by E. K. Blair
No, no, no!
I shake my head, and he moves quickly to kiss the corner of my mouth, looking me in the eyes, forcing his words deep inside of me, saying, “That was our baby. My baby.”
Frantically, I cling my arms around him, needing him to stay with me, but he pulls back, telling me, “I’m not losing you. I love you too much, but that fucker is going to pay.”
I start clawing at the tube in my mouth, yanking it out of my throat, but begin gagging and choking as I watch him walk out of the room.
Declan, NO! You’re not a monster; don’t do this! Come back!
I thrash my body up, and I shriek through my gagging when the pain from my broken ribs shoots through me like a virulent fire. The machines are going wild, beeping and flashing, and two nurses rush into the room as I try ripping the tubes and wires away from me.
DECLAN!!!
“Hold still. You need to calm down,” the nurse scolds, but I can’t. He’s going to kill him. He can’t kill him.
He can’t.
Choking against the breathing tube, I’m pinned down as the one nurse removes it, and once it’s out, I wail in utter pain, scratching out a dreadful cry, “Declan!! NO! Stop him!”
“Who?”
“Please!” I belt out, but I’m still pinned down, and when I see the syringe, I freak. “No! Don’t! Please!!”
And in an instant, I’m a boulder, sinking like a thousand pounds, deep into the bed. I fight the drifting and weep, body and voice growing weaker with every passing second. I cry, powerless to stop what is bound to happen. I can’t lose the Declan I know, the Declan I love, because if he does this, he’ll never be the same. And in the end, I’ll have no one to blame but myself.
What have I done?
When I can’t hang on any longer, I slip under into a desolate sedation.
Alone.
TWO DAYS LATER
When I woke from my sedation, only a few hours had passed. And when the police came to inform me that my husband had been murdered in our home—shot two times in the head—I needed to be sedated again. Knowing what Declan had done—for me—pushed me over the edge.
Guilt . . .
I haven’t heard from him or seen him. I miss him. I worry about him. I’m scared for him. I haven’t called him because I’m scared to draw any attention, but I’ve texted him using the app on my phone that he gave me. There’s been no response though. Pike has been missing too. So here I am, having no idea what to do, and I’m all alone in a life I no longer want.
I couldn’t go home when I was discharged from the hospital this morning; I was too scared of what I would see. The police told me that one of the building’s residents made the call to 911 after hearing gunshots. There was no sign of forced entry though, and the police confiscated Bennett’s computer and files, among other things, as they move forward in the investigation.
So now I sit here in a hotel room, staring out the window, looking down on a city full of people, but I’ve never felt so isolated.
Where’s Declan? Why hasn’t he come for me?
I’ve been doing nothing but crying. People assume I’m mourning the loss of Bennett, but I’m not. The sick part of me is content with his death. My tears are for my baby and Declan. Never have I been so close to my fairytale ending, and now I hang by a thread while I wait for any type of contact from Declan. I’ve been looking for signs, signs that Carnegie told me were everywhere, but I can’t see beyond the pain of what I have lost so far and the birth of hatred for my brother. The one who promised me that he would always protect me and would fight forever to give me happiness. And then the moment I come within reach of that, he rips it away. I don’t know if I could ever forgive him for what he did, because now, all I can do is wish for his death. At the same time, a part of me needs him. To know I still have someone here on this Earth.
What if I lost it all? What if nobody comes for me?
The misery that thought produces overpowers all the aches my body feels from Pike’s beating. I couldn’t believe what he did to me when I finally saw my reflection in the mirror. My first instinct was to cover my face, but then I realized I have no one to hide from. It’s only me.
A pounding on the door startles me, and when I rush over to look through the peephole, my stomach sinks and coils in fear but also relief.
“Pike,” I breathe when I open the door and wrap my arms around him, crying hard for all the fucked up emotions I feel for him. Love and hate, it’s a bitter mixture.
