by Mary Wood
‘You’re quiet.’
Flora pulled her cardigan round her. ‘Oh, just thinking. I agree with you: a few of the girls have boyfriends amongst the walking wounded, and you wonder where it can lead.’
‘Oh, and doctor–nurse relationships are a great source of gossip, too.’
‘Ha! Keeps us all going.’
‘Let’s go to the docks, there’s always something to watch there, and that little bar serves some delicious seafood.’
The docks of Dieppe were the highlight of a free day. There – apart from when the hospital ship was in, and the sight of patients being taken aboard meant they still had their work in view – the nurses could watch fishing boats going out and other boats offloading their catch, or see the women mending the nets.
Today, the grey sky gave the tall buildings an eerie look, and Flora shivered. Life here carried on, despite what was happening a few miles away, and the horror of the field hospital.
‘You’re not yourself today. What is it, Flors?’
‘I – I . . . well, I just keep thinking that days off for the soldiers follow the days when they’ve been over the top. How often we hear them say, “And it was my day off tomorrow.”’
‘Are you worried that Freddy will be in the thick of it before you see him?’
‘Yes. A week is a long time, and during it he has so much to face. I just can’t shift this feeling that I have.’
‘It’s natural. Take deep breaths of this lovely fresh air. It helps to clear your mind. Remember, we only see the casualties of the war. And they are only a fraction of the men fighting, so Freddy could just as easily be one of those who survive unscathed.’
‘Yes, knowing him, though—’
‘Right, stop now. You’ll convince me soon, and I plan to marry him.’
‘What!’ Flora burst out laughing. ‘Oh, Ella, he did have a crush on you the moment he met you.’
‘He did. He was waiting for me outside the hospital once, and we walked together. Freddy’s lovely, and will get through this and meet someone perfect for him, and live happily ever after.’
‘I think he wants to go into politics. At least that was his latest idea. But of course he always comes back to his plans for a musical career. I think he was swayed this time by an urge to put the world right. I sometimes think he believes he can achieve that single-handed. Boys are funny, when they reach that stage of not quite being a man. I remember Francis . . . Oh, well, that was another lifetime. No more reminiscing. I’m starving.’
Ella’s hand squeezed Flora’s arm. ‘Let’s hope that the catch this morning was a good one and that Monsieur Douple has managed to buy the best of it. I can smell Madame Douple’s bread already.’
Relaxed and ignoring the niggling voice inside her, Flora drifted off to sleep that night; the fresh air and the walk had tired her in a different way from the exhausting shifts. Her dreams were of Freddy playing with Alice.
Coming out of a deep sleep, she tried to manage what was happening in her dream, as now Freddy was waving and Alice was crying; she didn’t want that, but everything floated away from her and she couldn’t bring it all back to the way she wanted it. She couldn’t make her world well again, not even in her dreams.
A bell tolled, clanging fear into her that shot her up to a sitting position. ‘Come on, everyone, all hands are needed on deck. There’s a large intake, and more expected.’
Responding immediately to this shout from one of the nurses, who’d popped her head into the dormitory tent and left, Flora donned her uniform, splashed her face in the cold water she’d left in a bowl by her bed and rushed to the main station, where she knew orders would be given out.
‘Assistant Nurse Harpinham, take charge of minors; you go with her, Grendan.’
Putting a volunteer in charge of any department meant that this was a really big affair, and all the qualified nurses would be needed for the more serious cases.
Brenda Grendan was a good and capable volunteer, and Flora knew she would fare well with her by her side. ‘Brenda, when we get to the tent, I’ll assess, while you make sure there are trays ready. I can apply stitches where needed, so make some trays up for that purpose, too.’
The talk amongst her patients was of tanks being used for the first time, and how the German barbed-wire defences had been smashed. And although in pain, the soldiers were jubilant about this new feature of the war. It was as if hope had entered where there had been none. But to Flora, their tales gave a reason for the high numbers of wounded, as it seemed that, buoyed by this extra support, many had taken risks they normally wouldn’t have.
