by ANDREA SMITH
“You knew that this was bound to happen, didn’t you?”
I was confused. I mean, I’d never planned on this happening, and since it had, I was now feeling like it was definitely kind of…wrong.
“I never meant for it to,” I murmured like a repentant adolescent. “I don’t want anything to come between you and Eli.”
“It doesn’t have to,” he replied, taking a lock of my hair, and putting it behind my ear. “It can be about all of us.”
“What?” I asked; the confusion very evident on my face.
“We have a unique situation,” he commented, “But it’s not insurmountable, babe. And it’s not all that uncommon, given the right circumstances,” he finished.
“Are you suggesting…uh,” I stammered, looking for the right words.
“A threesome?” he offered.
I nodded my head.
“A threesome is an event,” he replied. “I’m looking for much more than that, Paige.”
“I can’t think about any of this now, Cain. It doesn’t…feel right to me.”
“You go on to bed, and we’ll talk about this another time, once you’ve had a chance to examine your feelings about me…and about Eli.”
Eli? Eli couldn’t possibly…
“Goodnight,” I replied, not wanting to look back at him as I rose from the couch and hurried off to my room.
Much later, I was still lying awake in my room, thoughts and pieces of uncertainty and confusion taking up residence in my brain so that sleep wasn’t an option.
From down the hall, I could hear the sounds from their room. I’d heard them before, but tonight it was much more pronounced as the headboard on their bed was rhythmically and loudly banging against the wall of their room.
I guess Cain was getting his after all.
chapter 13
It was Christmas Eve afternoon and I was trying to get presents wrapped before Cain and Eli arrived home.
They had gone over to Darcy and Easton’s for lunch, and I had made an excuse because I knew Trace and Lindsey would be there, and I wasn’t all that comfortable being around them. I occasionally ran into Trace in Quantico and it was still strained between us.
I didn’t want to think about it. If my brother wanted to blow me off the way that he had, then it was on him, not me.
… And then there was my knitting.
I seriously had turned into some sort of a “knitting Rambo” over the past several weeks, and I really didn’t want to blame it on my sexual frustration, because personal denial had actually become one of my strong suits recently—or at least it had until the night after my last dating disaster. Ever since that incident on the couch with Cain, it was like sexual thoughts were coming out of the friggin’ woodwork!
I had done my best to avoid being alone with Cain, which wasn’t easy because I could feel his brooding eyes on me from the other room.
It was this sexual vibe that had connected us ever since that night that didn’t want to be denied. And it was starting to royally piss me off, because Eli had even commented that my knitting creations looked more and more like some sort of phallic symbols.
Pffft!!
They happened to be Christmas stockings for the three of us.
Phallic my ass!
Mine was white with a candy cane embroidered on it, Cain’s was red with a gingerbread man on it, and Eli’s was green with a snowman on it. I was damn proud of my workmanship. I think my roomies were a bit…puzzled by my newfound domesticity.
They teased me when I baked-six dozen Christmas cookies and a pan of fudge, packing the goodies up in decorative tins to give out to our mail carrier, newspaper delivery person, and our neighbors on either side of us.
Then, between the two of them, they had scarfed down the remaining two dozen cookies, along with the rest of the fudge in a day and a half. After that, Eli practically wouldn’t even let me have the T.V. remote because his pants fit tighter two days later.
I had to smile, because I couldn’t remember feeling this content or secure, well…ever, I guess.
I no longer missed my random sexcapades, not that those had ever been that fulfilling to begin with. I had even stopped my search for an appropriate boyfriend. I mean who cares if I sat home alone on New Year’s Eve? It was seriously over-rated anyway.
My parents had sent me a hefty check for Christmas that I had used to buy the rest of the Christmas presents for Cain and Eli. Because, quite frankly, I knew the two of them had gone hog wild buying for me.
Yes. I had snooped.
As much as I knew better than to go into their room and dig through their stuff, it had been just too freakin’ tempting.
I had justified it by rationalizing that I wasn’t going to be outdone in the gift department, despite my poverty-level income. So, yes, I had done what needed to be done in order to make sure that I wasn’t totally humiliated on Christmas morning.
Sue me.
I had purchased a pair of black leather gloves for each of them; along with a new Armani tie for Eli and a rechargeable electric wine opener for Cain. I had bought each of them their favorite cologne scents, and with the finished scarves I had knitted, and ear muffs, their Christmas haul was now complete.
As I finished the wrapping, I discovered that I needed one more box for their ear muffs.
Well…shit.
I knew damn well that a box of any size or shape could be found in Eli’s closet.
What the hell.
I closed my bedroom door and went into the living room to make sure that they hadn’t pulled up yet. Checking up and down the street, twice, I saw it was all clear.
I scurried down the hall to the master suite, opening the door and heading over to Eli’s walk-in closet. As I switched the light on, I gasped. There was a shit-load of more Christmas gifts that hadn’t been put under the tree yet.
I examined the name-tags, finding four more gifts that had my name on them, which meant that they had done more shopping since my last sweep.
