by M. J. O'Shea
It felt amazing. Ben wasn’t gonna lie.
“SO HOW’S your mom?” Rory asked as they changed their shoes after the final game.
“She’s good. It was tough for her for a long time after Dad left, but she’s gotten into her routine. I think she’s pretty happy.”
Rory frowned. “I forgot about that. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I was already gone to college. I nearly came back to be honest, but Mom told me she’d kick me out if I did.” Ben smiled. “I go see her a lot.”
“Your mom made the best cookies. I still have flashbacks.” Rory closed his eyes and practically moaned. Ben bit the inside of his lip. Say something before you attack his lips with yours.
“Hey, you should come over this Sunday and visit Mom with me. She’d love to see you. She might even make you cookies.”
“I don’t think so, Ben,” Rory said quietly. “Not a good idea.”
Okay, don’t suggest family visits. Got it.
“Sorry. I forgot. Things just felt… normal again there for a minute. Pretend I never asked.”
“’Kay.” Rory nudged him with a shoulder. “Hey, listen. I’ll see you Monday, okay?”
“Yeah.” Ben tried not to feel like he was sinking into the ground. “See you Monday.”
They strolled out to the parking lot in silence. Ben was still embarrassed about inviting Rory to his mom’s house, so he stayed quiet and didn’t make a move to say goodnight other than a halfhearted wave. Rory drove off, and Fen tackled him from behind as he and Jeremy spilled out of the alley. Fen was tipsy but not drunk. Happy. “Hey, things seem to be better between you two. Are you all sorted out, then?”
“Not really. We’re being coworkers. He told me he didn’t want to be friends.”
“Ouch,” Fen muttered.
Thanks, that helped. Way to take the sting out of it.
“What the hell’s with you two?” Jeremy asked. “Like really, there is some awkward-ass blood between you, and I don’t get it.”
“You didn’t tell him?” Ben asked Fen, a bit incredulously to tell the truth.
“No,” Fen hiccuped. “Not my story to tell. You think I’m a douche or something?”
Ben smiled and ruffled Fen’s hair. “Not a douche. You need me to take you home, dude? You aren’t really in the shape to drive.”
“Sure. Guess I’ll ride my bike out to pick up my truck in the morning.” He shuffled around in his pockets for his keys. “Got ’em,” he finally said. “Let’s go home.”
“C’mon. I’ll tell you about Rory and me another time, Jer. Lemme get this one home.”
Jeremy smiled wryly and nodded at Fen, who was halfway draped into Ben’s car.
“Hey, Ben?” Fen asked. “Can we stop at Taco Bell on the way home? I seriously could murder a few chalupas.”
Ben chuckled. “Sure.”
HE THOUGHT he’d gotten used to it—gotten used to seeing Rory every day, with his perfectly fitted jeans and khakis cut to make Ben drool. Thought he’d gotten used to the way he tied his hair back in a short, thick ponytail but still had pieces of it curling out around his face. Ben thought it was okay. He could deal with Rory. They’d actually had a bit of fun with each other. Things were going to be fine.
Yeah. Not so fine.
Monday morning, Rory showed up in these black dress pants that had to have been cut just for him. He had a dark fitted shirt on, and seriously. Ben just wanted to haul him into the art room, lock the door, and spend a few hours slowly dragging each and every thread of those infuriating clothes right off his body. Act normal. You’re not about to attack him. Ben could barely breathe, let alone pretend he wasn’t about to implode with lust.
“Morning,” Ben said with a smile. Act normal, act normal. It felt just like being sixteen again, desperately lusting after Rory and being absolutely sure his feelings would be met with disdain.
“Morning.” The smile Rory gave him was almost shy, maybe even a bit flirtatious.
No. He’s not flirting with you. Knock it off.
“How was your weekend?” Rory asked.
Ben smiled. They were talking still, and sure, it wasn’t about anything, but it still felt really nice. “Quiet. I mowed my mom’s lawn and went to the gym a few times. Coached a Saturday practice. I’m a pretty high roller.”
“About as much of one as me.” Rory nodded. “Have a good morning. See you at lunch.”
