Kat’s heart sank. Luke meant well, she knew he did, but he just didn’t get it. “Oh, Luke...” Once again, it occurred to her that his son wasn’t the only one who could use some counseling. “Can’t you see? You have to let Ben keep his memories, not forget them. He can definitely forge a new life with you, but you have to embrace his past, too.”
Luke’s face turned a dull red. “I don’t need your fancy speeches,” he said quietly. “You may think you know everything, but who’s to say you’re always right?”
“Mollie got the sheep as a lamb, for Ben to take care of. She thought it might distract him from all the heartache and problems surrounding him.”
“And your point is?”
“He wouldn’t look after it at the time, and he feels he’s let her down. Taking care of April now could be therapeutic for him, make him feel better about himself.”
For a split second, Luke’s face crumpled, revealing, before his expression closed up again, a glimpse of the lost little boy he once was. Kat felt the urge to put her arms around his big frame and hold him. She wanted so badly, she realized, to show him how to love and be loved. But it wasn’t her place. Especially not with Ben in the picture. But how else would Luke learn to be the father his son needed?
He let out a long breath. “I see where you’re coming from. But I want to be there when the animals arrive.”
“Sure,” Kat agreed. “Mollie’s bringing them when she comes to visit Ben. You can help settle them in if you like.”
“I’m not sure that Ben would be up for that.”
“I would, though...and in my professional opinion, I think it’s important for the two of you to spend time together.”
“You just can’t stop with the good advice, can you?” he groaned.
“Not when I know you need it,” she said, ignoring his glare.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
AFTER HIS CONVERSATION with Kat, Luke felt marginally better about missing his bike ride with Ben. Still, it irritated him that she always had to be so...right about everything, giving him lectures on what his own son needed. Although he wasn’t a teacher or a therapist, he thought he’d been at Flight long enough to have at least half an idea about what made kids tick. Routine and discipline were big on the Flight agenda, so he knew he wasn’t wrong about how important they were. Kat’s approach confused him, though he had to admit her explanations often made sense once he thought about them.
In his world, as a young boy, discipline and routine had been everything. He couldn’t remember a single instance when his dad had done something spontaneous; not even a hug. Yet Luke continued to appreciate how confident his upbringing had made him, the comfort in having everything mapped out, neatly planned and orderly. Routine and self-discipline had even helped him through tough times in his life, like those difficult years after his divorce.
If he was honest, though, hadn’t those qualities also contributed to his marriage falling apart?
Carly had been so wild and free, and that had appealed to him, but it had also caused stress and arguments. She’d often accused him of being too rigid and inflexible, and he’d struggled with her carefree ways.
And later, when he found out about Ben... Maybe he’d been so afraid of how disruptive a child might be to his carefully constructed life that he’d copped out. Luke felt a hot wave of shame course through him. And now? He still believed in the value of discipline—that wouldn’t change—but was he hiding behind it? Was he guilty of being too narrow-minded when it came to figuring out how to raise his son?
He needed to break the mold. He decided to do something spontaneous for a change; he’d go and see Wayne at home, on his new bike. He worked with him most days but it had been ages since they’d had a proper chat.
Freewheeling down the hill into the village, Luke felt totally refreshed; the wind in his face was brisk and sweet, seeming to blow away all the complications that filled his head.
He jumped off his bike and leaned it up against the wall outside the Whites’ house. He found Wayne in the back garden having a beer in the sunshine. “On your own?” he asked.
Wayne looked around, startled, but he recovered quickly, smiled and handed Luke a bottle from the cooler beside his chair. “Mel’s gone shopping, so who knows when she’ll get back. To what do I owe this impromptu visit? It’s not like you to just turn up.”
“No reason,” Luke said, popping off the bottle top and taking a swig of the golden liquid.
Wayne laughed. “You always have a reason.”
“I guess I just wanted to talk. It’s difficult at work.”
“Don’t tell me,” groaned Wayne. “This must be about Ben...or Kat.”
“Well, yes, in a way.”
“And what way might that be?”
“It’s complicated,” Luke admitted. “Sometimes Kat and I get along okay, but generally our views contradict each other. I’m really trying with Ben, but this fatherhood thing is new to me and Kat always seems to interfere when I’m about to make some progress. For instance, I arranged a bike ride with Ben, but when I went to meet him I discovered that she’d taken him off to get some shed ready for a bunch of animals she’s getting from his grandmother...not that she knew about the bike ride, but—”
“Hey,” Wayne interrupted, putting up a hand. “Slow down a bit. I do know she’s keen to start her animal therapy and Mike told me about the shed she’s preparing, but this whole bike business sounds like a simple misunderstanding. Is it the animals you have a problem with?”
“Well, no...not really, as long as she keeps it safe. I mean, I respect her expertise and dedication to her job, and the children love her, but I think she lets them get away with a lot. We’ve had so many disagreements about discipline and routine. I think it’s important and she doesn’t. But she doesn’t get to decide, does she? Those are important values here at Flight, aren’t they?”