I couldn’t resist.
I picked up the first one, shaking it to see if anything jingled. By the size and shape of the box, I was guessing it was some sort of jewelry, but damn - not a sound came from it.
I picked up another one that looked like a box that might have boots in it. I was secretly hoping those were the UGG’s I wanted.
I mean, I sure as hell hadn’t been crass enough to ask for them. But, I had left a catalog open on the coffee table in the family room, with the pair that I wanted circled in red for several weeks.
I smiled as I shook the box; pretty damn sure my boots were in there.
Hot damn!
I set the box down and put the smaller one on top, remembering why I had trespassed into forbidden territory to begin with. I searched the shelves over the clothes rack, finally seeing two shoeboxes that would be fine for the two pairs of earmuffs.
I stood on my tip-toes, and moved the bottom box, scooting it toward the edge of the shelf, and jumped back as it fell to the floor, spilling out a pair of Eli’s shoes.
As I bent over to pick the shoes up and find a place for them, I heard Cain and Eli come in the front door, none too quietly.
Uh oh…
There was no time to make a quick, unseen exit as I heard their footsteps echoing on the hardwood floors of the hallway.
I quickly switched off the light in the closet, and pulled the louvered door closed; shrinking back into the corner and hoping like hell that Eli didn’t need anything out of his closet anytime soon.
Why in the hell hadn’t I just gone out when I had the chance? I could have explained the need for a box for a gift way better than if one of them found me hiding in the closet.
“She’s probably taking a nap,” I heard Eli say as they opened the door and came into their room. “She’s been going at all this Christmas stuff with a vengeance,” he chuckled. “Just toss those bags on the bed. I’ll wrap them later.�
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“I hear that,” Cain remarked. “She’s really been on her game, too. She’s a hell of a worker, keeps up her end of the bargain, and hell; she even makes this place more of a home for us. Kind of makes me fucking proud of her.”
I couldn’t see what they were doing, but the discussion they were having immediately piqued my interest.
“I think I know what you’re saying, Maddox,” Eli replied quietly. “And I want you to know that I’m okay with it.”
“I love you, man,” Cain murmured. “You and me, we’re in this for the long haul, you get that right?”
Eli must’ve nodded.
“Okay then, so I want you to be more than okay with it. I want you to be a part of it.”
I heard Eli draw a long sigh. I could even picture him doing it.
“I’m not sure I want to cross that line again, Maddox. I mean, I get that she’s been around with dudes and all, but this is a bit more than even her experience has prepared her for, and she may just end up being a one-dude kind of chick. I mean, the sexually charged current between you two is pretty fucking obvious, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants me to be part of the deal.”
Oh God! Are they talking about…what I think they’re talking about?
“Eli, this is more than just about sexual chemistry and you damn well know it. This is about a life choice for all of us. I love her same as you, but I need her, too.”
“You need to take this slow, Maddox. Yeah, I love her, too. Not the same way that you do, but I think you already knew that. And I love you so fucking much, and your honesty about it all. I won’t lose you, I swear. You let her know that you love her, because it’s not fair not to. I’m down with whatever it is you need to make this work.”
“Come here,” Cain ordered quietly.
It was quiet for several moments. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and for a second, I was worried that they could hear it too.
I crept quietly over to the door of the closet. The louvers allowed me to see into their room. They were wrapped tightly in an embrace, kissing one another as only people in love kiss.
I watched, curious to see what it was like with these men. I mean, I’d seen them show affection with one another before, but nothing heavy—nothing like right now.
Their lips fit perfectly together as they kissed. Their rock-solid arms were wrapped around one another, and I watched as Eli cupped Cain’s chin with his hand, pulling his mouth even closer, allowing his tongue to trace his bottom lip.
Cain kissed Eli the same way that he had kissed me. It was signature. It was custom, I realized, as Cain’s hands clasped the back of Eli’s neck, pulling him in even further, as if he wanted to devour him. It was almost savage, but it was love, and it was beautiful to me.
Seeing their mutual love expressed so passionately and so fucking willingly to one another, took my breath away.
I decided that I wanted to be kissed like that again. The same way that Cain had kissed me before. I wanted it to happen again. I wanted more to happen because now I was perfectly clear on his feelings. So was Eli.
Cain finally broke away, and I wondered if I was going to see more of their love.
“Come on, Eli,” he said, giving him a few more soft, butterfly kisses on his lips, “We’ll talk more about this later, for now, we need to get the packages out of the trunk that Darcy sent over and under the tree before Paige wakes up. She gets so excited every time she sees another wrapped package added to the pile.”
“Darce sent quite a haul over,” Eli replied with a laugh. “I think this is going to be the best Christmas yet.”
As soon as I was sure that they had headed back out, I literally came out of the closet, and scurried down the hallway towards my room.
Once inside, I crawled on top of my bed, bringing my legs up to my chin, and rested my head on my knees. I reflected upon the private conversation I’d heard—the one I had no business hearing, even though I was the topic of it. I thought of the way it had made me feel.
