“I guess what you really need to ask yourself is whether you think the possible hurt could be worth the pain. When I ask you this next question I want you to be impulsive, don’t think, just answer, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Would you regret not giving her this chance?”
Without even knowing I was going to say it, I whispered, “Yes.”
“Then I guess you have your answer. Call her or message her now and tell her you’ll meet up with her. Don’t wait because you might just change your mind. You’ve been honest with yourself and you need to do this before you allow your fear of getting hurt stop you,” Doctor Fleur instructed.
“Okay, I will,” I answered with conviction. She was right, I had to do this or I’d always wonder what if.
“And, Emerson, no matter what happens down the line you need to know that a daughter doesn’t need to be good enough to make her mother stay. It’s the mother’s job to be good enough to stay and to always protect, love, and cherish her daughter, especially when she’s vulnerable,” she stressed.
“Is that your personal or professional opinion?” I quipped to hide how I felt. My dad and I had never spoken about it. The morning she’d left I’d asked my dad where she’d gone…the pain I’d seen in him made me never ask that question again. It had been the first time I’d seen him break down and cry in front of me.
I had planned on never letting it happen again. But the second time had been beyond my control. When I’d woken up in the hospital after I’d been assaulted, the first thing I had heard were muffled sobs. The first thing I had seen was him doubled over, his body shaking so hard, making the bed I was lying on shake, too. And the first thing I’d felt was how hard he’d been clutching my hand like he’d never let me go again.
So hearing someone else tell me that I hadn’t been the one to cause him to hurt like that eased some of the heaviness of my lingering self-doubt which had never really gone away, even when I’d grown older.
“It’s okay to feel relief in the knowledge that it wasn’t your fault she left, Emerson,” Doctor Fleur laughed, correctly identifying the reason for my deflection.
“Thanks, Doctor Fleur. I know I’ve never really said it or shown it before but you’ve helped me a lot, even when I didn’t want you to.”
“Is this your way of trying to get out of talking to me again? Because if it is, it isn’t going to work!” Doctor Fleur warned.
“Of course, it is, did you really think I meant what I said?” I lied, self-mockingly.
“All jokes aside, I’m happy you’re happy, Emerson. You deserve to be. Now make contact with your mother. I’ll call you next week,” she promised as she ended the call.
Biting down nervously on my lower lip I decided to text my mother, I wasn’t up for having a deep and meaningful conversation with her just yet. I also didn’t want to meet her anywhere near my dorm room or on campus. So that left neutral ground for a meet up, possibly a restaurant.
I want to give you another chance. Would you be free to meet up next Saturday for lunch?
Immediately I received a reply.
I would love to. Since you’re new to the city, Emerson, why don’t I choose the restaurant?
Sounds perfect to me, just nothing too fancy, and by fancy I mean anything requiring me to put on a decadent dress and heels because I don’t own either of those things!
That is clearly all my fault, but as your mother I intend on making good on showing you how to dress. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise you won’t regret this. I’ll let you know once I’ve chosen a place.
The weight in my chest eased a little, but still I felt uncertain and scared. I was opening myself up to the possibility of hurt. I wanted to erase my fear, I wanted to feel strong and courageous, and there was only one person who made me feel that way. Taking a chance, I decided to break protocol and message Hendrik. He usually initiated our meetings, but maybe this time he would let me take the reins.
Dear Mystery Guy Mr. Vasgård I don’t want to be alone tonight.
Are you seeking an invitation to my lair? - Miss Monsoon
Maybe. I replied.
That can be arranged. I do have something to take care of but it won’t take long. In the meantime, I’ll get Emelius to take you to my place.
I felt such a rush of thrilling exhilaration that had me clutching my stomach to try and still the butterflies. My skin felt alive, and I felt achy in a way I’d never felt before. Deciding to test his unbroken control I decided to tease him.
Blindfolded?
