by Rose Haven
“I’m not sure I believe you,” Eliza said. “Have you lived just a few miles away from me this whole time?”
“Of course. I wanted to keep tabs on you. And I’m glad I did. Because I watch you, I was able to help save your life. You would have never survived the crash without the curative effects of my blood.”
Eliza nodded with pursed lips. At least that part made sense now. Vampires don’t go around donating to blood banks. Her mother must have donated at the hospital just for her. She would have known that her vampire blood would have turned Eliza into a half-dead. But she did it anyway in the hopes of saving her life.
“What happened to you?” Eliza asked, but what she really meant was, why did you leave me? The obvious answer of, ‘Duh, I’m a vampire’ should be a good enough excuse, but Eliza didn’t think so. Yeah, so that might have caused some complications, but it didn’t seem like reason to disappear quickly. Eliza would never do that to her own children, not for any reason.
“Well, I suppose you’ve realized what I am now,” Vivian said.
Eliza didn’t reply and waited for her mother to share more explanation.
“I made a terrible mistake,” Vivian continued. “Twelve years ago, I was unfaithful to your father. I fell in love, and unfortunately for me, the man I fell in love with was a vampire. Once I was under his spell, I allowed him to drink from me. It felt so important at the time. I would do anything to offer him by blood. By the time I realized I had made a mistake, it was too late. One day, he was feeding on me and I passed out. When I woke up, I was just like him. Once I was no longer human, he had no use for me, and I never saw him again. But I would pay for my mistake for all eternity.”
Eliza scowled at her. She realized that her arms were still crossed over her chest. She had known that she had betrayed the family, but hadn’t considered that she had cheated on Dad.
“It was the biggest mistake of my life,” she said. “But I was young…”
“Not that young. I’m younger than you were then, and I wouldn’t do that.”
“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” she said and Eliza thought the tone was a bit patronizing.
“Okay, so maybe your marriage wouldn’t exactly work out because of the adultery, but you didn’t have to abandon Rachelle and me. Just get a freaking divorce like a normal person and share custody.”
“I had turned into a vampire, Lizzie.”
“So?”
“I tried to keep living my life, but vampires can’t pretend to be human for very long. The hunger was…painful. I couldn’t be around you and Rachelle, or your father. The longer I was a vampire, the more powerful my urges became. I knew I would break sooner or later, and I wasn’t going to let myself hurt the people I love.”
“You still could have come back,” Eliza said. “If not right away, why didn’t you at least come talk to me as soon as you saw me in the vampire world?”
“Well…I was alarmed to see you there. I was scared for you. I decided to continue protecting you from inside, instead of making things more complicated and dangerous by approaching you.”
“You mean, you didn’t want the Queen to know that you had a half-dead for a daughter.”
“No. I’m not afraid of the Queen.”
Eliza figured that she had at least proven that when she attacked her to save Rachelle. Eliza didn’t think she’d ever forget watching her long-lost mother pounce on the Queen like a rabid animal.
“Well, why come now then?” Eliza asked.
“Because even if you don’t believe it, I love you, and I can’t hold my tongue any longer. You’re right, I’ve made horrible mistakes. I threw away my life and lost everything I loved because I fell for a vampire, and I don’t want you to do the same thing.”
Eliza scowled deeper. She had been frowning so long now that her forehead hurt. “You can’t possibly be saying that my relationship with Levi is anything like what you’re describing. Levi and I are in a relationship. It sounds like you weren’t your vampire’s girlfriend at all, you were his bedtime snack. Levi doesn’t feed from me. Well, the one time…but that was an emergency. And most importantly, I’m single. I can sleep with whoever I want. I don’t have a husband and children…”
“And you never will,” Vivian interrupted.
“What?”
“I’m sure I’m telling you something you already know. Vampires can’t have children. You would never be able to have Levi’s children. And if you continue on this path, you won’t be able to have children, period.”
Eliza had thought about this. She and Levi had only been together for four months, but of course she had thought about her big white wedding and the two daughters she had always wanted to have. Becoming a mom and having a family had always been one of the most important things she wanted for her future, so she considered the possibility of marriage with pretty much every guy she thought was half-way decent looking.
“Can half-deads not have children?” Eliza asked. The tone of her voice had changed significantly. She was still furious and hurt, but she had also been desperate to ask someone these kinds of questions.
“I’m honestly not sure,” Vivian said. “Perhaps you could, although I imagine that it would be difficult. Your body temperature is low, and your heart pumps slower. I don’t know if you could support human life. It might not ever happen for you, and even if it does, you’ll probably have to go through several miscarriages.”
Eliza felt like she had been kicked in the gut. One of her greatest fears had always been not being able to have children. As a healthy young woman, it has always seemed like an irrational fear. Maybe, deep down, she had predicted something.
“But a healthy pregnancy is the last thing you should be worried about right now,” Vivian said. “How long has it been since you have eaten?”
“What?” Eliza didn’t appreciate this random mothering. She had no business walking in here and telling her to eat her vegetables and floss twice a day.
“How long?” she prodded again.
