by Nina Singh
“Of course.” Justin stood, but she’d already turned away and was walking to the front desk.
Leaving Justin with the succinct feeling that, sweet old lady or not, he’d just been issued a gentle yet clear warning.
* * *
Carli opened the door to him with a yawn, then stepped aside to let him in. She was dressed in baggy gray sweatpants, an oversize flannel shirt and thick fuzzy socks. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail at the base of her neck but several tendrils had made a blatant escape and framed her face haphazardly.
She looked downright adorable.
What was wrong with him? Justin thought as she took his coat and hung it. He’d been less attracted to women wearing scanty lace panties than he was to her right now. None of it made any sense.
He glanced around the empty house. “Where is everyone?”
She stifled another yawn and shook her head. “Sundays are pretty busy around here.”
“I see.”
“My parents are out running errands after services, the twins had breakfast plans with friends. And Tammy’s due to drop Ray off. But she’s always late, usually because it can be a military level challenge getting a four-year-old out the door. Particularly on a Sunday when The Squigglies are on.”
“The Squigglies?”
“Ray’s favorite TV show.”
He followed her to the kitchen. “Can I get you some more coffee? Though I’m guessing Betty has already filled you up to the brim.”
People in this town really seemed to know each other well. “Correct call.”
“Just as well. I might actually need the full pot for myself,” she said through yet another yawn.
“Long night?”
She didn’t look at him as she poured her coffee. “I didn’t get much sleep. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping right before a big storm hits.”
For some reason, her statement didn’t quite ring true. “I’ve never heard of that. Weather-induced insomnia.”
She glared at him over the rim of her coffee cup, so intensely that he had to stifle a laugh. So what was the real reason for her insomnia? What were the chances it had anything to do with him? He was most likely just flattering himself. But it was an intriguing notion. Lord knew he’d spent more than a few waking moments overnight remembering that kiss. The way she had felt in his arms, the warmth of her body up against his. The way she’d tasted.
He cleared his throat. “So tell me, just how bad is this storm supposed to be? When is it due even?”
She swallowed the gulp of coffee and sighed with pleasure as it went down. The whole image sent a surge of longing through his chest. He gripped the granite counter in front of him just to give his hands something to do.
“Well, it’s a nor’easter. Set to bring several inches of snow with high, gusting winds. And of course, out here on the Cape there’s always the real risk of flooding.”
Justin recalled nasty storms from his childhood in Metro Boston. The way he’d hide under thick blankets as the wind rattled the windows. But not much else. He must have blocked it out. Too bad there was no real way to block out everything.
“And it’s due to hit sometime tomorrow night.” Carli answered the second part of his question.
“No one seems terribly nervous.”
She shrugged. “Winter storms are a way of life around here. Some things you just can’t change.” She gave him a pointed look.
Wasn’t that the truth? If he could, he would change the way he was starting to feel. Carli had awakened a longing within him that he hadn’t known existed. More than his attraction to her physically, it was her warmth, her humor, the way she interacted with her family and friends. The combination was like a gravitational pull that seemed to suck him into her orbit. It made no sense; he would have to get over it. Carli deserved someone with the same sense of belonging and roots that she’d known all her life. He was too far removed from being such a person.
He’d remember kissing her for the rest of his life; that tender, sweet moment would live with him from now on. A cherished memory of a woman who could never be his.
“I guess not,” he answered. Such a simple response. It warranted no further conversation. Nothing more needed to be said. On the surface anyway.
If he could tell her everything, if he could bare his soul, he’d admit that right now he wanted nothing more than to repeat the mistake he had apologized for. He wanted to pull her up against him, right here in her parents’ kitchen and taste her plump soft lips. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and feel her warmth.
No, he couldn’t come out and say all that. But there had to be a way to somehow convey how impressed he was of the woman Carli Tynan was. Or how fond he’d grown of her in such a short time, even though it couldn’t lead to anything more.
He was trying to come up with the words when they were interrupted by the shuffle of small feet running through the house toward the kitchen.
Any further revelations would have to wait.
* * *
Justin Hammond had no idea how to separate an egg. Carli had to hold in her laughter as she watched him crack it open then stare blankly at it in his hands, clearly trying to figure out how to get the yoke apart from the rest.
When he reached for a spoon to do heaven knew what, she figured she’d better intervene in the interest of avoiding a food-borne illness.
“Here, let me help.”
He looked so grateful that she had to suppress another laugh. Between Ray and Justin, she’d be hard-pressed to decide which one of them was less useful in the kitchen. So far, she might have to say it was Justin. As if to challenge that conclusion, her nephew chose that moment to knock over a bowl of sifted flour, making a colossal mess on the floor.
“Oops.”
