by Destiny, A.
“Thanks.” Logan looked sheepish as he accepted the leash from the college girl. “Sorry about that.”
“No worries.” She leaned down and ruffled Patch’s ears, then offered him half the granola bar, which he slurped up eagerly. “I won’t turn this little guy in to the campus cops.”
Everyone laughed, including me. But I couldn’t help being disappointed. Whatever that moment had been between Logan and me, it was over now.
If only that squirrel hadn’t come along at just the wrong time . . .
Chapter Nineteen
Do you really think he was going to kiss you?” Simone asked eagerly.
I shot her a look. “How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t know.” I paused, thinking back to the previous afternoon. “It really kind of felt like that, though. Not that I know what that feels like. You know.”
She nodded and squeezed my arm. It was Saturday, and we were walking across campus toward the athletic fields, where the kickball championship was due to start in less than half an hour. Simone’s dad had just dropped us off on College Avenue. I hadn’t wanted to discuss my love life in front of him, of course, which meant this was my first chance to talk to Simone about Logan since last night, when I’d called to give her the full report.
“So how did you leave things?” Simone asked. “After the squirrel incident, I mean.”
I shrugged. “I already told you. We rolled up the kite string, then walked Patch a little more. Then it was getting late and Logan said he had to get home for dinner. He walked me to Eats and said good-bye. . . .”
“No kissing attempt then?” Simone looked hopeful, as if she actually thought I might have been keeping that kind of juicy tidbit a secret.
“No. He left to walk to his house, and I went inside and talked Aunt Vera into giving me a lift home. The end.”
Ahead, I could hear the sounds of shouts and laughter and general ruckus. We were nearing the university baseball field that would be the site of the kickball showdown of the century. Or at least of this spring.
“No kiss,” Simone mused. She shrugged. “Still, I think it counts as a date. I wonder what he’ll do when he sees you today?”
I was wondering the same thing. Part of me was excited to see him again. Another part was terrified. Megan and Ling would both be at the game today—they always came to cheer on the Lo-Ed team. Would they notice that things were different between Logan and me?
Were things different between Logan and me?
I supposed I was about to find out, since we were almost to the field. As usual, the scene was total pandemonium. The bleachers along the first-base line and behind the dugout were overflowing with spectators. I spotted a bunch of people I knew from school, including a few teachers.
The high school team was warming up with some kicking drills, while the college kids were just hanging out near home plate. I waved to Susannah, who was chugging a sports drink and chatting with her boyfriend. She waved back, but Chuck and several of her other teammates grabbed her and forced her arm down, yelling something about fraternizing with the enemy. Susannah giggled and raised her hands in surrender.
Then I heard someone calling my name. Gabi and Gwen were hurrying toward us. “Hey, you guys came!” I exclaimed.
“Nice T-shirt,” Simone added with a laugh.
Gwen was dressed all in black, as usual, but Gabi was sporting a homemade T-shirt with CRUSH THE CO-ED CRAZIES! written on it in neon fabric paint.
“Very creative,” I told Gabi. “Obviously Ms. Blumenkranz is rubbing off on you.”
She grinned. “What can I say? I have the soul of an artiste. Anyway, we’re psyched to see you guys crush the Co-Eds, right, Gwen?”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Rah, rah, sis boom bah,” she said dryly. But her eyes were twinkling behind their black eyeliner.
“Come on.” Simone tugged on my arm. “We’d better get over there before Vinnie thinks we deserted.”
As we headed for our teammates, my eyes searched for Logan. My heart gave a little jump as I spotted him. He was on the far side of the group doing bounce-kick drills with Matt and Darius. All three guys were laughing, and Logan looked so happy and adorable I could hardly stand it.
“There he is,” I told Simone. “Maybe I should go over and—”
“Aha!” A familiar voice rang out right behind us. “We were wondering when you’d show your face, Bailey.”
