The Forgotten Daughter

by Mary Wood

  ‘No, Mags. We made a pact, and I’ve kept it. Not even family, we said.’

  ‘Oh, I was just making sure. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Anyway, your turn, Ella, tell us what it’s like in France. I mean, what it’s really like: is it hell?’

  Listening to Ella, the urge that had seized Flora before revisited her. Would it be possible for me to go? Could I be parted from Alice for that long? But then she decided that, as nurses were needed so badly, she had a duty to try, and made her mind up that she would make enquiries. This was compounded in her mind when Ella said, ‘I’m not supposed to say anything, but you know that the Red Cross is forewarned of where they are most likely to be needed next? Well, there is a new field hospital being constructed in Dieppe, in Normandy. I suppose, from that, we can deduce that a new offensive is being planned, as that is usually the case when we are on the move. I have been told that, after the training I am undertaking at Moorfields, I am to be posted there.’

  ‘They must be expecting a lot of casualties to have a hospital constructed. What is it like working in tents?’ As she asked this, Flora thought of Freddy and her arms pebbled with goosebumps. What if he was sent there? It was then that she made her mind up. If he was, then she would go, too.

  ‘It’s muddy most of the time. France is having a wet summer. And chaotic, as it’s difficult to bring any proper order to things, because new casualties are arriving all the time. You just get everyone settled and some sort of routine in place, when you hear the guns start in the distance and, before long, convoys of ambulances arrive, or a hospital train. But they mostly come in during the night. And it isn’t just the living wounded that they bring; there are those that didn’t make it, who need cleaning up and identifying, by tagging them. I dread that duty. All those young lives. And those whose bodies are brought to us are considered lucky, I know; a lot are just left where they fell, and have to be hastily buried during a sort of truce that takes place for that purpose. And that’s because there are so many wounded to transport that the dead have to be left behind. At least the dead that are brought in have a decent burial in a marked grave, and their families know where they are and receive any belongings they had on them.’

  They were all silent after listening to this. Flora sipped her tea, not touching the chocolate biscuit that had been served with it. She hadn’t the stomach for it, as once more the reality of war had touched her, with the vivid descriptions Ella had given. How could she not offer her services now? She would feel as if somehow she had betrayed Cyrus, if she didn’t go to the help of the men he’d been forced to leave behind. Yes, she would miss Alice – it would feel as if only half of her was going; but when Alice grew up and was told why her mother had gone, she would understand. And she couldn’t be left in more loving care than with Aunt Pru, who adored her.

  At dinner, the worry Flora felt about the attraction that Mags and Harold had shown for each other grew. They looked as if they had known each other all their lives. Having so much common ground, with the daily life of running a mill to discuss, made their conversation flow, and even she had to admit they made a handsome pair, and that each seemed to bring the other alive in a way she’d never seen before.

  Their engrossment in each other gave Flora time to talk to Ella about her plans. Ella was more than a little surprised.

  ‘Really? You mean you would seriously try to get to work in France?’

  ‘If they will have me, yes. I have a lot to offer, but I have heard they don’t take married women.’

  ‘In theory, no. But in practice they can’t turn them down, as they need all the hands they can get. If you’re serious about this, Flors, then apply.’

  ‘I am serious, Ella. It will help me, as well as me helping others. I need to be stretched to my limit, to get through the years ahead of me. I thought going out to work would do it, but it isn’t enough. It isn’t. I have to seek out something that will take me so far out of my humdrum routine, and will drain me, so that I cannot think, let alone feel.’

  ‘Oh, Flors, does it hurt that much?’

  ‘It does. It hurts so much that only inflicting more hurt on myself can possibly get me to the other side of the pain. Tearing myself away from Alice, and coping with what you have described, will do that. Does that make sense?’

  Flora didn’t think it did make sense to Ella, even though she nodded her head. But it did to her, and that’s what mattered. On her return to London she would put the wheels in motion and do all she could to make going to work in France a reality.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  It had taken a lot of interviews, and standing her ground, for Flora to get accepted. As part of her application she’d had to sit an exam.

