by Payne, Jenna
“Alison,” her mom said, smiling at her as she opened the door.
Alison’s heart leaped in relief, smiling at her mother as she called her by her name, seeming glad to see her.
Her mom seemed surprised at first when Alison reached for a hug but gladly returned it. As the two separated, she couldn’t help but smile as she noticed her mom’s glossy eyes, noting how glad she seemed to see her again.
“I’m sorry. It’s just been so long,” her mom sniffled, patting at her eyes as she tried not to smudge her makeup.
Alison laughed rather brightly before assuring her that it was alright, that she understood because she really did. She had missed her mom more than anything too.
“Come on, let’s go inside,” she said, offering Alison a watery smile.
Alison nodded as she stepped inside, regarding her childhood home longingly.
She had been raised here; spent her teen years here, spent her university years here, came to visit every holiday and Christmas until she was told not to come back.
It was still the same, the hardwood floor and the faded white walls. She couldn’t help but wince, however, when she realized her pictures had been taken down.
A small part of her was glad that she didn’t have to look at pictures of herself from before. It made her uncomfortable because it reminded her of a time when she was too afraid to be herself, a time where she was living a lie.
“I’m sorry, Alison. Your dad took them down and well, he won't allow me to put them back up,” she said, looking at her sympathetically.
“It’s fine, mom,” she said, smiling softly despite the pang in her chest. “I thought you said he was fine with everything now, though?”
Alison raised a brow at her mom’s nervous expression, watching the way she squirmed slightly.
“Mom, what did you do?” Alison sighed, trying not to get upset.
“Your dad, well he doesn’t know you’re here,” she muttered, and Alison felt dread fill her.
“I should go-” Alison began, already rushing to the door when her mom grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving.
“Please Alison, don’t go. I’m sorry I lied to you but I just want to see my… daughter,” she said and Alison frowned at the way she hesitated.
“Mom, I won't stay here if I’m not accepted or at least respected. Dad hates me, I know he does,” Alison retaliated, swallowing the lump in her throat.
“He won't be willing to change unless he’s forced to. That’ll never happen if he doesn’t see you again,” she pleaded, taking Alison’s hand in her own.
Alison looked down at her, seeing her mom’s pleading blue eyes looking up at her own.
“Alright,” she found herself saying, trying to ignore the burst of nerves in her stomach, “I’ll stay, but only if dad agrees to it. I won't stay where I’m not wanted.”
Despite how much it hurt her to say those words, she knew she needed to. She’d come too far to go back now; to allow people to disrespect her for who she was.
If she stayed in a place where she would be treated badly, she knew it would erase a lot of the progress she’d made in growing as a person. She needed to think about what was best for herself, and if her dad didn’t want her here, then that was far from it.
*****
“He’s going to kill me when he sees me,” Alison sighed, sitting on the couch rather tense as she and her mom awaited her dad’s arrival.
“He won't kill you, Alison,” her mom sighed as though the idea were ridiculous, annoying Alison.
“Really? Because I distinctly remember that almost happening before,” she shot back, watching the way her mom cringed at the memory.
“Alison, please,” her mom begged, but Alison was tired of her mom pretending it didn’t happen just because choosing to forget was easier.
“No mom. Maybe you can forget what happened but I can’t.”
“Alison -”
“Mom, he pushed me down the stairs!” Alison screamed, watching as her mom flinched.
“You know he didn’t mean that,” she whispered.
Alison sighed, taking a deep breath as she ran her hand through her black hair, just like her dad’s.
“I know that,” she breathed because she really did. “But that doesn’t change what happened.”
“He felt terrible,” her mom continued as though she hadn't heard her.
“I know,” she agreed, remembering how afraid he was that he’d hurt her, remembering how much he apologized as he cried.
He’d still asked her not to come back, however, and a part of Alison thought that maybe it was the guilt or maybe it was that he was afraid to hurt her again.
“He’s never been the same since. That’s part of the reason I called you back. I hoped that maybe if you two could reconnect you and him could find some peace,” she sighed almost defeated, and Alison nodded, understanding where she was coming from. That didn’t mean she thought it would work.
“I can try, mom,” she said instead, hoping it was enough.
Her mom smiled at her, pleased with her answer. “I think I know how you two can work things out.”
“How?” Alison asked, honestly curious.
“You know I told you your father coaches the local football team?”
Alison nodded, remembering her mom telling her on the phone as well as seeing him on TV.
She wasn’t surprised. Her father had been trying to land that job for as long as she could remember and as a result, she was quite the fan of the sport herself. It was something she and her dad had always bonded over.
“Maybe you can go with him to some of the team practices. Maybe doing something together that the two of you loved before might help.”
Alison contemplated her words. She still didn’t know if this would work but she finally nodded, knowing that one day she’d regret not taking the chance at reconnecting with her father.
