“Thanks for the heads up,” I snipped at him.
“She was going too fast.” He looked away. “I thought you were going home?”
“I am.” I gave him a look, one that was plainly telling him to leave me alone. Theo had his eyes fixed on Sterling. His look was cold and cruel. Furious and heated. And then it hit me—the reason he’d gotten so livid. Sterling… he had no shirt on. He’d taken it off most likely when he was on his way to swim. He was oblivious… but only because he didn’t know.
“Holy shit,” I breathed, and Sterling heard me.
He looked confused. “What?”
He pointed his gaze on Theo next, but when he caught the fury in his eyes, he took a minor step back, one eyebrow furrowed. “What the hell is that?” Theo’s voice boomed even louder than before. Storming out of the kitchen, he wasted no time gripping Sterling by his throat and pinning him to the nearest wall.
“Theo!” I shouted. “Stop!” I darted around the counter, grabbing his arm, but he pulled away.
“What the fuck is that on your shoulder!? Huh? You still with them? Did they send you to kill me!? Fuck with my life!? MY LOVE!”
In the heat of the moment, Theo turned my way and glared down. “Chloe! Who the fuck is he, huh?”
“That’s what I wanted to tell you!” I wailed. “I was trying to explain!”
“Explain what?!” he barked.
Thick tears lined the rims of my eyes. God, I was so tired of holding it in. I hated all of these secrets—all the lying and holding back on how I truly felt, so I let go of everything. I put myself first, knowing deep down that I was truly selfish for doing such a thing. “You think Mrs. Black was innocent, but she wasn’t who you thought she was!” I exclaimed. “She was cheating on you with Sterling!”
Theo blinked rapidly, eyes still broad as he released Sterling. Sterling clung to his throat, looking at me with wide, confused, grey eyes. “What?” he wheezed. “No—no I didn’t even know she was your wi—”
“What did you just say?” Theo moved towards me, shutting Sterling up and acting as if he never even existed. His eyes were on me. The spotlight was on me, but I didn’t want to shine. His hands went to my upper arms, and he held me. His grip was tight and rough, but he made sure he wasn’t hurting me. “Chloe, don’t fuck around with me! Don’t make shit up about her! You didn’t even know her like I did!”
“I’m not.” My voice broke as I looked at his red-rimmed eyes. “That night, when Mrs. Black was murdered, it was because of The Union. Remember when you said there was more than one guy—well, there was. A whole gang. You never told me they didn’t allow love, but Sterling did. He used to be a part of their gang, and as his punishment, they robbed him of his love, killing the woman he was in love with. He loved Mrs. Black, Theo. And she loved him. She was with him on those nights she’d work late. She stopped at that run-down gas station because she was most likely on her way to see Sterling.”
The room—the entire condo—went absolutely still. If a pin dropped on the hard surface of the floor it would have caused all ears to rattle. Theo released me and staggered back, staring at me as if I had a demon on my shoulder. He shook his head back and forth, muttering the word “no” over and over again.
“No,” he growled. “No. You’re lying!”
“I wouldn’t lie to you! Sterling!” I rushed for Sterling. “Tell him! Tell him what her name was.”
“No, Chloe.” He scowled in my direction. “He’ll fucking kill me, damn it!”
“Just tell him! It’s the only way he’ll know this is true—that I’m not making this up.”
Sterling’s damp eyes turned on Theo. He dropped his hands from his throat and stood up straight. “Her name was Janet Black… but I swear I didn’t know you were her husband when I came here. I knew she had a husband and a daughter, but I didn’t know who you or Izzy were… not until now.” He focused on me. “Chloe must’ve just been too afraid to tell me.” He dropped his head. “Shit.”
Theo looked both of us over with an incredulous expression, and in a matter of seconds, he spun around and barged through his bedroom door. He returned with a photo album in his hands, the same one that I’d gone through the first day they moved to Primrose. He flipped the pages, going to his most recent picture of Mrs. Black. Pointing a thick, angry finger, he gruffly asked, “Her? She was the one you slept with? This woman?”
