boy for a few seconds, Cash’s DNA had been stamped on the child and no doubt a closer inspection would reveal even more similarities.
Who was Stephanie Richmond? Tess had searched the woman’s name and tied the area code on the business card to a town called Jensen, near Geneva, Ohio. There were Stephanie Richmonds peppered in various states, but only one in the area code on the business card. What was the boy’s name? Daniel? They’d talked about names and had considered Daniel if they had a boy. Maybe they’d have to scratch that name off the list. Who was she kidding? There wasn’t going to be any pregnancy or it would have happened by now. All she had to show for the agony of wanting a child was pain and month after month of disappointment. Cash had promised they’d get a child, but what he hadn’t considered was that only one of them would get the child, and it would be him.
She found him on the deck, his lean body stretched out on a lounge chair, sun-kissed hair a tangled mess as though he’d dragged his fingers through it too many times. Three beer bottles rested on the table beside him, another in his hand. He didn’t look at her as she approached, didn’t seem to notice her presence even when she stood next to him. Tess took in the strong jaw, the full lips, the hollowed-out cheekbones. A man of honor and integrity with a reckless streak that might be subdued but had not been squelched. Had his recklessness fathered a child? She had to know. “Is the boy yours?”
He didn’t look at her or change his expression and if she hadn’t noticed the twitch of his jaw when she spoke, she’d have thought he hadn’t heard her. The twitch gave him away, followed by the gentlest flare of nostrils and a narrowing of those eyes she loved so much. “Answer me, Cash. Is the boy yours?”
He dragged a hand over his face, blew out a sigh, and finally looked at her, his expression splattered with pain and disbelief. “He’s mine.” She crumpled with those words, collapsed onto his lap, shoulders sagging, chest heaving. “I’m so sorry, babe.” He pulled her close, stroked her back as her tears soaked his T-shirt. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”
His words saturated her brain, spread to her heart. It was one thing to suspect, but now she knew; now it was real. “I guessed the second I saw him.”
The back stroking stopped. “You…saw him?”
She nodded, curled closer against his chest. “I did.”
“What did he look like?”
Tess lifted her head, studied the flecks of gold in his dark eyes, the soft swirls of streaked hair. “He looks like you. You didn’t see him?”
He shook his head. “Not yet. Stephanie thought you and I should meet him together.”
“Really?” That comment put her on alert. “Why would she say that?”
Cash darted a glance at her. “So you’ll feel involved.”
Well. “Because I’m an outsider?”
“No, that’s not it at all. Steph isn’t like that.”
Tess raised an eyebrow. “Steph? Nice and cozy, aren’t we?” She disengaged from her husband’s loose embrace, stood. “I don’t care what the woman thinks or wants. This isn’t about her. We’re a family and we make decisions based on what’s best for our family.”
“Babe, I think she was trying to make it easy on both of us.” He paused, tried again. “Especially you.”
“Especially me, huh?” She thrust her hands on her hips, faced him. “Will she offer other suggestions, too, ones that will be subtle at first and turn into demands?” Tess didn’t wait for him to answer, but rushed on. “What else will she want? Money, your time, outings so you can get to know your son? I can see it all now, even if you can’t.”
Cash jumped out of the chair, stood next to her, eyes flashing with anger and disbelief. “Don’t do this. I just found out I have a kid, and not a baby either, but a nine-year-old, one I didn’t know existed until a few hours ago and all you can do is tell me how Stephanie’s going to make demands on me and my time? Really, Tess? What’s next?” Those full lips slashed to a straight line. “Do you think we’re going to hook up again? Is that where this is going?”
She looked away. That was exactly what she worried about, and whether or not it was a real threat was not the point. Each month she ended up not pregnant chipped at her confidence and increased her worry that Cash would tire of her, find someone else to carry his children. And now, her worst and most horrible fear had arrived in Magdalena.
“Answer me, Tess.” Cash settled his hands on her shoulders, his voice firm. “Tell me what’s going on.”
He wanted the truth? She’d give him her version and while it might be skewed and totally mixed up, it was her truth. “A few days ago, I was heartbroken that we’d never have our own child, not the way we wanted, like Nate and Christine and Ben and Gina. People always say, who cares where a child comes from? It’s not important, as long as you love it. But I wanted your child, Cash, yours and that’s why I couldn’t give up.” Her voice cracked, dripped pain. “And then I saw the boy yesterday and I realized you already have a son. That woman gave you something I haven’t been able to, and that created a bond we’ll never have, no matter how much we pretend.”
“Stop it.” His expression turned dark, clouded in disappointment. “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
Tess held his gaze, spat out, “Even when you were sleeping with her?�
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“Damn it, Tess.” He released her, stepped back. “Yeah,” he ground out. “Even then.”
His words smothered the space between them, filled her lungs, her head, her soul. “I don’t know what to think or how to feel. You have a child.” She swiped at her cheeks, put into words what she’d wondered since Stephanie Richmond showed up at their door yesterday. “Were you in love with her, too?”
A slow burn covered his tanned face. He shifted from one foot to the other, shook his head. “No.”
She waited to hear more, but nothing came. “Is that really all you can say? You can’t expect me to meet with this woman and know nothing about her except that you and she might share a child. I won’t accept that, Cash, and if you plan to acknowledge him, then you need to get a DNA test done to prove he’s yours.”
The left side of his jaw twitched. “Steph wouldn’t lie. The boy’s mine.”
Was he serious? “You wouldn’t be the first man to get taken by a sad story. Women fall all over you and your smooth talk. Who knows what this woman might do?”
“Steph’s not like that.”
“Well, how do you know what Steph’s like since you haven’t seen her in almost ten years?” Her gaze narrowed on him. “Or have you seen her since then?”
“No.” The snarl said he didn’t like what she implied.
Too bad. This wasn’t just about him and a woman he called Steph. There was a child and a marriage involved, and both had to be protected. “I want to know more about this woman before I meet her.”
“I’m telling you what I know. I haven’t seen her in ten years.”
“I’m sure there’s more.”
“Will you just stop? I know you’re in shock, but so am I. Damn it, I can’t get my head around this whole thing.”
“Well, you’d better start—and fast.” She would not feel sorry for him, not now when she hurt so much. Tess glanced at the empty beer bottles. “I’m going to put on a pot of coffee. I’ll be back in ten minutes.” One more hard stare. “Be ready to talk.” She turned and made her way to the sliding glass door when Cash’s voice reached her, thin and worn out.