Startled, I spun around. Megan and Ling were standing side by side with their cheerleading pom-poms at their feet. However, neither of them looked particularly cheery at the moment. Ling’s arms were crossed over her chest, and Megan’s hands were on her hips. Both of them were glaring at me.
“Hey, guys. What’s going on?” I said uncertainly.
“We know what you did yesterday.” Ling’s voice was cold. “How could you go out with Logan behind my back?”
“Behind both our backs.” Megan sounded more hurt than angry. “You knew we were going to tell him how we feel today!”
Simone frowned at them. “How did you guys find out about that?” she blurted out. Then she caught herself and shot me an apologetic look. “Oops, I mean . . .”
“So you knew about this?” Ling glared at Simone briefly before turning those piercing brown eyes back on me. “I guess it’s true, then. I didn’t want to believe it when my brother told me he saw you guys on campus yesterday.”
“I still can’t believe it,” Megan put in. “I never thought you were sneaky like that, Bailey.”
I frowned. After all her antics this past week, she was calling me sneaky?
Simone stepped forward. “Lay off, you guys,” she snapped. “Bailey didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Oh, really?” Ling’s eyebrows shot up so far they almost disappeared into her hairline. “So stealing someone else’s guy isn’t wrong? Interesting.”
“He’s not your guy,” Simone retorted.
“Shut up, all of you,” Megan said urgently. “He’s coming!” She shot me a look. “We can discuss this later.”
A second later, Logan and the other two guys jogged up to us. “Ready to kick some college butt, ladies?” Matt asked, stepping over to give Simone a quick hello kiss.
Meanwhile Logan was smiling at me. “Hey, Bailey,” he said. “I thought about bringing Patch to watch the game, but I figured if a squirrel ran by, it’d be a disaster.”
I forced a laugh, even though I wasn’t feeling very cheery. “I think Vinnie’s starting a huddle,” I said. “We’d better get over there.”
Usually playing in the Co-Ed/Lo-Ed games was a blast. But it was hard to enjoy myself under the circumstances. I had to admit it—I’d grown kind of accustomed to my popularity-adjacent status over the years. Once my annoyance wore off, I started to realize that all of that might be over.
That wasn’t even the worst part, though. The worst part was remembering the hurt look in Megan’s eyes. The disbelieving sense of betrayal in Ling’s. Even though I’d been hanging out with them for years, I’d always thought of them as Simone’s friends. Now, just a little too late, I realized that somewhere along the way they’d become my friends, too. Okay, so we didn’t have much in common. That didn’t matter—I still cared about them. Why hadn’t I thought about that before? Maybe if I had, I would have talked to them about my feelings for Logan instead of assuming they wouldn’t listen. Things couldn’t have ended up any worse, right?
By the time the Lo-Ed team took the field for the third inning, I was feeling pretty low. We had more fielders than we needed, so Vinnie was rotating us on and off the field. This time I ended up at second base, while Zoe played first and Simone was out in right field. Logan was shortstop—a little too close for comfort. I was pretty sure he was trying to catch my eye a couple of times, but I was careful to face the pitcher’s mound so I could pretend not to notice.
I also pretended not to notice Megan and Ling, who were cheering us on from the sidelines. Or at least that’s what they were supposed to be d
oing. Mostly it seemed like they were standing off apart from Taylor and the other volunteer cheerleaders, just the two of them, talking with their heads close together. And occasionally staring at me. Great. Just one more thing to distract me from the game.
The first couple of Co-Ed kickers didn’t do much, which made it even harder to pay attention. As I checked on Ling and Megan out of the corner of my eye, my mind kept rerunning the confrontation with them. It was really bad luck that Ling’s older brother had spotted me with Logan, though now that I was thinking logically, I knew it had been crazy to think they wouldn’t find out somehow. It was a small town, and gossip always traveled fast. I was a little surprised I hadn’t noticed Ling’s brother, but then again, I’d been too caught up in Logan to notice much of anything else.
“Heads up, Myers!” someone hollered.