Sterling looked down, and I could see the admiration quickly fill his eyes. I also witnessed the pain he held, how he’d constantly wanted to blame himself for her death. If he’d never met or fallen for her, she wouldn’t have died.
“Yes,” Sterling whispered. “Yeah, that’s her. That’s—that’s Janet.”
Theo watched Sterling’s reaction, how guilt swarmed him and ate him up. He caught the anguish, the same pain he felt when he lost Mrs. Black. They had both lost a good woman, but both of them felt betrayed. By the way Sterling looked at Theo, I was sure he could see all the love Theo had for his dead wife. He saw that she was most likely happy to be with him, but that she’d also given half of her heart to him. She couldn’t choose, so she kept both.
Seeing the two of them watch each other and not know what in the hell to do was hard to witness. I couldn’t block my tears or prevent the sniffling that came along with it. I wasn’t sure if they wanted to strangle each other or feel deep pity for one another.
“Is all that true?” Izzy’s voice cut through the turmoil, and everyone turned to look at her. She stepped forward with a towel in hand, eyes glistening. “Is. That. True?” she asked Sterling.
He looked down. “Yes.”
Theo started to lunge forward with the urge to attack Sterling, but something stopped him from doing so. Perhaps it was because he knew it wasn’t his fault for loving Mrs. Black. Sterling fell for her because she accepted him entirely for who he was, just as she did Theo. In a way, Theo was only looking at a younger replica of himself. I could hear everyone’s heartbeats, their minds racing with drama, chaos, and pain.
“Mom… cheated?” Izzy whispered. “That—she would never do that.”
“Oh, sweetie, it’s not like Theo really cares.” Trixie appeared out of nowhere, wobbling as she met at Izzy’s side. She was wasted, some of her makeup smeared, the edges of her hair frizzy as if she’d constantly put cold water on her face.
Izzy jerked away. “Get off of me!”
Trixie narrowed her eyes. “You know what?! Fuck this!” she yelled. “Fuck everyone in this fucking place! I am so sick and tired of the side eyes and the shit talking behind my back. You think I don’t hear it, but I do, and you know what, screw all of you because none of you are perfect!” She stumbled forward, pointing one finger at me and one at Theo. And as she did, my heart jumped out of my chest and hit the floor because I knew what was coming. I knew she was truly, honestly done being around, holding in her juicy information. “Especially the two of you!” she seethed. “You sneaky little sons of bitches! You thought you were so good that no one would ever find out, but I did. And you both are fucking idiots!”
“Trixie!” Theo’s voice was loud as he marched for her, grabbing her arm and pulling her away, but she jerked and twisted out of his grasp. She was quick, rushing in Izzy’s direction.
“Hey, I bet you don’t know that your dad and your best friend are fucking, do you?” Her voice, though slurred, was comprehensible, and it felt like the heart that was on the floor—my heart—was now being stomped on by a stampede of wild bulls.
My body seemed to do nothing, but I wanted to rush forward, tackle Trixie to the ground, and tell Izzy it was all lies. But… but… I couldn’t. I was stuck, not in a trance or a daze. Just stuck.
“W-what?” Izzy’s forehead creased as she turned to face Trixie who was being hauled away by Theo. Theo’s anger lit his face. He was red from head to toe, stalking towards the door and tossing her out.
“Yeah! She’s fucking your dad! Some friend, huh!” she shouted before the door slammed in her
face.
Theo didn’t move once he’d slammed it. He just stood there, staring at the back of the glossy brown door.
I was just as motionless. Powerless.
In that moment, as Izzy’s watery, depressed eyes met mine, I snapped out of my stupor and rushed for her. She backed away from me, holding her hands up and warding me off as if I had a contagious disease. “Izzy, I am so sorry,” I whispered, head shaking. “It was never supposed to happen. It was really late, and he needed someone to help him so—”
Izzy held her hand up but said nothing, which was disturbingly rare. I wanted her to speak. Shout! Do anything. Curse me out if it made her feel better. But for nearly one whole minute, she was mute. Theo finally turned around, but he avoided his daughter’s watery eyes, focusing on the floor. Sterling walked past him and out of the condo, leaving the three of us standing there with heavy minds and empty mouths.
