Ben squirmed, shamefaced, and Kat smiled. “Something like that,” she said. When the little boy flashed her a grateful glance, warmth flooded her heart. Luke Travis might be his dad, but he was wrong about Ben. It was love the boy needed, not discipline. Shame he couldn’t see that.
Kat went to shower and change, unable to get the day’s events out of her mind. What had happened between Luke and his son, and how come they’d had so little to do with each other up until now? She knew the basics of Ben’s behavioral problems—he wouldn’t be at Flight at all if he hadn’t had issues at home with his grandparents, who were his official guardians. She just wasn’t sure where Luke came in or why he hadn’t been involved in the boy’s life until now.
Hot water warmed and soothed her. She stretched up her arms and closed her eyes, raising her face to the deluge, trying to relax. But Luke Travis’s angry expression wouldn’t leave her mind. His brown eyes had been so dark and fierce. What if he did complain about her to Tim or Mike?
Well, just let him try, she decided, as she piled her wet hair on top of her head and reached for a towel. She had done nothing wrong. She was here to do a job and she wasn’t about to let him interfere with her courses. She’d already proved that her sea therapy worked; getting children to understand nature, the constant, timeless rhythm of life and the tide’s ebb and flow helped give them a sense of belonging to something bigger than their everyday lives...helped them heal. Luke Travis should be attending her courses as a student, not as a critic; it might do him a world of good to stop and take stock of what really mattered in life.
It wasn’t until much later, curled up in bed with the moonlight streaming in through her window, that Kat’s thoughts went back to her own issues. Her past was always there, waiting for a chance to remind her why she’d started working with troubled children in the first place. And as she drifted to sleep, her subconscious took over, taking her back to the day when her whole life turned on its head, ripping away her childhood...
She was trying to hurry, but her legs refused to do as they were told, as if she was wading through water. Ahead of her the cottage she’d called home for almost fifteen years seemed to loom out at her, its windows strangely sad and empty when normally they shone, bright and inquisitive, as if enjoying their glorious view of the sea that stretched out before them to meet the sky. She had always felt that the cottage had its moods and today it was angry with her; she could feel it in her bones. And all because she’d stayed late after school for once, to play in the park with the normal kids who didn’t have to rush home every day to care for their sad, crazy mothers.
The song of the sea filled her ears with its familiar, rhythmic swish as she stepped through the front door. Her heart thudded loudly in the silence of the small sitting room. Her mother’s lumpy figure was slumped on the sofa, eyes wide-open, gazing into nowhere...
And then the screaming started, the screaming that went on and on and on...
Kat sat up in the darkness with the screaming still ringing inside her head. Guilt and horror seemed to pin her to the bed. She forced herself to breathe; it was a dream, just a dream.
Moonlight slid in through the window, calming her, bringing back reality. She’d never truly escape that nightmare, though; it was a memory. Her mother had died because she had left her all alone, upsetting the routine that kept her sane and sending her over the edge.
Thanks to all the counseling she’d had afterward, Kat understood that it wasn’t her fault and that she had to stop blaming herself. She’d been barely fifteen, a child who should never have had the responsibility of caring for a mother who was suffering from depression. There were times, like tonight, however, when the dreams came back to haunt her, casting out her common sense and forcing her to relive the agony of that day.
She tried to look on the bright side. The dream always reminded her why she’d followed the path that had finally led her here, to Flight. For she had been one of those lost, confused kids who had no stability in their lives. By becoming a child therapist, she’d been able to give something back. It had helped to ease the sorrow and guilt that she knew would hang over her forever, no matter what anyone said.
CHAPTER TWO
AFTER HER DISAGREEMENT with Luke, Kat felt relieved to be off work the next day. Determined to put their unpleasant incident out of her head, she decided to head down to the shore, hoping to get new ideas for her sea sessions. Despite her positive attitude, however, as she wandered along the line of flotsam and jetsam she couldn’t help but remember the threats he’d made about reporting her incompetence. She needed to see Mike and explain what had happened before Luke gave his version...assuming he hadn’t already done so. Even if he had, she could still share her side of things.
Kat turned her face into the wind and breathed in its salty tang, listening to the sounds and smells and waiting for them to smooth away her troubles. Today, though, her “seaside fix” just didn’t seem to work. In fact, it had the opposite effect, taking her back yet again to the bleak and empty phase of her life she’d tried so hard to forget.
Her mother used to tell her that she was selfish and irresponsible, and sometimes, deep down, Kat couldn’t help wondering if it was true. The familiar guilt gnawed at her gut. What if Luke was right? What if she had been too lax with Ben? Perhaps she should have been watching over the children more stringently...and perhaps she should have watched over her mother better. The thought made her feel fifteen again, and she shuddered.
The voices inside her head that had shouted at her then, blaming her for her mother’s death, were now mostly just a whisper in her memory, except when the dreams came to haunt her as they had last night.
