How could she? She was beautiful, bright, and she made my dad happy. Lately I’d been doing the exact opposite.
“I’m not explaining myself very well, am I?” she sighed. “I’m the outsider coming into your family of two. I didn’t know how to deal with you, how to talk to you, or how you’d feel about me, so every time Henry brought up the issue of telling you about us I put it off time and time again. I’m sorry it’s come to this, but please don’t blame him. It’s not his fault.”
“Is she telling the truth, Dad?” I asked, needing to hear it from him.
“Yes. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to choose between the two of you, but every time I didn’t push harder to understand why she didn’t feel comfortable talking about you, I chose her over you. And I’m sorry, more sorry than you can ever know,” he got out shakily. His eyes were rimmed red and I saw he was struggling not to cry.
I had two choices, I could leave now and possibly lose a dad or I could suck it up and heal the breach between us and forgive Marie.
Hating Marie would be easy, but I could understand why she had reservations about me. When I had first seen her with my dad I’d been jealous of her on sight. How could I blame her for feeling the same way about me?
I didn’t know how to heal us, to apologize for losing it before I’d given either of them a chance to explain, so instead I thought I’d show it. I stretched out my right arm and it began to shake but still I persisted. Mind over matter I thought to myself. Deep down I trusted my dad just like I trusted Hendrik.
I was almost there. I wrapped my fingers around my dad’s left hand and gave him a quick squeeze then went to release him but his grip tightened and wouldn’t let go.
“How are you . . . How can you . . .” my dad sobbed, breaking down. It took all my concentration but I held on until he’d stopped crying. And when he finally let go, I sighed in relief.
My ability to trust had been ruptured when I had been attacked and with it my faith in the goodness of humanity had taken a hit. Touching another person is a privilege and it had been one that I had kept solely to myself for fear I’d be hurt again. Hendrik had made me see that touch was pleasure, it was consoling, it was healing, and while I wasn’t fully cured yet, I was getting there.
“Thank you, for letting me hold on,” my dad muttered.
“You held onto me when I woke up in the hospital,” I replied.
“And you went into shock. You flinched away from me then, but not now,” he smiled, a small smile full of hope.
I smiled back.
“Um, you weren’t just dropping in, were you, Emerson?” Marie asked tentatively, out of nowhere.
I ducked my head, embarrassed with myself. “No, I was planning on staying the weekend,” I admitted shyly.
“Good,” she said brightly. “How about we start over? I make a killer French toast. Do you like French toast? We can’t have eggs and bacon, they’re probably stone cold by now,” she rambled and I could tell she was as nervous as I was.
“Emerson loves French toast,” my dad answered for me, and it was his awkward way of telling me he wanted me to stay, and asking me to give Marie a chance because we were both important to him. And I owed it to him and myself to try.
“Yeah, I do,” I confirmed, and saw I made the right decision when Marie smiled in relief, then turned and left, no doubt hurrying off to the kitchen.
“She’s nice,” I said, voicing my approval.
“Yeah, she is,” my dad said back. I couldn’t see him but I could hear him smiling.
THE REST OF the weekend went really well, awkward, but well. I got to know Marie and she got to know me and we learned that neither of us had anything to fear from the other. After all, my dad had enough love to go all around for the both of us. I mean, the three of us I corrected, remembering that they had a baby on the way.
At night I’d sneaked out and slept at a motel and returned each morning before they both woke up, and poor Emelius had escorted me at all times.
I’d also told my dad that I was going to reconnect with Cressida, and he’d grimaced, and told me to be careful. I said I would. And when he’d asked about Emelius I’d told him he didn’t want to know. Although he’d given me a funny look he’d left it well alone.
“We’re here,” Emelius said, coming to a halt.
I looked out and saw that while I’d been consumed by my thoughts he had driven us to our destination.
“Thanks, I won’t be long,” I said, clutching the bunch of yellow daisies in my hand as I got out.