He kicks the door closed and holds me close before pulling back. His face is white in horror, hands shaking as he runs them through his hair.
“What’s going on? How did you find me?”
“I went to see you at the hospital, but you weren’t there, and when you weren’t at home, I started calling everywhere looking for Nina Vanderwal.” His voice is panicked as he speaks. “We have a huge problem.”
“What do you mean?”
Pike paces back and forth like a maniac, telling me, “Declan knows.”
“Knows what?”
He turns to face me, on the verge of completely losing it, when he says, “About you. He knows your name. He’s knows you’re Elizabeth.”
“What?! How?” I go stiff, and my first thought is that I’ve already lost him. Pike doesn’t give me much time to think though as he continues.
“I don’t know, but when I was driving home earlier this morning, that fucker was waiting for me at the trailer.”
“Shit! What did he say?”
“Nothing. I saw him, knew exactly who it was, and drove off, never stopping. I went straight to Matt’s place and he said that some guy with an accent had called him the day before asking questions about you and me.”
“Oh my God,” I say, unable to catch my breath. “How does he know?”
“Don’t know, but you’ve gotta get rid of him. He knows too much. He could already be on his way to the police.”
“No,” I blurt out, trying to scramble my thoughts together. “He wouldn’t do that, would he? I mean, he’s the one who killed Bennett.”
“Are you willing to put your trust in a man you’ve only known for a few months, a man you conned, a man you drove to murder someone? This is no joke. You could go to prison if this got uncovered.”
The rampant fear running through me causes me to go lightheaded and I have to sit down. I can’t even think straight as I stare at the floor, trying to think of all the ways he could’ve found out. But the dagger here is how I deceived him and what he must be thinking, coming to the realization that he probably just killed a man for nothing but a lie—because that’s exactly what he just did.
“Elizabeth, you can’t sit here and wait. You have to go find him.”
“And do what?” I question as I look up at him.
He stands next to the couch where I sit, and with determination in his eyes, he says, “You have to kill him.”
“No.” I snap, jumping off the couch, and the pain from my ribs twinges and causes me to stumble. Pike just stands there, unmoving as he watches me. And with my hand clenched around my side, I argue, “No. I’m not doing that.”
“You don’t have a choice! Are you not hearing me? He knows about us.”
“I can’t kill him, Pike. I won’t do it.”
“Cut the shit and wake up! You’re not understanding what this could do to you,” he shouts.
“I love him.”
“You don’t. And in the end, you’re gonna see that you just got caught up in this fantasy. A fantasy that you and I both created for you. But it’s not your life.”
“It was my life! And then you came in and took it all away!” I yell, losing my cool and letting my emotions take over. “I do love him, and he loves me. I was finally going to have everything I’ve ever wanted. We were making plans for us, for our baby, and you destroyed it all! I hate you! I fucking hate you, Pike!”
He doesn’t flinch at my words as he stands here. “We had a plan and that plan affected bot
h of us. Bennett needed to die—for you! If I didn’t do what I did, to push Declan over the edge, Bennett would still be alive and you’d never be able to forgive yourself for letting him go without any consequences for what he did to you.” He takes a step towards me, and his condescending tone on his next words do nothing but fuel my hate, not only for him, but for everything my life is. “Do I need to remind you about how Carl would rape you, piss on that mattress, and force you to lay in it while he pounded his filthy dick inside of you?”
“Fuck you!” I shriek as I start throwing fists into him, frantically beating him in the swarm of pure, seething fire.
He quickly grabs my wrists, forcing me down to the couch, and with his face in mine, hisses, “Either you kill him or I will.”
“Pike, no! Maybe he won’t do anything at all. Maybe he’s scared and will keep his mouth shut,” my words tumbling out, giving him weak reason after weak reason, but I’m desperate.
“A scared man wouldn’t have shown up to my place alone,” he says before letting go of me and walking to the door.