  She’d had to write a brief history of a case of enteric fever during the third week, giving a temperature chart; and tell how to prepare a linseed-meal poultice, an ice poultice and a mustard poultice, and indicate their use. Another part of the exam had asked about ‘crisis and lysis’ and in what illnesses respectively they occurred. And she’d even had to describe how to make a peptonized beef-tea.

  After passing this exam with a 100 per cent score, Flora had finally been accepted. And now she had the letter in her hand that she knew contained her orders.

  Sitting down at the table that still held her breakfast dishes and the remains of the porridge that Alice had refused to eat, Flora listened to her child gurgling away as she sat, propped by cushions, in her high chair, happily banging her spoon on the tray.

  Tears stung Flora’s eyes, as what she’d planned was now becoming a reality. What had made her think that she could walk away from Alice and do this? But doing so would help her get through the pain that was her constant companion.

  A further incentive to carry it all through had been Freddy arriving home last night. To her, he had grown in stature and become a man. But her fear for him had deepened as they had gathered at Aunt Pru’s, and Freddy told them that after a three-week leave he was being deployed to Picardy. For she knew a battle was raging there, and that it was the bloodiest and hardest-fought to date. The newspapers were full every day of the thousands of deaths and wounded. Poor Pru had almost fainted at the news of Freddy going there, but had found enough courage to regain the strength she needed. ‘Eeh, me lass, I’ve prayed as they wouldn’t accept you,’ she told Flora, ‘but now a part of me is glad, as to knaw as you’re there will ease me mind some, as you can watch out for me lad.’

  Freddy had put them both right. ‘I’ll be watching over myself, and over my fellow soldiers, as much as I can. Flors cannot come onto the battlefield with me, and cannot be responsible for anything that might happen to me, when I am engaged in fighting the enemy. But that said, Flors, it’ll be good to know that, when I can get away, I can come and see you, so I’ll be hoping you are sent somewhere near to me – though I wish with all my heart that you hadn’t embarked on this madcap idea in the first place.’

  She understood that, and questioned her own sanity and the impulse that she’d allowed to drive her, but here she was, holding the letter that would tell her one way or the other. Tearing it open, she read:

  Dear Volunteer Flora Harpinham,

  Please arrange to meet Matron Hugby at Victoria Station at eleven a.m. on Monday 31st July 1916. Matron will be just inside the station, and in uniform.

  From there you will catch a train to Newhaven and, after an overnight stay, will join a ship taking you to France. Your final destination will be hospital no. 16 at Le Tréport, near Dieppe.

  Your rank will be Assistant Nurse, as you have proved your capability in the excellent service you gave in Brussels and in the results you obtained in sitting the exam. You will find a blue stripe with the uniform and equipment that will be issued to you once you arrive.

  To distinguish your rank, you are to wear this on your right sleeve below the shoulder at all times while in uniform. This is in addition to the war-service stripes, worn on the left sleeve on indoor and outdoor uniform. You will also be
issued a gilding-metal badge of the letter A, and this you will wear on the bib of your apron, a quarter of an inch above the Red Cross in the centre.

  I take this opportunity of thanking you for offering your services and of wishing you well.

  The letter was signed on behalf of the Director of the Red Cross.

  For a moment, Flora held the letter to her breast. Her hands felt the rapid beat of her heart. Her throat tightened. It was really going to happen! And I shall be with Ella.

  Reaching for the map of France, which she had pored over time after time, looking for the places reported in the newspapers, she located Dieppe. Her heart sank as she realized it was about sixty miles from the nearest battles that were now being fought. A long way for the wounded to travel, but disappointingly, too, a long way from where Freddy was likely to be. But he would have leave-days; she’d read that the soldiers were rested often and a rotation system was used, so that they weren’t charging into battle every day, but did different duties in the trenches some days, and were free to do as they pleased on others. She’d try to arrange for the ambulance drivers to take notes to him; she’d sort it out with him before she left.

