by T. L. Tate
Forever full of surprises, Toni cocked her hip, "Good. You should fuck the shit out of her and make her remember where she belongs."
I was taken aback. "Toni!"
"What?" Her deep eyes were guileless as she stared me down. "All I'm saying is that you need to give it to her good." She looked around surreptitiously and then dropped her voice to a near inaudible level. "You know, like you did to me the other night."
I felt blood rush to my face as she reminded me of the hard sex we had the on my birthday. Somewhat changing the subject, I asked, "Y-yeah, about that...how are you feeling?"
She rubbed her lower stomach and leaned back against my desk. I could only imagine the way her plump ass looked pressed up against the wood of my desk. She grimaced. "You were right. It hurt like a bitch the next day. But I'm better now." She smirked and pulled at her blouse so more of her cleavage was displayed. "Why? You thinking about having your way with me again?"
She was right about that too. I had thought about it. A lot. Her body felt so amazing and awe-inspiring. I wanted more time to get acquainted with it. I wanted to mark her more with my seed so that any man that tried to get close to her would know that she was already spoken for. Of course, I didn't say any of this and feigned denial. "N-no. That's not it."
She chuckled. "Yeah. Whatever you say, bro." She cast more furtive glances over her shoulder and then removed her left shoe. Her nylon-covered foot slowly climbed up my leg until her smooth toes found what they were searching for. When I felt her foot climbing my leg, passed my knee and towards my inner thigh, my cock was brought back to life. Her small foot moved up and down the length of my hard cock. She bit her lip in a sexy way as her cheeks flushed with lust.
I wanted so bad to lay her across my desk and fuck her stupid. I think she sensed my desire because she looked at me as if she was game for what I had in mind.
Her foot moved faster and faster as did my desire to make her mine.
We heard her voice at the exact same time. Rachel. She was talking to my new assistant, Sarah. Presumably, she was explaining to her who she was.
Thank God that Sarah was new. Otherwise, Rachel would've walked in on something that I highly doubted she would want to see. Toni jammed her foot back into her shoe and flipped over my desk with minimal effort and flopped onto the chair. She grabbed a notepad that was at the end of my desk and a pen and pretended to be taking notes. I scooted right up to the rim of my desk so that my erection was securely covered by the woodwork. Rachel appeared moments later.
Toni was still flushed and her large breasts were still heaving with adrenaline. I wasn't much better. When Rachel's face appeared around the corner, I feigned surprise.
"Rachel? Hi!"
The fact that I didn't rebuke her straightaway must've been seen as some sort of victory on her part and she smiled. "Hey, honey. I'm sorry to interrupt." Just then she noticed Toni sitting across from me. If she thought Toni's flushed skin and heaving chest was odd, then she didn't show it. "Oh! Hey Toni."
"Uh, h-hey, sis. What brings you here?" There was a tight and very un-Toni-like smile on her face.
"Oh, you know." Rachel's face darkened a shade.
This was the first time that Rachel and Toni had spoken since Rachel confessed that she was having an affair. They were both being congenial but the air was still thick with tension. Whatever the two sisters had to say to one another, they weren't going to talk about it in my presence.
I cleared my throat, "Ahem. So what's up, Rachel?"
When she looked at me, her smile was bright and lovely just like it had always been in my mind. She held up a big paper bag from my favorite Tex-Mex takeout joint. "I know today's a big day and I already made you lunch but I thought we could maybe eat together and like talk. You know?"
Toni and I shared a furtive glance. I smiled, "Okay. Sure. I was planning on taking a break soon anyway." However, I didn't tell her that the break I was planning on taking was so that I could sneak off somewhere with her sister.
She bounced up and down like a hyper-active cheerleader. "Great!" She looked at her sister, "Sorry, Toni. I didn't think you'd be here so I didn't bring enough for three."
Toni didn't look bothered. As a matter-of-fact, she looked downright smug. That must happen when you knew that you could take away someone's man with the snap of your fingers. She gave her another uncharacteristic tight smile. "That's fine. I have a meeting to get to anyway." She stood and turned her back to Rachel, facing me. Without Rachel seeing, Toni winked at me and then licked her lips in a slow salacious manner.