I lurch off the couch and throw my body against him, trying to knock him down, but in a flash, he turns and strikes his fist against my already battered face. The force of his punch sends me stumbling back and falling down. By the time I can get up on my feet, he’s gone.
“Shit!”
Adrenaline pumps its fury into my system, numbing all of my body’s pains as I run to the bedroom and grab my keys. Running out of the room, I waste no time with the elevator as I make a mad dash down the stairs, flight after flight after flight, until I finally make it to the lobby. My throat burns with each breath as I run to my car. Pike is nowhere in sight, and when I pull out of the garage, I have two choices: Lotus or River North. I make the quick decision to try Declan’s loft first, praying to anyone who will listen to me that he’s there and Pike isn’t. I fly through the busy streets, running stop signs and ignoring the red lights I hit.
“Fuck!” I bite out when I drive by Pike’s car parked a block down from Declan’s building.
Slamming on my brakes when I reach the front of the building, pain pierces my battered body as I run like hell, fumbling with the keycard Declan gave me, and when the elevator opens, I pound the button for his floor over and over as my body quakes in dread and anxiety.
“Come on, come on, come on. COME THE FUCK ON!” I scream with each floor we pass, and as soon as I hit the top floor, two rapid gunshots fire, echoing as the doors slide open.
Speaking isn’t even a possibility as I run out and into Declan’s living room where I see Pike charging through the loft and then look down at a massive puddle of blood pooling underneath the lifeless body of my prince.
A disgustingly vulgar shriek rips straight from the core of my heart as I run to Declan, falling to my knees in his blood. Touching his face, I try to take in the beauty of this perfectly sculpted man as I wail painfully over him.
“I’ve got it,” I hear Pike say as he rushes back into the room, shoving a file inside of his jacket. Pike’s hands are on me quick, pulling me back as I fight against him, screaming and crying. “We have to go!” he urges in a panic.
But I can’t speak; the agony is choking me into screeching cries filled with sharp gravel.
“Come on! We have to go. NOW!”
I cover Delcan’s body with mine, sealing my lips to his in a breathless kiss as the life drains out of him.
And then . . .
The touch is lost.
Pike has his arms banded around my chest as he lifts me off the floor and starts running.
“Let me go!” I scream, wincing against the pain of my injuries, as I thrash my arms, kicking, trying helplessly to fight my way out of his grip.
“We have to go before the cops get here.”
Pike slams through a door, and when we get into the stairwell, he sets me down and pins me against the wall, keeping his hands locked on me.
“Listen to me,” he says in a whispered grunt. “Pull yourself together before we both wind up in prison.”
“You killed him!” I cry, my words bleeding through the jagged fractures of my heart.
“To save us. I killed him to save us,” he defends. “You need to calm down and focus. Look into my eyes and focus.”
I do.
“You with me?” he asks.
I don’t respond when he adds, “I need you with me, okay? I’m all you have. Listen to me. I need you to do exactly what I say.” His words are frantically rushed. “Get in your car. Go home, pack a couple bags, and meet me at the trailer. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t speak to anyone. Got it?”
“What are we going to do?”
“We’re running. Don’t fuck around, Elizabeth. Now come on, we have to go!”
And he’s right, if we don’t get out of here now, our lives will be over. So in a mindless rush of fight or flight, I thoughtlessly fly down the stairs, covered in Declan’s blood as I flee towards a freedom I’m not sure even exists.
But I run anyway.
My hands clench the steering wheel, covered in the crimson life of the one man I thought could save me from me. But maybe people like me aren’t supposed to be saved. Maybe I’m just destined to bear the weight of the demons that lurk among the good.
When I arrive back at the penthouse, walking through the door as only one, no longer having my beacon of hope growing inside of me, I begin to wonder: What’s the point? I couldn’t even protect the baby that was supposed to be safe from this world. Life’s cruel joke of finally giving me something pure and holy, just to have it ripped away from me in an instant.
