“Why, Ben? What really made you cross?”
He looked up at her with his father’s eyes, deep, fathomless, dark velvet brown. “Granddad wasn’t Granddad anymore and Grandma didn’t help me—even when I skipped school she didn’t care. And then she sent me here.”
Kat leaned toward him, placing her hand on his shoulder, drawing it away again when he tensed against her touch. “Your grandma sent you here because she cares about you.” Her voice was as gentle as she could make it. “She was so busy looking after your granddad, and she knew that here at Flight, you’d have people to care for you properly.”
Ben’s face darkened. “You don’t know that... You don’t know anything about us. My grandma wouldn’t have sent me away if she cared about me. And my dad wouldn’t have left me if he cared about me.”
“That’s not true, Ben,” Kat began tentatively. “Listen, I went to see your grandma and—”
Ben jumped up, his face pale and expressionless. “You saw her and you didn’t bring me? That’s not fair! I thought you were my friend, but you’re not. You’re just like all the rest. None of you care.” He was shaking.
Kat’s heart sank. She should have stuck to her plan not to tell him about Mollie quite yet. She should have anticipated this reaction. “No, Ben, I went because I am your friend. Your grandma told me how much she loves you and how bad she feels for letting you down. In fact...”
“In fact what?” Ben’s tone was sulky, but his stance had relaxed a fraction.
“In fact,” Kat went on, taking the plunge, “she asked me if I’d bring April here so that she’d remind you of home. And you can help look after her.”
“April...” repeated Ben. “Coming here?”
“Yes, and the chickens, maybe. Think how proud your grandma and granddad would be if they knew you were taking care of April here.”
Ben shook his head. “Granddad stopped talking to me. He was funny and sad and different.”
Kat took both his hands in hers, and he didn’t pull away. “Ben, your grandma and your granddad have had a hard time lately, that’s all. Your granddad is sick. He can’t help that, or the way he acted—his illness caused that. He still loves you very much. He just can’t show it. Your grandma loves you, too, but she’s had so many worries that she’s forgotten to tell you lately.”
“I wish I’d looked after April for her,” Ben said, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Well, now perhaps you can,” Kat said. “It’ll be a second chance to show her that you can do it...that you want to help.”
“And Granddad really can’t help being like he is?”
“No, Ben, he really can’t help it—he wants to tell you, deep inside.”
“And you’ll always be my friend, even if he tries to take you away?”
“I’ll always be your friend, Ben, and no one will take me away.”
The little boy’s face brightened, as if a tiny ray of hope had lit him up from the inside, and it pulled at her heartstrings. Kat had never been the type to keep a clinical distance from the children she counseled, the way some of her peers could; she always got involved with the children she was helping. But this was different. She was becoming close to Ben. Would she have driven several hours to visit the grandmother of any other child in her care? She couldn’t help wondering if her emotional attachment to Ben was tangled up in her feelings for Luke. Clearly, she needed to sort that out. She couldn’t let an adult relationship affect her professional behavior.
“Anyway, young man,” she announced in what she hoped was a neutral tone, “I think it must be almost time for your next class. What is it today?”
“Art,” he said. “I like art.”
“Excellent. Why don’t you do some animal pictures for me and I can put them up on the wall?”
The broad grin on Ben’s face as he walked toward the door said it all.
Kat smiled all the way home as she thought about the progress she’d made with Ben. It was strange how it worked sometimes, child therapy; you could go for weeks without seeming to get anywhere, and then suddenly there would be a breakthrough. He’d actually let her in at last. For a moment, her interference had seemed like a big mistake, but in the end, it had paid off.
She’d frame her conversation with Luke tonight in terms of Ben’s progress. Maybe that would stop him from getting mad about her visit to the Jacksons’ farm. But she would leave the news about the animals for another day; there was plenty of time for that after he’d taken in everything else.
* * *
BY SIX THIRTY Kat had a pizza ready to go into the oven, and she’d set a salad bowl and potato chips on the table next to an open bottle of wine, with two flutes waiting to be filled. She’d been on a high all day after her successful therapy sessions, but nerves had begun to prickle as the clock approached seven. Was it fear or anticipation that made her feel so wound up?
She poured herself a glass of wine and went out into the balmy summer’s evening to sit on the bench outside the front door. Seven o’clock came and went and she breathed a sigh of relief; perhaps he wasn’t coming.
Sunshine glittered on the sea as the evening sun hung in a golden globe above the bay. Way out she could see boats, tiny in the distance; they reminded her with a sweeping sadness of the two young lovers setting out in such high spirits, and she took a gulp of her wine.
“Started without me, eh?”
The sound of Luke’s deep voice brought a rush of heat to her cheeks. “Oh!” she cried, startled. “I didn’t hear you coming.”
“You were miles away. Mind if I join you?”
She moved to get up. “I’ll pour you a glass of wine.”
He held out his hand to stop her. “No, don’t worry. I’ll help myself.”
When he returned with a full glass and sat down next to her she glanced sideways at him; her mouth felt dry and a pulse beat in her throat when he held her gaze. Ridiculously, she couldn’t look away.