“I can’t fucking believe you.” Izzy finally spoke, but the words were far from kind. They were sharp, deadly, and dripping with venom. “You fucking skank! You said you came here for your dad—to help him—but you were here fucking mine all along!?”
“Izzy, I swear it wasn’t like that!”
“No? Really? Then what was it?”
“I did come here for my dad—we were—” I didn’t know how to respond. My tongue was twisted, but my mind was filled with way too many responses. I had always wondered how this day would go if it ever happened. The “if” was what scared me, but when I thought of it, I had so much I could have said to back myself up, but it was much harder than I thought. Nothing felt right—nothing but telling her the shocking truth. The one thing I knew. It was all out of love. Love! That’s what it was, but I couldn’t spill that truth.
“Yeah,” she breathed. “Exactly. Wow.” She shook her head, huffing a laugh that didn’t dare light her soul. “And Dad, you… wow.” She was shocked, finding this information truly unbelievable. “I can’t even fucking believe you would do something like this. With Chloe!? You’re twice her age, Dad! You could be her fucking father! You’re fucking disgusting! Is that what turns you on? Girls that can consider you their dad? Girls my age that don’t know any fucking better?” She scoffed, snatching up her purse and storming for the door. Before she could get there, Theo caught her, spinning her around.
“You’re not driving angry, Izzy. Stay here so we can explain.”
She seemed to blow fire, yanking her arm away and backing up. I moved forward, eyes thick, full of tears and heavy with apologies. “Fuck you, Dad! Fuck you! Now I see why Mom cheated on you! You’re a selfish prick who only thinks about himself! Did you even care to think about how I would feel about this? I’m your only child, and she is—no, was my only friend. And you…” She turned my way, looking at me directly.
“Izzy,” I whimpered. “Please.” Please what, Chloe? Please what!? Say something, stupid! Anything!
“You…” Her head shook, her upper lip curling as she disappointedly shook her head at me. Her voice cracked, and I was sure the ache she felt was all too real. I knew it was similar to the ache I felt… the hurt. The pain. It was hard to bare. “You aren’t a good-hearted person,” she grumbled. “You are a no-good, inconsiderate bitch. You’ve always had the hots for my dad. I always knew it. I just didn’t think you’d take it this far. You knew staying around me would get you closer, didn’t you? You are a little fucking whore, just like your mom! I knew some of her would rub off on you somewhere.”
“Isabelle fucking Black!” Theo’s voice roared. He was angry. Pissed the fuck off. His knuckles had whitened, nostrils flaring with a locked jaw and knitted brows.
Her words were like leather belts, whipping every sensitive part of me. I called her name repeatedly, begging forgiveness, but I wouldn’t be forgiven. She wouldn’t because she didn’t understand… or maybe I didn’t understand. I hurt Izzy. I’d had my heart broken before, but I was certain I’d broken hers that night. She was angry, yes, but she spoke out of raw anger because she trusted me. She loved me and felt like she could talk to me about any and everything.
I would have never taken advantage of my friend, but I couldn’t say I had the right to fuck with Mr. Black. I had no right. And I clearly had no real respect because I went through with sleeping with him many, many times.
“Fuck you, Dad!” She fled.
I buckled when my best friend—ex best friend—stormed out of the condo. Theo was torn, unsure if he should go for me or for Izzy. He debated, peering my way and starting to come, but then he stepped back, looking towards the door.
He ran out the door, calling after his only child, and I fell, my knees hitting the hard floor, tears streaming. I’d cried before, plenty of times. But never like this. Never, ever like this. A gaping hole had formed in my chest. It would be hard to fill. I’d been picked apart, my heart cracking with each withered beat. It was a painful feeling. It hurt… it hurt so damn much. “I’m sorry,” I cried to nobody. “I swear I didn’t want it to happen like this…”
I died little by little.
I hurt.
I died some more.
Imagine blood seeping out of every pore, spilling right from the gash in your heart. Imagine not being able to prevent the bleeding. Can you imagine that pain? Not being able to control something that feels so close, yet something that is so deep inside you that you can’t reach it unless you rip yourself wide open, clawing with raw loathing?