“Well, yes, but perhaps more routine than discipline, along with a large shot of love. A regular routine builds children’s confidence, so they know they have something to rely on. So many of these kids have had very little stability in their lives. The discipline is just a part of that. But it’s not one-size-fits-all. Different approaches work for different kids.”
Luke ran a hand over his face. “Okay. But we disagreed about her getting the animals from Ben’s grandmother as well. Kat believes it will do him good to have something from his past to hang on to his memories. Personally, I think he should be encouraged to move on and start afresh. How could it be helpful to dwell on the very time and place where his problems began?”
“Well, you can believe what you like,” Wayne said thoughtfully. “But one thing I have learned here at Flight is that the general attitude of all the therapists and carers is to never let a child forget his or her roots, but to try and help them come to terms with the things that have gone wrong with their world and face their demons.”
“It makes sense, coming from you,” Luke admitted. “I guess that’s kind of what she was trying to tell me. Maybe I owe her an apology... It’s hard not to let my emotions get the better of me when it comes to Ben.”
“Maybe your feelings for her are getting the better of you,” Wayne suggested, raising his eyebrows.
“No.” Luke’s denial was quick...too quick. “I mean, we’re just colleagues. And besides, any kind of relationship would compromise her position as Ben’s therapist. He has to come first.”
“Go and see her,” Wayne urged him. “Ask her to explain her methods and the reasons behind them—after all, she is an expert. And, Luke?”
“Yes?”
“Try to actually listen to her. I don’t want to sound too brutal, but...you are a slightly confused, amateur dad.”
“Thanks for that,” Luke said sarcastically.
Wayne leaned forward, an urgent exp
ression on his face. “Just talk to her, tell her how you feel and try to come to some kind of common ground.”
Luke stood, then drained his bottle and put it in the bin. “Thanks for your wise thoughts,” he said. “Seriously. I’ll see you at work on Monday. You have that appointment with the builder, remember.”
“Glad you reminded me,” Wayne said. “It had slipped my mind.”
Luke headed for the gate but he stopped and turned when Wayne called him back. “What’s up?”
“They found a body on the other side of the bay today. It hasn’t been identified yet, but it’s pretty obvious who it might be.”
Luke’s first thought was for Kat; had she heard this? Was she okay? “That’s terrible,” he said. “Such a waste.”
“I know.” Wayne nodded sadly. “It really brings home the dangers of sailing, when something like that happens on your doorstep. You can never underestimate the sea.”
“So beautiful and yet so treacherous,” Luke said, looking wistfully out across the bay at the smooth serenity of the resting sea.
* * *
KAT STAYED UP LATE that night, working in the shed. It was so rewarding to see everything coming together, and now it was finally finished, thanks to Ben and the other children.
Her heart lifted when she remembered how hard they’d worked. When an image of Luke’s sad face sprang into her mind she felt a prickle of guilt; was she coming between him and his son, as Mike had suggested? The trouble was that Luke seemed almost as mixed up as his son, and that would never help with Ben’s stability.
She was awakened the next morning by the echoing, lonely cries of the seagulls. She jumped out of bed and went to look out over the bay, watching the big white birds slowly circling in the clear blue sky. They sounded so desolate, and that seemed wrong in such a beautiful place. The sea sparkled with a million diamonds, the sand shimmering as the tide ran back out into the ocean. Were the happy young couple still out there, she wondered, lost beneath the waves, or were they laughing together somewhere about abandoning their boat?
A heavy sadness descended over her as she headed out of the cottage half an hour later. There was so much beauty in the world and yet so much despair and confusion, too.
She glanced at her watch; she still had plenty of time to walk the long way to Flight and stop at the village shop for a paper; there might be an update in it on the couple from the boat.
“Morning,” called the small, cheerful-looking woman behind the counter when Kat walked in.
“Morning,” Kat responded, smiling.
“Terrible news, isn’t it?” The woman’s tone was hushed, confidential with a hint of excitement.
Kat’s heart tightened. “What news?”
“They’ve found a body on the other side of the bay.”
“A body? Who—who is it?”
The woman leaned forward, lowering her voice as if she was worried about being overheard. “Well, I don’t know if it’s been identified yet, but it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? They should never be allowed to rent boats out to people who don’t know how to sail them.”
“He seemed to know what to do to me,” Kat objected.
The woman’s eyes opened like saucers. “You knew them?”
She placed her paper on the counter and fumbled in her purse. “No, I just saw them casting off, that’s all.”
As she headed up the hill toward Flight with a weight on her heart, Kat couldn’t get the images from her mind, of the two young people, so happy and in love. Was it better to steer clear of commitment and avoid the inevitable heartache that came with it, or to grab love by the horns and ride out the storm? That poor young couple might have had their lives cut short, but at least they’d had something. At least they’d known love.
Not wanting to have to talk to anyone, she walked straight around the back of the building to her counseling room. She was staring at the ground, grappling with her thoughts, when two broad hands grabbed her by the shoulders, stopping her dead in her tracks.