The cemetery was enshrouded by fog that compromised my ability to see, but Katia’s grave wasn’t too far from me. I zipped my jacket all the way up one handed and walked past a row of graves wishing I had no reason to be here.
I stopped in my tracks when I saw that someone was on their knees in front of Katia’s grave. My heart froze for a second then sped up at an alarming rate. The person’s head was bent, and the crying wail that emerged from the person was so full of torment that I would do anything to make it stop.
“Are you okay?” I asked, taking a couple steps closer. As I did I noticed that the figure hunched over was a woman. Her shoulders were shaking, but at my voice she froze. Her head then bopped up and she turned toward me.
I swallowed. I had to be imagining things. “K–Katia, is that you?” I stuttered out. I knew how stupid I sounded, but she looked exactly like her. It was either her or I was having a hallucination.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“What are you sorry for?” I asked as I tried to take another step quietly forward to get a closer look at her, but I accidentally stepped on a twig, the sound echoing in the vast silence.
The girl jumped, coming out of whatever stupor she was in and when her eyes latched onto mine I saw how wildly scared she was.
“No, please, don’t go,” I said quickly. “I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to talk.” She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t move so I decided to take another step forward but it must have been one step too close because all of a sudden she made a run for it.
I dropped the flowers at my feet and decided to follow after her.
“Please, stop,” I yelled as I ran faster, slowly but steadily gaining speed. Then, all of a sudden, she disappeared behind a cloud of fog but I took a chance and decided to follow her into it.
Although I couldn’t see, I could hear her just ahead of me. I was almost on her. I was ready to take a jump at her when, all of a sudden, I found myself falling forward, tripping over something. I tried to use the momentum to make a grab for her, but I missed, latching onto her by mere inches.
My hands made contact with the cold, hard ground instead and all the breath from my body left me in a whoosh.
I had to get back up. Fast. But when I tried to I groaned as my ankle throbbed in protest and I stayed where I was.
“Dammit,” I cursed, knowing that the girl was long gone by now. I used the gravestone beside me as leverage to pull myself up, hoping I wasn’t disturbing the resting dead below. I think I had only twisted my ankle, but I could feel it swelling in my boot already.
I sighed unsteadily, and then doubled over and laughed because I’d just run through a graveyard like some crazy psycho after someone I thought was my dead best friend. Then the laughter turned into sobbing and I felt myself wildly spinning out of control.
I could use my medication right about now. Instead, I opted for a more drastic measure. I stomped down hard on my ankle, using the pain to ground me, the throbbing so intense I sobered up immediately.
My head swam and I bent it to try and stave off the dizziness. It would pass, I just needed to breathe and wait it out.
“Miss Monsoon!” I heard Emelius call worriedly from somewhere behind me. Seems like I’d taken longer than normal.
“I’m over here,” I yelled, unable to give him my exact coordinates but he didn’t have any trouble finding me, I noted, as he emerged
from the fog behind me.
“What did you do?” Emelius interrogated, as he bent down to examine my foot, quick to notice my new injury.
“I had a bit of a fall. Don’t worry, my foot will be fine, I just sprained it,” I insisted.
“Mr. Vasgård didn’t inform me that you needed assistance with walking, too,” he mocked as he stood back up to his full height then pulled my arm across his shoulders.
I leaned into him gratefully, even though he was annoying me yet again. “Hendrik,” I emphasized knowing he hated him being referred to as anything other than Mr. Vasgård, “Is not very forthcoming with the truth, he likes his secrets.”
Maybe I was still slightly nursing a bit of a grudge about his firm representing Katia’s assaulter. It wasn’t exactly his fault. He couldn’t turn away clients, but the thought of his client walking away free didn’t rest well with me, not one bit.
“If Mr. Vasgård is keeping secrets from me or you, it’s to protect us. It’s what he does best,” Emelius said, noting my resentful expression.
“I never asked him to protect me,” I mumbled as we began to walk.
