by Jake Bible
Got to make a choice here. Tunnel or basement?
Fuck me.
"Hold up," I call as I hurry into the tunnel after Inez.
I get a few feet then skid to a stop. I look back at the opening where the shower stall goes. Hey. Look at that. The back of the shower stall has handles. Like for pulling.
So I pull. Don't have to worry about the basement Zs coming after my ass now. That way is closed.
"Inez?" I whisper, but there ain't no answer.
The metal bars are gripped tight in my hands and I take a few deep breaths to center myself. This is something the sisters have taught me to do. I can get worked up and sometimes rush into things. They say to breathe deep and get centered so you don't make no mistakes. I probably already made one by following Inez, so I don't need to be making any more.
My eyes adjust to the darkness. So do my ears. The tunnel gets louder as I tilt my head one way then the other to pick up as many sounds as possible. I tune out my own footsteps, which ain't so loud since I can walk like a cat, if I want to. But right now, I don't want to. I want Inez to hear me coming. I also want anything else in here to hear me coming. It'll draw out any Zs.
And it'll make any humans careless because they'll think they're hunting me, not me hunting them. And I'm always hunting them. Always and shit.
No Inez. No weapons except for a couple metal bars. No idea where my sisters are or if they are trying to find me. No clue where this stupid tunnel leads. I don't like it.
After about fifty yards, I see small pricks of light spill out from above. I squint up at them and smile. I'm under the street. It's about twenty feet above me and the light is coming down through cracks in the pavement. No idea what street it is, but I'd hate to be driving on it with a heavy truck. That shit'll fall right through.
The light is messing with my eyes, so I close them and walk a few feet before opening them back up. Gets me adjusted to the gloom again. A few more feet and I hear water running. That's different. This is New Mexico. Water ain't easy to come by around here. But you never know what's under the ground.
I come to a junction and look at five different ways to go. Six ways, if you count where I'm standing. There's a stream of water running from one way to the other, but the rest are bone dry. The stream ain't so big, maybe four feet across and probably a foot or two deep, running in some man-made trench.
Is this a sewer? Am I in a sewer? That'd be dumb if it was because then sewer stuffs would flow down the tunnel and into Inez's place.
Where the hell is that crazy bitch? Yeah, I've gotten to the calling her a crazy bitch point. If she wants to play hide and seek in sewer tunnels then she's getting called a crazy bitch.
I walk the entire junction and listen at each opening. The only noise I hear is water running from the two that have the stream. The rest are silent. No footsteps, no Inez. Crazy bitch has led me into something that I ain't liking so much and she is going to regret it.
I have no idea where the other tunnels lead, but water usually has a way out, so I decide to follow the water. There's about two feet of walking space on each side of the stream. It's like a sidewalk, but with moldy-looking gunk on it and slick as shit. Gotta watch my footing as I follow the stream down the dark tunnel. And it is fucking dark. No points of light from above in this stupid ass tunnel.
Deep breaths, deep breaths. Get my shit centered.
Even with pretty good night vision, there's still a trick to walking around in the dark. The trick is you turn your head. I learned this from Foster back in Kramer's mad science lair, after he was driven out. Your eyes can see better from the side. Charlie explained it to me once that it was because of cones and rods. I made a joke about his rod which he didn't like. Greta laughed, though, so I got points for that.
I count off my steps in my head. I almost count them out loud, but that would let the folks know I'm coming. What folks? The folks that are waiting for me because Inez has led me into a trap. I totally call bullshit on the crying and begging to be taken with crap. This is a stinking trap. Someone is going to try to grab me or tackle me or sneak up behind me and hit me with a baseball bat.
I don't think anyone's gonna shoot me. This trap don't feel firearmsy. I don't how I know, but I do. Just trust me.
Football field. That's how long I'm walking before I hear the first signs that I ain't alone. Someone is close. They ain't up on the sidewalk with me. No. They're in the stream, swimming under the surface, pacing me. I can hear them pop up now and again.
Another half a football field and I'm bored.