“Whoa there,” Luke said, holding her firmly. Kat looked up in confusion, and understanding crossed his face. “You’ve heard, haven’t you?” His voice was soft.
With a heavy sigh, she let her head fall forward, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“It’s so unfair,” she cried, her voice muffled against his shoulder. “They had their whole lives in front of them and...” Suddenly she looked up. “How do you know it isn’t someone else?”
“No,” Luke told her. “It’s too big a coincidence.”
“But it’s so unfair.”
“Life is often unfair,” he said. “Think of all the kids who’ve ended up here. But we have to deal with it.” And then he kissed her, a sweet, gentle kiss that brought tears to her eyes.
“You know we can’t do this,” she said, pulling away. “We agreed.”
“Okay, point taken, but we do need to talk. That’s why I came here.” He waved toward the door to her counseling room and they stepped inside. “I want to hear you out. About Ben and your therapy methods. We keep disagreeing even when we say we’re going to make an effort.”
Kat peered at him, stunned by his openness. He was usually so much more confrontational. She nodded. “You’re right. Our bickering isn’t fair to Ben.”
Luke raised one hand to stroke her cheek. “No, it isn’t fair to him,” he said sadly.
“We both want the same things for him,” she said. “We just have different ideas on how to get there.”
Suddenly he smiled, lightening the moment. “Well, we should try, at least, to work those out.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
SUNDAY AT LAST! Ben clawed his way out of sleep, excitement fluttering inside him. It had felt as if the week was going to last forever. Every night when he got into bed he’d been trying to remember April; she’d been small and sweet and needy when Grandma brought her home...and he had been horrible. He’d been so mad at her, though...and with Granddad, too. But Miss had said that wasn’t Ben’s fault, or his granddad’s.
Reaching beneath his pillow, he felt around for the silver heart he’d found in the flotsam and jetsam. He wrapped his fingers in the chain and wished that it really was magic—then maybe it would be able to make his granddad like he used to be. But if it couldn’t do that, maybe it could make his grandma happy. She was always sad, although there was a time he vaguely remembered when she used to smile and laugh and have fun with him.
Miss had helped him understand some of that stuff in a way he hadn’t thought about before. She didn’t tell him, though, and that was why he listened. She just talked to him and let him decide for himself. He didn’t feel so cross anymore...not all the time, anyway. And he was looking forward to seeing April again. He would do his best to look after her...and the chickens, too.
Today he was going to give his grandma the necklace, and he couldn’t wait to see her. He hoped Miss was going to be there.
* * *
AFTER MUCH REFLECTION, Luke decided to suggest to Kat that she should be with him and Ben when Mollie arrived at Flight. He was sorry when she refused, telling Luke that he needed to see Ben’s grandmother himself and have a proper talk with her alongside his son. And, as she explained, Mollie’s neighbor had offered to deliver the animals, so she had to meet him. “You, Ben and Mollie can come along later and settle them in,” she told him.
When Luke turned up on his own to pick up Ben, the boy scowled. “Where’s Miss? I want her to come with me, not you.”
Fighting off an initial surge of irritation, Luke smiled awkwardly, cuffing his son gently on the arm. “You’ll be all right with me,” he said. “Kat has to settle the animals in.”
Ben grunted in acknowledgment. “Will I be able to go there right after?”
Luke nodded. “Yes, and your grandma will probably want to come, too.”
“But not you?”
“Of course me. Why don’t you want me to come along, Ben?”
“Miss is my friend, not yours.”
The expression on the boy’s face was so hostile that Luke felt a heavy sadness settle over him; would Ben ever accept him or was it too late? “She might be your friend, but I’m your dad,” Luke reminded him. “Your own flesh and blood. Kat is just your therapist. This is an important day for our...family.” The word felt foreign on his tongue, and heat crept up the back of his neck.
“She’ll want me to see the animals, not you.”
Ben glared at him and Luke’s heart tightened; it was like looking into his own face. “You are my son, Ben,” he said with a quiet ferocity in his voice. “And I’m always going to be here for you, whether you like it or not.”
“No, you won’t!” cried Ben, surprising Luke. He was used to his son giving him the cold shoulder, but this emotional outburst was unexpected. “You weren’t here before, so how do I know you’ll stay? Everyone goes away eventually and I don’t want you to be friends with Miss because you’ll take her away from me, too.”
“I promise never to take her away from you,” Luke said. “I can’t promise she’ll always be there, but I will. I always will.”
Ben shook his head fiercely. “She’s my friend and I don’t believe you.”
Luke’s mouth set into a firm line. “Come on,” he said, striding off purposefully without looking back in the hope that Ben would follow him. With a flicker of guilt he remembered his anger when Kat had tried the same tactic on the shore. “We’re going to be late.”
Sure enough, when he arrived at the door to the small sitting room that had been set aside for them, the boy was right at his heels. “You ready for this?” he asked, and to his surprise, Ben reached up and clung to his jacket. Luke swallowed the lump in his throat. Covering the boy’s small hand with his own, he pushed open the door.
A Father's Pledge Page 19