Alison froze when she heard the front door opening, feeling her heart racing in her chest. She wasn’t afraid her dad would hurt her, she knew he regretted that and wouldn’t do it again.
What frightened her was the thought of her dad’s rejection, of being asked to leave again.
“Debbie, you home?” dad asked, the sound of his boots against the hardwood nearing the living room.
Alison flinched slightly when she felt fingers lacing with her own, looking down to see her mom holding onto her hand where it was rested on her knee; a gesture of reassurance.
Looking back up, Alison smiled at her mom who returned it rather timidly, the two waiting for her dad.
“Debbie, have you seen my-” he began as he entered the room but froze upon seeing Alison, his expression turning into one of confusion.
She knew there was a chance he wouldn’t recognize her at first, she was a lot different after all and for some reason that made her all the more nervous.
“Who’s this?” he asked, but the flicker of emotion behind his eyes made Alison suspect that he already knew.
“Ryan, it’s your daughter,” her mom hissed, sending him a glare.
Alison watched as his face hardened, his brown eyes flickering away.
“I don’t have a daughter,” he said evenly and Alison resisted the urge to wince at the way her chest tightened.
“Ryan-”
“I have a son, but I don’t have a daughter.”
At those words, Alison swallowed, trying to remind herself that this was what she'd expected his reaction being. That didn’t mean, however, that she didn’t hope for different, hadn’t imagined a scenario where her dad accepted her and loved her all the same.
“You don’t have a son,” Alison said, perhaps a little more harshly than intended as she watched his eyes narrow as he regarded her.
“Then I don’t have a child,” he concluded.
Alison opened her mouth, ready to argue in her defense when her mom spoke out, her voice firm.
“Enough of this, Ryan. Alison is your daughter and always has been.
I may have given birth to a son but Alison has always been our daughter even if we didn’t know it, even before Alison herself was old enough to understand it. Adam was never really Adam at all and it’s time you accept that.”
Alison’s eyes widened in surprise, watching as her dad’s gaze mirrored her own as he regarded his wife.
She’d never heard her mom raise her voice, but here she was leaving no room for argument as she demanded Ryan understand.
“Now, Alison will be attending practice with you tomorrow. I won’t hear a word against it,” she said, looking between the two as though daring them to argue.
“Got it,” Alison said, slightly afraid to argue with the demented look in her mom's eyes.
Ryan sighed before nodding, mumbling something incoherent under his breath.
“What was that?” she asked, raising a brow at him.
“I said alright,” he grumbled, avoiding both their gazes. Alison tried not to get hurt by it, reminding herself that at least he had agreed to it even it was by force.
“Alright then. That’s settled,” she said, nodding to herself before getting up and leaving.
Alison couldn’t help but dread the following day.
***
The car radio was the only sound as the two drove, Alison tapping her finger against her knee nervously.
Her dad hadn’t said a word to her so far, had only glared at her as they left the house when seeing her in a dress.
In Alison’s mind growing up she’d always been a female, but it was another thing now that her body finally fit who she was. Yesterday had been the first time her parents had seen her in her new body but even then she’d simply been wearing jeans and a hoodie. Today, however, she was wearing a dress that left no doubt that no matter how much her dad wanted Adam, Adam was gone and was never coming back. Adam had never really existed at all, only physically.
“Is the team ready for the upcoming season?” Alison finally asked, feeling as though she were suffocating in the tense atmosphere.
Her dad just shrugged, however, not bothering to contribute to the conversation.
“I heard it’s Trent Graham’s final season,” she tried again, her gaze flickering to her dad to get a reaction.
She knew it wasn’t his last season but it soon would be. She was hoping, however, that her dad would defend his player and she wasn’t disappointed.
“Trent Graham is a great player, one of the best on the team, and I know that he has a few more good seasons left in him. I don’t know where all this speculation has been coming from but I’ve assured the press more than once that this wasn’t his last season,” he grumbled and Alison couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ve heard he’s not the player he used to be,” she continued, resisting the urge to laugh as she insulted her dad’s best player.
“Not the player- are people insane? Trent Graham is one of the best players this team has ever had! The nerve of people-”
Alison, not able to contain herself anymore, burst into laughter as she covered her mouth.
For a split-second, she worried about angering her dad but as she looked in his direction and saw a small smile play on his lips she felt a small weight lift off her shoulders.
Perhaps reconnecting with her dad wasn’t impossible after all.
***
“I’m going to go get some coffee but I’ll meet you on the field. Do you want anything?” Alison asked, eyeing the coffee shop opposite the field knowing she couldn’t get through the day without caffeine.
“Alright,” her dad grumbled, back to being distant.
She knew progress would be slow but, at least, she knew now that her effort wasn't for nothing. After some time, her dad would come around.
“The usual?” she asked.
He nodded before climbing out of the car and heading towards the field.
