by A. M. Rose
But I can’t. In fact, I can’t even clip my own seat belt. Now that I’m safe, everything that’s happened, everything I’ve felt, since we got to the motel—even before that—crashes down on me. A fine trembling spreads from my middle and through my limbs. I’m freezing.
Dylan pulls over.
“Don’t,” I protest. “We can’t stay here.”
“I’m just—” He reaches over and clips my seat belt. “There. That’s all.”
The Jeep starts rolling again, we bump along the dirt trail, and then swing out onto the main road. Dylan floors it, and the Jeep lurches forward. In the side-view mirror, the forest recedes.
The heater’s pumping, but I can’t get warm, not even when Dylan cranks it way up and turns all the vents toward me. Images flash in my mind. The lab. My father. That place. And Maddox. It seems like days have passed, but it’s only been hours.
Dylan reaches over and squeezes my knee. Dylan. My best friend. My rock. Alive.
“I looked everywhere for you. I thought I’d never see you again.” He grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. “I got out of the shower and you and Maddox were just gone. I thought maybe you guys went to get some food, but when you didn’t come back…” His voice trembles. “I didn’t know what to think… I’m so glad you’re okay.” He squeezes my hand. “What happened?”
I close my eyes and grip the edge of my seat with one hand, to keep myself grounded. “It— It was Maddox. He took me.” My voice is nothing more than a whisper.
“What? Where did he take you? Did he hurt you? I’ll fucking kill him!”
My heart jumps into my throat, choking me. “Maddox…Maddox is dead.”
“What?” Dylan’s head whips toward me and the car swerves.
I focus on the ribbon of white lines sliding under the Jeep, on the sound of the tires thrumming on the pavement, on Dylan’s warm hand, so much warmer than mine. But it’s useless. I can’t hold back the memory. Maddox’s motionless body. The soft scrape of his clothes against the floor as they dragged him away. I shudder. I never got to say goodbye. There’s a lot of things I’ll never get to say. Maybe that’s a good thing. I still can’t believe what he did. If I saw him right now I’d probably scream in his face. “He thought he was keeping me safe by taking me. I truly believe he thought he was doing the right thing. But they killed him.”
“Wait. What? You saw it happen?”
“The Green-eyed man…Maddox called him Legatus MacLaughlin. He didn’t do it, but he ordered someone else to. Right in front of me.” The words tumble out. And it feels like I’m there again and the details are perfect. Perfect and awful. It was too much the first time and now I’m shutting down. I can’t do this. I can’t think of the way he apologized or how he told me he loved me even if I could never forgive him.
“I don’t understand.”
Of course he can’t. He wasn’t there. He didn’t see it, but he deserves to know. He came looking for me. He never gave up. He deserves something. But I can’t. Not now.
I shake my head. “It’s too horrible to talk about.”
He squeezes my hand. “Of course it is. I’m sorry.”
That’s my sweet, caring Dylan. He’s always been so good to me. I should’ve know he’d never pressure me to deal with something I’m just not ready for.
“The blood. Is it yours?”
I pull down the sun visor and open the mirror. There’s glass in my hair, and I have dried cuts all over my face. As I lift my hands up to touch them, I notice my palms are black and sticky with sap and blood. My arm. That’s when I remember. I slide my sleeve up and pivot it around. The blood has dried and what should be a gaping hole is nothing more than a crusty red circle. The more I stare the more I shake.
A steady stream of tears runs down my face. I pull my legs up into my chest and rest my head on my knees. It’s all too much. Maddox gone. Dad gone. Finding out about my biological father. And I can’t wrap my head around Mom. Just everything.
My breath comes faster and faster. I suck in air like my lungs can’t get enough. I’m supposed to be alone. That’s what my father said. I need to leave everything behind. No more Mom or home or my tie-dyed comforter. But Dylan. Could I leave him? Even though he’s sitting next to me, I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. And it feels like falling down a deep dark hole, with nothing and no one around to stop me. It’s cold. And black. And horrible. It’s the worst feeling in the world. How could my biological father ask me to run off on my own?
