by Rhoda Baxter
She went to the middle of the lab and looked at the windows, eyes darting from one to the next. It was dark outside and there were no lights on in the building opposite. Maybe if she pretended she wasn’t here, even if Gordon got to her floor, he might think she’d gone home. She turned lights off and backed down the lab. At the end of Vik’s bench there was a metal clamp stand with several clamps attached. She unscrewed one and hefted it in her hand. It was long and sharp in places, but not very heavy. After a second’s thought, she unscrewed the rest of the clamps and picked up the stand itself. Heavy. And long. If she swung it and managed to make contact, that would hurt. She turned off the rest of the lights and crouched down in the shadow on the nitrogen cylinders, so that she could see the door.
It felt like she’d been waiting for years. Her legs were protesting and her back was going stiff from tension. At the click and the schlup of the security door opening, all aches were forgotten and Beth gripped the clamp stand with both hands, pressing against the wall to stay hidden. Footsteps in the corridor. Quick strides. No hesitation. Had Gordon found a way in? Beth’s jaw throbbed with tension. Someone came into the lab and flicked on the lights.
She tensed, getting ready to strike out. The figure turned and spotted her. She raised the clamp stand to shoulder height.
‘Beth?’ It wasn’t Gordon’s voice.
For a moment her brain froze, unable to recognise anything. Then relief. Overwhelming, body-draining, blessed relief. ‘Hibs.’ Thank goodness. The clamp stand clattered at her feet. Hibs turned, automatically going into a ready stance.
She threw herself into him. ‘Hibs. Oh god, it’s you.’
‘Hey.’ His arms closed around her. ‘It’s okay.’
Beth shook her head and realised she was shaking all over. ‘I thought you were Gordon. I didn’t want to go home, in case he was waiting for me. I was worried he’d get in and …’ The tears suddenly broke through. She put her head against his shoulder and sobbed.
Hibs’s arms stayed loosely wrapped around her for a moment before they tightened, drawing her close. He stroked her hair and repeated, ‘It’s okay, it’s okay,’ until the worst passed. It took a few minutes before Beth was able to appreciate the gesture. Hibs. Her friend who was always there for her. Right now there was no one else who could make her feel safer. Thank heavens for Hibs. Finally, her tears almost spent, Beth sniffed and raised her face.
‘Want to tell me what happened?’ He was still holding her. She realised she didn’t want him to let go.
‘I was supposed to be at a dinner with Gordon.’
‘Why did you offer to swap with me if you had to be somewhere?’
‘I didn’t want to go.’ Beth wiped her hand across her face.
Hibs frowned. ‘Okay. I won’t ask. I guess that’s between you and Gordon.’
Beth sniffed again and Hibs moved away to fetch a length of blue paper towel from above the sink. Immediately, she felt the chill of his absence. She took the tissue paper from him and blew her nose.
‘Wait.’ Hibs took her arm and turned the wrist over. An angry red weal was developing where she’d twisted out of Gordon’s grip. ‘Did Gordon do that to you?’ Beth nodded and stared at her wrist. How had she not noticed the pain before? Hibs ran a finger next to the bruise. ‘Can you move your wrist properly?’
She put the wrist through its range of movement and winced. ‘I can manage,’ she said.
‘Let’s get some ice on that. Here, sit down.’ He took her over to the desk area and motioned for her to sit, and then he picked up an ice bucket from the lab. ‘Stay there,’ he said. ‘I’ll be two seconds. If Gordon turns up, I’ll brain him with the ice bucket on my way back. Okay?’
She managed a little smile. Now that someone else was here, some of the adrenaline that had been keeping her upright sagged out of her. She leaned back in the chair and tipped her head back. Her legs felt wobbly. Hearing Hibs come back, she looked at the door. He was in his karate clothes, with a denim jacket thrown over them, pouring ice into a latex glove. The whole thing looked weird, but somehow that made her feel better.