I nodded as if what she was doing wasn't revving me up. "Sure thing, Toni. We'll talk more about the merger later."
"Sounds exciting, Jacob." She gathered her things and moved to the door. As if it were an afterthought she glanced at Rachel before she left, "I'll talk with you later, sis." I didn't know if it was a promise or a threat.
Rachel nodded in silence.
Lunch with Rachel was great. It was like having the old Rachel back. She was the fun and hilarious girl that I fell in love with. The only problem was that I didn't know if any of it was genuine or if she was putting on a show to manipulate me. She said that she changed, and I was inclined to believe her. But at that moment, it didn't seem so much like she changed than that she was trying to play into my romanticized fantasy of her. It must've cost her a lot.
Towards the end of our lunch she slid a small sheet of paper towards me.
Dr. Amara Jeffries. Tuesday @ 6:15
"What's this?"
She chewed on her words before spitting them out. "I made an appointment with a marriage counselor." She looked slightly panicked. "You still want to go see one, right?"
I picked up the note. "Yeah. I said I would go so we'll go."
She sighed, relieved that I hadn't changed my mind. "Good. Well, she's right downtown. We can meet up here tomorrow when you get off work."
"Okay, sounds good." Just to be sure I wasn't overbooking myself, I pulled up my work and social calendars. Nothing was scheduled in that time-slot so I created the appointment in my calendars.
Fuck! I was beat. That first day on the job was a long one and all I wanted to do was go home, take a hot shower and down an overly expensive glass of whiskey. Unfortunately, the world had other plans.
As I was making a left turn onto my street, I was damn near sideswiped by a sunglass wearing creep in a Challenger that peeled too wide around the corner.
I swerved just in time to miss him but the near accident had my heart beating a mile-a-minute.
My window was down so I shouted, "What the fuck? Learn how to drive, asshole!" But the car was long gone. When I entered my house the first thing I noticed was the aroma. It was the sweet smelling whiff of air that only came when someone other than yourself was doing the cooking.
I headed straight for the kitchen. "Rachel?" What I saw froze my blood.
Rachel had assembled one of my favorite meals. She had pan-seared and roasted a strip steak, with caramelized onions and mushrooms. There were fresh garden beans and cauliflower. Thick slices of cornbread were stacked neatly on a plate. There were pears, which were cut in half and sitting on the side of a cast iron pan, waiting to be caramelized and to have vanilla bean ice cream and chocolate shavings on top. She pulled out all the stops. But as delicious as this meal looked, it was her face that froze me.
She was bending over the island and didn't hear me approach. Her face was scrunched and her make-up ran down her cheeks. She was holding her stomach and sobbing powerfully. If I would've had my wits about me, I would've laughed and told her to go cry somewhere else. But I didn't have my wits about me. At least, not my new angry-Jacob wits. Old Jacob made an appearance.
I dropped what I was holding on the ground and it fell with a large thump. It was then that she noticed I had come home.
She looked at me, her brown eyes wide in genuine shock. "J-Jake! You're home early." She looked down at her hands, which were wet with tears, and turned h
er back to me. She chuckled, "Sorry. I was just having a rough day." I saw her hands scrub at her eyes. I didn't buy her excuse. Now that I knew what to look for, it was easy to see through her lies.
I walked over towards her and placed my hands on her shoulders. She was in the process of dabbing at her nose with a stray paper towel when I touched her. The moment my fingers fell on her body she froze. It had been the first time in days that I actively sought her out and touched her of my own accord. For a moment, it seemed like she was too shocked to move. It was as if in doing so, she would shatter the delicate balance between our two estranged poles. Slowly, her hand crept up her body and she placed it gently atop mine. I felt her body relax as she placed her head against my chest. I didn't back away and allowed her to do so. I held her there for a moment and it felt like we were us again. Not the new us, but the way we had been way back when.