The car slows down, pulls off the road, and stops. Dylan gets out and opens my door. He unbuckles my seat belt, pulls my legs off the seat, and wraps me in his warm arms. There’s something different in his embrace. He’s not just holding me. He’s holding on. Stronger. Tighter. Like I’m not the only one who needs comforting right now. Like we can protect each other from the world.
He presses his forehead to the top of my head. “Everything’s going to be okay now.”
I want to believe him, and for a second I do, but the feeling is fleeting. “I wish that were true.”
He tips my chin up. “Drea, a few hours ago, I thought I’d never see you again… I thought I’d lost you forever.”
For a moment, I stare into his deep brown eyes, wanting to get lost in them, but staring into them is too much. I shift my gaze away. Across from us is a small gas station and convenience store. A beat-up white truck pulls out onto the street we’re on and drives away from us. From here the road seems to go on forever and disappears into the blue sky ahead. “I care about you, too. We’re best friends.”
“That’s not what I mean.” He brushes his fingertips against my cheek, swiveling my head back, and forces me to meet his eyes. “I didn’t want to admit it before. I thought I’d lose you. I thought I’d destroy our friendship if you knew the truth. But when I thought you were dead…” His Adam’s apple bobs. “I knew if I ever saw you again I’d…” He trails off, choked up with emotion. A tear slides down his cheek.
I hear what he’s saying, but I don’t understand. This is Dylan. My Dylan. I can’t breathe.
“Drea, you’re smart and funny and compassionate…and the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, sending shivers to my toes. “I never have to be anyone but myself when I’m with you. You make me feel…” He smiles, a real honest one, and he dips his chin down a little. “What I’m trying to say is…I love you, Drea. I always have. And not just as my best friend. I’m in love with you. And I never want to lose you again.”
He leans down and kisses me. It should be momentous but I’m frozen, too stunned to even react to his lips on mine. Dylan loves me? He’s always loved me?
“You’re making me nervous, Drea. Give a guy a break. Say something. ‘I love you, too’ would be amazing to hear right now.” The words are light, but his tone says he’s scared.
I can’t. I’m still incapable of speech. But I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in so deeply there’s a second where I don’t know where his body ends and mine begins. His lips are soft and intense, like kissing me is the only thing keeping him on his feet.
I’ve dreamt of this moment for so long and now it’s finally here, so I kiss him with everything I can. The pounding of his heart echoes through my chest and mirrors my own rapid pulse. My skin is on fire, needing him to touch me, to hold on tighter. His hands press firmly against my back, drawing me even closer. I’ve never been so happy in my entire life. I could stay here forever wrapped in his arms with his mouth on mine.
We slowly pull away from each other, trying to catch our breaths. His eyes are so dark they’re almost black, his cheeks glow with a rosy hue, and his lips are red and swollen from kissing me. Me. It’s enough to make me want to pull him back in and do it all again. His hair falls over his forehead, and for the first time I don’t resist. I push it back. It’s soft and fine and feels better than any hair ever has. Then I let my fingers graze along his jaw and relish in the sensation his stubble has on my fingerti
ps on their way back down.
“I’ll take care of you. I’m never going to let anything happen to you again…okay?” He leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. The heat from his mouth lingers even after he lets me go. His eyes search mine for a response.
Staring into them I realize, I don’t need him to take care of me. If what I’ve just been through proves anything, it’s that I can do this on my own. “Maybe we can take care of each other.” My voice is soft, yet strong.
He flashes his crooked smile before he leans in and kisses me again. “We need to get away from this place as fast as we can. I’m going to run over there and get us some water and supplies so we don’t have to stop again. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect.” I reach up and touch his cheek one more time before he runs across the street into the small convenience store.
