by Rhoda Baxter
The smile she gave him made him wish he’d said it months ago.
Chapter Twenty
Beth let herself into the flat at the end of the day and was surprised by the smell of cooking. She wondered what was going on. Perhaps Anna was treating herself. She popped her head round the kitchen door and found Gordon sitting in the kitchen, humming to himself while he flicked through Anna’s Cause Celeb magazine.
‘Hello,’ she said cautiously.
‘Babe!’ He swept over to her and gave her a big kiss. ‘I’m cooking you dinner.’
‘You are?’ She glanced at the hob. The oven was on and there was a bowl of vegetables on the counter top. She had thought they’d be going out for dinner that evening. ‘Why?’
Gordon pulled a face. ‘What do you mean why? Can’t I treat my favourite girl to a delicious home-cooked meal without having a reason?’
Beth looked back to his face. He seemed hurt. ‘Oh. I didn’t mean it like that.’ She put her arms round his neck. ‘It’s lovely. It’s just a surprise …’ He was still looking hurt, so she kissed him. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’ He grinned. ‘I’ve got a bottle of wine in the fridge, too.’
The door slammed and Anna came in. ‘Hello.’
Damn. Anna. It was going to be hard to have a romantic meal for two with Anna drifting in and out of the kitchen. Beth cast a glance at Gordon, who looked surprisingly unworried.
‘Alright, Anna,’ he said.
‘Gordon.’ Anna helped herself to a glass of juice from the fridge. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.’
‘Are you going out?’ said Beth.
‘Yeah. Got a date. I’ll disappear in the next half hour so you can have your romantic meal in peace.’ Anna gave her a tight little smile.
‘See,’ said Gordon. ‘I’ve got things all organised.’ He slipped his arms around Beth’s waist.
‘If I don’t see you before I go, have a good evening,’ Anna said as she finished her juice.
‘Oh, we will,’ said Gordon.
As Anna disappeared, Gordon gave Beth a squeeze. ‘Dinner will be about twenty minutes, if you want to go and get ready. You know, freshen up.’
‘Okay.’ Beth disentangled herself from his arms and placed a kiss on his cheek. ‘I meant it. This really is lovely.’
‘You’re worth it,’ he said.
Beth had a quick shower and changed into a skirt and soft jumper. She dried her hair and checked her reflection. All the late nights were starting to show. There were shadows under her eyes and her skin looked pale. She added a touch of blusher and lipstick. Better.
She felt a flutter of happiness at the fact that he’d taken the time to plan and cook her a meal. It meant a lot – not least because she knew he hated ‘all that Jamie Oliver stuff’. In the year she’d been seeing him before, he’d never cooked for her. What had prompted this sudden change? Perhaps it was the conversation with Hibs and Anna a few weeks ago. Beth smiled. Whatever the reason, it was very welcome.
When Beth returned to the kitchen, the table was set for two. A pair of tea light holders that normally lived on the kitchen windowsill now housed candles. Gordon was pouring the wine.
‘Hey.’ He kissed her and pulled a chair out for her. ‘Madam.’
‘Thanks.’ She sat down and reached for her wine.
‘A simple starter,’ said Gordon. He placed a bowl of salad in front of her. ‘Mango, avocado and prawn salad.’
Beth looked at the plate. Everything was carefully stacked in the middle and drizzled with dressing. ‘This must have taken you ages!’
‘It did. But I wanted to show you how much you mean to me.’
She reached up and pulled him towards her to kiss him. Gordon grinned and kissed her back before sitting down. He picked up his fork. ‘So, how was your day?’
‘Okay. Nothing special.’
‘Work going okay?’
‘Yes, actually, the experiments are showing what I’d hoped.’ She sipped the wine and felt it warm her up. ‘How about yours?’
‘Not bad, actually. I’ve only got five more months to get this stuff done, but I think I can manage it.’
Five months. That was how long she had him for. Beth’s heart descended to her knees. His secondment was for six months. And the first of those was already gone. ‘Gordon,’ she said. ‘What happens when the six months are up?’