A man calling her name got Flora straightening from where she’d been bent over a young soldier, who to her seemed no more than a boy, removing a piece of shrapnel that had only just pierced his leg, and cleaning and dressing the wound and stitching the gaping tear. ‘There you go. Take a crutch from the corner there and report to tent nine. You’ll be kept there for a couple of weeks, to make sure there is no infection. You’ve been lucky.’ Lucky? Is he really? In two weeks he’ll be back on the front line.
Wiping her brow and going outside the tent, Flora saw Jim making his way along the tents, calling her name.
‘Here, Jim. I’m here.’
‘I’ve bad news. I’ve brought your brother in. He’s in a bad way. He’s in—’
‘Oh no . . . No! Oh, Jim.’
‘Follow me. Hurry!’
‘I can’t leave my post. Oh, Jim. I – I have to find the sister in charge.’
‘It’s bad, Flora, I’m sorry. Get to him as quick as you can. Ella’s with him. I told her who he was, but she said she knew and sent me for you.’
‘What’s going on, Nurse Harpinham, why have you left your post? Those boys I left you in charge of may only have minors, but they are frightened and traumatized. I trusted you to take care of them, and I find—’
‘Oh, Sister . . . My – my brother . . .’
‘Oh, dear girl.’
Jim told the sister what had happened.
‘Run along, Nurse Harpinham. Go. We’ll manage here.’
Jim ran ahead. Flora couldn’t register whether she was running or walking, for her soul was already with Freddy.
At the tent entrance, Jim took her hand. ‘I have to go, but remember, I’m here for you.’
‘Thank you, Jim.’
Entering the tent seemed like walking into hell. Blood ran along the floor, screams mingled with sobs, and cries of ‘Help me’ tugged at her heart.
Flora sought desperately which way to go, and then caught sight of Ella as she stood up from bending over a patient. ‘Ella!’
‘Flora, this way. Oh, Flors, I – I’m sorry.’
‘Is – is he . . . ?’
‘He’s alive, but, Flors, he – well, he hasn’t got long.’
‘No, no, no . . . No! Ella, oh God. Ella, no!’
‘Be brave for him, Flors. Freddy needs you. We told him you were coming. He’s afraid, and he needs your strength.’
The words filtered into her. The worst kind of bravery was needed of her now, but she would find it in herself, for her darling Freddy.
‘Freddy, I’m here, my darling brother, I’m here.’
His lovely face was untouched by his injury, but ashen. His dark eyes stared out of deeply sunk sockets. His voice was just a whisper. ‘Flors . . . I don’t want to die, Flors.’
‘You won’t, my darling. You’re badly injured and have a long road ahead of you, but you won’t die. Your ma will see to that, once they ship you home.’
His body relaxed. What was left of it, that was, as Flora could see that he was just a torso, no legs. A trickle of blood seeped out of the corner of his mouth as she watched him. As she went to wipe it away, he coughed and a torrent of his blood splashed her face. Taking Freddy in her arms, she lifted him. ‘Someone, come quickly!’
Ella was by her side. ‘Hold him in that position, I’ll get the doctor.’
‘Flors . . . Flors, I – I lov
e you, Sis.’
‘And I love you, with all my heart, Freddy. Now don’t try to talk.’
‘Tell . . . Ma . . . Fl—’
‘Freddy, no. Oh, Freddy . . . Freddy!’
His head had flopped onto her arm. His face slackened, and she knew that he had gone.
Resting him back on the bed, she lay down beside him. Her heart screamed her pain, but she kept quiet; the last thing the staff and the poor dying boys around her needed was for her to give way to the agony that encased her.
Ella came back and stood next to her, stroking her hair. Tears streamed down her face. But responding to a call, she left without speaking, pulling the curtain around the bed as she did so.
Flora smoothed Freddy’s hair. ‘My darling brother. My lovely boy . . .’
Getting off the bed when the doctor appeared a few minutes later, she waited until he had carried out his tests. No hope entered her that he would find any sign of life. Looking up at her, he shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. But try to take comfort from the fact that he had you with him. We have lost ten so far, and most of them died alone, without even a nurse with them.’