I step out of the car to get some air, still in a daze from what just happened. The side of the Jeep offers the support I need to stay on my feet. Now I know I must be dreaming. But I stamp my foot on the solid ground. Heat from the engine warms my back. The feeling of his lips on mine still lingers. And now I know it’s real. It all happened, and Dylan really kissed me. He really said he wants to be with me. For years I tried to push my emotions back for the sake of our friendship, but now they’re coming at me full force and a smile spreads across my face.
Part of me wishes we could just go home and pretend none of this happened. Dylan and I can officially start dating, and we can finish our last year of high school together. I close my eyes and try to imagine what it would be like. To be just normal Drea walking hand in hand with Dylan. And for a moment, I can. I push everything else away and sit inside this feeling, let it warm my soul.
But it doesn’t last long enough. Thoughts of Maddox and all he sacrificed crash in on me. And so does the guilt for thinking about a life without him, even as just a friend. Soon my back doesn’t feel so warm, and my chest feels heavy.
Something begins to chirp. It’s too mechanical sounding to be a real bird or an animal. I spin around and the sound moves with me. It can’t be. Can it? I reach into my back pocket for my phone, knowing it’s dead, but as soon as I pull it out, the sound gets louder and a blue button flashes “answer” on the screen.
My mind knows something’s not right, but my body takes control. I can’t stop myself from pressing it or lifting the phone to my ear. “Hello?” I whisper.
“Time is our enemy, so I need you to listen to me.” It’s a voice that’s all too familiar. The one from my dreams. The one from the lab. My hand shakes, but the phone stays pressed against the side of my head. “You need to get out of there. Get to the safe house I set up for you and wait for instructions. I will be in contact again as soon as I can.”
My heart stops. “Fa—Father?” The word feels like sand in my mouth.
“Yes. There is no time to explain. But you are in more danger than I had originally anticipated. You need to go. You need to go now.” The line goes dead.
I slowly pull the phone away from my ear, staring at it in my hand. Its black screen stares back at me. A few minutes ago I felt so alone, I let it consume me. Now I have Dylan. My Dylan, who wants to stand with me, by my side. And my biological father is telling me to run away again.
A thick feeling builds in the back of my throat, and I have to swallow hard to push it down. My jaw clenches, and my grip tightens on my phone, threatening to crush it.
I fight back tears. Not tears of sadness. I’m pissed. How could this be happening? Why now? Sure, I can fight the Green-eyed man on my own, but I don’t want to without Dylan.
My phone buzzes in my hand. A light flashes across the screen followed by a series of numbers, letters, and symbols. They start off slow and pick up speed. My eyes follow them as they race by. I don’t move. I don’t breathe. All I can do is drink them all in.
As quickly as they appeared, they’re gone. The screen is black again, and I can finally exhale. A high-pitched ring echoes through my ears. It’s so intense my head throbs. I close my eyes, fall to my knees, and squeeze my head between my hands, dropping my phone to the ground.
Make it stop. Someone, anyone. Please. But it goes on and on. Just when I think I’m about to pass out, a bright light burns my eyelids and my eyes spring open.
The anger that had been building in my chest is gone, and a spine-chilling calm has taken its place. At first, everything is so vibrant I have to look away. As my eyes adjust, they focus on my phone lying in the grass in front of me. The grass is greener now, each blade defined. And my phone’s black screen seems darker, deeper, and if I focus hard enough I can see right through to the components inside. I reach for it, but jerk my hand back as it bursts into a bright blue flame and disappears. It doesn’t even leave a scorched mark behind.
My body starts to tingle, then burn, but it doesn’t overwhelm me. Something courses through my veins, my muscles tighten, and even my bones feel stronger somehow. The red circle on my arm’s completely gone.
I take a long breath, get back on my feet, and stand tall, letting the cool wind blow against my face. And just like that, it comes to me. All the answers I’ve wanted.
Everything.
My biological father, who exactly he is and my childhood with him. The exact moment he implanted the virus in my head. It was after the car accident with him, before the Green-eyed man dragged him away. And it was the car accident with Dad that triggered it to start breaking the virus down. Two similar accidents, it makes sense. Even though my mind couldn’t quite remember, my body did, and it wanted to become stronger in case it happened again.