No. I have nothing to hide. But you’ve given me an idea and it involves you being blindfolded and in my bed.
Is that the price of admission into your lair?
It is now. Still interested in coming? Please excuse the innuendo.
I’m still not ready to go all the way.
I know, which is why you’ll be the one doing all the work. You did say you wanted to become acquainted with my body. Why not do it blindfolded?
You’re incorrigible.
I take it that’s not a no?
You’re just so irresistible, how can I deny you? I will be there.
You made sure you didn’t use the word coming, didn’t you? That’s why it took you so long to reply?
Dammit, he was good! I didn’t respond, but I’m sure my silence was telling enough.
“JAREK, YOU’RE UP,” I ordered as we approached the back door.
“Are you sure this is the right address? Why would they hide a witness in a mansion?” Jarek whispered back in disbelief.
“To fool unimaginative people like you,” Mikhail whispered back, rolling his eyes. “Let me do it.”
“No! Jarek’s quiet, your way of breaking in involves a lot of smashing and destruction,” I refused.
“Come on! That was one time. I was so drunk I couldn’t open the door so I got a bit frustrated.” With Mikhail’s attention on me, I gave Jarek a nod to proceed to open the door. He flashed me a grin then began to do his thing.
“Mikhail, you threw a brick through the window. If that wasn’t loud enough, you yelled ‘victory and I did it’. The police came and arrested you and they didn’t even need witnesses, because you’d incriminated yourself, right in front of them,” I commented continuing to distract him. Jarek almost had the door unlocked, he just needed a couple more seconds. “I couldn’t believe my ears when you were on the phone telling me you needed me to bail you out and were sorry that I had to waste one of my favors to get you out. But what was even worse was that you had gotten arrested trying to get into your own brand new house, and because you had no I.D. on you at the time no one believed you weren’t a burglar.”
“It’s not on my record, so technically it doesn’t count!” Mikhail rebutted pseudo angrily.
“But it counts to us. Both Hendrik and I have never gotten caught, and besides, what are we still doing out here when I’ve unlocked the door and disarmed the alarm already?” Jarek inquired nonchalantly, all the while wearing his signature smirk.
“You guys suck,” Mikhail said, his scowl coming out to play. He pushed past Jarek and proceeded to enter. “I get to do it next time,” he whispered fiercely.
I flashed Jarek a wink then entered behind Mikhail. “Sure,” I responded as if it was a foregone conclusion.
“Really?” Mikhail asked distrustfully.
“No,” I laughed quietly.
“What he really means is hell no,” Jarek correctly interpreted.
“I don’t even know why I put up with you two,” Mikhail sighed, leading the way. “I wish Sev was here so he could back me up.”
“You know, Sev wouldn’t take sides…he doesn’t like to get involved in our fights,” Jarek threw back after he’d checked that there was no one on the ground floor.
I overtook the two of them, not missing the death stare Mikhail was shooting at Jarek. Nonetheless, I knew they would both full in line behind me despite their little brotherly spat. I made my way up the stai
rs, pausing as I got to the top seeing a closed door with light peeking out from the bottom.
Seamlessly and smoothly Jarek stood on one side of the door and Mikhail on the other side. I gestured to the balcony at the end of the hall, which if I was right, connected to the room we wanted to get in. I then pointed to my comms telling them on my word to be ready to go in from their point of entry.
They both nodded their heads in affirmation, all businesslike forgetting their fight, which I knew they would continue having once this was all over. The only difference is Sev would be there to play peacemaker.
I opened the balcony door and stealthily made my way to the back doors of the room. On my way there I heard a loud, panicked male voice yelling. “Where are you? You told me I would have two men posted on me at all times. They left suddenly, telling me they would be back.” Taking a chance, I peeked in seeing that the man was facing away from me, but apart from that I saw he was alone.
“There’s one guy inside. No weapons in sight. Let’s go,” I ordered once the man had finished his conversation.