“So...” he said. “Is this a social meeting or just business? You said you wanted to talk about Ben?”
Suddenly she found her voice as panic hit; did he think this was a date after all? “Business,” she said too quickly.
He touched his glass to hers. “Are you sure about that?”
Kat stood abruptly. “Of course I’m sure. I promised you food, though, so why don’t you sit and drink your wine while I go put the pizza in the oven.”
“Don’t tell me...” A smile lit up his handsome features and Kat soared out of her comfort zone. Her heart started to thud and all she could think of was the feel of his lips on hers. “Buffalo mozzarella and sun-dried tomatoes?”
“How did you know that?” she cried, laughter bubbling up.
Luke shrugged. “I guess you just strike me as a sun-dried-tomato kind of girl... Either that or I may have seen the box sticking out of the bin over there.”
Kat laughed, hurriedly going across to push the box farther down and close the lid. “Let’s eat first and discuss...business later,” she suggested.
“Sounds good to me,” Luke agreed. “And I guess by business you mean Ben?”
“Ben is my business, and I think today I’ve made a breakthrough.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Sounds interesting.”
“When we’ve eaten,” she insisted, buying time. Somehow she couldn’t imagine Luke being ecstatic about her visit to High House Farm, and for now, at least, she didn’t want to break the mood.
When the pizza was ready, she called him inside. They sat on Kat’s two-seater sofa, sipping wine and tucking into the food she’d set on the coffee table in front of them. After another glass of wine, Kat felt relaxed and much less worried about what she was about to tell Luke, or about the questions she had for him.
“So how come you never had much to do wit
h Ben until now?” she asked, suddenly feeling bold.
Luke stayed silent for a moment, turning his glass around and around by the stem. “I was never given the opportunity,” he told her, his voice thoughtful and somewhat sad. “I was married, briefly, but we split and she neglected to tell me she was pregnant. It was Mollie who told me eventually, but she asked me to stay away. She made it sound like the right thing to do, and I guess I didn’t need much persuading.”
“And you never even tried to see him?”
Kat’s tone held a hint of criticism and Luke’s jaw tightened.
“Sorry...” she said. “It’s not my place.”
He looked across at her, his brown eyes crinkling softly at the corners. “It’s okay... As you said, Ben is your business, so I guess it does matter. Look...” He shifted closer, and she could feel his breath against her skin. “I messed up. I’m not proud of it. I guess I was afraid of fatherhood—still am, frankly—so what kind of a man does that make me?
“I did go to the house to see him once—he was in the garden with Carly and his grandparents. It was all so perfect that I couldn’t bring myself to let them know I was there. I just watched from afar then walked away. I felt like a failure—what could I offer a child who had everything? Shortly after that, I got this job at Flight. I felt as if I was doing something worthwhile, finally, and I hoped that working with the children here would ease my guilt about Ben.”
“So you did feel guilty?”
Luke’s face fell. “What kind of man do you think I am? Of course I felt guilty. It hurt so much, knowing I had a son but that I’d walked out of his life. Never even walked into it, really.”
He dropped his head into his hands. “I’ve failed him, Kat,” he groaned. “I talked myself into believing he wouldn’t want me in his life, that meeting me would confuse him, when all the time I was afraid, and now...”
“Now?” she murmured, turning toward him, longing to stroke the hair back from his face.
His voice trembled. “Now I’ve been given another chance, but I’m worried I’ll never be able to make things right between us. I love him so much, Kat, and I’m so ashamed of the way I’ve handled everything.” He moved closer, his eyes dark with emotion. “Will you help me try and make it work, Kat? Please.”
Her response was instant, from the heart. “Of course—of course I will.”
When he slowly lowered his lips toward hers, a shiver ran through her whole body and then she felt the warmth of them and her heart exploded. “Oh, Luke...”
His arms tightened around her, his body pressing close as his lips worked their magic, moving, exploring, invading her senses.
“No,” she groaned, panicking at the depth of her own feelings.
He held her away from him but he didn’t let her go. “This is right, Kat,” he said, placing his lips gently to her forehead. “We are right.”
She relaxed back into his arms, drowning in his closeness, wanting nothing more than this moment. “But what about Ben?” she asked.
Luke tensed. “Ben can’t know about us...not yet. It wouldn’t be fair. I talked him down when he saw us yesterday, but he was upset and confused. I don’t want to risk that again.”
“Us,” she repeated, trying it on for size. “Is there really an us, Luke?”
“Maybe,” he said sadly. He released her and stood, walking across to gaze out the window. “There are so many things stacked against us.”
“Like my job, for one,” she said. “And professionalism aside, being together could compromise Ben’s recovery. That’s the last thing either of us wants.”
“His confidence and security has to come first,” agreed Luke. “I need to focus on that relationship before I can even consider...us.”
Feeling awkward, Kat started collecting the plates and tidying up. There was something between them that they couldn’t deny, an attraction that neither of them could resist. For a few moments, though, it had seemed like more than that and it had given her a glimpse of a part of herself she had never experienced before. A part of herself she had to try to keep contained if she didn’t want to end up with a broken heart. Suddenly her hand slipped and the cup she was holding flew onto the floor, smashing into a thousand pieces.