  Finding herself on a station platform once more, and facing worse than she had when heading to Belgium, Flora stood quietly behind the matron as more and more girls joined her. The chatter was of excited anticipation. Flora wanted to bring them all down to earth and tell them what it would be really like, but she didn’t; she kept quiet. Her emotions were in a turmoil, making it difficult for her to join in and begin to make friends.

  When she arrived at the hospital, Ella greeted her as if she hadn’t seen her for a lifetime. Coming out of the huge hug, Flora began to feel the knot that had tied her stomach loosen.

  ‘Well, here we go again, Flors. I can’t tell you how good it feels to have you by my side. All the girls here are good sorts; the atmosphere is one of a lovely community and the order of the day is to stay cheerful, no matter what, so that the lads feel there is hope.’

  As Ella showed her around, Flora detected more a feeling of despair than of hope, from both the staff and the wounded. The noise was the familiar one of men calling out in pain seeking attention, though some, too weak to do that, moaned in a low, agonized sound that cut into Flora’s heart. Doctors called out for a nurse, and nurses called out to volunteers. The smell was a mixture of carbolic and chlorine, which didn’t quite cover the stench of rotting flesh.

  Ella sighed and shrugged her shoulders, as if apologizing for her fib. ‘We’re just so understaffed. But we do try.’

  ‘I’ll let you get back to work, Ella. I wish I could help you, but the sister said that, apart from familiarizing ourselves with the place, we weren’t to do anything until we had been properly briefed and received our kit, and shown where we are to bunk. I’d better get out of your way and go along to the rallying point now.’

  It seemed that the first month passed without Flora having engaged in it, and yet she’d worked harder than she’d ever worked in her life. Her weight had dropped by almost a stone, her body ached constantly, and she felt she was constantly swimming against the tide.

  Looking into the eyes of the man whose hand she held, she read his despair. Both of his legs had been amputated, and he had frequent screaming nightmares. ‘Joseph, do you think you can go back to sleep now?’

  He shook his head, and his eyes stared out at her. Sweat beaded his forehead.

  ‘It’s all right. Don’t be afraid. I’ll stay a little while longer. Try to close your eyes.’

  ‘T – tell me about home.’

  ‘You’ll make it back – you will.’

  His head shook.

  ‘You’re a cockney, aren’t you, Joseph? Well, I’ve spent a lot of my life in Stepney and now live in Brixton. It’s just as you left it: noisy, busy and full of small communities pulling together even more than they did before the war. Big Ben still deafens us on the hour, and ships come in up the Thames. Smoke hangs heavy in the air, bringing down terrible smog, and some streets stink of the old cesspits that are still in use. Ragged-arsed kids play hoop-and-stick and pester you for a penny, and barrow boys tout their wares through the streets. At night, the lamplighter goes along lighting the way, and the evening news is shouted from every corner. Is that how you remember it . . . Joseph?’

  His eyes didn’t blink.

  Oh no. Oh God, no. Standing up, Flora felt her body shake. She should be used to losing a soldier by now, but she wasn’t. Running along to the night sister to report Joseph’s passing, she found herself crying and unable to say the words. She could only point.

  ‘Oh, my dear. It was Joseph Carter you were specializing, wasn’t it? I gather he has left us? Leave it to me. Go along to the canteen and take half an hour – it’s quiet at the moment.’

  ‘Thank you, Sister. I – I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. A nurse who has no feeling is no good to me, or to the men. Off you go.’

  Flora didn’t make it to the canteen, but stood behind the tent designated for that purpose and tried to compose herself. The opposite happened. More tears flowed and her body weakened with the weight of her longing for Cyrus and Alice, and the pity of all the suffering and loss around her.

  An arm came round her. ‘Hey, what’s all this, you’ll make yourself ill.’

  No words would come to answer him, and she didn’t resist when the man who had spoken to her pulled her into his arms. ‘I’m one of the ambulance drivers, and it strikes me you’re in need of some comfort.’ His lips brushed her neck. For a moment she imagined it was Cyrus and a calm came over her. Then she lifted her head. The touch of his lips on hers startled her. A sob made him release her.

  ‘No. Get off me! Don’t touch me.’