There was a little comfort in that for Flora, but also a deep sadness for those other boys. ‘I’ll take my brother to the morgue and take care of him, Doctor.’
‘No. You are needed by the living. The orderlies will do that. You must carry on with your work. Besides, it will take away his dignity in death, to have his sister wash him. We will call you once he is ready.’
Breathing in deeply, Flora kissed Freddy’s still cheek and somehow found the strength to walk away.
Hours later, she and Ella went together to visit Freddy. Until then, Flora had kept herself together, but when she saw his body, with his possessions folded neatly on top of it, she turned and ran.
Holding her skirt, she ran and ran and didn’t stop until she reached the cliff edge, where she fell onto the cold, damp grass and beat it with her fists. Her tears mingled with her snot, her throat rasped out terrible screams as she denied God, and the Devil, and all mankind.
When she fell quiet, Ella’s voice came to her. ‘Flors, my poor Flors.’
‘Oh, Ella, Ella. How am I going to let Aunt Pru hear this, without me being there? I want to tell her myself. I want to take Freddy back with me.’
‘That’s won’t be possible, Flors. He will be buried here, with his fellow soldiers. We will give him a good send-off, eh? For your Aunt Pru’s sake.’
‘But I don’t want her to get that awful telegram. I don’t . . .’
‘I know, but it will be out of your hands. It is the official way, and that’s how it will be done. Write at once to her, Flors, so that your letter gets to her soon after.’
‘I want to go back. Oh, Ella, I want to go back.’ Her sobs brought the words out, but Flora knew they were not just because of her sorrow. She couldn’t stay here – she had to be with her Alice and her Aunt Pru.
‘I don’t think anyone would stop you, Flors, and I think it is the right thing for you to do. Your emotions are worn ragged, with all you have on your plate. We can’t always help ourselves by helping others, and you will be needed at home. Let me help you up.’
The last post sounded all around Flora, but didn’t touch the thick wall she’d put up around herself to shield her from what was happening. A row of coffins sat in a long grave. Freddy’s was the fourth one along. In his hand he held a locket, with a picture of his ma in it, and laid on his chest was a wreath of wild flowers that she and Ella had made.
Moving forward at the bidding of the chaplain, Flora picked up a handful of earth. The noise it made as it hit Freddy’s coffin shuddered through her. But she turned and walked with dignity to stand by Ella’s and Jim’s side. They manoeuvred her between them and both put their arms around her, but neither spoke.
Her bags were packed, and tomorrow she would board the ship for home.
She’d done all she could for the war effort; now it was time to be with her family.
Chapter Twenty-Three
It seemed to Flora that her Aunt Pru had shrunk. Her body was bent over, and her stature was that of a woman in her sixties rather than one approaching her forties. Never an overweight person, Pru had little fat that she could afford to lose, but the pain of her loss had ravished her body and left her almost skeletal.
They clung together on the station. Flora had been surprised to see Pru there, waiting to meet her.
‘I couldn’t go another minute, Flora, without seeing you. Rowena is watching Alice. By, she’s grown, and she’s crawling everywhere and into everything.’
‘I shouldn’t have left – I know that now. I could only see my own pain and wanted to rid myself of it, but I haven’t. I’ve added to it.’
‘I’m glad you went. My Freddy didn’t die alone, like them other poor lads you told me of. That gave me a lot of comfort to know that he was in your arms, lass.’
‘Dear Aunt Pru, I’m so sorry. So very sorry.’
‘Aye. Well, don’t start me blubbing here, lass. Let’s get home. Little Alice needs us, and we need her. She’s kept me going, I can tell you. Without her to care for, I’d have gone mad.’
They linked arms and walked through the usual crowd of young soldiers and older ones, and wives kissing them goodbye. Flora couldn’t think about what they all had to face. She just wanted to get home.
When they reached Rowena’s house, Flora’s heart was in her mouth. ‘Do you think Alice will know me? Will she want to come home with me?’
