by Stevens, GJ
Despite the abhorrence of the thoughts, I knew I would rend flesh, would pull heads to the side and bite my teeth deep into their necks. I knew I wouldn’t stop, couldn’t hold back once I’d tasted the sweet warm meat straight from the bone.
These thoughts didn’t scare me one bit and I felt my heart beating and my vision haze. I barely heard a cackle of coughs from the side of the room, the sound more like braying lambs in a field. I thought of the blood spurting from their veins, heat raining down my face to cover my naked body.
“Are you okay lady?” the soldier’s voice boomed somewhere near, but I saw him only as a shadow.
Breath pulled fast as I snapped forward, sinking my teeth, but only in my head. Sweet, tangy scent filtered down my nostrils while electricity coursed along my veins and blood pumped to my extremities.
Fingers, toes, head, breasts and everywhere else felt engorged, bulging heavy. More words came at me as my head lolled back and forward. I fought the feeling as it took control, knowing if I leapt forward and sunk my teeth, the race of oxytocin would be better than the greatest climax I’d ever felt.
A sting of pain cut through the mist and I looked to my fingers to see the orange ember kissing my skin. Through the fog I pulled it to my lips and sucked the deepest breath I’d ever taken, blowing out with as much control as I could manage.
My heart slowed and the moment passed with the disappointment we all knew when we’d pulled back from the cliff edge, our partner out of energy, or the batteries dead. Hand too weary.
A fear rose to take place of the energy, but I wasn’t afraid of the moment; instead afraid of why I thought all of this was okay. Why didn’t I feel utter revulsion at the need I’d only just held back from?
My gaze fell past the soldier who’d stood back as I took the drag. I looked past his bulk to Toni.
Plan A was my only option. I couldn’t trust myself to be in control, knowing I wouldn’t be able to stop. Her flesh would taste the sweetest and would be the most familiar.
The soldier spoke and I looked up, taking another drag. In his hands were the carton of cigarettes he’d taken from my side as the women coughed a chorus.
“We’ll just hold off with the smoking until we get outside,” he said, his mouth and cheeks bunched in a smile.
11
They made the choice. Not my decision.
What could I do?
At a guess I had a full five minutes before I couldn’t hold back, maybe ten if I distracted myself. Then again, what did I know?
Perhaps I could sleep and think happy thoughts, but not those already crowding my head.
I glanced at Dan, his head still bowed with his arm clutched around his stomach. As each of his tears dripped to the floor he looked less and less like the man who’d shown his usual initiative as he tried to hide in the back of the van.
I looked back at Toni, her eyebrows raised in a solemn communication.
Sorry, but thanks for answering my call, I guessed, turning away.
Yes, I’d come to her rescue on the flimsiest of information, but what good had I done?
My situation was so much worse. Pumped full of drugs, or whatever was in that syringe, I’d lain unconscious for who knows how long and had to swallow hard as I tried not to think of what they had done while I’d been out cold. It was bad enough to know I’d been bitten and one way or another I was changing, the first symptoms of which were eroding my humanity.
At least Toni still had her life. Battered and bruised, broken maybe, but she would recover. The future was less certain for me, I knew that much; put down like a rabid dog, or locked in a cage for however long I had left.
And Dan. Poor broken Dan. I watched as he rocked back and forth on the plastic seat. What had they put him through before they’d forced him into the room with me? What had broken him so completely?
I daren’t move closer to comfort him and stood, breathing through my mouth and took small steps across the room, ignoring the soldier’s words.
“Miss, please stay away from the prisoner,” he said, turning my way.
I carried forward my advance, standing my ground as his wide-spread hand blocked my path and he stepped in to follow. Looking him up and down I tried not to linger on his pistol. A Glock 17. A weapon I’d learnt to handle; trained by my Israeli bodyguard on a six-month stint covering the peace process in Jerusalem.
I saw his pouches packed full, guessed which one should hold the ammunition. I could smell a packet of chocolate on the other side that would melt in the building heat of the room. Only as he copied my look did I sit back down.
He’d got the wrong idea, but I’d found a way out.
Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift, turning away from the thought of food and of urges I needed to satisfy.
I thought of my parents sitting in front of their TV, each with a glass of sherry and a box of chocolates spread across their laps. Still, the scents rolled in and I knew the four women would be standing in front of me as I opened my eyes, their perfumed notes exciting the thin hairs along the inside of my nostrils. I could almost see the cocktail of scents in the air, their flavours becoming distinct with my attention caught by one in particular. An undertone of burnt caramel.
There they were, silhouetted against the lamp and after shooting a look to Toni to find her watching on, I closed my eyes, but couldn’t help opening them again, their words already losing definition as I looked at each of them with a growing desperation to know which one would make a great dessert.
I glanced again to Toni to see her shallow nod and I stood, feeling saliva pour from my glands, the liquid hot in my mouth as I tried to concentrate on their words, but at the same time kicking myself for checking with her.
She was no longer my keeper. She never should have been.
“Karen,” the tallest of the four said, with a high-pitched voice she tried to keep quiet.