The face of the woman they call Suzette SmitSteven comes to the front of my mind, and so do her plans for me. All the diagrams and codes from the little room Mom was working in all makes sense. How this world affects theirs. I understand now what Maddox was talking about, and what he was trying to do. Anything I have ever questioned before comes through to me like a beacon of light.
My true abilities are no longer suppressed. I’ve never understood what true strength was until this moment. But that’s how I feel. Like a pillar of strength. And nothing has ever felt so good.
I also know a war is imminent. A war that’ll forever change the fate of Stultus, the dimension I’ve called home.
Just like that, the virus that’s been infecting my brain is gone and I know it all.
Most importantly, I know my real name is Kenzington VonWhite. I have the ability to create great change, and I know exactly what I have to do.
Epilogue
Dylan
Walking away from her is harder than I thought, but we’ve got a long road ahead and we need to be prepared. Inside the small convenience store, I yank a basket from the stack and head straight toward the coolers. Yes, a few bottles of water and some blue Gatorade—Drea’s favorite. I stack them side by side in the basket and keep moving.
I stop in the middle of the snack aisle and scratch the back of my neck, pausing where she held me. I still can’t believe it. She actually kissed me back. I thought I’d lost her. To Maddox. Lost her friendship. Lost her heart. Every time I ditched her for lacrosse, every time she watched me flirt with girls I had no interest in, I had to turn away and pretend I didn’t see the hurt in her eyes. No more.
Now we can be more.
I snatch a bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos and a pack of Oreos from the shelves, our favorite junk food, and brush some dirt from my jeans. There’s blood on my hand. Drea’s, not mine. I can’t tear my eyes away from it as questions rattle through my head. But right now I have to focus on what needs to be done. That’s getting Drea out of here. I shift things around in the basket so the chips don’t get crushed and keep working.
As I make my way over to a small produce area to pick out some fruit, I can’t stop the nagging feeling that she isn’t safe from those people. There’s got to be something I can do to protect her. I hurry up and down the aisles not really looking for anything. I need to clear my head and
figure out our next move.
My back pocket buzzes. I set the basket on the floor and pull my phone out, already knowing who’s on the other line without looking at the screen.
I push my shoulders back. “Hello… Yes, sir, the asset is secure…I did what was necessary… Yes, sir, I understand… No, it won’t be an issue. She wouldn’t have come running back if she trusted the Eugenicans. I’m confident Neuveum will be able to secure her trust… Yes, I’ll go there and wait for your next set of instructions… No, sir, she has no idea… No, sir, that won’t be necessary. My identity is secure.” I shut the phone off, pick up my basket, walk over to the nearest trash can, and toss the phone in.
Outside, Drea stands next to my Jeep. She’s smart and gorgeous and damn she makes me feel good. She could be our greatest threat, or our biggest ally. It’s my assignment to make sure she makes the right choice.
No matter what I think about her, I’ve got orders and nothing’s going to stand in my way.
The short line to purchase my few items moves quickly and when they’re paid for and bagged up, I carry them out toward the Jeep. Drea’s watching me with a sparkle in her eyes and an infectious grin across her face.
I smile back.
God, I love my job.
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Acknowledgments
The simple fact you are reading this in the back of a book I wrote, that Entangled Publishing printed for me, is surreal. So the first thing I want to do is thank you, the reader. Thank you for taking the time to read my book. That alone means more to me than you might ever know. (And if you would do me the honor of leaving me a review, I’d be forever grateful.)
If it wasn’t for my amazing first editor, Jennifer Mishler, you wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to purchase this book. So thank you, Jenn, for taking a chance on me and loving this story as much as I do. Thank you for answering my gazillion questions and never making me feel bad for asking them. I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you also to Stacy Abrams for taking me on so late in the game and helping me bring this book to the finish line.