"Just come on out," I say. "I know you're there. You make drippy drippy sounds when you come up to breathe."
They don't respond. I don't expect them to. Creepy people in water ain't gonna respond. Not their way. They'll just wait me out and attack at some point. I bet there's like three or four of them up ahead. The frog guy following me is probably a distraction. Too bad for all these people that I don't give a shit about distractions or traps.
I'll just throw down when it's time to throw down.
I walk another half a football field length and wait for it. I can feel air breezing by. There's an opening somewhere close and that's where they're waiting. Drip drip behind me and air in front of me. It's gonna go down soon and gonna go down fast.
The metal bars in my hands are slick with my sweat and the damp from the tunnel. I stop and tear off a couple strips of my shirt and wrap them around the ends so I can get a better grip. Ain't no fun to have your weapons go slipping out of your hands when you're killing some crazies. And that's what these folks are. They're crazies, for sure. Luring people down tunnels and following in sewer streams. That's crazy.
Light.
I can see it ahead. Maybe that's where the air is coming from, not from some side opening. I keep walking and soon come to a bend in the tunnel. I'd have missed it and stepped right into the stream if there wasn't more light to see by. When I get around the bend, I stop and blink a few times.
The tunnel ends. Ends with a heavy grate that's pouring water right into some culvert thingy. Looks like a lot of concrete outside the tunnel. Man-made, not a natural stream.
Drip drip, scrape. Froggy is coming out of the stream. I grip my bars tighter and keep moving towards the grate. I gotta know what I'm dealing with.
The grate is solid. Half-inch iron bars with just enough room to stick an arm through. I don't do that. No point. The grate's on hinges, so I know it can open, but the rusty lock on it tells me I ain't opening it anytime soon. Not with Froggy coming at me fast.
I spin and land a solid blow to Froggy’s head. She screams and falls into the stream. It's a girl. Teenager, from the quick look I get before she goes under. I stand on the sidewalk ledge, my back to the grate, and wait for her to come up. I keep waiting. Teenage girl don't come up.
"What the shit?" I mumble and step closer to the stream. I know, I know, this is where she leaps out and grabs me.
But she don't do that. I don't know where she is.
I step away from the stream and put my back to the grate again. My eyes are all messed up because of the light from outside, so trying to see anything down the tunnel is impossible. Maybe there? Way down there I see a glint of light off metal? Maybe. Can't say for sure.
Is that a scuffle of shoes? The stream is loud as it empties into the culvert, the water dropping a few feet before hitting the new stream outside. Makes it hard to hear anything else.
Nope. There. Yeah, there. I see a shadow. Someone's standing down the tunnel. A couple of someones.
"Come on then!" I yell. "This is stupid! Come at me or fuck off!"
No answers.
I'm about to say more, but it gets hard to when a rope goes around my neck and squeezes tight. I drop the bars and grab the rope. Some son of a bitch is outside the grate! They snuck a rope in and dropped it down around my head! Shit fucking asshole shitfuckers!
My fingers dig at the rope as the rope digs at my neck. I feel my nails tearing in
to my skin as I squeeze them between the rope and my throat. I yank as hard as I can and gasp as air fills my lungs before a heavy weight pulls back on the rope and the air is cut off again.
The shadows down the tunnel rush at me. They are a lot closer than I thought since they are dressed all in black. Tunnel ninjas! Fucking tunnel ninjas!
I want to yell that at them, since that's what Long Pork would have done and I miss him, but I can't squeeze out no words. I barely get my head turned and I can see Froggy Girl behind me, her whole body braced against the grate, her arms pulling the rope tight, tight, tight.
Well, I still got a trick up my sleeve. Not really up my sleeve. It's on my belt.
I pull my knife and slash at the rope just as the shadows reach me. I take a blow to the gut from a table leg that's been made into a club. I grunt, but fall to my knees and avoid the next hit as the rope around my neck is sliced away by my knife. It's a sharp fucking knife.