Carli sighed. Something told her they’d be heading to the bakery or they’d have to do without Christmas cookies this year. Her parents were both still out on their errands. Tammy had begged to run to the nail salon while they watched Ray. Maybe she should just call one of them now and have them pick up a box from Patty’s Pastries on their way home.
She was debating whether to pull out a broom and dust pan or a vacuum when Justin somehow managed to drop both parts of the egg right into the pile of flour Ray had just spilled.
“Oops.” This time, both males said it unison.
Carli didn’t know whether to cry or just run out of the room screaming. Let someone else deal with all this.
Of course, that wasn’t an option. She grabbed a large kitchen towel and threw it at Justin. “You work on the egg that got on the counter. While I try tackle the mountain of flour on the floor.”
An hour later, they hadn’t even managed to put anything into the oven. Yep, no doubt about it. Someone was going to have to make a bakery run.
The entire kitchen was a disaster area. She’d seen neater construction sites in Metro Boston. But just to go through the motions, for Ray’s sake, she walked into the pantry where her mother kept the holiday themed cookie cutters. As if any of their creations would actually be viable enough to hold any kind of shape. Except for perhaps one mound of sugar cookie dough, they were batting zero.
A loud clanging sound followed by Ray’s horrified scream had her dropping the cutters and running back out into the main area.
“What happened?”
Ray’s lip quivered as he looked up at her. Justin seemed at a complete loss. Half the counter and part of the floor were covered in a shiny puddle of green.
“I don’t really know,” Justin began. “We were trying out the food coloring, trying to decide which color to use.”
“I dropped the whole bottle,” Ray wailed. Large fat tears began to roll down his cheeks.
Carli immediately ran to him.
“It was my fa
ult,” Justin said, ramming his hand into his hair. “I shouldn’t have let him play with it.”
Ray climbed off the counter stool he’d been standing on and ran straight into her arms. “I made a mess, Aunt Carli. And now we have no cookies.”
Carli didn’t doubt that the latter statement was the real cause of all the tears. She brushed them off his wet, ruddy cheeks.
“Oh, buddy. It’s okay. It was just an accident.”
Justin swiftly crouched next to them both. “Ray, it was my fault. I should have known better. Please don’t cry.”
For an insane moment, Carli had the thought that Justin might need comforting even more than the child. He seemed really shaken. He’d clearly never been around a crying child before. Heaven help them, he didn’t realize they did it all the time.
Or was there something else behind his inflated response to the minor disaster?
Ray hiccupped on another sob.
“Hey, we’ll still have some cookies,” she reassured him. “This is no big deal.” She spoke over his head, looking straight into Justin’s eyes.
Her mother chose that moment to walk in. Taking in the scene, she blew out a deep breath. Then she went over to her grandson. Ray pulled away and ran to his grandmother as soon as he saw her.
“I ruined the cookies, Nana.”
“Mmm-hmm. And the kitchen is a mess,” she said in an even, soothing tone. “But it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. Okay?”
Ray sniffed and nodded.
“Let’s go get you cleaned up,” she said, and picked him up.
“Thanks, Mom!” Her mother could comfort Ray like no one else could.
“Don’t thank me,” Louise threw over her shoulder as she walked out with her grandson. “Just get that mess cleaned up. Both of you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Poor Justin looked like he’d just run through a minefield. “So that went well.”
He blinked at her. “Where do we start?”
She pointed to the one ball of dough on the counter that had somehow survived, albeit it was the color of a mossy lake. “I say we try to salvage that dough so that we can throw at least one batch in the oven. Then we start scrubbing.”
“You still want to bake? Using that dough?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“For one thing, it’s green. Very green.”
She shrugged. “So, we’ll have green cookies.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Are you okay?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not sure. The little guy was pretty upset.”
“He’s four. It doesn’t take much. He’ll forget about the whole fiasco by bedtime.”
“He will?”
“Of course.”
“If that’s true, it will be thanks to you. And the way you handled it. Your mom too.”
“How else would I have handled it?”
He gave her a blank, confused stare. “You were just so... I don’t know...gentle. And understanding.” He took a deep breath. “And your mother was the same. Even as she agreed that the cookies were ruined, she calmed and reassured him.”
“That’s what one does when it comes to children. They’re just learning their way.”
“I guess I wouldn’t know.”
Carli grabbed a roll of paper towels and tore off a good amount. The green was starting to settle into her mom’s granite counters. She handed a few to Justin, who followed her lead and began wiping furiously. “Maybe not. But you were a child once.”
He snorted. “Trust me when I tell you, I don’t ever recall any adult behaving quite so evenly after a major mishap. Or even in general.”
Carli’s heart nearly burst in her chest. How could that be? “You don’t?”