Those voices had been stilled by the soothing song of the sea on that awful day as she’d waited down on the shore for someone to answer her emergency call. Her quickly fading footprints in the sand had made her feel invisible, bringing comfort. But she hadn’t truly been invisible because the paramedics had soon found her, speaking in quietly caring, low, soothing tones that held a hushed urgency. How long have you been your mother’s carer? Do you have any other relatives? Where does your father live?
She’d screamed at them to shut up, her hands clamped tight across her ears. They’d shared concerned glances, raised their eyebrows and whispered behind their hands. She’d been totally ignorant about the world, totally ignorant about death and totally unaware that her mother had been suffering from depression for over five years—since her father left.
Today, the bay was sparkling and serene, so beautiful that it took Kat’s breath away. She’d been afraid of the sea for a while after her mother died, for it was so closely linked with the day she’d found her body...and yet, deep down, she’d yearned for it, too.
It had taken five years for her to finally pluck up the courage to visit the coast again, believing that just being back in its awe-inspiring company would rekindle all her heartache, guilt and anger. She couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as she’d gazed across the sweep of the bay to where the sea and sky became one, and breathed in those familiar scents, with the buffeting wind in her face and droplets of water on her skin, she’d known that the sea was still her friend, wild and beautiful and sometimes dangerous, but always dependable. And then she’d known that she should never have been afraid of going back to the coast, for her mother’s illness had had nothing to do with this place at all.
Jenny Brown’s Bay shimmered ahead of her now, serene and tranquil for once; it felt all-forgiving.
“I’m sorry, Mum,” she cried out into the gentle breeze, raising her hands to the sky. “I let you down when you needed me, but I will make up for it, you’ll see.”
Trying to put the past behind her, Kat carried on walking. The memories clung and it occurred to her that perhaps she should be thanking her mother, for Kat’s childhood experiences had led her to become what she was today, someone who co
uld, hopefully, make a difference in the lives of children who needed support and guidance.
She took a deep breath and studied the flow of the rippling tide. Its changeless rhythm intrigued her, for although the ocean could often be terrifying in its ferocity, it was also consistent. No matter what was going on in people’s lives, the tide continued rushing up to the shore and flooding back out right on time; the sun still shone, the rain still fell and all the creatures in the world went about their daily lives following nature’s call without question.
That was what she loved about nature and animals: durability. Which was what had made her decide to develop her specialized therapy. Children who had no stability in their lives gained strength and confidence from their seaside sessions. She’d seen it time and time again, and Kat firmly believed that nature could teach most people a thing or two, if they only took note. Pity Luke Travis didn’t spend more time taking note of what her courses were about, she thought, instead of being so negative and critical.
It was late afternoon before Kat arrived back at Flight. The big, stone-built house must have once been some wealthy person’s country residence. As she approached, it stood tall and square against the brightness of the sky, its windows sparkling in the sunshine. It was a beautiful house, a wonderful place for the children here to call home. For many of them, Flight was the only true home they’d ever known. It was well run, too, with a great team. Tim Ellison, the principal, had a cottage on the grounds, while Mike Thomas, head of children’s care, lived on-site with his wife, Gwen, who worked alongside him.
Most of the other carers, therapists, teachers and cleaners lived locally, including the general manager, Wayne White. Luke was Wayne’s assistant and he lived on-site, as did Kat, though she was on the lookout for a place of her own.
Kat deeply respected Mike and Gwen, particularly since they often spent time with the children in the main house. She liked the way they went above and beyond their job descriptions, helping make Flight feel like a real family home. The layout also helped with that, featuring single and double bedrooms for the kids and a large, comfortable communal living room, two smaller sitting rooms, a dining room with one huge table and a massive kitchen, where anyone could eat or snack or just sit near the stove. Alice, who came in daily to organize the cooking, was usually to be found there, along with one or two of the other kitchen staff.
Kat and Luke had small apartments in a new annex at the rear of the house, but as they both had private doors into the garden, their paths rarely seemed to cross. Apart from a brief, cordial conversation when she’d first arrived at Flight, Kat hadn’t had much to do with him. A brief nod as they passed in the hallway or the odd polite comment was about the only interaction they had had...until Ben arrived. Ever since, Luke seemed to have taken it upon himself to interfere with everything she did.
Kat had been working at Flight for just over a week when Mike had called her to his office to tell her that a new pupil, Ben Jackson, was arriving that afternoon and would be assigned to her for counseling. As usual, Kat had wanted to know as much about the boy’s background as possible and she’d spent time before he arrived looking through his notes and questioning Mike. Ben’s grandparents were his guardians, but his grandmother, Mollie Jackson, had been struggling to care for him properly after his grandfather had fallen ill. Ben had become cheeky and disobedient, as well as regularly skipping school or refusing to go at all. The elderly lady had been at her wit’s end, so when Ben’s social workers had suggested sending him to a special school, she’d agreed. She’d selected Flight because that was where Ben’s father worked. The father he had hardly ever seen.
Mike had emphasized the importance of treating Ben like any other child at Flight. The plan was for him to get to know his father gradually without making a big deal of the relationship. They didn’t want the other kids to sense favoritism or feel excluded, but preventing Ben from getting to know his dad could be detrimental to him as well.
