Nothing like running off in the middle of the night to send the message the sex didn’t matter.
The fucking coward.
Eli folded his arms behind his head and balanced his head up higher on the pillows. “I’m not asleep.”
Wade spun around and a hint of guilt showed in his eyes. “I need to go.”
“Okay,” Eli said, because he had no idea what else to say.
“I didn’t mean for this to be an all-night thing.”
It meant every fucking thing in the world to Eli regardless of how long it lasted. “Right.”
“I think my shirt is in the family room.” Wade delivered the insight, then headed for the doorway.
Eli didn’t get up. No way would he run after this man and beg. He’d already done that and lost.
Speaking of losing . . . “Will you tell Shawn about this?”
Wade froze in the middle of his mad dash.
Just like Eli hoped he would. He asked half to inflict guilt and half to put the horrible thoughts in his brain. Later, when he remembered these hours and he ached for more, the torture of knowing Wade ran from his bed to Shawn’s should kill any lasting hope.
The thought that Wade could cheat without blinking hit Eli like a body blow. Nothing about that matched with the man he thought he knew.
“Maybe you guys are open about that shit. I don’t know.” Eli really didn’t want to know but he couldn’t stop talking.
“No.”
“Lucky Shawn. He gets to be in the dark.” Eli knew he should feel like shit for playing a role in Wade’s infidelity, but Eli couldn’t work up a distaste for what happened in his bed.
If Shawn and Wade had an understanding, then fine. Not that Eli understood it but he didn’t know how to judge it when he benefitted from Wade’s ability to stray. Eli just knew if Wade belonged to him again there was no way he’d tolerate other men in their bed.
Wade turned around then. “I mean, I didn’t sleep with Shawn. We’re not together.”
“But I thought . . .” Eli fought off the visions of all the things he’d thought.
“I haven’t been with Shawn since we broke up more than a year ago.” Wade just stood there with his shirt hanging off his fingers. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
The news shot through Eli. “You let me think you went with him that night.”
“Yes.”
“To punish me?” Eli hadn’t slept since seeing Wade with Shawn. Walked the floors and berated his actions but very little sleep. “If so, congratulations. It worked.”
“I guess you’re not the only one who can act like an ass.”
But exhaustion was only the tip. Eli had seethed and been physically ill at the thought of Wade rolling around in his big bed—the same one Eli shared—with another man. And now this.
“Why did you bother trying to hurt me if I don’t mean anything to you?” A whoosh of blood rushed through Eli. Sounds muffled and his breaths stuttered in his chest.
“Do you really think you’re the only one who misses us?”
“Yes.” And it slowly killed him.
Wade shook his head. “Then you’re not as smart as I thought you were.”
With that, Wade walked out leaving Elijah too stunned to follow.
TWENTY-THREE
Kyra had just decided not to waste the evening or, more appropriately, morning by spending it stewing over Bast’s continued belief she’d be at his beck and call, since she kind of acted like she would, when Bast hit the brakes and pulled the sedan over. The streetlights highlighted the fancy street lined with expensive cars and three-story brick houses. Flowering trees gave the city neighborhood a suburban feel.
They’d parked four houses down on the other side of the street. He balanced his chest on the steering wheel and peeked out the front window in the direction of his house.
“What are we doing?” The longer she sat there, the grungier she felt. The shower moved up on her priority list. Add that to the flashbacks this scene gave her to riding with her father while he staked out houses to hit, and the old man’s insistent calling over the last two days asking for a “status” on her con, and she was at the end of her patience.
Bast pointed at the house next to his. “Out front there. Isn’t that Wade’s car.”
She read the license plate. Wade here, at this time of night. After their conversation. That could only mean one thing. “Yeah, it is. Good for Eli . . . and Wade. And romance.”
Bast groaned and not in a good way. “I hope it’s sex and not a fistfight. I’m not in the mood for a visit from the police.”
“If it’s a battle, that means Wade came looking for it. I don’t see that happening.” She thought about the way Wade’s gaze followed Eli around the club tonight. “No, after the looks Wade was throwing Eli tonight, I’d say this is a booty call. Which, for the record, is more than one wants to know about her big brother’s evening plans.”
“It’s a good thing.” Bast nodded. “It was never over between them. It’s about time it restarted in some form.”
Bast put the car in gear and coasted. The lights stayed off and the only sound came from the crunch of loose gravel against the tires.
The somewhat solemn feel had her whispering. “What are you doing?”
“Trying not to draw attention.”
