“Well, it is now,” he said unbendingly.
“Shut up,” I ordered. I didn’t want to waste time fighting when I’d likely never get this chance again. “Just shut up and kiss me,” I demanded shakily. When he made no move to comply I immediately rethought the whole bossy act and I backtracked. “I mean, I would kiss you myself but I’d probably knock you o—”
There was no warning when his mouth landed on mine and there was no gentleness, no pretense, just raw, primal, unrestrained passion. I was rusty not having kissed someone since Jaxson, and Jaxson was a mere novice in comparison, which meant I had no idea what the hell I was doing.
His mouth withdrew from mine, and I cringed knowing that my lack of experience was telling. “If you’re thinking, then I must not be doing it right,” Hendrik said sardonically.
“No,” I chuckled apprehensively. It was either that or cry, and I’d already filled up my quota of crying for the year. “It’s not you, I just, I don’t know if I’m doing it right.”
“Open your mouth wider for me this time and follow my lead,” he trained. Instead I did it my way and used my hands to trace his lips then nibbled on his lower lip, getting a feel for him, then a taste as I licked them slowly, gaining confidence. Having had enough he took the advantage and did it his way, each kiss hotter than the one before. Eventually, instead of following his lead I teased my tongue against his, holding my own against his devastating onslaught.
Then when I couldn’t stay still any longer, I moved my hips in the same way my mouth was moving against his, instinct creeping in, a slow, burning heat setting in at the friction. Marveling at the aftershocks of ignited pleasure, I did it again and moaned.
“Emerson,” Hendrik’s voice reached my ears from my lust haze as he took his mouth off mine, freeing me to do something else I’d also wanted to do. I slid my hands from his shoulders to his neck, and then pushed his head back. I bent mine and placed a kiss right underneath his jaw liking the feel of his stubble rasping against my lips.
He growled, and liking the sound, I did it again, but this time I continued to kiss down his throat then nipped at his collarbone.
“Emerson,” he repeated, then groaned as I licked and kissed my way farther down his body, loving how with each touch and taste I felt his body quiver and I felt him harden more under me.
The sparks of ignition developed into a raging inferno and the only way to get relief was to roll my hips faster, then when it wasn’t enough, when I couldn’t get to the height that I wanted, my hands slid down of their own accord and slid beneath his pants.
“No, Emerson, that’s enough,” Hendrik growled. I was too far gone to listen and even then I didn’t want to listen…all I wanted was relief, for the flames to subside. When I grazed him in my pursuit I heard a hiss of breath escape him, encouraging me further. But before I could, he took hold of my hands and drew them out of the danger zone and back into the safe zone.
The action was like ice water cascading down my spine making me realize what I had been doing in my lust-induced haze.
“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” I gulped out, actually thankful for the blindfold so he couldn’t see how horrified I was with myself. I’d just basically assaulted him. Feeling mortified I went to unseat myself, to get up and lock myself in his bathroom—being the closest sanctuary in proximity—but his grip prevented me from moving even an inch.
I bucked against him but all that did was make us both hiss at the contact and I stopped immediately, worried he’d think I was attacking him again. One of his hands went to my head and drew down the blindfold, so that it fell down against my neck, branding me as the scarlet hussy that I was, and I could hide from him no longer.
His eyes were so dark I couldn’t see even a hint of green in his irises. His other hand came up and gently cradled my head, at odds with how rigidly tense he was.
“Stop it, Emerson, you did nothing wrong,” he requisitioned. “I mean it,” he said as I gave him a look of doubt. “There’s no shame in you grinding on me sending both of us out of our minds. But if you did that for a second longer I would have taken over and made you mine. Just don’t move, let the ache subside, because if you move even the tiniest bit, I’m going to lose it,” he rumbled.
“What if I said I wanted you to lose control, that I think I am ready,” I said shakily, still on fire. I was beyond tempted to resume where I’d left off but his scowl wasn’t encouraging.