Yes. We’re pleasant coworkers. Ben gritted his teeth and really tried not to follow Rory into the chem lab with his eyes. He made a valiant effort at least, but yeah, he watched. It was damn impossible not to.
He heard snickers as he turned to go into his classroom. Ben turned to see two of his students grinning at him slyly.
“Yes, ladies?” He asked, eyebrows raised.
“Nothing, Mr. Parsons,” they chorused. Immediately, they broke into giggles again.
“What?” Ben looked at his clothes, checked his hair for debris. Nothing. “Is there something on my back?”
“No. You’re friends with Mr. Newton, right?”
Oh. More of this. “We’ve known each other for a long time,” Ben answered. He hoped that answer was safe. Not leading adult teachers on was one thing. He had to shut the girls down right away. He hoped they didn’t ask.
One of them, Christel, grinned. “We just think you two would look cute together.”
“Girls, he’s an—wait what?” That hadn’t been what Ben expected at all.
“We just noticed the way you smile at him, and thought, well, you and Mr. Newton would be cute together. He likes guys, right?”
They notice the way I smile at him? Jesus, am I that obvious? Okay, can’t have this conversation. Shut it down… shut it down. Ben smiled indulgently while trying not to hyperventilate inside. “You ladies are sweet, but that’s not a school topic, okay? Mr. Newton and I are teachers.”
“I know, but—”
“Why don’t you two go have a seat?” Ben asked. “Get out the materials listed on the board.” He kept the smile on his face but made sure they knew that there would be no more talking about he and “Mr. Newton” getting together.
Ben stood out in the hallway, trying to calm his pounding heart. If his students—teenagers who were typically so wound tight in their own self-image that they could barely function—noticed how he looked at Rory, that meant everyone else probably did too.
I’m fucked.
BEN USED his key to get into his mother’s house. Like he told Rory, he went over pretty frequently since his parents got divorced right after high school. His mother had dated a little bit, but she was alone a lot. Ben liked to stop by for dinner or just to talk. He hadn’t been by much since school started. The start of the school year was exhausting, and well, he’d had to warm up to telling his mother about Rory. It was one of those things he didn’t like to say out loud. Rory’s back. Rory. The more he talked about it, the more it sunk in.
“Hey, Ma. I brought lasagna,” he called from the doorway. His mother bustled in from the kitchen, wearing an apron covered in flour.
“Hi sweetie. I’m making cookies for later. You’ll have to take them to the boys at school.”
“I’m sure they’ll love it. They always do love your cookies.” Ben’s mother chuckled. “Oh C’mon. Mom.”
“What?” She giggled. “I can’t think something’s funny? How are Fenton and Jeremy?”
“They’re good. But….”
She raised her eyebrow. “But what?”
“It’s not just them this year. Burroughs is gone, and there’s a new chem teacher. He kind of fit in pretty quickly.”
“Oh, lovely. I’ll have to meet him as well.”
Ben took a deep breath. “You have.” Oh, God, oh God, oh God. Cringe. “It’s Rory.”
“Oh.” Ben’s mother’s eyes went wide. “And how’s that working out? I know you two had… what did happen there? I didn’t want to be a nosy mom and ask.”
Ben had never told his mother abo
ut Rory. He was out; he’d been out for years, but not about that. As far as his parents knew, he’d found his first boyfriend in college (which hadn’t lasted long) and never really looked back. His dad wasn’t too happy about it, but he dealt. His mom was amazing. Ben couldn’t have asked for better.
“Mom, so Rory and I. We weren’t just friends. I mean, we were for a long time, and then we weren’t. The last few months we were together. And I broke up with him so I could—” Ben broke off. He didn’t want to explain it to another person. He felt like such an ass every time. And every time, it sounded that much worse.
“I know, darling.”
“You know?”
She smiled. “I didn’t know that something had formally happened with the two of you, but I knew you were in love with each other. It was so obvious. Regina and I were waiting for it to happen. We were both so confused when you two stopped being friends.”
“So was Rory.” Ben sighed. “So was I for that matter. I made some dumb choices. I’m paying for them now.”
“How?”