At the same time the three of us barged in. I heard the man yell “What the fuck?” I was about to respond but when I saw who he was, shock spread through my system like sound waves sweeping me from head to toe.
“Knulla,” I swore.
“That doesn’t sound good,” Mikhail commented, eyeing me wearily.
“You’ve known him for five years and you haven’t learned the language of his people?” Jarek questioned scornfully, but unlike Mikhail, his eyes were locked on the man in disbelief, too.
“And you have?” Mikhail replied, not cluing in. The man’s eyes were swiveling back and forth not knowing what was happening but having enough sense to shut up and listen.
“Just all the important words, those being the Swedish swear words, of course. And he said a really, really bad one,” Jarek shared. The man paled. While the three of us were unarmed, up against us he had no chance of escape.
“So who is he?” Mikhail asked taking a step toward the man who visibly flinched.
“He is Felix Ulrich, the man who is supposedly Ethan Vasco’s friend,” I shared, the last part more for Felix than anything, wanting to see how he’d react. Noting the brief look of regret on his face I knew that we could use it against him. “Ethan asked us to track you down because he wanted you to go on the stand for him, to defend him,” I emphasized as I drew closer. “What I want to know is why would you, his best friend, come forward as a witness saying he committed a crime he didn’t commit?” I fired at him.
“He did do it!” Felix shouted. “I saw him rape the girl with my own two eyes. I thought Ethan had changed but he hasn’t. He’s no innocent…don’t you know about his past? He did the same thing to two other girls years ago!” Felix cried with wild eyes.
“You. Are. Lying. Drop the act and tell me what’s going on,” I demanded. “You’re right, Ethan isn’t an innocent, but you aren’t God and neither am I. But I know he didn’t hurt Katia and if you do this, if you go on the stand and lie, you will regret this for the rest of your life. Just like I would if I didn’t tell you that what you’re doing is wrong.”
“I’m not lying,” Felix denied, getting red in the face, sweat beginning to pool on his brow. He was close to breaking, I just needed to push him a little but further.
I pulled the lamp on the bedside table beside me out from the socket and threw it against the wall next to Felix. He jumped, looking to Mikhail and Jarek to stop me but neither made any step to prevent my outburst.
“You have one last chance to tell me the truth,” I threatened. I wasn’t going to hurt him but he didn’t know that.
“I have no choice!” Felix broke, his chest heaving up and down. “They have my family, my wife and kids. If I don’t do this and see this through to the end then they’ll kill them!”
“Who are they?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he yelled.
“Felix,” I urged.
“I DON’T KNOW!” I got a phone call the night after Ethan stayed over at my place, I heard my wife begging me to do what they wanted, then she gave me a list of instructions,” he admitted as he brought a shaking hand up to his neck.
“Tell me her instructions, every single word,” I ordered.
“She said that I needed to go to the Justice Department and tell them that I had witnessed Ethan raping Katia. Then she gave me all these details, the location of where the girl had been raped, her injuries, basically all the information needed to make a case against Ethan. Since you’ve found me you’ve obviously read my report, everything I said was everything that I was told to say. I owe her this. She wouldn’t speak to me after I went to jail. Iced me out completely, but I deserved it. She wanted me to find a job instead I took the easy way out. There’s no chance of reconciliation, but I have to do this for my family. I have no choice. I don’t know who they are or why they are doing this but I need to make sure my family is safe. So I don’t give a damn about myself or my conscience, when I’m called up to the stand I’m going to lie,” Felix swore, looking me dead in the eye.
Helvete! This was much bigger than one man’s life. I had no clue what was going on but there was one thing I could do.
“I can help find the people who have taken your family. I can’t promise that your family won’t come to any harm but I’ll do my very best to make sure nothing happens to them,” I offered.