“It’s not a curse, Miss Monsoon, it’s a blessing. You can’t see it now, but you will in time. As infallible as he seems, he isn’t, and he needs someone to protect him, in turn, so why don’t you pay him back in that way so you’re even?” Emelius suggested nonchalantly.
“That’s easier said than done, I don’t know where he goes when he’s not with me,” I pointed out.
Emelius looked at me with frustration, “I’m not talking about protecting him in the physical sense. I mean protecting him from himself. He’s his own worst enemy.”
“Yes, he is,” I agreed. “His doubts feed on his insecurities. I can try and wage war against them on that front, at least.”
“Good,” Emelius exhaled.
“Wait, one second,” I said as I picked up the yellow daisies I’d dropped and placed them on Katia’s grave. I gripped the edge of the stone tightly even though I was looking up into the sky, wanting to make sure she heard me wherever she was.
Emelius took a couple steps back, giving me some distance.
“Katia, I never thought I’d hate your silence, most of the time when you were talking I couldn’t get a word in and wanted you to stop so I could respond, but now I find myself wanting you to talk to me more than ever. I don’t know who the hell I just saw crying at your grave. It better not be you haunting my ass. I’m going to figure this out. And the police have found your assaulter. I’m going to make sure he pays. You may have left me, but I’ll never leave you,” I promised.
Then I turned to Emelius and said, “I’m ready now.”
I had to go back to Hendrik not only so I could learn more about Katia’s assaulter, but also so I could get his help to identify whether Katia had a sister, and if so, track her down and ask her why Katia had never spoken to me about her. And I wanted to know just what the hell she was sorry for.
“THERE BETTER BE a damn good reason why you requested to see me in broad daylight,” Nikolai said as he joined me where I was standing at a cliff, high above the water’s edge, which could only be accessed on foot.
Although it had taken me an hour hike to make my way through the foliage, it was one of the few spots I could ensure I wouldn’t be followed.
“There is,” I replied. “Hope you made sure you weren’t followed by any of your men,” I quipped.
Nikolai sent me a scornful look, so full of fire exactly like Mikhail. “Don’t insult me. No one follows me unless I want them to and I always cover my tracks, had to cover up some of yours, too, you’re getting sloppy, Hendrik,” he chided.
“Nice try. You didn’t cover up mine, it was probably some animal’s tracks,” I laughed.
“I don’t have much time before someone realizes I’ve gone missing and sends out an alert,” Nikolai replied impatiently.
“Fine, then let’s get down to it,” I said getting serious. “Mikhail told me that when he broke into your compound you put a gun to his head. I thought you said you were going to stay well away from him,” I growled.
“You don’t wanna play that game, Hendrik. You said you’d keep Mikhail away from me and yet I found him in my territory, stealing away a recruit. He’s lucky no one else found him,” Nikolai yelled, his eyes flashing.
“That recruit, the girl he took with him, was in harm’s way and Mikhail didn’t want her to become corrupted like he was. I couldn’t stop him even if I tried. But you didn’t have to talk to him. You gave him hope that you had no right giving to him,” I reproved.
“I know!” Nikolai screamed. “I tried to stay away but I couldn’t. I missed him. He’s my brother,” he justified.
“No, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to put your needs before his. We agreed you’d stay away from him until you got out,” I rebuked. “That’s also why I’m here. I have a proposition for you, a way to fast track your plan if you want to put your fists down and listen,” I said looking pointedly at his hands.
Nikolai put them down, closing his eyes as he regained his calm. “What did you have in mind?” he asked as he opened his eyes.
“I’m working with the head of the FBI, Deake Sentry, to dismantle the Ichor cartel,” I began.
“No way,” Nikolai overrode, shaking his head. “You have to be crazy if you think I would agree to work with them. The FBI is full of traitors and I know all about their failed attempt to wipe out the Ichor cartel.”