You suffer as you scratch, knowing that soon you will die inside and out because there’s nothing you can do to stop it. You can’t stop the drumming of an emotional, beautiful heart, not unless you stab a dagger of hatred right through the center.
Just imagine that, but bleeding out ten times faster than the average person. Imagine bleeding for lost love, broken hearts, and damaged souls. Imagine feeling nothingness—an unbearable ache that will never be fulfilled.
Can you imagine?
Can you feel it… that very ache that I had no choice but to feel?
I sat on Theo’s floor for what felt like an eternity, folded over, my face buried in my hands. A door shut minutes later and heavy footsteps came my way. They stopped right beside me, and with a gentle grasp, I was pulled up.
I glanced up, and through blurred vision, I could tell it was Theo by his broad shoulders and straggled hair. “Couldn’t make it to the elevator in time.”
“You can’t let her drive angry.”
“She won’t.” He lifted up the key fob. “She forgot the keys.”
I sniffled, dropping my chin. “Theo, I—I feel so bad.” My throat dried and thickened, eyes welting again. “We never should have touched each other…”
His face saddened, tears collecting at the rims of his eyes. “I know, Chloe.” He pulled me in and inhaled. His warm breath ran down my shoulders when he exhaled. “I’m so fucking sorry, Knight.”
He held me, rocked with me for just a little while. “This can’t be fixed,” I whispered. “Can it?”
He didn’t say anything. I didn’t expect him to.
Pulling back and tilting my chin, he said, “Come with me to the docks. It should get you to relax… calm down for now. She’ll come back. She has to. Let her take some time to cool off, and let’s hope she doesn’t do anything crazy.”
“Should we go after her?”
He was perplexed. He wanted to, but he and I both knew Izzy would be hard to find, and if we did find her, we would get another ear full of hatred and shame. So he shook his head. “Nah. Let her come back to us.”
She’d come back to him. But me… hmm. No. But I nodded anyway, and he brought his mouth down to kiss me. I expected to feel that same heat, that quick fire that always made me combust deep inside, but instead, I felt nothing. It didn’t feel like how it felt once before.
It wasn’t dirty or bad or wrong. It didn’t even feel good. I didn’t feel anything. I was numb to his touch, like my body had anesthetized itself, preventing me from feeling anymore pain, or hurt… even the
love.
He noticed… I think. If he did, he didn’t speak on it.
Theo grabbed his keys, and we were at his bike in no time. During the ride, I clung to him as if my life depended on it, but there was something about the position I was in. He was quiet, but I was quieter. I still cried, going over all the times he and I made love, how we secretly created a relationship that couldn’t be understood. The foundation of our relationship was Izzy. If it weren’t for being her friend, I never would have met or hung around Theo so much.
I was sure his mind was crowded, not only with how he was going to gain his daughter’s forgiveness, but also with Mrs. Black. She’d cheated on him… with Sterling. She lied about a lot of things. All these years he thought she was only loyal to him—and for a while she was—but for the last few years of her life, she wasn’t. She’d given half of her heart to a boy that had similarities to her first love.
That night, I was sure Theo’s peace with her death had changed. He didn’t know his wife like he thought he did. Hell, he hardly got to spend much time with her because she was always working, and by “working” I meant messing around with Sterling.
I held Theo that night, and as my tears dampened his T-shirt, I only had one thought in mind, a thought that cut me so deep and gutted me so much I felt like I was suffocating.
He was right about the guilt I would feel if Izzy ever found out about us—how it would eat me alive if I even dared to continue what I had with him. My heart still beat, but it was aching. My soul had been shattered and crushed. I had no desire to smile, no desire to be happy or to feel complete.
I’d lost my only friend—my sister.
I’d lost her.
Forever.
There was always the question of what it would be like if she ever found out, but now that she had, everything I knew about myself seemed so meaningless. If she were to forgive me, it would never be the same between us. A permanent awkwardness would surround us whenever we were together, pushing us further apart and making it that much harder to be happy.
Tainted Black Page 27