“No, you aren’t,” he objected, even though his hands drifted down to clutch hard at my hips. It looked like his body and his mind were saying two different things so I decided to test him again.
“I think I am,” I persisted stubbornly. And now I was acting like some junkie desperate for a fix. Kill me!
This time he lifted me off him and got up, and I knew his mind had won the war. His two hands descended, one on each of my forearms, and he shook me softly. “I said you aren’t ready. It’s all good and fine to get off but when you come back down from soaring and your feet are back on the cold, hard ground, I don’t want you to blame me for pushing you too hard, too fast,” he defended stubbornly.
“Playing with my emotions, making me want you isn’t fair. How can you just turn it on and off like that?” I yelled, going on the offense. But mostly I was trying to hide my embarrassment. “I think I should leave, can you let me go? Now. Please.”
“You think you don’t make me want you just as much?”
“No, I don’t. I need to go,” I pressed again.
“Helvete!” he swore letting me go and pacing up and down like an enraged lion. “You haven’t told me much about what happened to you, Emerson, but I’m skilled at reading between the lines, at reading people,” he said.
I froze, not liking where this was going, “Hendrik,” I started then stopped as he jerked his head at me, with a forceful glare to be quiet. I bit my lip and let him at it, but like a toddler, I wanted to bury my body under his sheets with the cover over my head.
“You were hurt by someone, Emerson, someone put their hands on you, someone touched you without your consent,” he growled, his control broken like I’d never seen.
“The one thing that I cannot stand is violence against women and children. And someone hurt you,” he said brokenly. I went to get up to comfort him but he jerked back like he’d sensed what I was about to do. So instead I wrapped my arms around my stomach to make the sick feeling go away.
“I’m not a doctor, Emerson, I don’t know how to heal you. I don’t know what might set you off at any time,” he whispered.
“I don’t want a doctor, Hendrik, I just want you,” I said fiercely.
“I’m trying to work out what’s okay and what’s not. I want you to get a feel for what you like, I want you to set the pace, I want you to come apart in my arms with nothing but pleasure,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “I almost lost control with you, Emerson, don’t you get it? I could have hurt you; I could have been too rough with you, made you too scared to ever want to try again,” he said with self-disgust.
I took a shaky breath in, unable to believe what he was saying. How could he think that he could ever hurt me? I couldn’t let him believe that. I wouldn’t.
I got up despite his threatening growl and walked toward him with slow but steady steps so as to not spook him, then placed one hand on his chest, right on top of where his heart was beating strongly and just a bit too fast. He looked down at me, the blood in his face drained, his burning green eyes too bright in his pale face.
I had the power to destroy him or save him, and the thought of hurting someone so hard but so dark yet full of light would be the equivalent of stripping the wings from an angel. And it made me angry, so angry.
“Hendrik Vasgård, don’t you dare even think for one second that you would have hurt me if you lost control. Wherever you would have led I would have followed, eagerly, and not because I would have been forced to, but because I wanted to,” I swore. “What just happened between us, what y
ou made me feel . . .” I swallowed, unable to put it coherently in words.
He looked at me with hope, and so I tried a second time to explain. “You gave yourself to me freely and unconditionally. You let down your guard for me, and you stopped because you thought you were protecting me. How could you ever think that you’re a monster?”
He turned his head away, obviously too stubborn to believe me. I brought up both hands and turned his face back toward me. “I don’t know what you did in your past to make you think that you’re beyond redemption, but the man I see in front of me makes me question whether I’m worthy enough to even be in the same room as him.”
“Quit lying to me,” he barked out.
I shook my head. He didn’t get it and he didn’t want to, but maybe that was how I could repay him. “Remember what you said to me earlier tonight about drawing me out?”
He gave me a quizzical look that spoke volumes as to my lack of sanity.
“Well, I see you underneath all your darkness and I’m going to draw you out,” I smiled mischievously.