  ‘You seemed willing a minute ago. You want to watch how you tease men – some won’t take no for an answer.’

  ‘I’m sorry, you caught me at a bad moment. I’m not . . I don’t . . . You see, I’m married, and my husband is a prisoner-of-war. I – I left my child to come here; and my patient died a few moments ago . . . I—’

  ‘Well, I’m sorry if I was mistaken. I only tried to offer comfort, and then you seemed as if you wanted more. God knows, any man in camp would give it to a willing woman. You won’t report me, will you?’

  His obvious distress saw her reassuring him. He wasn’t to blame. ‘No. I understand how you mistook my actions. My name’s Flora, what’s yours?’

  ‘Jim – Jim Skelby. I just brought a couple of wounded in. They’re in the clearing tent now, and I have to get back. I reckon there will be a few casualties tomorrow, as there’s another push planned.’

  ‘Can you do something for me, Jim? I need to get a message to one of the soldiers, my half-brother.’

  ‘You do know there’s a thousand or so of them out there, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes. Is there no way of locating one of them?’

  ‘I suppose I could try. What’s his name and what regiment does he belong to?’

  ‘Freddy Hatton, of the Essex Regiment, Second Battalion. Please try. I need to know that he is safe, and then arrange to meet him when he has his leave-day.’

  ‘Leave it with me. I’m attached to that regiment. If I don’t see you on my return, I’ll leave a message. Look, I’m sorry about just now. You caught me at a weak moment. I’d never behave like that normally.’

  ‘Please forget it – I have done. I wasn’t willing, you apologized and that’s good enough for me.’

  ‘Look, love, I don’t know if it will help or not, but like you, I’m missing folk back home. My mother and my brothers, and especially my young sisters, but I turn that around to help me get through. I imagine it is them needing help, and relying on a stranger to give it to them. That makes me be strong, and I treat every young lad like I’d want my lot to be treated, if they were in the same situation. It makes me so engrossed in my job that I don’t dwell on it too much. Try it.’

  ‘Thanks, Jim, I will. I’d better go, I�
��ll see you another time.’

  As he walked away, Flora felt that she’d made a friend. Yes, he would have taken advantage of her, if she’d have carried on showing the willingness that she had at first, but she couldn’t blame him for that. Whatever possessed me?

  Whatever it was, Flora shook it from her and, feeling stronger, walked determinedly back to the ward tent.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  It rarely occurred, but Flora and Ella were off-duty on the same day. Too tired to do anything other than walk along the clifftop, they had braved the spitting rain and the unseasonal cool, late-September wind that held the threat of a heavier downpour, and walked arm-in-arm towards Dieppe.

  ‘I have news of Freddy, at last. He will be on leave for two days next week, and I’ve cleared it with Sister that I can have that time off, too. Jim has sorted everything. I’m catching the train to Albert, and Freddy can get a lift to there. He’s just outside Thiepval.’

  ‘Oh, how lovely – give him my love. I sometimes think I’m lucky, knowing of no family; even though it tears me apart at times, I have no one to worry over. After this is all over, I’m going to try to find out where my allowance comes from, and if the trust is part of a will or from someone who is alive.’

  ‘Sometimes, being women, we are treated as if we have no rights. If you were a man, you would have access to so much more information. The bank wouldn’t be able to tell you to go away when you made enquiries.’

  ‘Maybe I should marry, and make my husband my attorney.’

  ‘Oh, anyone in mind? I see you getting on well with Jim, and he always seeks you out.’

  ‘Mmm, we’ll see. I’m afraid of attachments made under the pressure we find ourselves in. It’s so easy to mistake comfort for love.’

  Flora felt herself blush, as memories of her first meeting with Jim prickled her. She’d long since admitted to herself that, for a fleeting moment, she had been ready to seek the comfort of Jim’s arms. But she’d had no such thoughts since; the moment had been one of her lowest. And Jim had become a good friend, often bringing them things from town, as his work sent him to many places as he transported the wounded. But she suspected his feelings were more than those of comfort, where Ella was concerned.