He looked up at her, his lips twitching with a suppressed smile. ‘That’s what we’re celebrating,’ he said. ‘I’ve had a brainwave.’ He paused.
A small flicker of unease. She hoped he wasn’t going to suggest she came to the US with him. ‘Tell me.’
‘I’ve applied for a postdoc job at the biology department here. It’s right in my area. I’m pretty sure I’m going to get it.’ He grinned. ‘I won’t be going back.’
Beth’s spirits bungeed back up. ‘Oh, Gordon, that’s fantastic news!’ She left her seat to rush round and hug him. He pulled her onto his lap.
‘I know.’ He kissed her, pulling her tightly to him. When they finally parted, he said, ‘Are you ready for the main course?’
She nodded and slid off his lap. He squeezed her bum as he left his seat.
He had made roast lamb with potatoes and green beans. ‘This is really good,’ she said as she wiped the last potato round her plate to mop up the juices.
‘I told you, I don’t cook often, but I can if I want to.’ He smiled at her. ‘Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to make pudding, so I had to buy it.’ He fetched a parcel from the counter and ripped off the Marks and Spencer packaging. ‘Chocolate mousse,’ he said. ‘Your favourite.’ He put the pot in front of her and sat back down. The candlelight caught his hair and highlighted it with gold. He looked into her eyes and raised his glass. ‘To us.’
‘To us.’ She couldn’t take her eyes off him. He looked so gorgeous. And he was applying for a job to stay. It meant he needed her enough to give up his promising career in the US. This changed everything. Beth took another sip of wine and closed her eyes. Happiness suffused her whole body. Gordon loved her. She didn’t want this night to ever end.
After dinner they lounged on the sofa, Beth leaning against Gordon’s chest, comfortable in his arms. They talked about his trying out for the swimming team again and about how much better life would be when Beth didn’t have to do night shifts any more. She was feeling totally relaxed and just starting to nod off.
‘How’s your calendar going?’ Gordon said.
‘Actually, we had a bit of a hiccup this morning. One of the guys dropped out.’
‘Ah. Why?’
She couldn’t be bothered to explain: it would spoil the mood. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘Have you got a replacement?’
‘Umm …’ A spark of discomfort punctured her mellow mood. In the back of her mind, she heard Anna’s comment. There was silence for moment. She listened to Gordon’s heart beating against her ear and prayed he wouldn’t ask. Anna was wrong. Anna was wrong.
‘If you haven’t,’ Gordon said, ‘I’d be happy to step in.’
Buggering hell. She lifted her head and looked up at his beautiful face. He was watching her intently and Beth felt some of the alcohol-fuelled comfort burn off. She turned her face away. ‘That’s nice.’
‘Great. Could you do the questions? Or does it have to be Anna.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean you could.’ She wriggled sideways to look at him.
‘But …’ His eyes narrowed. In the dim mood lighting, they seemed to glitter in a disturbing way. ‘What do you mean? You need someone for the empty slot now that Dan’s pulled out. And I’ve agreed to fill it for you.’
Hang on – she hadn’t told him it was Dan who’d pulled out. ‘We don’t need you to fill
it.’ The remnants of Beth’s feelings of well-being vanished. Suspicion stirred that he might have prepared this whole evening just to lead her to the question of the calendar. She willed Gordon to let it go. She needed to know that all the lovely stuff he’d said and done were for real and not just put on because he wanted to feed his ego. Please. Please. Please.
‘Have you already got a replacement?’
The gentle glow was gone. The whole evening had been a prelude to this. A bribe to get her to put him in her calendar.
‘They can’t have been that good or you’d have put them in the original calendar. Who is it?’ His tone was hard now – she’d made him angry. Shit. She should have spoken to him before she asked Hibs.
‘I don’t get to choose,’ she said, quickly. ‘It’s up to Anna and Lara. I don’t choose.’
‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Beth. Why do you let those two bully you? You should stand up to them. Demand some respect.’
That was almost the same thing that Hibs had said to her. Only he’d said it about Gordon. Tears threatened. Beth moved her head back against his chest and blinked them back.