He looked down at my curved mouth, and my smile dropped. He was looking at me like he wanted to continue where we’d left off.
His head began to descend closer and closer until his lips were a breath away from mine. Giddy with wanton lust I waited for him to bridge the gap, but he didn’t. He paused, and right when he had me where he wanted, practically ready to swoon, he whispered, “Quit it, I know what you’re trying to do. You aren’t going anywhere. You’re staying the night. It’s past midnight. You take the bed; I’ll take the couch,” he ordered, and then took a step back.
“W–what?” I stuttered in confusion, feeling bereft and frustrated.
“You stay within the boundary of my bedroom, and the rest is my territory. Neither one of us crosses sides,” he said as if he was negotiating a peace treaty, except I’d be getting no peace tonight especially if we weren’t even in the same territory!
“Or we could sleep in the same bed, you stay on the left side and I’ll stay on the right side…no crossovers, no touching, we could even put pillows in between if you’re an active sleeper or have a tendency to spoon in your sleep,” I countered, unable to resist teasing him.
“Nice try, Älskling, but I think we shouldn’t test my restraint any further tonight. I think we both need a little space to cool off, you more than me, it seems. A cold shower might help, and conveniently enough the shower is on your side,” he suggested right before he closed his bedroom door, effectively signifying the commencement of the treaty. And needlessly leaving me aching unfulfilled and exasperated.
There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight unless . . .
“Dammit,” I whispered to myself. I wished I had my soundproof aluminum casing door sweep for the bottom of the bathroom door to stop him from hearing the cold shower I was about to take.
NO, THAT COULDN’T be . . . I cocked my head to the side and listened properly . . . Yep, it was . . . Hearing the sound of the shower I got my pillow and smothered the sound of my laughter. And once it started it didn’t stop for a while.
I JOLTED AWAKE and groggily took out my vibrating phone from my pocket, groaning when I saw that it was none other than Deake Sentry calling me. Damn, the unorthodox hours he kept. He lived in the same city, not in another country, and he was calling me at three AM in the morning. I would be surprised to know if the man ever slept.
“What do you want?” I barked out.
“I’m downstairs, thought it was overdue for one of our meets. Don’t keep me waiting,” Deake replied right before he ended the call on me. I padded into my room, saw Emerson was sleeping quietly and grabbed some clothes and a pair of shoes and shrugged them on.
She would be fine while I quickly stepped out. Deake had kept me in the dark for too long, and while he had all the power, I refused to be a blind pawn any longer to his plans. I needed direction, and he was going to give it to me whether he wanted to or not.
I stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the basement level. I collected myself in the time it took me to get there; I couldn’t afford to lose my cool. Not with Deake Sentry who was the head of the FBI and a royal pain in my ass.
“Is that her file?” I asked, as soon as I saw him and the thick envelope he was holding.
“Yes,” Deake said, handing it over.
“Well, that will make my job a helluva lot easier,” I said, leaning back against the wall. “You only gave me her name, I didn’t even recognize who she was when I met her. And I couldn’t find anything on her lying around, not even in your server,” I remarked, feeling ill at ease about it all.
“That’s because I locked everything down,” Deake replied stepping more into the light. Although he sounded as if he didn’t have a care in the world, but his face didn’t say that at all. He had massive circles under his eyes, his hair was unkempt and his fancy hotshot clothes were wrinkled. If he was worried then, that definitely meant that I should be, too.
“You’ve implemented remarkably high security measures to prevent someone from accessing a harmless, stand-up citizen’s file,” I commented drily. “Don’t you think that’s a little bit unnecessary,” I derided, liking the flash of irritation on his face that followed my words.
He didn’t like my sarcasm…he wasn’t used to people checking his authority, but I wasn’t one of his blind followers. Emerson was fragile and vulnerable. I was trying to make sure I did no further damage to her but it was still a risk and I feared that if she knew that I was clocking her at the same time I was trying to heal her that she’d go off the deep end. And if I hurt her, I’d gotten so deeply involved with her that it would be the same as hurting myself.