Alison sighed to herself as she got out of the car, reminding herself to be patient. Her relationship with her father wouldn’t mend itself overnight. It would take hard work but she was willing to try.
It didn’t take too long for the coffee to be done, and once it was, Alison made her way to where her dad was standing, shouting at the team to get a move on.
Just as she reached her dad, the players had divided themselves into two teams.
She handed him the coffee, smiling to herself as he thanked her. She looked back at the players and blushed slightly when she noticed Trent Graham eyeing her.
If she was being honest, she’d always found him extremely attractive and was more excited than she cared to admit at seeing him in person.
He was even more beautiful, his dirty blonde hair was cut short on the sides, the top longer and tousled as he put on his helmet.
His tan skin was slightly flushed from running laps before she’d arrived, his broad frame accentuated with his equipment.
He had storm gray eyes that seemed far more metallic in person than on TV, and stubble dusting his strong jaw making his face seem harder.
Just before placing his mouth guard on, Alison could’ve sworn she saw a smug smile make its way onto his face as he caught her staring.
Alison blushed slightly, averting her gaze to the other players. As Trent ran past her, however, she heard the distinct sound of him chuckling and if anyone asked, she would surely deny the way her heart sped up at the sound.
***
“I’ll meet you at the car, dad,” Alison said once the players had finished, a few drinking water as they tried to regulate their breathing.
“Alright,” he grunted again and Alison nodded, turning around as she walked towards the car park.
She sighed in relief as she did, glad to have an excuse to avoid looking at Trent.
He definitely knew he had an effect on her if the way he’d been eyeing her the entire practice was anything to go by, but she couldn’t help but feel giddy at his stare.
There was something about the way his stormy eyes gazed into hers and the way the side of his mouth would tilt upwards ever so slightly as he smiled.
Trent Graham was definitely too attractive for his own good.
When Alison felt a hand on her shoulder, she couldn’t help but screech slightly as she turned around, placing a hand over her heart as it pounded in her chest.
It didn’t slow down, however, when she noticed that the person who had stopped her was Trent.
He chuckled softly at Alison’s reaction, making her glare slightly but he seemed unbothered.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said once he’d stopped laughing.
“It’s alright,” she said, clearing her throat. She licked her lips nervously, noting the way his gaze followed the movement before looking back up.
“I just wanted to introduce myself. I didn’t know Coach had a daughter so I was just surprised,” he said, holding out a hand.
Alison eyed his extended hand with a raised brow before hesitantly reaching out to shake it.
His large and calloused hand encased her smaller one easily. It was warm and inviting and made her stomach flutter slightly before he let go.
“I’m Alison,” she finally said, looking up and meeting those eyes that were definitely turning into her favorite color.
“Alison,” he repeated, as though testing how the word rolled off his tongue.
Alison swallowed, slightly embarrassed at the effect he had on her simply by saying her name.
“I’m Trent,” he replied, smiling, “but I’m sure you already knew that.”
Alison raised a brow as another smirk took over his face before he finally laughed, the sound seeming to rumble through him.
“Well, I hope to see you around again,” he said, walking backward before turning around completely and heading to his team.
Alison took a deep breath, willing her heart to settle. She ignored the look of disbelief her dad sent her and instead made her way to the car, refusing to look back at Trent no matter how much she wanted to.
*****
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“I’m heading out grocery shopping, do you need anything?” Alison’s mom asked as she stepped into the living room where Alison was getting work done on her laptop.
She was lucky that her job allowed her to work away from home. She wouldn’t tell her parents, but she was also considering moving here if things with her dad went well.
She’d forgotten how much she missed it here. That, and the fact that her company had an opening in this state, made the thought seem more possible.
“How about I come with you?” Alison offered, wanting to spend the extra time with her mom.
“Are you sure?” her mom asked, but the way her eyes lit up made it clear she wanted to spend time with her daughter just as much.
Now that she was finally talking to her parents again, it made her realize just how much she missed not seeing them all those years.
“I’m sure. I can catch up on work later,” Alison assured her, shutting down her laptop before getting up.
“Let me just grab my bag and I’ll meet you at the car.”
After her mom nodded, Alison went upstairs and grabbed her bag from her old room she was staying in. She went to the bathroom to make sure she looked presentable, brushing through her straight black hair that rested on her shoulder.
Her blue eyes seemed brighter somehow, her face not so pale, but instead flushed with some color.
She couldn’t help but smile at her reflection like she did every time she looked in the mirror, appreciating the way her face was more rounded and soft as opposed to hard and firm.
She loved the way it was smooth without a trace of stubble like there had been years ago. She loved the way her eyes seemed slightly larger, complementing the gentle look her face had acquired.
After growing up and living so many years as a version of herself she hated, she would never grow tired or less appreciative of the changes in her today.
With a sigh and a small smile at her reflection, Alison made her way downstairs.