I felt warm and giddy inside with the knowledge that I was loved by these men. And I was also humbled by the fact that Eli was sensitive to the fact that with Cain, it was a bit different than it was with him. And he was okay with it. Because that’s just how Eli loved.
chapter 14
Just as I suspected—or should I say, as I was made aware of due to my relentless snooping, I hauled in quite a bit for Christmas. I chastised both Cain and Eli for going overboard.
Eli argued that he had received a nice Christmas bonus at work, while Cain said the catering business had been making major bucks over the holidays, and they had picked up several steady clients for continuing business.
All I knew was that I was officially spoiled this Christmas, and I was a little in love with that.
“My UGG boots,” I screeched opening the box and pulling them out. “Oh my God! How’d you guys know?”
That had earned an eye roll from each of them, as I shrugged them on, grinning like a kid who just had their first taste of chocolate.
I also received a leather jacket, a Coach purse, two sweaters, two pairs of jeans, a gold chain necklace, and an assortment of music C.Ds.
Darcy had gifted me with several pairs of earrings, a sweater, hat, gloves and flannel PJs.
Cain rolled his eyes as I pulled out the flannel PJs that had built-in feet. “Those aren’t any fun,” he teased.
Both of them had loved my gifts to them, totally impressed with my skills at knitting scarves, and they tried them on to show me how they looked.
“You guys have really outdone yourselves,” I remarked, looking at my pile of gifts. “This is the best Christmas ever—and it’s because of both of you, and the way that I feel about you guys.”
It grew quiet as I felt their gazes wrap me up in very secure warmth. I suddenly felt nervous beneath their perusal because they sensed there was more that I wanted to say, and there was.
But I needed to say it to Cain first. And now wasn’t the right time. I needed to let him know that, although I loved him—and Eli too for that matter, I wasn’t going to be the person who came between them.
We busied ourselves in the kitchen later, getting our Christmas ham in the oven. I watched the way that Eli and Cain interacted and it seemed different—not a bad different, just a subtle quietness that blanketed them and it was new. It was as if a decision had been made; or maybe, a compromise of some sort between the two of them. I was unnerved by it, somehow feeling guilty of something.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation I’d overheard and now I wished like hell that I hadn’t. And even though they had no clue that I’d heard it, it still hung like a pall over all of us.
Once everything was in the oven, I gathered up all of the boxes containing my Christmas haul, and headed to my room to start putting things in order. Dinner wasn’t going to be ready for a couple of hours and I needed some alone time. I sensed they might need some as well.
I’d gotten everything put away in my closet and had made up my bed when there was a light tapping on my door.
“Paige?” It was Cain. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” I called out, plopping down on top of my bed, drawing my knees up under my chin.
He came in, closing my door softly behind him.
“You okay?” he asked, studying me carefully.
“Sure,” I said, with faux sincerity. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“No reason. You just seem kind of quiet all of a sudden. Got the Christmas letdown?”
“What’s that?” I asked, blinking in confusion.
He smiled. “You know, after the six week build-up and all of the anticipation that goes with it…Then on Christmas, the gifts are opened up and the mystery is gone and it kind of sucks the air out of all that build-up once you realize that it’s over for another year.”
I smiled weakly. “It’s not that. I mean my Christmas was awesome and al
l. It’s something else.”
“Wanna share?”
I shifted nervously. “Actually, I was in your room yesterday when you guys got back from Darcy’s,” I said. “I was looking for boxes to wrap your gifts, and I…kind of panicked when I heard you come home, because I know you don’t like me messing with your stuff…so, I uh…hid in the closet,” I mumbled, feeling my face flush with embarrassment.
“Go on,” Cain urged.
“Okay, so I heard the conversation you had…about me; and how you both feel about…me, and it just sort of seemed…to me that maybe Eli was giving you some kind of permission, you know, to act on it…and, well—I don’t know how to feel about that,” I finished, finally allowing a sigh to escape.
Cain was still studying me…intently. My admission hadn’t seemed to have caught him off-guard, or evoked any major change in his demeanor.
“Paige,” he finally said, “You can’t pretend that you didn’t already know how I’ve felt about you for a while now. I mean, I think it’s been fairly obvious…to the both of us. And I think you reciprocate those feelings, too.”
I rested my chin on my knees, and rocked back and forth on the bed slowly. “It doesn’t mean that it’s right,” I whispered. “So, yeah, maybe I have been crushing on you…big time. But you belong to Eli and I know my boundaries these days—I mean, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the same skank you first met last May, right?”
His face softened; the corners of his mouth curled up into one of his magnificent, though rare, smiles. “I have,” he replied, softly. “We both have and we love it. And you’re right, baby. I belong to Eli, and he belongs to me, but I want you to belong to me, too. In every sense of the word. And Eli understands that about me and about you. He loves us both, you know?”
I shook my head back and forth. “I know he does,” I squeaked, my voice full of emotion. “And it’s because I love Eli that I would never feel right about…encroaching. I mean, how in the hell could that ever work, Cain?”