When she’d found out that Ben’s father was Luke Travis, Kat was surprised, to say the least. Luke was thirtyish and single, as far as she could make out. Not even the staff, who had known him since he first came to Flight as a general office lackey, had a clue that he had a son. Apparently, he’d never mentioned the boy to anyone in the years he’d spent working up to assistant manager.
Kat’s first meeting with Ben had been unproductive; he had refused point-blank to answer any of her questions and he exuded anger, an anger that she knew hid loneliness and fear. One thing was for sure: Ben Jackson was one very mixed-up little boy, and the more she could find out about his background, the easier it would be to try to help him.
She’d even tried to talk to Luke, shortly after Ben arrived, but it had been like talking to a brick wall. Luke didn’t seem to know anything about his son and he’d flatly refused to discuss how they’d become estranged. Perhaps now, though, after yesterday’s fiasco, she should approach him again. If she asked for Luke’s help, maybe it would break the ice a bit. What Ben needed right now was calmness and stability, and his father arguing with his counselor was definitely not the way forward.
Kat tapped on Luke’s apartment door, trying to appear professional and in control even though her heart was fluttering in her chest. It swung wide open at once.
“Oh, it’s you,” he said drily.
“Look,” she began, pulling back her shoulders and lifting her chin, “I’m really sorry about yesterday, and I wondered if perhaps we could have a chat...about Ben. You know, so we can get on the same page about what’s best for him.”
Luke towered over her, a deep frown etched across his forehead. “No offense,” he said, “but I’m not sure I want us to be on the same page where Ben’s concerned. It’s your job as his counselor to find out why he’s been behaving as he does. I’m his father and I don’t have to answer to you.”
“Well, no...obviously, I understand that.” Kat squirmed. “I just thought that if we had a proper chat about Ben’s background and his relationship with you up until now, it might help me understand his situation a bit better.”
“We don’t have a relationship,” Luke retorted. “That’s the whole problem. And we are unlikely to ever have one if you don’t stop putting him in crazy situations that encourage him to get into trouble.”
Kat tried to keep her cool, but heat flooded her face. “He was not in a ‘crazy’ situation yesterday—he just took advantage of me being distracted to have some fun. I’ll be the first to admit that I should have kept a closer eye on him and maybe reined him in earlier, but he was never in any danger, and the situation was not crazy. In fact, his behavior was typical of many young boys. Or perhaps you’ve forgotten what that’s like. In my experience, when children behave badly, it’s for a reason. Usually it’s a cry for help...or a way to channel their anger at the world. Children need stability and love in their lives if they’re ever to get back on track.”
“So now you’re telling me that I don’t love my own son?”
“No, of course not!” Kat felt as if she was going around in circles. “I just want to understand him better, and I thought you might be able to help with that.”
“Look...” Luke gave a slight shake of his head as if summing her up as stupid and exasperating. “I agree that Ben needs stability, and he has that here. The other thing he needs, though, is discipline—ground rules he has to learn to follow. I don’t believe your airy-fairy method of counseling is giving him that. Yesterday proved it. It seems to me that all you’re doing is letting the kids run wild.”
“Well, it seems to me that you and I will have to differ on that,” Kat said, holding her head high. “Oh, and by the way, I do happen to be the only one of us who is qualified to decide what a child needs.”
“You don’t need qualifications to bring up kids, just common sense.”
“And exactly what part has your ‘common sense’ playe
d in your son’s life up until now?”
Luke paled, and Kat wished she could take back what she’d said. He glared at her then turned on his heel and slammed the door in her face.
Regretting her decision to talk to him, Kat walked slowly through the large gardens, needing time to calm down and think things through. As she reached the cliff top where the beautiful old house was perched, she stopped for a while to look out across the wide vista of the bay, breathing in the crisp, clear air before heading toward the front door of the school, feeling much calmer and more in control of her emotions.
As she stepped into the spacious hallway, she smelled the comforting aroma of roast beef and the fragrant lilies that stood on a side table beneath the window. She hesitated, listening to the sound of children’s laughter floating through from the kitchen. Despite the troubles that most of the children here had faced in their lives, Flight was in many ways a happy house, and she was very grateful to be a part of it. She just hoped Luke Travis would allow her to help his son thrive here.
Kat still had to talk to Mike, so she headed toward his study to see if he was still there. As she approached the half-open door, she could hear him speaking to someone. Could it be Luke, fueled by the confrontation they’d just had? She paused in the hallway, feeling guilty for listening in on a private conversation but unable to resist. If it was Luke, she needed to hear what he was saying about her.
“I think you just need to give her a bit more time,” Mike said. “She does have a lot of experience, and I’m sure that she knows what she’s doing. I’ll have a word with her, if you like.”
Kat didn’t wait to hear the other person’s response. It was obviously Luke complaining about her. She knew where she stood with him now and she definitely didn’t want eavesdropping added to her list of misdemeanors. When she met Gwen at the end of the hallway, her heartbeat increased tenfold; two minutes sooner and she’d have been caught red-handed.
A Father's Pledge Page 2