Froggy Girl cries out as she's sent falling into the culvert outside. That's what happens when you put all your weight in one place. That place being my throat. There's a loud splash and one of the tunnel ninjas looks past me and cries out.
"Inez!" the tunnel ninja shouts.
Huh? Inez? That wasn't Inez. I saw Inez and she was a lot older than Froggy Girl. Which is what I'm going to call her because I ain't calling her Inez when she ain't Inez. That's stupid talk.
The first tunnel ninja, the one that hit me with the table leg, brings it up high like she is going to smash me. Yeah, it's a she. I can see boob mounds under her black shirt. She's also a total rookie when it comes to fighting. With that table leg up high, she's left herself wide open.
Wide open for me to slash her belly and let her guts spill out all over the sidewalk ledge. She screams and drops the table leg which I catch in my free hand. As she screams, I sweep her legs with the table leg and send her into the stream. The other tunnel ninja, the one that shouted at Froggy Girl, screams too and reaches for her ninja buddy. Yep, she's a girl too. I know that not just because I hear her screechy voice, but because I can see more boob mounds.
Boob mounds. That's funny.
The second tunnel ninja gets a knife to the side of her neck as she reaches for tunnel ninja one. Blood spurts across my face and she falls into the stream after her friend. Her body gets pushed up against the grate then goes under. Not just under the water, but under the grate. I watch as her body falls into the culvert and joins her friend's.
Neither of them is moving, so I guess my knife did the trick. I wipe it off and slip it back into its sheath then find my metal bars and tuck those into my belt. Once I know they're secure, I take a deep breath and jump into the stream. I was right, it's only two feet deep.
I grab onto the grate as the stream pushes at my legs. I let my legs get swept away and I feel them go under the grate without a problem. The bars have been cut loose below the water line. More of those amazing deep breaths and I swing my legs under, duck my top back, and let the stream carry me out into the culvert.
It would be nice if it was an easy drop, but this being the apocalypse and shit, there's debris in the culvert. My ass hits hard on something and I go all the way underwater. A quick twist and I see an old car upside down at the bottom of the culvert. My ass hit a rotten tire.
There're two Zs inside the upside-down car, still strapped into their seats. They ain't got no eyes left, but the thump from my ass must have woken them up because they're reaching out the broken windshield at me. Keep reaching, Zs, keep reaching.
I let the culvert stream carry me for a while. It's good to rest the bod. My gashy shoulder hurts and my throat is sore from Froggy Girl's rope. Time to just relax and go for a ride.
My head is above water and I constantly spin myself around to make sure I ain't being hunted. I don't see a soul. Don't mean there ain't somebody watching, just means they ain't close enough for me to see them.
The sun is hot as shit and it starts to cook my head. I pull off my tank, which ain't easy to do when you're floating down a culvert stream, and wrap it around my skull so I don't get fried. Feels nice and cool.
The tunnel ninja bodies have washed up along the side of the culvert, caught on some sticks and shit, so I paddle over and pull myself up onto the concrete edge by them. The heat sucks at the water on my body and I figure I'll be bone dry in less than an hour the way the sun is cooking.
It takes me a couple of minutes to pull the bodies out of the water, but I'm glad I do. One of them has a sweet pocket knife in her black pants. Thumb-flipper kind. Sharp as shit. I tuck that away and search the other tunnel ninja, but she's got nothing on her. Well, except for her guts. She's got that shit all over her.
The tunnel ninjas aren't as old as Inez. They're older than Froggy Girl, but not by much. Maybe late teens? Early twenties? Younger than me. I think. Pa always celebrated my birthday, but it wasn't my real birthday. My sisters say they know my real birthday, but birthdays don't mean shit anymore. Why the hell would they? Ain't no cake left.
Done searching the bodies, I stand and stretch. Heat feels good on my bare skin. Got my shirt on my head, so my torso is all naked and shit. I keep stretching and turn around, ready to climb up out of the culvert.
"Hello," Inez says from the top of the concrete. She's got a few friends with her. They all have firearms. No more table leg clubs.