Suddenly, Gordon sighed. ‘I’m sorry, babe.’ He stroked her hair. ‘I didn’t mean to shout. It just winds me up that people take advantage of you, that’s all.’ He curled a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to his. ‘Okay?’
Beth nodded, not convinced that she was. The sudden change of tactic was more unsettling than him shouting at her. He had apologised. He’d had a lot to drink. They both had, so maybe it had come out all wrong. She sat up and was surprised to find herself a little unstable.
‘Tell you what,’ said Gordon. ‘It’s been a lovely evening; let’s not spoil it talking about unimportant things.’ He reached over for the bottle of wine and topped up his glass. He gestured to hers.
Unimportant things. The calendar was important, but not to him. She drained her glass and held it out for more. The wine sent a burst of warmth through her as she sat back on the sofa. He had cooked her a lovely meal. He’d changed his career plans to be near her. She had to hold on to that.
Beth didn’t know how long she’d been asleep for before Gordon gently shook her shoulder and suggested they went to bed. She nodded, still muzzy from sleep and too much wine, and rolled off the sofa, yawning and stretching; Gordon reached up to stroke the exposed inch of tummy between her skirt and top. She lowered her arms to find him smiling up at her, his eyes sparkling.
She looked over at the kitchen, where the washing-up was still stacked up at the side of the sink. ‘We should …’
‘We’ll do it in the morning.’ He was standing next to her now, drawing her slowly into his arms.
Beth glanced past him again at the plates. He kissed her neck. She felt Gordon’s lips curve into a smile against her skin. He scooped her up as though she weighed nothing. The wine and the remnants of sleep made everything slightly dreamlike. Beth wrapped her arms round his neck and laid her head against the muscled expanse of his shoulder. Gordon had such comfortingly broad shoulders. Just wide enough for her to rest her head on, like a muscly pillow.
In the dark of her room, Gordon pulled her top over her head.
‘I’m so tired,’ she murmured. ‘I don’t want to—’
He interrupted her by kissing her again. He tasted of wine and mint from the lamb. All she wanted was drop into bed and sleep, but she didn’t want an argument with Gordon. He had made an effort that evening. He’d think she didn’t appreciate it. Her skirt rustled down to her feet and Gordon traced the lines of her body with his fingers, raising goosebumps. A shiver ran through her. In the dim light of her room, she could see the gleam in his eyes and knew he was smiling. She let him lie her down in bed.
While Gordon stripped off his clothes, she shuffled a little to get comfortable. Part of her was so very, very sleepy. Another part of her wanted the comfort of his body next to hers, the warmth of his lips. When his mouth found hers again, she tried to stop thinking and just give in to the moment.
His kisses got more intense and rough, but Beth didn’t object. He wasn’t hurting her. It was his way of spicing up foreplay. Like that trick a week ago, where he’d held her topless until just before Hibs and Anna came in. He had been really excited by that. Thinking back on it now, the adrenaline had added a little extra zest to their lovemaking afterwards. Gordon’s mouth found her nipple and he rolled it between his tongue and his teeth. A thrill ran through her spine. Then he nipped it with his teeth. Beth gasped. ‘Ow!’ He did it again and she tried to pull away. The slow smoulder of desire turned into something else. ‘Stop it. Please.’
He didn’t stop. He wrenched her hands up over her head and gripped both wrists with one big hand. Beth tried to protest, but his mouth was on hers again. His free hand pulled her leg to the side and he entered her.
His lips moved away from hers and, as he moved up, his shoulders rose until her face was in his chest. Beth found her nose trapped against his pectoral. She tried to move her face, but couldn’t. He was pressing too close for her to even open her mouth. She was trapped and she couldn’t breathe. Her chest tightened. With her hands above her head and the rest of her trapped under him, she could barely move. Suddenly everything was amplified. The throb of pain from her nipple, the sound of his breathing, the smell of sweat and body spray from his skin. His body pressed harder into hers. The pressure on her nose was so heavy it hurt. Blood roared in her ears as she struggled, legs flailing, uselessly far away. The darkness got deeper and deeper and then pinpoints of light appeared. Her lungs burned. She no longer had the strength to struggle. She was going to die. Here. Under Gordon.