“This time will be different,” I swore. “The head of the FBI promised me he’s only got his special task force working on this. And I trust him because he lost so many of his men, there’s no way he’d let that happen again. This is a chance, Nikolai, for you and me to take out both the Ichor cartel and the Valentijin mob at once. You want your freedom, and this is the way to get it. We both know there’s no other way for you to get out of the mob alive unless you take out all of the Valentijin leaders at once. And I think I have a way to do it, but without you, it can’t be done,” I stressed.
“I’ll listen but I’m not making any promises,” Nikolai said, giving me the go ahead to explain.
“Thank you,” I said earnestly. “So, the drug front has always been divided. There’s always been two competitors competing, both the Valentijin mob and the Ichor cartel. The cartel’s created a new experimental drug that I’m sure you’re aware of. Separately you both reap divided profits on the drug front but together you have the potential to use both of your connections to market this new drug out to the rest of the world. I want you to convince the Valentijin leaders to invest in this drug, to form an alliance with the Ichor cartel. I want to have both sets of leaders together under one roof and this is the opportunity to make it happen,” I proposed.
“It’s a good plan,” Nikolai mused, “but what makes you think that two mobs that hate each other so much are going to put their hatred aside for even a second?”
“Greed. I can’t argue that both sides aren’t gunning for each others’ blood, but there’s one thing they want more than blood…they want money and they want power and an alliance will give them both of those things.”
“I think I could sell this to my group but initiating a meeting with the other side will be very, very risky. I don’t even know who has replaced Senator Caynes as the new drug lord and whether he would be open to the idea of an alliance,” Nikolai remarked.
“If you don’t want to do this, then you don’t have to. Sentry knows nothing about my plans. He just wanted to know if you knew who the name of the person was who had taken over the cartel. I thought we could use the FBI to our advantage to get what you want. The choice is yours,” I stressed.
“I don’t want Mikhail anywhere near this,” Nikolai replied. And although he hadn’t voiced his agreement, I took this as affirmation that he was in.
“He won’t like it, but I’ll make sure he’s kept in the dark,” I said. I’d make sure that Jarek and Sev would help to keep Mikhail�
��s attention otherwise occupied on Vasco’s case.
Nikolai moved to the very edge of the cliff, away from me, and stared down hard at the ocean’s horizon. “If anything happens to me then I want you to let him know that I’m sorry that I let him down,” Nikolai said, still not looking at me. “When Mikhail left I realized what a monster I’d become. I swore I’d never be my father, and I’ve become him…a person I loathe and hate. I want Mikhail to look up to me; I want to be the man he’s become. Tell him that and tell him I’m proud of him.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you,” I denied hotly, grabbing at his shoulder to turn him toward me so he could see that I meant what I said.
Nikolai shook my hands off, and grew fierce. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. If I die, I refuse to allow it to be on your conscience. Whatever happens to me is on me, and me alone. I knew what I was getting into, the things I’ve done I can’t ever atone for. I can’t change my past, but I can try to stop anyone getting hurt again in the future.”
Now it was my turn to look away. I couldn’t have his blood on my hands, too. And Mikhail would hate me if he found out that I was the reason his brother was dead.
“I’m the one who’s putting you up to this,” I refuted.
“No, you’re the one who’s giving me the opportunity to get out. I’m the head of the Valentijin mob, Hendrik, no one tells me what to do. And yet for months I’ve tried to find a way out but haven’t been able to. I can’t just walk away, so I’m going to fight my way out. So, the way I see it, you’re giving me my freedom, and trust me when I say that death is more welcome than being a prisoner in that hellhole any longer. So, no matter what happens, no regrets, okay?”
I breathed out and turned to look at the ocean, needing a quick moment.
So, we were going to do it. We were going to dismantle the Ichor cartel and the Valentijin mob with one fell. I hoped to God it worked.
“Hendrik?” Nikolai pressed.
“No regrets,” I agreed.
The Leverager Page 19