“No! No way!” Felix said shaking his head so hard that I thought he was going to hurt himself. “No, you can’t, because I won’t let you. This is my decision, my risk to take. They are my family and I am going to do whatever the hell they want and you aren’t going to do anything to stop me. What happens to them is on me. I’m sorry, but I can’t help Ethan, but I hope you can find another way to help him. Now you need to leave.”
I took a couple steps back, trying to show that I was going to back off but I needed him to know that he wasn’t alone.
“Felix, I know this is your play and I respect that you have to do what you have to do to keep your family safe. But if you ever change your mind and you want to take the help I’m offering you, come to The Den of Iniquity and give your name to the bouncers at the front, they will alert me. Before I go I need you to confirm that you’ll contact me if you need help,” I urged.
Felix looked at me, without a shred of hope, but I could see the light of a prayer in his eyes. I hoped his prayer wouldn’t go unanswered.
“I hope it doesn’t come to that, because coming to you would be my last resort. Just focus on helping Ethan,” Felix pressed.
I nodded. Seeing that he was about to ask us to leave again I went out the door so he didn’t have to. On the way back to our meeting point the three of us were all silent. We’d come tonight to find a witness and to find answers, but instead, Ethan’s chances of getting off were darker than ever.
Mikhail put his hand on my shoulder, halting me in my tracks. “Just wait a minute, are we really not going to track down who has his family?” Mikhail asked.
“Yes,” I responded.
“Is that all you have to say?” Mikhail said, his grip tightening on my shoulder.
“Mikhail, quit while you’re ahead and take your hand off Hendrik,” Jarek barked.
“Stay out of it, Jarek,” Mikhail ordered.
“It’s okay, Jarek,” I responded. “I get that Mikhail’s upset but he doesn’t get it. Mikhail, we can’t just mess with people’s lives unless they give us the authority to. Otherwise we become just like all those monsters that take a person’s free will from them, leaving them with no choice. I refuse to do that. There are some lines you just can’t cross. Do you think I don’t want to help him? Of course, I do! But if something happened to his family because we tried to save them and went against his wishes, how could you live with that? Tell me, Mikhail, because I honestly couldn’t. It’s not my choice to make. If you believe otherwise then I won’t stop you, but I will never support your decision to make an alre
ady dangerous situation nuclear,” I promised.
Mikhail looked at me with anguish. “There are kids involved,” he whispered.
I put both hands on his shoulders and squeezed, trying to absorb his pain. “I know, Mikhail. That’s why we have to exercise as much caution as possible. I told Felix that we would help if he asked. We have to let him try and do it his way first. We extended the offer, and in the meantime we can try and find another way to stop these people that doesn’t involve going through Felix. We aren’t giving up, we just have to find another way,” I repeated. “Get me?”
“I get you,” Mikhail whispered, releasing me, but I held on just a moment longer before I released him. Beside me I heard Jarek exhale in relief.
“I’m s—” Mikhail began.
“No, don’t apologize,” I overrode. “Just tell me you’re not going to go out on your own and take the darker path, because you can’t come back from that.”
“I’m going to be right where I’ve always been, next to you guys. I wasn’t thinking before, I was just feeling useless and angry,” Mikhail said, looking away.
“I know. Why do you think I didn’t let Jarek beat you up?” I joked.
“It’s a shame because I would have enjoyed it,” Jarek said, trying to lighten the mood. “What’s our next move, boss?”
“We take the rest of the night off and figure out another way,” I suggested.
“Since when do you take a night off?” Mikhail asked, shaking off his residual anger.
“It’s been a tough night,” I deflected. The truth was I was looking forward to going home to Emerson. Helvete! Not home to her, to her becoming acquainted with my body, I corrected.
“That’s not it,” Jarek said, looking at me as if trying to read my mind.
“Both of you let it go,” I ordered.
“It’s her, isn’t it?” Mikhail queried with a knowing smile on his lips.
“That’s what I was thinking, too,” Jarek smiled back. “It’s Emerson Monsoon, you’re seeing her tonight, aren’t you?”
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