He hunkered down in front of her and wrapped the ice-filled glove round her wrist. ‘There we go. That should help with the swelling.’ He looked up at her, his face full of concern. This was what it was like when someone genuinely cared. How could she ever have thought that Gordon gave a damn about her? ‘How are you feeling now? Better?’
‘Yes.’ She paused. ‘Doesn’t protocol demand you get me a hot beverage?’
‘Don’t push your luck.’
She gave a little giggle. Hibs smiled at her and leaned his forehead against hers. They sat together, foreheads touching for a moment, in comfortable silence.
Beth wasn’t sure when comfort turned to attraction. Suddenly, she was aware that he smelled nice – a combination of fresh laundry and sweat. There was a slight gap where the fabric of his karate top gaped enough to expose a tiny bit of lean chest. He was too close. Her breath caught in her throat. She looked up, moving back a little, and her gaze met his. She was close enough to see his pupils dilate and hear the change in his breathing. If he kissed her now, she knew she wouldn’t hesitate to kiss him back.
The moment seemed to stretch. If she moved, just a little bit, she could kiss him. She turned the idea over in her mind. She hadn’t kissed anyone other than Gordon in years. After all those days and years of friendship, what would it be like to kiss that mouth? To feel those gentle fingers touching her? All she had to do was lean forward.
Hibs took a deep breath and looked down at her wrist. ‘How’s this doing now?’ he said, leaning back, putting a safe distance between them.
Beth felt a wrench of disappointment. Why had he done that?
‘It looks like the swelling’s gone down,’ said Hibs, talking faster than usual. ‘Flex those fingers for me.’
Obediently, she moved her fingers.
‘Okay. That’s good.’ He stood up, not making eye contact. ‘I’ll just get rid of this ice pack.’ He waved the ice packed glove in front of her and practically ran to the other end of the lab.
Without the ice on one side and Hibs’s hand on the other, Beth’s wrist felt extra vulnerable. She placed it on her lap. What was wrong with her? She had called Hibs to come and help her and she was about to jump on him. Beth groaned. What was she turning into?
Hibs stood over the sink, staring at the ice chips. A cold shower. That’s what he needed. The girl was upset and there he was thinking about kissing her.
‘Dickhead,’ he muttered. He ran some hot water into the sink and watched the ice chips disappear. At least the mark on her wrist wouldn’t be so bad now. His jaw tightened as he thought of the reddened skin. Worse, the state of terror she’d been in when he’d arrived. If he ever saw Gordon, he’d kill him. What kind of a monster was he to frighten Beth like that?
And what kind of a git would he, Hibs, be to take advantage of her when she was so shaken up. He gave himself a stern talking to and returned to find Beth sitting where he’d left her, staring into space. Jesus, she really was in a bad way. He could look after her physically and make sure she was okay, but he was way out of his depth with the psychological side of things. Whatever Gordon had done to her, hurting her wrist was only a minor part of it. He seemed to have taken away something that animated her.
‘Beth, shall I take you home?’
She seemed to return to the present. ‘What if he’s waiting for me?’ The fear in her voice tore his heart.
‘If he is, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get near you.’
She nodded. Her faith in him was touching. He was slimmer than Gordon, but he was faster and well trained. He could take Gordon any day. He knew that, but it was nice that Beth seemed to know it too.
‘Come on then,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘Home.’ He made shooing motions with his hands. ‘It’s getting late, Tyler, and you look like crap on a stick. Let’s get you home.’
She glared at him, but there was no intensity to it. ‘Thanks,’ she said, flatly.
‘Always happy to give you a reality check.’
‘No, that’s not what I mean.’ She shrugged. ‘I meant for coming to get me.’
He wanted to throw caution out of the window and gather her up in his arms. He wanted to cuddle her and stroke her hair and tell her nothing, nothing would harm her again. But she was damaged and confused and fragile. So he smiled and said, ‘That’s okay. Nothing your average superhero wouldn’t do.’