I don’t waste any time though, running straight to the bedroom, the smell of Bennett everywhere. I wonder if he’s watching me right now, laughing at the downfall, enjoying my suffering. The bile rises, and I begin slinging clothes in a mad haze into a bag, not even paying attention to what I’m throwing in. Simply moving for the sake of moving, but the actions are entirely thoughtless as the bitterness of my tears leak out and eat through my skin, burning their way back into me. Like a metaphor, reminding me that no matter what I do, I won’t ever escape this pain because the moment my body tries to release it, it soaks it right back up.
Fucking life. I hate you.
The world is nothing but a whirlwind of colors and flashing lights, swirling around me as I run back down to my car, not knowing what the next move is—where I go from here—what life holds for me now. Tossing my bag into the back of my car, I look over to the Rover next to it—Bennett’s car. And I think, if Bennett is laughing at me right now, does he deserve to be?
Probably so.
I don’t know how anyone could be more pathetic than I am right now.
Maybe I’ll show him how pathetic I can be; give him another reason to laugh at me.
I punch the security code on the door panel keypad and unlock the car. Opening the passenger door, I flip down the glove box and pull out the pistol that is always kept in there. I lock everything back up and toss the gun in the seat next to me as I pull out and head to Justice.
My thoughts are only on Declan as I drive, swerving around cars to get to a future I’m not sure wants me anymore. All I see are vibrant, green eyes, his beautiful smile that reached them, creating a fan of wrinkles in the corners. The contours of his shoulders and arms, the shoulders I would cling to and the arms he would soothe me with. His touch was unlike any other. Strong, comforting, warm, healing. His soul giving me a hope that maybe I could find happiness, and when I finally realized I had, and that it all rested inside of his heart, albeit tortured itself, he was able to give me something no one else has ever been able to do—something to look forward to.
I pull up to Pike’s trailer, a place I used to find solace because I knew he was always on the other side of that door. Now I fear what’s waiting for me behind it. But maybe it’s the fear I need to find my freedom.
Slipping the gun into the back waistband of my pants, I head inside.
“Finally.
I was beginning to worry,” he says as he walks over to the window and peers out. “Anyone see you or follow you?”
“No one saw me,” I murmur as I fight the need to fall to the floor and sob like a baby. Instead I stand, mournfully numb.
“Why the fuck are you still covered in his blood?! For fuck’s sake, Elizabeth! Go clean that shit off of you.”
Looking down at my hands, they continue to shake; the life of Declan, crusted in now splintering pieces of browning carmine. I walk, almost robotically to the bathroom and close the door. My image, reflected in the mirror, is frightening. Bruises and a split lip remain from Pike’s beating, but the ugliness is adorned with Declan’s blood. It’s smeared across my lips and chin, the remainders of our kiss. The kiss of death. Sticking out my tongue, I lick it off, getting one last taste of that life, of that death. My death.
I turn the faucet on, but I can’t bring myself to wash off the blood. To take the lasting elements and watch them go down the drain of this filthy sink. Maybe I’m twisted, but the thought of licking every last drop of his dried blood off of me, like an animal, delights me. Taking him and making a home for him deep inside of me.
So I walk out, back into the living room where Pike has his bags tossed on the floor. He turns to look at me, cocking his head, and giving me a look of sympathy as he walks over to me.
“You can do this,” he says softly, taking his hands and stroking my upper arms. I’m not sure how I’m even breathing at this point with the noose that’s strangling me, slowly inching its way up, and any second, my neck will snap with a delicious sound, taking me to Wonderland.
“I love you. You know that, right?” he says gently.
“Yeah,” I sigh. I know he does. But Pike is a vile human, just like me, and the love we have for each other is infected with a sickness that only we know. “I love you too.”
“I need you to clean yourself before we leave.”
“I don’t want to,” I whimper like a child.
“I know. But it’s over. And we don’t have time to think about how it feels right now. More than ever, I need you to shut yourself off long enough to get the hell out of here.”