“I do nothing without reason. I didn’t get to where I am by being stupid,” Deake retorted. “Once upon a time I had to take orders, but now I give them. Imagine my surprise when I found out not only had you already met her, but you’d also made your move on her. You’ve practically got her wrapped around your finger. You work fast, Vasgård, I’m impressed. I mean, I’m not happy you moved up the timeline, you’re only meant to move in at my request but I could do with some intel just right about now,” Deake replied smoothly.
“I’m afraid I don’t have anything to give you,” I said, folding my arms. “She doesn’t remember what happened to her, so unfortunately she isn’t going to be much help to your cause, which by the way, you have yet to fill me in on,” I said snidely.
“Yes, I know all about her mental condition, and she may be a dead end but I want you to keep working her on the side. Besides, I have something more important that I want you and your men working on,” he said, changing tack fast.
A burning ember of curiosity lit inside me. It seemed like my thirst for knowledge was about to be answered.
“Why me?” I inquired, trying to understand his motives.
“Because I want someone not in the spotlight, and you might be the Leverager but I know you won’t betray me because of the leverage that I have on you. And right now I need someone I can trust,” Deake replied while rubbing the back of his neck.
“You really need to quit throwing that fact in my face,” I growled, losing some of my calm. Usually no one got the drop on me, but he had. And for six months I’d been waiting quietly for him to tell me just what I had to do to get free from the debt that I owed him.
Deake took a step closer, trying to box me in, an FBI tactic if there ever was, trying to intimidate the opposition. And it was completely wasted on me.
“Or what? What are you going to do?” Deake threw at me. I kept my mouth shut because he was right, I couldn’t do anything to him that wouldn’t blow back on me.
“Exactly,” Deake said, noting my silence. “You can’t do anything to change your situation unless you cooperate. Look, I know I was out of line. I apologize. I was being a dick. All day I’ve had to deal with being the person who holds the burden of other people’s fears. People come to me for help to sort out their problems
. I’ve got a problem of my own that I can’t solve alone. I wouldn’t be coming to you unless I needed your help.”
Finally, at least some honesty, while I wasn’t forty odd years old like Deake, I was twenty-three years old and I’d skilled myself in the art of deception and stealth. I didn’t just breathe it, I lived it, and it was part of me. I didn’t need Deake to kiss my ass, I just wanted to be treated on equal footing, and now that he had put away his pride I was willing to listen.
I nodded my head, and Deake stepped back, his features loosening up in relief.
“Okay then, lay it on me, no more keeping me in the dark. If we work together, we work as a team,” I said, getting down to business. “And I refuse to cross any red lines in the process. Moral ones, I will if needed, but nothing that can’t be taken back. Got it?”
Deake nodded back. “Got it. Okay, now listen carefully. In the past three months major shit has gone down. The public doesn’t have a clue about it but they feel it nonetheless. There’s dissension in the air, unease they might not know the reason why but it exists.”
“You’re talking about the uncertainty on the drug front after the hit that the Ichor cartel took, aren’t you?” I asked.
I didn’t put my head in the sand. If I saw a threat coming, I mobilized for it. I planned and I waited to see whether I needed to take the other side out if they posed a real risk to those I loved.
“Yes,” he answered, his body becoming tense, real tense in a way that had my own getting tense. I didn’t like this shit one bit. “Like I was saying, three months ago the FBI had worked out who was the drug lord of the organization. We were at the ready to take him out; we had someone—a trusted asset—working for us on in the inside. My men and I were stationed to ambush and catch the drug lord and a drug shipment worth billions in the process of it being transacted, but it blew up in our faces. My men were massacred, they lost their lives. I got hit myself but I recovered. My asset vanished but whether he betrayed us remains yet to be known. The drug shipment never showed up. It was a setup. It was all a cover for something that we never saw coming,” Deake spat out, livid with anger.
The Leverager Page 16