He was rewarded with a weak smile.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Beth cranked her eyes open and groped around to turn off her alarm. Light glowed through the gap where her curtains hadn’t been properly closed. It was another day already. With a groan, she pulled her arm back under the covers. She didn’t want to get up. Not today. To get up and leave her room would make everything real.
The last time she’d been alone in this bed, she’d been in love with Gordon. In the space of a day, she’d gone from contented to bonkers to petrified. And now? She tried to sort out the clamour of emotion in her head. She felt betrayed and sore and angry. But somewhere in there was something else. Something light in the heavy darkness. Beth frowned. She was possibly going nuts. Her boyfriend had tried to attack her at least once, maybe twice. Her boss thought she was lousy at her job. What was there to be pleased about?
She turned on her bedside lamp and examined her wrist. The bruise was visible now. Gordon had hurt her but for once it wasn’t invisible. Hibs had made her take a photo of it so that she had tangible evidence that he’d hurt her. She wasn’t crazy. She prodded the bruise and winced. It was real alright.
How could she have been so stupid? Gordon had lied to her at every turn and she’d fallen for every single word of it. The dinner he’d put on for her had been a masterclass in seduction. The food, the plans for the future, the warmth, that feeling of being treasured. It had all been made up. Taken out of its wrapping and reheated for her. And she’d taken it all on faith.
His job application had been a lie too. She knew, with absolute conviction, that he was going to go back to America, just as he’d originally planned. And that girl, Mila. How long had he been seeing her? She wondered if any of his so-called swimming training sessions were real. Perhaps none of them. Yet he always called her on the nights when she was working.
She felt a sudden chill in her stomach when she remembered how he often made a call for a few minutes when they were together. He must have been checking up on Mila. And when he’d turned off his phone, Beth had thought it was because he wanted to concentrate on her. How had she fallen for all that?
She tried to think back to how things had been when she’d first started going out with him. Surely, she hadn’t been so gullible then? In the beginning, things had been normal. It had started with little things. Laughing at her insecurities. Little jokes about her work. All tiny, tiny little things that had added up to a big fat hole in her self-esteem. It had happened so slowly that she hadn’t even realised she was changing. Bastard.
Beth looked at her wrist again. Did Mila have any idea what he was doing to her? Poor girl. Perhaps she should warn her.
Beth’s mobile phone rang. Her first thought was that it was Gordon, and she felt a stab of panic. Despite her pep talk to herself, she couldn’t talk to him. He still had power over her. She stared at the wall for a moment, wanting to crawl back under her duvet and hide, but then shook her head. That would lead to her sliding back under Gordon’s spell. She had to do something to get out. She picked up the phone to reject the call. But the name on the screen was Hibs. Puzzled, she answered.
‘Good morning. I’m just giving you a heads-up that I’m coming round,’ he said.
Beth sat up. ‘Why?’
‘To walk you to work. I thought you might appreciate some company on the way in.’
‘Uh, I was thinking I might not go into work today …’
‘Why not?’ There was rustling as he moved the phone. ‘Just a minute. Tell me in person.’ He hung up and the doorbell rang.
Beth jumped out of bed and pulled on a dressing gown. She heard Anna go to the door. A muffled conversation outside was followed by a rap on her bedroom door. She opened it, to find Hibs holding his backpack in one hand and a carrier bag in the other. ‘Are you feeling okay?’ he said. ‘I mean, after yesterday.’
She was so pleased to see him she could have hugged him. The idea of going back into her life was frightening, but here was Hibs. Ready to stand behind her.
Hibs waved a bag in front of his face. ‘I picked up some cake. I figure we deserve it after all the fun and games last night. Come on, Tyler. Up and at ’em.’
She managed a small smile.
‘That’s better,’ said Hibs. ‘Now, hurry up and get ready. It’s Roger’s big presentation today. You don’t want to miss that.’
‘Fine. Fine. I’m coming.’ She pushed the door shut, leaving him outside in the hallway. ‘Fine.’