After a moment I spoke, "What's wrong, Rachel?"
She shook her head and laughed, ruefully. "Nothing. I'm just being emotional. That's all."
Rachel was a lot of things. There were things about her that I was finding out that even I didn't know. But one thing that she wasn't was emotional for no good reason. I turned her body until she was facing me. She refused to look me in the eye and stared down at her feet.
"It's nothing. Really. J-j-just..."
I didn't let her finish. "Rachel, honey. I know that it's more than what you're letting on. Talk to me. Let me in. I want to know what's bothering you. What happened?"
It was only in passing that I realized I called her honey. Her ears perked up right away but she still refused to look at me.
"No, Jake. I can't. You don't want to know."
My mind was reeling. I didn't know just how deep this rabbit hole would go but I knew I couldn't, in good conscience, leave her stranded all alone. "How bad can it be, Rach? With what we're going through right now it can't compare."
Finally she looked at me with such a look of distraught that I knew I would have nightmares about that look for years to come. Shaking her head side to side, her long hair flicking and flittering in the air, she rammed her face in my chest and wept.
Between sobs she spoke. "Oh, Jake. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad and I don't know how to fix it. Things just keep getting worse and worse."
I held her tightly so that she knew I wouldn't run away from her. "Rachel, tell me what happened."
She grew still and quiet. Her voice was so low that I had to push her back to hear. "I'm so sorry that I did this to you, Jake. I'm sorry I did this to us. I'm really a piece of shit."
I'm not going to lie...self-deprecation was a good look on her these days. Especially after what happened. But it seemed deeper than that. As if there was a story that had yet to be told.
"Talk to me, Rachel."
Tears were falling down her cheeks. "I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make it better. I've tried but he won't stop. I've tried but he won't leave me alone."
Suddenly, my tender heart melted under the roaring fire of my rage. I squeezed her shoulders harder than I should have. I didn't mean to but it was hard to control my strength when I felt that mad. My eyes leveled on her. I needed to hear it. I wanted her to say the words. I needed her to be direct and tell me what I was expecting to hear.
"Tell me everything." So strong was the force of my command that she didn't even hesitate. She looked at me with a mixture of shock, fear, assurance and love.
"He-Alex, is his name. Alex came by today. I told him to leave but he wouldn't. He told me that he loved me and said that if I didn't leave you for him that I'd be sorry." She burst into tears before pressing her face back into my chest. "I screwed up, Jake. I'm sorry I did this to us. I'm so sorry."
The front of my shirt was getting soaked but I didn't care. She needed me. Sure, I know that this is a mess of her own making, but I was seriously considering buy into her sorry shtick. Maybe she really did know how much she fucked up.
I had a decision to make. I could continue to keep her at arms length and treat her like she was infested by the plague or I could try to accept that she screwed up and work on forgiving her.
But before that there was something more pressing. No one—absolutely no one was going to come to my home and threaten my wife.
"Rachel, look at me." She stopped crying and started to sob, but looked up at me. "Where does he live? Tell me."
Her eyes widened in shock but really...what did she expect? I wasn't going to let this motherfucker get away with this.
"Jake, no. No, please don't."
"Not going to happen, Rachel. I'm going to fucking kill this bastard." I could only imagine the look on my face—madness crossed with a bit of gleeful rage. Just the thought of wrapping my hands around his neck and beating him senseless filled me with more pleasure than should be legal.
Rachel looked genuinely afraid of me for a moment but that didn't stop her from putting her hands on the sides of my face and forcing me to look deep into her broken brown eyes. "Jake, please. You can't. What if he hurts you? Or worse yet...what if you really do kill him? You'll go to prison. I've already hurt you enough. I'm not going to let you throw away your life for me, too. I'm too worthless for that."
In that moment, I wanted to punch old-Jake in his love-drunk face. Hearing her call herself worthless moved something in me that I would be much better off if I let it die a quick agonizing death. As it were, I held her stare as my heart blossomed in pain.
My voice was so soft that even I was surprised. "Rachel..."