Well, shit.
Chapter Five
"You're a good actor," I say.
"Community theatre for ten years before the Zs showed up," Inez replies.
"You want me to clap, bitch?" I ask. "Because I ain't." I glare at her. "What you gonna do now?"
"It was supposed to be easier than this," Inez says.
"Why the hell would you think that?" I ask, crossing my arms. Not because I want to cover my bare tits, but because I'm annoyed and I cross my arms when I'm annoyed. I could give two fucks who's staring at my tits. Stare away, shitfuckers! "You saw me take down those Zs outside your place. With a fucking lamp. You think some living flesh is going to be harder? You're dumb as a Z if you think that."
"She's a strange one, Inez," one of the other women says. They are all women. All of them. The talking one has a shotgun aimed at my belly. "Too independent. Dangerous. We should leave her."
"No, Inez," Inez says. "She is a fit for us. I had hoped she would submit to Inez and we wouldn't have to be here."
Huh?
"Hold the shitfuck on," I say. "Which one of you is Inez?"
"We are," they all say together.
I do not like it when crazies talk like they're one person. Freaky shit. Super freaky.
I take my tank off my head and shake it. I make a long show of this, hoping all eyes are on the shirt. I glance up, but all eyes are on me, waiting. I put my tank on and give them a thumbs up.
"I'm leaving," I say as I clamber up the edge of the culvert and stand right in front of the first Inez. The one I met in the basement. Inez One. "You chicks is nuts and shit. Adios. That means goodbye in Spanish."
"No," Inez One says, a rifle in her hand, the barrel jammed into my hip as I try to squeeze by. "You are staying."
The others—all Inezes?—move in close and there's no way I'm getting out of here without taking a few down. I don't want to take any of them down. Too easy. Not fair for them.
"Take her knife," Inez One says. "And those bars. I shouldn't have let her have them."
"No, you shouldn't," Inez Two says, the one with the shotgun that spoke before.
A different Inez grabs my knife from my belt and I start to grab for her, but end up with six shotguns in my face. Okay, maybe not too easy. But not hard.
A stand of scrub brush rustles and two chicks dressed as tunnel ninjas walk out with Froggy Girl between them. They are helping her walk as she coughs and gags.
"She almost drown," one of the women says. "Barely got her out of the river in time."
I look behind me. "That's a river?" I laugh. "That's not a river."
"
We call it a river," Inez Two says. "So it's a river."
"Whatever, Heather," I say.
"What? My name is not Heather," Inez Two says.
"It was a rhyme," I reply.
"Shitty rhyme," she spits back.
I shrug. "I don't make the rules."
"We should kill her," Inez Two insists. There are more than a couple agreeing voices. "She killed two Inezes and almost killed this one. We cannot take her with us."
"We will bring her around to our ways," Inez One says. "We always do. She can help take the town back."
I shake my head and Inez One frowns. Well, the bitch was already frowning, so I guess she scowls. Is that it? Scowl? Or is that something you wear on your head? No, that's a cowl. Right. Words. They're hard.
"You do not have a choice in this," Inez One says.
I snicker. It pisses her off.
"Stop that!" she yells and shoves me with the barrel of her rifle.
Looks like an AK-47 knock-off. Probably taken from one of the gun shops around here on Z-Day. Civilians don't know the difference. Doesn't matter. She won't keep it for long.
"Ow," I say and push the barrel away from me. Inez swings it back into place, which I knew she'd do, and I use the momentum to grab the rifle and wrench it out of the woman's hands.
I spin it around and have the tip of the barrel up Inez One's right nostril before anyone can even take a breath. Inez Two moves at me, her shotgun going for my head, but Inez One holds up a hand and she stops.
"I want to leave," I say. My voice is soft and sweet. Okay, it's not really, but I don't yell at her. No yelling from me means soft and sweet. "I am going to leave. That's what's going to happen. It's happening. Yes, it is. I am leaving. You all can fuck off and stay here. Do not follow me, do not try to take me down. You make a move and I kill you all."