They walked in slowly. It was the sort of morning that made the world seem like a new place. The dawn mist had all but burned off, leaving everything covered in sparkling dew. It was Hibs’s favourite part of the year, when summer was just past its heady best and starting to slide gracefully into autumn. While it was still definitely summer, there was something that hinted at change, just waiting to turn. A bird swooped past, making them both look up.
‘What a beautiful morning. The sun’s shining,’ Beth said.
Hibs frowned. As far as he could tell, the weather was pretty much how it had been yesterday. ‘It’s summer,’ he said. ‘It’s been pretty sunny all week.’
‘Really?’ She looked around again. ‘How come I never noticed?’
She had been so focused on Gordon and keeping him happy that she’d stopped noticing everything else. Still, if she was noticing now, it could only be a good thing. ‘Perhaps you had other things on your mind,’ he suggested.
Beth nodded. ‘I guess.’
They walked along in silence. Beth was frowning and Hibs hoped she was thinking about Gordon and how wrong they were together. She looked smaller somehow, as though the scare last night had taken something away from her. Hibs wondered what it would be like to take her hand, to be her boyfriend, rather than being the work friend who hung out with her. To touch her and hold her. He had a sudden memory of her running away, clutching her bra to her as Gordon chased her. The wave of anger at Gordon was so strong it made him catch his breath. He gripped his bag tighter. Much as he wanted to hunt Gordon down and break every single one of his limbs, this was about Beth. He had to let her decide to let go of Gordon. Then he would hunt him down and break his every limb.
‘Hibs?’ Beth was staring into the middle distance.
‘Yes?’ Whatever she wanted of him, he would do it. He wondered what she was going to ask. Something about last night, or maybe – please – a request to make Gordon swallow his own teeth …
‘Why do you like being a scientist?’
Okay, that was not what he’d been expecting. He forced himself to think about the question though. ‘I find it … interesting.’
‘But why?’
This was going to require a full answer. Hibs took a deep breath and let it out. ‘Beth, I’m the third of three boys. My oldest brother is Jedediah Hibbotson the second, named after my great-grandfather. My other brother is Alfred Hibbotson the second, named after my grandfather.’
Beth smiled. ‘Are you James Hibbotson the second? I didn’t know that.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m not. I’m just James Hibbotson. I’m not named after anybody.’
‘What has that got to do with science?’
‘My brothers were meant to take over the family business. They were groomed from when they were young. They took degrees relevant to the business. They’re both very clever guys and between them they know everything there is to know about business and logistics. That’s what my dad wanted. Two sons to take on his empire. I was a mistake. So I wasn’t meant for anything. I could do whatever I wanted. Science was interesting enough to engage me, so I decided to do that. Turns out, I’m good at it. No one in my family understands what I do, but they understand that I’m good at it. That’s what keeps me coming back, contract after contract.’
Beth was quiet for a moment. ‘I’m still not sure I understand.’
What was wrong with him? He could talk for England normally, but when it came to talking to Beth, he was a complete babbling idiot. He decided to try again. ‘I do it for the buzz of being good at it. That thrill you get when things fall into place and then, suddenly, you’ve discovered something no one else has ever known before. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s incredible.’
Beth’s face fell. ‘I’ve never had that feeling. Does that mean I’m not that good?’
Bugger. That wasn’t what he’d meant to happen. ‘No. I’m not say—’
Beth held up a hand. ‘It’s okay, Hibs. I know what you mean. You love it because you’re good at it. You’re good at it because you’re interested. I don’t think I’m interested any more. I used to be. Now, I’m not so sure.’ She sighed. ‘I hate to say it, but I think Roger might have a point.’
‘No he doesn’t. He’s a wanker.’
A slight twitch of her mouth gave away that she was amused. ‘He is. But he’s hit on something.’ She turned and looked him in the eye for the first time that morning. ‘I’m going to quit.’