She smiled. It wasn't her old jubilant expression. Nor was it her more recent dark delight. It was a broken expression that was inlayed with so much regret and self-deprecation that it was impossible (even for new-Jake) not to be moved. "I know, honey. Don't worry. I can handle Alex. I was just feeling a little overwhelmed with everything that happened. I promise, I'll take care of things."
"You don't have to."
She shook her head, sadly. "I have to. It's my mess. I'll clean it." She wiped her eyes with her hands and turned her back to me. "I'm sorry. I must look hideous." She disappeared into the first floor bathroom for a few minutes. When she returned her face was fresh and devoid of any make-up. That was fine. I preferred her without make-up anyway. She moved in front of the stove and started plating dinner. "It's really a good thing that you showed up early. I probably would've overcooked the meat if you hadn't. I bought some wine today. I don't know if you'll like it. I've never tried it myself. I think we should eat out on the patio. It's a nice evening."
She kept babbling on like this while she moved around the kitchen. She was trying to divert the conversation from anything serious by talking about these little things. I couldn't stand it anymore. I moved behind her as her back was still to me. She was in the process of piling cornbread and green beans on my plate. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into me. My face was jammed into the crook of her neck, encased by her pillow-y brown locks.
It felt better than I was comfortable admitting, being this close to her. It was hard not to want to stay like that forever.
"I hate you for what you did."
She sighed, "I know."
"I don't know if I'll ever really trust you again."
"I know."
I hesitated. "I-I still love you."
"I know." She turned towards me and kissed me, chastely. She smiled, sweetly. "But it's great to hear you say it. I love you, Jake. I'm sorry I've been so stupid."
I held her in my arms as we stood there—two people in love with a broken trust. Neither of us were saints. She betrayed our marriage and me. I responded by being just as duplicitous—perhaps more so. I slept with her sister as reprisal. Sure I was in so much pain that I was out of my mind...but when I decided to go there with Toni, my mind was as clear as a bell. Rachel maintained an affair for months...but I was no better. It was about time I got off my soapbox.
"Dinner looks delicious." I kissed her lips and she responded by blinking uncon
trollably for several seconds.
She smiled salaciously, "If you think dinner looks good wait until you see dessert."
Dinner was better than it looked. We talked about things we haven't talked about in months. They were normal things like work, weekend plans and family. It was during the conversation that I realized how much we'd allowed our relationship to fade. I placed myself on a pedestal, thinking that I was above her. I took care of the house. I took care of her. I took care of my body. I did everything for her without her needing to ask and I thought that that made me a good husband. But what I failed to do was to take the time to see her...to really see her and try to understand her. Somewhere in there I started to see her as more of a burden—a responsibility and less as a partner. I lived my life in a haze of fantasy and memory while she changed. She desired for things that I failed to provide her and when I was unable to change for her, she found someone that would. I don't think that Rachel ever stopped loving me but I know that for a while there, she definitely stopped liking me.
After dinner we had drinks on the patio. We didn't talk. Her, with her glass of wine and me, with my glass of whiskey. We watched the sky change from gold to a deep cobalt and finally to black. We headed inside without a word.
Rachel disappeared into the guest bedroom. I climbed in the shower. I had another long day the next day and wanted to get enough sleep. I walked out of the bathroom into a golden ambiance. It took a moment to realize the light was coming from several candles. There was one on the armoire. Two others were on both nightstands. A fourth was on the windowsill.
"Jake." Her voice was soft but it rang in my head. When I looked at her I was almost floored by her beauty. Bathed at the epicenter of the golden light was Rachel. She was on the bed seated on her knees. Her hands were crossed in front of her. Her body was draped in a silk robe. Its silver material absorbed the light to the point that it looked as if she was wrapped in fiery wings. Her coat hanged open, covering only her shoulders and a third of her arms. Her chest was bare and I could easily make out the exposed triangle of bush seated on her pubic mound. Her eyes were open and unabashed. Her eyes looked at me in a way that made me feel like she was seeing me for the first time in years.