Blonde hair flowed down each side of her red, perfect cheeks, her curves hidden by the white coat which hung high off her chest. I only noticed her hand held out as the other three gazed down.
I held mine out too, hers so warm. My breath rose and the knots in my shoulders I hadn’t noticed relaxed as if she had a healing touch.
“Where do you work? I’ve not seen you around,” she said, her face alarming as she yanked back her hand. “You’re freezing.”
In unison each of their eyes went wide, fixed on my hand and then my face.
“Do we…” the tall one said, but stopped herself as she stared down at my bare feet. Before I could find my sweet treat, she’d pushed up my left sleeve and then my right, rearing back at the already healing bite wound.
“She’s infected,” she screamed, almost tripping over her feet as she hurried backwards.
The world slipped down a gear, their shouts slowing as if their batteries had drained. They moved back with a speed like they were stuck in treacle, the screams building as my arm fell to my side. The game was up; their widening faces told me all.
I had just enough of a chance to catch a glimpse of Toni’s face as it fell, before I spotted the soldier’s moving gaze.
He showed his skill and had his rifle up. With his head turning side to side, the fat in his cheeks carried its momentum as he checked twice either way that his decision would be right.
The first bullet was easy to dodge, the round fired in a panic and like a fly, my body and brain were on overdrive whilst time had sped for those around.
The second bullet grazed my arm, sending pain along its short course before twanging off the wall. A third ricocheted twice before one of the women fell to the floor in the corner of my vision.
I hoped it wasn’t in the sweet taste of pudding.
He had the Glock out as I closed the distance. I saw it too late and heard the trigger operate the first internal safety pin, felt the second vibrate through my temple, knowing the third noise would be the sound of my brain exploding.
12
I expected the end. Perhaps it
would be a good way to go.
A clean kill. Over and done with before I could commentate.
Instead, his hand went down, the gun slipping from my temple and I snatched it away, grabbing the top of his head and pushing him face down on the floor before any more thoughts could slip in.
Looking up from my foot between his shoulder blades, I saw Toni standing with what remained of the plastic box in her manacled hands, the box she’d used to hammer into the soldier’s head with the paper contents still settling on the floor amongst the jagged white splinters.
On her lips she held a wide, lopsided smile, beaming in my direction as the world settled to the speed I was more accustomed to.
No one moved. I’d told them not to. Toni watched as I snatched a cigarette from the carton, only just able to get it lit as my hands shook. She read my distress as I regretted shooing her away with the smouldering stick between my lips.
I took a moment. I took my time to collect my thoughts whilst drawing in the thick air with the scents evaporating.
The three remaining women huddled over the fallen where I’d been sitting. The tallest had taken the hot lead, the price of her height. Each dropped to the floor in shock as her obvious state became undeniable.
The man who'd sat at his laptop continued to type as he looked up with his mouth hanging wide, his fingers speeding as if curating his own narrative.
The soldier shook under my foot, but obeyed the only command I'd given as Toni bent at his side, pulling off the helmet, yanking the radio cables from their sockets and digging out the keys from his pouch.
For the first time in an age I took a moment to think and the first question spilled when I realised I might be able to get out of this alive.
Can I be fixed?
Before I let the torrent of doubt I knew waited just around the corner to crush me, I couldn’t help but think how the hell was I going to get this story out.
With the manacles freed from Toni’s wrists, she pulled up each leg of the orange overalls and I winced back at the sight of her black and blue ankles, my foot between the soldier’s shoulder blades getting heavier with every second.
She looked up and saw my pain, pulled the trouser legs down once the leg manacles were loose and launched herself at me.
She grabbed tight around my upper body, her head buried deep into the crook of my neck as I fought the urge to draw my arms around her. Instead, I took a long drag to push away the growing distraction and fixed my gaze to the three, although they were looking anywhere but in my direction.
Dan stared my way but he wasn’t focused on me, perhaps on nothing. He just shook his head from side to side as he rocked on the seat, wringing his hands.
A double clang of metal reverberated out from the heavy door.
Toni pulled away, her gaze catching on the cigarette in my mouth to return a look, a scowl I knew well; the same set of her features I told myself I should no longer care about.
Just as I began to breathe away the thoughts and remind myself of the resolve I’d agreed on the journey, I watched with intrigue as her face snapped to the door, reaching for the rifle and sliding back its mechanism in what appeared to be a well-practiced flow of movement.
“Radio check, dumbass,” were the cotton wool words just about making it through the steel. “Open the fucking door. I’ve got two more for…”
We glanced together as the words cut off and I leant forward, keeping my pressure on the soldier’s back as I tried to make out why the voice had stopped so suddenly. I’d heard other sounds, but I couldn’t describe anything but movement; heavy footsteps perhaps with the steel of the door blocking out all definition.
A voice? No, a shriek? I shook away the confused pictures forming in my mind.
I looked back to Toni and her nod gave me the will, taking my foot from the soldier’s back whilst making sure he was aware of two guns pointed at him should he wish to be a hero.
Without words, I motioned for all to move behind the door. The man at the laptop took the longest to comply, almost upset to close the screen and let his fingers leave the keyboard.