Gordon let out a groan as he climaxed. Suddenly, space opened out above her. Oxygen rushed into her nose. She gulped down air, panting. She was dimly aware of Gordon releasing her hands. He said something and slid off the bed. She lay there, like a discarded rag doll, unable to do anything apart from breathe, breathe, breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt relief rushing down her arteries, oxygenating her lungs, her arms, her legs. Her head buzzed, as though a bee was trapped inside it.
Gordon returned and slid into bed next to her. Beth tensed, dreading that he’d climb on top of her again.
‘Wow,’ Gordon whispered in her ear. ‘That was amazing.’ He kissed her shoulder. She turned her face away, but he didn’t seem to notice. ‘You’re something special. You really are.’
Beth lay very still. Her mouth was so dry she couldn’t have spoken, even if she’d wanted to. Gordon gave her shoulder another kiss, nuzzled against her, and fell asleep.
For a long time afterwards, Beth lay there, staring at the darkness, not daring to move. She heard Anna come home and go to bed. Beside her, Gordon slept, his breathing deep and regular.
She looked across at him. He seemed so content. There was no way he could have done it on purpose. She took a deep breath and felt the muscles in her ribs. Muscles she’d barely thought about before. She needed a wee. She needed to sleep. She needed … to be somewhere else. But she couldn’t do any of these. She continued staring into the space above her. Glad it was there. Glad it was empty.
Chapter Twenty-One
The next morning, Beth felt ragged. She had eventually fallen asleep, but she still felt tired. Sitting on the bed, she watched Gordon rush around and pull on his clothes. She touched her nose and wondered if she’d imagined the whole episode from the night before.
‘Gordon,’ she said.
‘Yes, babe?’ He was leaning over to pull on his socks and she couldn’t see his face fully.
‘Last night …’
‘Mmm?’
‘Last night, did …’ Beth stopped. ‘Did you try to suffocate me’ sounded like a ridiculous question. Of course he hadn’t. People didn’t do that to their girlfriends. If he’d wanted to suffocate her, he’d have used a pillow. He wouldn’t have tried to smother
her with his chest during sex. The more she thought about it, the sillier it sounded.
Gordon finished putting his socks on. When he turned to look at her, he was smiling. ‘Last night was pretty special wasn’t it?’ He touched her cheek and she resisted the urge to move back. ‘I’m glad you enjoyed it too,’ he said. ‘I could tell from the way you were panting.’ He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned in to plant a kiss just below her earlobe. ‘I love you,’ he whispered.
Her mind reeled. He’d thought she was just super aroused. That’s why he hadn’t responded when she struggled. He hadn’t meant to harm her. The explanation was there. Right there. It should have helped, but somehow it didn’t. She must have done something stupid to cause that lack of communication, but she couldn’t figure out what. She hugged her knees, suddenly filled with a weird mixture of shame and fear. All she wanted to do right now was disappear. Tears threatened and she ducked her head so that Gordon didn’t see.
‘I’ve got to run off, babe. I’m sorry.’ He straightened out his clothes. ‘I’ll see you later. Don’t forget you’re coming to the department’s annual dinner with me tomorrow.’ He planted a kiss on her mouth.
‘Yes,’ she managed weakly.
‘I’ll pick you up at seven.’ He patted her on the shoulder and left.
Beth continued sitting on the bed, staring into space, for a long time. After a while, Anna’s alarm went off, and Beth moved and dragged her feet into the kitchen to find that Gordon had left the washing-up. She sighed and rolled up her sleeves.
Hibs finished his meeting with Roger and got up to leave.
‘I’ll walk back with you,’ Roger said. ‘I need to talk to Beth.’
Hibs held the door open and let his boss past. The meeting had gone well. Roger was impressed with the pictures and data from Hibs’s portion of the work. He only needed a few more data sets and they could start writing a paper. With the colourful pictures, there was a good chance they could make a cover article in a decent journal. ‘Actually,’ he said. ‘Beth’s pictures would make a nice tie-in.’