Justin shook his head. “No. When I did something wrong, which was often, I got a thorough lashing of the tongue. Followed by some form of punishment. Then my mother would make sure my dad heard about what I did and what an awful handful I was, usually the moment he got home. That always led to loud, long arguments with plenty of door slamming.”
“Oh, my God.” She stilled. “Justin, that sounds terribly unfair.”
“It’s how I remember. I suppose a lot of it was my fault. I should have tried harder.”
“You can’t be serious. You were a child.”
“Still, I was aware enough to realize my behavior was causing strife.”
“Like every other child.”
He shook his head. “Not really. Not James. I can’t ever recall him acting out. It was always me.”
“I’m sure James had his moments. It’s just that some children are more active than others.”
“Maybe. My behavior had ramifications for him too. He’d always turn tail and hide in his room whenever it started. I knew he was angry with me for causing so much trouble.”
Carli’s heart sank. She wanted to cry for the little boy Justin must have been. She doubted he was anything more than an energetic and curious child like so many others. Apparently, his parents used that as an excuse to vent their own issues and anger. To make it all worse, the two brothers had apparently turned on each other as a result.
He took another deep breath before adding, “So I know he must have blamed me for the destruction of our parents’ marriage.”
“How can that be?”
“On some level, he’s right.”
“Don’t say that. A mere child can’t cause the breakup of a marriage. There has to be underlying issues at play.”
“You’re right. But I caused the final fight that led to my mother reaching her last nerve, so to speak.”
“What happened?”
Justin was wiping the counter, not looking at her as he spoke. The events he was recalling happened years ago, but they seemed to have left considerable if invisible scars.
“It was Christmas Eve. The big tree had been set up in the main foyer. I couldn’t stop admiring it. It was so majestic. Bright lights and shiny ornaments. And it was so tall, I could barely see the top.”
Oh, no. Carli could guess where this was going.
“I remember one particular ornament. Just out of my reach. A Red Sox catcher’s mitt. It looked more like a toy. I just wanted to play with it for a bit. I was going to put it right back. But when I jumped up to grab it, the whole tree fell over. Almost all the ornaments broke.”
“Oh, Justin. You must have been so scared.”
“You have no idea. I came so close to running out the door in that moment. Thought maybe I could just keep running and never go back.”
Carli noticed he’d bunched up the paper towels into a tight ball, gripping it in his fist.
“But my mother came rushing down the stairs. She kept yelling over and over how I’d been told so often to leave it alone. And why couldn’t I just listen. She called my father and demanded he come home right then.”
Carli’s gasped in horror at the woman’s reaction. To a simple accident that could have very well severely injured her son. She’d never wanted so badly to give another adult a reassuring hug. To hold him and tell him he’d done nothing wrong all those years ago. If anything, he’d been the one who’d been betrayed and disappointed. But though her arms itched to hold him, she clenched her muscles instead. It was doubtful Justin would want her sympathy. He seemed way too proud for that.
“What ensued when he arrived is not a pleasant memory,” Justin continued.
“I’m sure it wasn’t.” She figured he didn’t have too many pleasant memories based on what he was revealing to her right now.
“I was young, but I remember the expression on James’s face. He’d turned white as a ghost. I’ll never forget what he said later that night. We could hear our parents having it out upstairs. He just walked over to me and
gave me a hard shove. I couldn’t blame him. He was so angry.”
Carli was afraid to guess and almost didn’t want to ask. But she had to. “What did he say?”
“He said he hated me.”
She couldn’t help it. Walking over to where he stood, Carli rubbed a soothing hand along his arm. He’d gone tight and rigid.
“That was the last time I saw him until we were well into our teens. Simply coincidentally at some boating event on the Charles. And didn’t see him again after that for years.”
What a burden to bear as a child, Carli thought. Justin had been too young to understand that his parents’ tumultuous relationship hadn’t been his fault.
“You can’t believe you were the real cause of their divorce.”
“I know that now. But for years I kept replaying that day in my mind. If only I had just left the tree alone.”
“You were a child.” She wanted to just say it over and over again until it somehow sunk into his psyche.
“Maybe. But I was old enough to know better.”
“You can’t honestly believe that. Sooner or later something was going to happen that triggered the same result—your parents didn’t want to be together.”
He gave her an indulgent smile. “Interesting theory. I always wonder though.”
“Wonder about what?”
“What would have happened if I hadn’t been their son. After all, I seemed to be the cause of all the animosity. If it wasn’t for me, they probably would have been the perfect family who had everything. But then I came along.”
Carli could no longer stop herself. Her arms automatically went up and went around Justin’s wide shoulders in a tight embrace. They stood that way silently for several lengthy moments. There didn’t need to be any words between them. Right now she just wanted him to feel her understanding and her support, wishing with all her heart that someone had done the same years ago when he’d been a small boy.
A boy who thought his family hated him.