Eliza thought about it. Not since she had been at Levi’s house. She had Sunday dinner with her father and sister…four days ago? That couldn’t be right.
Vivian nodded smugly, as if Eliza’s silence had proven her right.
“I don’t need as much food,” Eliza said defensively. “It’s not like I’m anorexic or something. I’m just not hungry. Like you said, my body runs slower. I don’t need many calories. I could understand Dad and Rachelle giving me grief, but you should understand.”
“Oh, I do understand. Have you thought about why there are so few half-deads in the world?”
“Well, because vampires don’t go around making them. And the ones that do get made are probably killed by the Queen.”
“Or they die,” Vivian said. “It happens slowly. You don’t feel the human needs as much as you used to. Hunger. Thirst. The need for sleep. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have those needs. Then one day, half-deads realize that they have no human needs at all. Their humanity simply slipped away. They died of dehydration or malnutrition without even knowing it was happening.”
“I think I would know if I was starving to death.”
But would she? She hadn’t considered that it could happen. If she wasn’t hungry, then she must not need food. But what if she was wrong?
“Why did you leave school?”
“It’s none of your business,” Eliza said. “You lost the right to act like my mother.”
Vivian wiped a tear from her eye. “I know. But that doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped loving you. I may be a horrible person who’s made horrible mistakes, but I’m your mother, and I love you. That’s just the way it is.”
“I didn’t leave school,” Eliza said. “I’m taking a semester off. I was in a serious accident.”
Vivian nodded sadly.
Eliza knew as well as she did that she was full of shit. Serious accident or not, her vampire blood helped her hear quickly. She was perfectly capable of going to class.
But she had taken the excuse to skip a semester to spend more time with Levi. But it wasn’t just about him. Her entire perspective had changed. Becoming a lawyer no longer seemed interesting. She couldn’t bring herself to go to class and actually care.
However, she hadn’t realized that she had also begin to forget about her far more important goal—to become a mother. She had known that it might not be possible anymore, and assumed it definitely wouldn’t be possible with Levi, but it hadn’t bothered her as much as it should have. Was she losing her humanity?
“When you were little girl, you had two baby dolls named Josie and Faith. Do you remember that?”
Eliza remembered it perfectly well, but she didn’t respond.
“You took them with you everywhere and took such good care of them. You fed them with their little plastic bottles at every meal and sung them a lullaby and tucked them in every night. All while your sister could barely keep track of her doll’s arms and head. You always wanted to be a mother.”
“Little girls like dolls,” Eliza said in a constricted voice.
“Just think about what I said,” Vivian said. “I love you, and I want you to have the life that you wanted.”
“You saved me and Rachelle. You even helped save Levi. I’m thankful for that. But I’m not ready for you to give me advice on my love life.”
Vivian nodded with her lips pursed. “I’ll leave you alone,” she said and then stood up and let herself out of the house.
As the door closed behind her, Eliza had to stop herself from calling out for her to stay. As much as she had wanted her to leave, it still stung to watch her mother leave her once again. And again, without saying goodbye.
Chapter Three
Eliza didn’t notice that Levi had come back in the living room until he put his hand on her shoulder. She startled, but then placed her hand on top of his.
“Everything okay?” he asked. Just the low rumble of his voice made her feel better. Who cared what her mother said, she was alive. She could feel her heart beating and the blood rushing through her body. And with his abdomen so close to her, the rush of blood quickened even more. That’s not something that happens when you’re dead. Part of her knew that wasn’t necessarily true. Levi had desires. He had blood rushing to all the important parts of him. Vampires could live off the blood of others, and experience many of the same passions of the living.
She nodded and leaned her forehead into his stomach, inhaling his spicy scent. Almost on pure instinct, she lifted the edge of his shirt so she could begin kissing him again, enjoying the feeling of his hard abdomen against her soft lips.
“Are you sure you’re not bothered by what she said?” he asked, gently cradling her chin to direct her gaze upward.
“She hasn’t been my mother in a long time,” Eliza said, even though she knew that didn’t answer the question. To be honest, she didn’t feel like talking about it. She didn’t like the way that he was trying to harness her in reality. She wanted to lose herself in his scent. Forget everything outside this house. Or even better, forget everything that existed beyond the space of their two bodies. But perhaps that was dangerous…
He sat down next to her on the couch and looked at his hands. It’s almost as if he didn’t want to look her in the eye. “There is no point pretending that it doesn’t bother you. I can’t offer you what other men can.”
Was it possible that he actually felt ashamed? Like less of a man? He made every other man she had been with look frankly pathetic in comparison. It’s like they weren’t even the same species. But of course, that was sort of true.
“You mean babies?” Eliza asked.
He nodded, still not looking directly at her.
“And…you’re absolutely sure that you couldn’t? I mean, everything seems to be working properly.”
He smiled slightly, but his face fell flat again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Is that a deal-breaker?”
I really don’t want to have this conversation. Let’s get naked, she thought to herself.
“What if we had sex a lot? Would that help? I don’t mean like just frequently, I mean constantly. Eventually something would have to happen.”
He chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss her, tucking her hair behind her ear as he did so.
“I assume you’re joking,” he said. “But I wouldn’t mind testing the theory…just in case.”
She wasn’t sure if she was joking or not, she just didn’t want to answer the “deal-breaker” question. Because the answer was yes.
She kissed him again, gently sucking on his lip to tug him in. She ran her hand from his knee to the inside of his thigh. Anything to make him forget what they were talking about…anything to make her forget.
It seemed to work because she felt him harden against her hand as she reached her destination. However, she didn’t even need to feel him to know that he was aroused. That was one of the wonderful things about being a half-dead. Her senses were so sharp that she could almost hear the blood rushing into his erection. Or maybe she could smell the blood moving through him. In any case, she always knew when he got hard, and it always made her crazy.
“I want you,” she whispered.
Again, such a simple statement, but she knew how much he liked it. Hours of complicated dirty talk could never match the simplicity of those three words. I…want…you.
Levi put his hands under her to pull her on top of him, helping her to spread her legs and wrap them around him. As if she needed help.
She felt her nipples harden against her bra and eagerly pulled off her shirt so he could unclasp the bra and release her breasts. He used his tongue to trace a circle around her left nipple and then sucked it gently. One of the things she loved about making love to Levi was that it cleared her mind. Unlike with past lovers, her mind never strayed. With his mouth on her breast, she usually couldn’t think of anything else if she tried. But this time she found herself counting the days since she had eaten. She had spent so much of her life trying not to consume too many calories, she had just been happy to not have to fight against hunger all the time. But what did that mean? Had she been remembering to drink water? Why wasn’t she hungry or thirsty? Could she actually be dying? Could she be already dead?
Somewhere in the space of time she had gotten distracted, she had managed to lose her panties and Levi had lost his boxer briefs. He took her head in his hand and kissed her deeply as he guided himself inside her. He moaned contently against her lips as reached her full depth.
Her wandering mind shifted focus like a laser beam. The feeling of having him inside her and rubbing deeply against her sweet spot, especially coupled with the gentle rumble of his moan against her lips, was far too glorious to allow space for any other thought. She tossed her head back and released a moan of her own. She had gotten her wish. She forg0t everything. There was nothing in the world except their two bodies, gently thrusting into sweet oblivion.
Chapter Four
When Eliza woke the next morning, she was hungry. But it was the wrong kind of hungry. As opposed to normal hunger where she felt the need to fill her body and boost her blood sugar, this hunger was far more desperate. She felt the need in every part of her body and it was painful. It felt like her veins were drying up and as they did, every nerve in her body became raw and exposed. Every move caused her desiccated organs to pinch and tear.
As she stared at the ceiling, white light flooded her vision. No. God, no. Don’t die. I don’t want to die.
Eliza wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. Her vocal cords had dried up too. As she tried to cry out her throat burned with an all-consuming pain. She wanted to cry, but she found that she couldn’t do that either.
She found Levi’s arm beside her and dug her nails into his forearm to wake him, probably cutting him far too deep. She knew she wasn’t in any position to control her half-dead…hopefully only half-dead…strength. She wanted the pain to stop and she would do anything. As she thought it, she realized how true it was. If her si
ster had been there right now, she would have ripped her neck open and latched into the biggest artery she could find. It would feel so amazing. She let out a dry moan just thinking about filling her body with her sister’s fresh, warm blood.
Levi shouted, pulling his arm away from her. She could smell his blood dripping out of his forearm. Wasteful. Wasteful.
“Hungry,” she managed to croak. “Hungry,” she said again and her voice sounded animal. Her throat fired up with pain.
Levi put his bleeding forearm to her mouth and she couldn’t have stopped herself if she had wanted to. She placed her mouth around the two holes she had dug with her nails and began to suck deeply. On her eighteenth birthday, her father had taken her and Rachelle to this fancy restaurant in New Orleans. After the meal, they had a traditional eight-layer doberge cake and chicory coffee. She had thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever tasted. Until now. The tiny drops of blood dribbling from Levi’s arm were a hundred times more satisfying. She would do anything to keep drinking.
But he pulled his arm away, using his other hand to press against her forehead to detach her and keep her pressed against the bed. She thought that the gesture was too rough until she heard a hissing sound and realized it was her. She was hissing at him, gnashing her teeth like a rabid animal.
“Shh…” he said sweetly. “Just breathe.”
“I need more. I’m not done,” Eliza said, squirming against his hand. Her head throbbed far worse than any hangover she had ever experienced. The blood had made her feel better, but it wasn’t nearly enough. In her weakened state, he didn’t have any trouble restraining her and keeping her wild mouth away from him.
She had done plenty of things in her life she wasn’t proud of. She had slept with a guy on the first date. She drank too much and threw up on her grandmother’s hand-sewn quilt. She had even cheated on a test. But she had never hated herself as much as she did right now. She was an animal. She was disgusting. Inhuman.
“We’ll get you more, but not from me. I don’t have enough to spare. You need a human.”