Left with silence coming from the other side of the door, our hostages were in the crook and Toni and I were standing at the centre. Whoever was on the other side would see us only when the door pushed fully open. Then we’d have them.
I padded forward, pushing the gun into my white coat pocket whilst gripping around the handle and forcing the bolt across. Pulling the heavy door by the handle, I let it fall open to a crack before I jumped back to my position with our aim centred on the gap.
The door didn’t move and no words came. It hadn’t crossed my mind that a plan might have been in place for this situation; a procedure ready should they get no answer.
We should have opened the door straight away with our guns blazing. Now, on the other side, backup would be on its way or already there, waiting in the silence. Gun barrels would point our way, doing to us what we’d planned for them.
They were professionals and it made sense when no sound came. No boots ran down the corridor, but they made no final calls just to make sure.
I’d covered enough sieges in my time. Terrorists, bank robbers and plain old stupidity. A canister would soon roll with a casual pace through the gap. A bang and a flash would overwhelm our senses and in those moments they would have control.
We’d be dead or in chains soon after. Or maybe they’d just run and no one was waiting the other side in the silence.
I chanced a look at Toni and with surprise I saw her gaze already on me as if I was the one taking the lead.
Buoyed by taking control, I drew a drag of foul smoke, letting the rest drop to the ground, knowing the only sure way out of this situation would be to lose control and let myself go where my body ached to be. I’d just have to hope I could reign it in when the job was done and not destroy my reason for being here.
By not holding back, I could already taste the change in the air. I could feel blood swelling, muscles tensing and coiling, ready to spring.
Toni’s words halted the march, made me pause enough to follow her outstretched finger down to the growing line at the door’s gap. I watched the dark fissure of a viscous liquid glinting in the light.
As my gaze locked to the view, I could taste it on my tongue. I could smell the thick iron-rich tang heavy down my throat, all before I heard the structure of her question.
“Is that blood?”
13
Gulping down the heavy air and with the Glock planted back in my grip, I pushed my hand out to my side and forced myself to continue the step. The room stayed quiet, silent if not for the low whimpers. The loudest sound came from my pounding blood.
My gaze fixed on the gap, the smell of its liquor spiralling up my nose. My forward leap only held back by curiosity of who the owner could be.
Stepping around the door, I still couldn’t see the start of the trail of scarlet glinting in the bright corridor lights as it disappeared out of the view provided by the gap.
Warm hands burnt at my shoulder and I saw the fear in Toni’s eyes as she pulled back. I knew we couldn’t wait here for the same fate and I pulled the cold metal wide like it had no weight.
Out into the corridor, I leapt forward to gasps from the room. My head twisted left, my aim following, not lingering on the pair of bodies, a soldier and a bald man in a once-white lab coat as the muffled sounds I’d heard now made sense.
I scanned along to the door in the distance before turning the other way as a piercing scream echoed down the passage.
I took a moment, the shriek sending my body into itself, but I was soon back and turned to see a figure with his head stooped low, glaring in my direction from the other end of the corridor.
Despite his features long gone, the muscle and skull not recognisable without his skin stretched over, I picked out the scar just below his Adam’s apple and the checked shirt he’d worn as we drove to this place.
I pulled the trigger all the way
back, sending his torso stuttering as the bullet slammed through his bones.
Without my finger on the trigger, a second bullet shattered the centre of his skull. Turning, I watched Toni lower the rifle from her shoulder. When did she learn to shoot so well?
He dropped like a rag doll as I twisted back, his body collapsing to the floor.
We’d done him a service, I knew, and my focus went to searching beyond the body to the corridor and the bloody footsteps disappearing into the light.
Forging forward, I stepped around the body, not glancing back despite Toni’s aroma calling me to turn.
It wasn’t until another shot came that I twisted around with the gun pushed up, lowering only when I saw her lifting the rifle from the point-blank aim after shattering the bald man’s head.
A name called from a great distance and repeated, Toni’s sharp tone reminding me why I’d been so reluctant to come to her rescue; her voice like that of a parent disciplining a child.
The name was mine and as I twisted back, I watched her step over the blood and disappear back through to the room we’d just left.
There was enough of me left to stop and accept the order to wait. I stood and stayed the breath I hadn’t realised had been racing. I held back muscles itching for the hunt as my stomach groaned, with my gaze fixed to the soldier’s body with less of his head left from when I’d stepped around him.
I heard the click of a lighter striking as Toni came through the door. I tried to peer around but her body blocked the view. When she wouldn’t relent to my frustration, I looked up to see the carton of cigarettes in one hand and the soldier’s Glock in the other, which I hadn’t noticed her take from me, the rifle nowhere to be seen.
A wisp of smoke trailed from the cigarette in her mouth.
My God. She understood.
I almost broke down, something heavy draining from inside me at the memory of the connection we’d had not so long ago.
Still, I pounced towards her, like a dog jumping to her side, into her cloud to find her taste potted with a blank space. With the cigarette soon in my mouth, the blood in my veins already calming, replaced with warmth and gratitude after understanding my plight.