“I….” Ben nearly choked. “I still love him, Ma. I knew I’d never stopped thinking about him, but it hit me when I saw him. It’s never been over. I…I love him.” Ben shuddered. Sure, he’d noticed how hot Rory was, sure he really liked being near him again, but love? There was no point in denying it. He’d said it to his mom, and he’d been telling the truth. Maybe there were just people that were impossible to get over. If so, Rory was that person for him.
“And how does Rory feel?”
“He doesn’t even want to be my friend. I’m pretty sure he hates me.”
His mom reached out and put her hand over Ben’s. “He doesn’t hate you. He never hated you. He was sad and hurt and lonely after you two stopped being friends, but he didn’t hate you. He’ll come around eventually. Give him time.”
Ben wished he believed his mother, but he didn’t know how that was going to happen. He just wanted Rory back. Any way he could have him.
Chapter Six
FRIDAY NIGHT at Beaver’s hadn’t been quite the same since Rory rolled back into town. It wasn’t just Ben and Fen with an occasional guest star of Pinky any longer. Jeremy’s wife seemed to be more comfortable as long as there was someone other than the Trouble Twins around, so he’d started coming to hang out. And then there was Rory, the new addition. Pinky still showed up once or twice, but that night, it was just the four of them. It was relaxed and bromantic, jokes and nachos and beers, fun as long as Ben ignored the pounding sledgehammer of his heart every time Rory so much as breathed in his direction. It was hard to ignore something that felt like it was about to break out of his chest.
Rory suggested they play pool after their supply of food dwindled. Ben agreed right away. It had to be better than being squished next to him at a table, smelling him and feeling his body heat.
“Is this going to be like bowling?” Jeremy asked loudly. He and Fen were still pretty sore about how they’d been played by Rory. They blamed Ben just as much.
Rory chuckled. “Nah, I suck at pool. Plus, we’re not betting, are we?”
“No. We don’t bet when Fen plays. I like my money,” Ben said with a laugh. “Why don’t we play teams?”
“I get Fen,” Jeremy announced quickly.
Ben’s stomach dropped. “You okay with that?” he asked Rory quietly.
“Yeah. It’s fine. I hope you’re a lot better than me, though, or this will be a short game.”
“Not much.” Ben smiled at him. It felt really good to smile without subtext. “But Fen’s given me a few tips. And Jeremy sucks just as bad as you used to, so we won’t be completely slaughtered.”
“Good. Rack ’em.”
The game went from silly to ridiculous. Jeremy and Rory were awful; Ben wasn’t much better. And none of them, not even Fen, took the game seriously. They made illegal shots, drank more beer, and half the time forgot whose balls they were even aiming for.
It felt a lot like it had when they were bowling. Like four friends, good times, even a bit of memories. Ben started to forget that he and Rory weren’t friends anymore. He’d apologize a million times if he thought it would help, but he was pretty sure it wouldn’t. Ben chugged another long swallow of beer. He just wanted to forget about it all for once and have a good night.
“You know where we haven’t been in a long time?” Fen asked, after the last ball had sunk.
Of course. Ben snorted. “Why do you always want to go there when you’re drunk? Are you trying to tell me something, dude?”
“Where does he want to go?” Rory asked laughingly.
“Sugarshack. I swear. Every damn time. One night, you’re going to end up hooking up with a guy, and I’m not even going to be surprised.”
“Hey, you never know,” Fen chuckled. “Don’t knock it.”
“For real?” Jeremy looked surprised.
Fen shrugged. Jeremy nodded slowly. “Alrighty, then. Learn something new every day.”
“Don’t listen to his drunk ass. He’s never going to get with a dude. I was kidding. I swear, he just likes to go to give me crap for trying to flirt and cockblock everyone he thinks isn’t worthy.”
“I can see how that would be fun,” Jeremy said with a slow grin.
“Are you guys seriously wanting to go to the club?”
“Sure,” Fen said.
“I’ll just have to text Delia to let her know I’ll be late.” Jeremy shrugged. “I’m in. Why not?”
They all looked at Rory. “Of course. I have no objections. Lemme close my tab, and I’m ready.”