Luke materialized beside her. “Leave that,” he insisted, taking hold of her hand and drawing her toward the door. “Let’s go outside to clear our heads and get back to...business. Ben, I mean—let’s talk about Ben.”
They sat on the bench outside, watching the sun slowly slip toward the horizon. “I made a breakthrough today,” she said, knowing that she had to tell him. “Ben talked to me about his granddad. You know he has dementia?”
“Dementia? What, you mean the disease?”
Kat nodded. “I’m afraid so.”
“And he told you this?”
She hesitated. “Well, no, not quite—he told me his granddad was... I’m sorry, Luke, but I went to see Mollie. I should have told you.”
His whole body stiffened. “Too right you should have...and after I asked you not to!”
“I’m sorry. It just felt like something I had to do, and I knew what you’d say if I told you my plan. It was worth it, though. That’s the main thing. If we’d known his situation from the start, maybe we could have better understood what Ben’s been going through. He thought it was his fault that his granddad turned away from him, Luke—that he did something to make Jim stop loving him. He’s hurting inside. Even his refusals to go to school were all about getting attention from his grandma.”
“And Mollie told you all this? Why didn’t she say anything before?”
“I think she was just as mixed up as everyone else,” Kat said, lifting a shoulder. “She regrets how she treated Ben. She wants to visit him and I hoped you might help arrange it.”
Luke frowned. “Are you sure about that? You don’t usually take note of my suggestions,” he said curtly.
“Luke...” Kat tried to get him to look at her, reeling at how quickly the atmosphere had changed. He seemed to stare straight through her. “I’m sorry I went behind your back by going to see Mollie, but I would do it again. I know it will help Ben, and that’s my job. If you didn’t work here, I might not have even told you about that conversation. Parents aren’t always involved in my treatment of their children because—because very often they are the cause of the problems. It’s results that count, Luke... The children count.”
“So did you see Jim?” he asked. “And if not, how do you know Mollie was telling the truth?”
Kat shrugged. “She had no cause to lie. His doctor diagnosed him with depression after Carly died, but it was only later, when he had a dizzy spell and went in for tests, that they found out it was dementia. He’d had a couple of small strokes, they think... Look, why don’t you go and talk to her yourself?”
Luke stood, staring at her for an endless moment, his expression fathomless. “I might just do that. Anyway, I’d better be off. No doubt I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“And you’ll arrange a visit?”
“I’ll speak to Ben first and see what he has to say.”
He took off down Cove Road and Kat watched him go, a dull ache filling her heart. For a moment, she’d dared to imagine they really could be an us; how naive was that? He was handsome, even charming when he wanted to be, and there was something about him she found hard to resist. But he had let his son down. Did that make him selfish, or had he learned from his mistakes? He obviously regretted how he’d handled things in the past, and he was trying so hard to be a good father, but she couldn’t let herself forget how narrow-minded he often was.
She noted how his hair lifted in the breeze, and she took in his gait, tall and strong and sure. Despite her determination to focus on all the reasons she shouldn’t fall for Luke Travis, she was sharply reminded of his lips against hers,
his tenderness when he held her. He was right to put space between them, she decided, because if she spent too much time with him the idea of an “us” would be too tempting.
And then she thought about her animal project and her sea therapy and knew she still had far too much to do here to be chased away from her goals by a man. She would do her part to keep their relationship professional and avoid social outings. Tomorrow she’d apologize; not that she needed to, but if they were to move on, they needed a fresh start.
* * *
LUKE STRODE HURRIEDLY along the pathway back to Flight. What was he thinking, he wondered, to have allowed Kat to get to him like that? What an idiot she must think he was... This wasn’t the first time he’d been carried away by a beautiful woman. It had been a total disaster the first time, and now the stakes were much higher: he had a son to think about.
And for Kat to take it on herself to go see Mollie Jackson was unforgivable. It was his job, not hers. So why didn’t you? asked an inner voice. Tomorrow, he decided, he’d have a proper chat with Ben...or maybe he should try to get the truth from Mollie...not that he really believed that she or Kat were making anything up.
He paused to look out over the bay. The sun was disappearing into the sea and leaving behind a glorious trail of golden light. It was so beautiful and serene that it brought a warm feeling back into his heart. Perhaps he’d been too harsh with Kat. Perhaps she did have Ben’s best interests at heart. Rationally, he knew she wasn’t trying to make him feel inadequate. But he felt that way all the same.
They needed to get their relationship back onto a professional footing, that was all, and limit their communications to what was best for Ben.
How hard could that be?
CHAPTER TWENTY
LUKE FELT NERVOUS as he tapped out Mollie’s number; it rang over and over in his ears and he was just about to put the phone down when she answered.
“Hello—Mollie Jackson.”
“I, er...” He struggled to find the right words. “It’s me, Mollie. Luke.”
“Is it Ben? Is he okay?”
A Father's Pledge Page 17