‘Aye, she’ll know you. I sewed that photo of you onto the tummy of her favourite teddy, and she is always kissing you and saying, “Mama”.’
The tears threatened, but Flora swallowed them down. When the door opened, Rowena stood there, with Alice in her arms. ‘Well, you’re home, love, and welcome – so welcome. We’ve missed you. Look, Alice: Mama.’
Alice held her head down shyly. Her eyes looked up into Flora’s face. Flora wanted to grab her and hold her to her, but she waited. Alice looked from her teddy to Flora and then whispered, ‘Mama?’
‘Yes, darling. Mama’s back.’
Alice put her arms out and stretched towards her. Dropping her bag, Flora took hold of her. ‘I’m sorry, my darling, so sorry I left you. Forgive me.’ As she spoke, she kissed Alice’s face and neck and cuddled her to her. There was no resistance from her daughter. ‘Oh, Alice, I’m home . . . I’m home.’
Two more pairs of arms came around her, and at that moment she felt so loved. What did it matter that her parents had rejected her – what did any of it matter? She had a family; she had the best family she could possibly have.
‘I’m staying at yours, Flora.’ They were in a cab on the way to Flora’s home. ‘I’ve looked after it all for you, and I took me bedding over these last three weeks, to get Alice used to being in her own home again. But I can’t go back to my own place, not yet. I want to stay with you.’
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way, Aunt Pru. We need each other.’
‘I’ll want to hear all about how me Freddy went, but not yet. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.’
Flora didn’t answer; she only hoped that when Pru was ready, she would be, too.
‘There’s a surprise for you on the table, when you get in.’
‘Oh, Aunt Pru, have you been baking?’
‘Naw. I’ve not done owt like that since I heard. Though I’ve fed Alice of course, and taken care of all her needs.’
‘You have to eat, dear Aunt Pru, you have to build your strength up.’
‘I can’t. Me lovely Freddy can’t, so I can’t.’
A tear fell silently down Aunt Pru’s face. All Flora could do was to squeeze her hand, as the sleeping Alice held her arms captive.
The surprise on the table made Flora squeal with joy, like she thought she would never squeal again. There was a pile of letters, tied with a red ribbon.
‘Shush, now, you’ll wake Alice from her nap, and she can be a grumpy thing if she does
n’t have her sleep.’
Flora’s breath caught in her lungs. ‘Tell me that they are what I think they are, Aunt Pru!’
‘Aye. They are. They all came together, about five days ago. They were tied with string, but I found that bit of ribbon. Give Alice to me, and you take the letters to your room. I’ll put her in her cot and make us a pot of tea.’
Sitting on her bed, Flora kissed the bundle before untying it. She checked the postage, but there were no clues as to which one to read first, so she opened them all and spread them out. The first had been written just after Cyrus’s capture and told of his anguish, not for himself, but for her. He said the camp was not fully built and they were to work on building it, but he welcomed that, as he wanted to be busy.
Later letters showed how he was counting the months to the birth of their child, and then that he knew the birth had taken place and longed for news.
The next one told her that he’d received her parcel, and how his heart had swelled to know that he was the father of a baby girl.
None of them told her much about his life, except for the boredom that he suffered, and the agony of not being with her. But they all spoke of his love. And so beautifully expressed that she could almost hear his voice.
‘Oh, Cyrus. My Cyrus.’ With the letters held to her breast, she could feel him in the room with her. Though she wanted to curl up in a ball and cry and cry, she gained strength from them. She had a job to do. She had to help Aunt Pru, and she had to be a mother to Alice – a proper mother, nothing like her own mother – and never going away and leaving her again. A tinge of shame coloured her cheeks. How had she made such a decision, and what would Cyrus think of her?
She’d make it up to Alice, and to Aunt Pru. And she would beg Cyrus to forgive her for abandoning their child.
In the days that followed, getting to know her little girl gave Flora the lift she needed, but her worry for her Aunt Pru increased. More than once she’d heard her vomiting and had rushed to her side.