Wow. So okay. He was going to the gay club with his two straight friends. And Rory. Always “and Rory” for him. Ben wondered if Rory was ever going to be just part of the crowd or if he’d always stick out. Then he wondered why he’d wondered. Please. Just, please.
BEN HADN’T been in Sugarshack for weeks. He just… well, let’s say the mood hadn’t been there. Usually, he went to dance and let go and look for one thing and one thing only: a pretty boy to take back to his place and hopefully never see again. With Rory in the picture, that need wasn’t there. Any guy he’d find wouldn’t have Rory’s thick wavy hair, his broad shoulders, his mellow tenor voice; he wouldn’t smell like Rory, wouldn’t walk with the same loose-limbed, easy grace. He just wouldn’t feel right. Ben wanted it—he hadn’t been so keyed up and horny probably since he was a teenager—but he didn’t want it with anyone else. He wanted it with the guy he’d been waiting to touch since eighth grade.
They’d never gone all that far, other than hours kissing and a few furtive nights touching. It had been enough back then, to make Ben go off like a freaking Fourth of July bottle rocket. Just touching, rubbing up against Rory, kissing—it had been enough for both of them. He wasn’t seventeen anymore, satisfied with a few breathless hand jobs, but man, with Rory, he might be. Too bad he didn’t even have the chance to do that much.
“Delia is going to laugh her ass off when I tell her where we are,” Jeremy said quietly. “She’s always giving me crap because you don’t think I’m hot. I swear she wants you to kiss me or something.” Jeremy elbowed Ben.
“I thought she didn’t like when you hung out with Fen and me.” Ben chuckled. “Besides, you are hot. But you’re my friend, my very straight friend. I don’t ever go there. Ever.” He grinned slyly. “Why? Delia have a thing for watching guys together?”
Jeremy snorted. “Probably. I don’t want to know that, though.”
“I’m with you,” Ben muttered. He sure as hell didn’t want to watch any of his friends get it on.
Ben turned to see what Rory had to say, but Rory was already at the bar grinning and laughing with the bartender and handing over cash.
“Dude, quit looking at him like that.” Fen reached across the table and swatted Ben’s arm.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Like he’s an enormous creamy cupcake and you’ve been on a diet since birth.”
Ben groaned. �
�But that’s what it feels like. Only thing that makes it worse is I already know what he tastes like and I can’t freaking have more.”
“Okay.” Fen held up his hand. “I can do this when I don’t know the guy, but Rory’s my friend too. It’s too weird.”
“I didn’t say anything bad.” Ben furrowed his eyebrows.
“You said you knew what his frosting tasted like.” Fen grabbed Jeremy’s arm and made dramatic gagging noises.
Ben snorted into his hand. “I didn’t say frosting, and for the record, I don’t. We were kids. We didn’t do much.”
“Overshare. I’m going to go grab a drink.”
Jeremy pointed to where Rory was coming their way with a tray full of beers. “Looks like he’s got that covered.”
They all watched as Rory set the tray of drinks down.
“Hey, thanks, man,” Fen said. “Next round is on me.”
“No problem.” Rory smiled at Fen. “Time to get you drunk and see if we can’t find you a man.”
Ben nearly snorted his beer out of his nose.
THEY CROWDED into one of the few booths and watched the dance floor fill up. It was Friday, so the place wasn’t as busy as it would be the next night, but that was probably for the best. Fewer of his past… friends to potentially run into. Ben had ended up right next to Rory, who seemed pretty loose after his beer at the pool hall. He was warm and friendly, gesturing when he talked and laughing up a storm. It felt so damn good to be near him; he smelled like home. All Ben wanted to do was curl up in that scent, lay his head down on Rory’s thighs like he used to when they were kids, and nuzzle his face up into that springy, muscled belly. It was one of his oldest instincts, to be as close to Rory as he could. Seemed like once he was comfortable, that instinct came sliding back in all easy like nothing had changed.
Danger!
“I’ll grab the next round,” Ben said quickly and hopped up out of the booth before he did something stupid like lean over and kiss Rory’s neck. Yeah, sounded stupid, but it was a closer call than even he wanted to admit. “Everyone want the same thing?”