I snapped out of my daze just in time to see that Susannah’s boyfriend, Chuck, had just kicked the ball right toward me. Rushing forward, I scooped it up and whipped it over to Zoe, who tagged Chuck out at first.
“Good hustle, people!” Vinnie shouted from the pitcher’s mound. “Keep it up!”
“Nice play, Bailey!” Logan called.
I chanced a look over at him. He gave me a thumbs-up and I smiled back weakly, flooded with memories from the day before. Being with Logan had felt so right, so fun and easy. Then there was that moment when I’d thought—no, hoped—that he might kiss me. . . .
I banished that particular memory as soon as it popped into my head. If I wanted to salvage my friendships, I had to stop thinking about stuff like that. I needed to make things right with Ling and Megan. Even if that meant backing off and letting them have Logan.
By the end of the game, which we lost by three points, I was determined to get it over with. Barely aware of Susannah and her teammates leaping and shouting in celebration all around me, I hurried over to the sidelines. Before I got there, Megan and Ling came forward to meet me.
“We’ve been talking, and we just want to know—why’d you do it?” Megan peered into my face.
I turned away, not quite brave enough to face their accusations head-on. “I don’t know,” I said impatiently. “I guess I thought—never mind. It doesn’t matter now.”
“Yes, it does,” Ling insisted. “Seriously, Bailey. You’ve never even gone out with anyone before, right?”
“I know, I know, I’m pathetic.” I sighed. “I guess I just went delusional for a while. But listen, I don’t want to fight about this, okay? I’m sorry I went behind your backs, and I promise I won’t do it again. He’s all yours.”
“What?” Ling sounded surprised. “Wait, Bailey. We’re just trying to figure out what happened here.”
“You already know what happened. I thought Logan was cute, I did something stupid, the end. But I’m really sorry, and I don’t want you guys to hate me, so I’m backing off. I mean it. Okay?”
They just stared at me, not saying anything. I felt a flash of irritation. What more did they want? Did they expect me to swear an oath in blood before they’d forgive me? Or—my heart constricted as I thought of it—maybe they just weren’t going to forgive me. The thought made me feel panicky and trapped, like a butterfly stuck in a specimen jar.
Finally Megan spoke. “Look, we’re not telling you what to do,” she said. “We’re just asking what’s up. I mean, you’ve been spending so much time tutoring Logan and everything, it’s really not surprising if you started to have feelings for him.”
“Can we stop talking about this, please? I already said you can have him!” I cried, so desperate to make them understand that my voice came out a little louder than I’d intended. “I’m telling you, I don’t like Logan that way! I’m only spending so much time tutoring him because it will look good on my college applications.”
Ling and Megan didn’t answer. In fact, they were both staring at something over my left shoulder. Uh-oh . . .
I spun around. Logan was standing there. Had he heard what I’d just said? The answer was written all over his face. He looked shocked, angry . . . hurt?
“Logan, I—” I began.
Too late. He’d already turned and hurried away.
Chapter Twenty
I stared after Logan, my heart sinking. I’d really blown it this time. And hurt a really cool guy in the process. Maybe the coolest guy I’d ever met.
But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t risk my friendships for a guy—I wasn’t that kind of girl. Maybe now that I’d humiliated myself in front of Logan, Ling and Megan would forgive my temporary insanity. Maybe they’d even apologize for being such jerks to me. That was all I really needed—right? Then things could go back to how they were before. I could go back to my life plan.
“Bailey,” Megan exclaimed. “Go!”
“What?” I said, turning toward her. Was she really going to be that way? To my surprise, she was smiling.
“Seriously, go.” She reached out and gave me a little shove. “Go after him before he gets away!”
“What?” Ling and I said in unison.
Megan glanced at Ling. “You know we have to back off,” she said. “Isn’t that what we just spent the entire game talking about?”
Ling frowned. “I thought we hadn’t decided for sure.”
“Come on.” Megan rolled her eyes. “It’s obvious that Bailey’s really into him. I can’t believe we didn’t see it before.”
Ling glanced at me, not saying anything. Just then Simone jogged over. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“Ling and I just realized Bailey really likes Logan,” Megan said.
Simone snorted. “Well, duh. Took you long enough to catch on.”
“I know, right?” Megan smiled at me. She didn’t look upset at all anymore. “Now we just have to convince Ling.”
“Fine, whatever.” Ling wasn’t exactly smiling, but she didn’t look mad, either. “I’m convinced, okay? I wasn’t really that into him anyway.”
“Awesome!” Simone grabbed her and hugged her. Ling pushed her away, pretending to be annoyed. But this time she actually was smiling.
“So?” Megan gazed at me. “What are you waiting for?”
What was I waiting for? I could see Logan over by the dugout with some of the other guys. Even after what had just happened, I still felt that little flutter of sparks when I looked at him.
But was sparks enough? What was that, really? Just an involuntary physiological reaction, a potent mix of adrenaline, dopamine, and probably a bunch of other brain chemicals I’d learn more about in med school someday. If that was all there was to it, I could get the same basic effect by skydiving or something. If that was all there was to it, maybe this thing with Logan wasn’t worth all the angst and distraction. Maybe it was better to let him go. To stick to my plan.
Then I thought about the stuff my mom had told me the day before, about how plans don’t always work out the way you think they will. How one little detail, like studying abroad, can change everything.
Could that first flutter of sparks have changed me? If it had stopped there, probably not. But those feelings had kept going, getting even stronger as I’d gotten to know Logan better.
And suddenly, just like that, I got it. There was something about him—something special. Something about us, Logan and me, together. Even Megan and Ling seemed to get it now. Looking at the evidence—especially that moment yesterday, when I’d been pretty sure he was thinking about kissing me—it was pretty clear that Logan felt it too. That he’d felt it all along. Or at least he had until . . .
I swallowed hard, picturing the hurt look in his eyes when he’d overheard me just now. Had I ruined everything?
“Well?” Simone sounded impatient. “Why are you still standing here with us when you could be over there smooching on your guy?”
I bit my lip, glancing again at Logan. His back was to me, so I couldn’t see his face. Was it my imagination that his shoulders looked tense and angry?
“He might not want to s
ee me right now,” I told Simone.
With help from Megan and Ling, I filled her in on what had just happened. She winced when she heard what I’d said. But when I finished, she just shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter. He’ll forgive you.” She sounded so certain, it was hard not to believe her.
“Yeah, just apologize.” Megan smiled hopefully. “What have you got to lose?”
Ling nodded. “You’ve got to at least give it a try,” she said. “Otherwise you’ll hate yourself for wimping out.”
She was right. They all were. Maybe I wasn’t very experienced at this whole girl-boy thing. So what? Like my mom had said earlier, I’d never backed off from going after something I wanted before. If I started doing that, I’d never make it through med school. Or even high school, most likely.
I felt a flutter of nerves. Or was that sparks?
“Okay, here goes nothing,” I muttered.
“That’s the spirit!” Simone cried. She hugged me, while Ling and Megan patted me on the back.
Unfortunately, by the time I turned away from my friends, Logan wasn’t by the dugout anymore. I hurried over to Matt and Darius, who were hanging out by the cooler of drinks Vinnie had brought.
“Where’d Logan go?” I asked them.
Matt chugged his sports drink. “Not sure,” he said, his lips and tongue now bright blue. “He just took off.”
“He went that way, I think.” Darius pointed. “Said something about heading home.”
“Thanks.” I wandered off, feeling discouraged. So much for that. No matter how much I wanted to fix things, I wasn’t going to follow Logan home. That just seemed a little too stalkerish to me.
A flash of color caught my eye, and I looked up. For a second I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. It looked like a large purple bird darting and wheeling high up in the sky.
Then I blinked as it came into focus. It wasn’t a bird—it was a kite. I realized the south end of Campus Lawn lay beyond the trees that edged the playing fields. I also realized that that was the direction Darius had pointed. . . .