“I’m not an expert or anything, but this probably isn’t the best way to do that.” She watched the world roll by at two miles per hour. “Maybe drive like a normal person instead.”
They rode until they got to the driveway. Turning, he brought them to the garage and hit the button. The whir of the door’s motor had him wincing. “That’s louder than I thought it would be.”
“So?”
“It could draw attention, which is a problem since we need to make sure Wade doesn’t see you.” They pulled in and darkness fell around them as the door closed. “Just stay quiet until we get inside and we should be fine.”
The one thing this was not was fine. “Is that a joke?”
“Wade could hear your voice on the stairs. I’m not sure how soundproof that part of the house is, so don’t talk.” Bast put a hand on the door handle. Looked like he was conducting some sort of mental countdown. “Ready?”
“No.”
“Once we’re upstairs we should be fine to talk again.”
She noticed he kept up the spy talk as if she didn’t speak. Even in the darkened car, she had no idea how he missed her scowl. Or the fury radiating off her.
“Let’s get moving,” he said. “Remember to walk quietly.”
Every word he uttered made her anger rise and her cheeks flush hotter. “It will be really loud when I throw you down the stairs.”
“What?”
“You’re really still worried about us being detected? With everything that’s going on in your life, and at work, that’s the big issue?” He didn’t talk about cases, but she knew he was handling something that kept him on the phone at all hours and in the office for a ridiculous amount of time each day. His schedule consisted of eating at the club, going back to work until she got off well after midnight and hunting her down.
“The quiet isn’t that big of a deal. Just a suggestion.”
So, she occupied a tiny part of his life? “Oh, that’s okay then.”
“Are you upset?”
There was no way he lagged that far behind in this conversation. “Maybe I should go.”
A night at home might clear her head. Being away from his arms and his scent could provide a breath of perspective. God knew when it came to him she had almost none. She accepted too much. Feared losing him to the point she made bad decisions.
If she didn’t believe the man was educable, she’d walk away. But he’d committed before. Hell, he left a bad marriage because he wanted more of his wife. Who did
that?
“Why would you leave?” His voice hollow and halting, he sounded dumbfounded at the prospect.
“You’re so worried about us being seen. I could accidentally cough and give us away.”
“It would be more obvious if I pulled out of the driveway now.”
Apparently he was sarcasm impaired this evening as well. “Fine.”
But she had to get out of the car. Now. Sitting there raised her temperature. Much more of this and she’d bang on the walls and spill it all herself.
She opened the door and whipped it shut behind her. The bang felt way too good.
“Don’t slam . . .” Bast closed his door on a soft click. His voice was a much more emphatic and harsh whisper as he came around the hood of the car to join her by the door to the house. “Could you settle down?”
She stood in front of the alarm panel with her arms crossed over her stomach. “Sure.”
When he just stood there, she glared at the doorknob. He must have gotten a clue because he clicked through the code and motioned her inside. No talking, of course, because that would be a violation of his covert plan.
By the time she stepped into the kitchen and walked across to the hall, she’d whipped her temper into a frenzy. She wanted to scream and tear the walls down. Call Wade up here and let him know what had been happening. Not in detail, of course, but make him understand she was with Bast and that’s where she wanted to be.
Now if only Bast would stop talking. Each word brought him closer to being tossed out a window.
She got as far as the bottom step before he called out. “Where are you going?”
“I take it the coast is clear.” She had a death grip on the banister. “You know, since you’re talking in a normal voice.”
“Okay, wow.”
Sounded like he finally picked up on the anger brewing inside her. About damn time. “I want to take a shower, or will that make too much noise?”
“I think we should talk.” He said it with all the enthusiasm of I think we should stick needles in our eyes.
But it was interesting that now he was chatty. Figured.
She wiggled her fingers at him. “Fine. Let’s go.”
“Or maybe you need to cool off first.” He used his best legal voice, all reasonable and calm.
She wanted to smack him. “That could take a while.”
“I don’t understand what’s happening here.”
Clearly. “And that, Bast, is the problem.”
He put his hands just inches from hers on the banister and leaned. “I don’t like riddles.”
“No riddles. No games. No talking to other people about us. Got it. Any other rules?” Her head started to pound. Like, big-band-level pound. Too little sleep and too much grating frustration had her brain cells grinding against each other.
“Is that what this is about? The privacy part?”
It sounded prettier when he talked about privacy, but she knew the ugly truth. “I get tired of being your dirty little secret.”
All the blood drained out of his face. “I’ve told you. You are not that.”
His stunned expression had her doubting. Maybe he really didn’t get it. “How do you figure?”
“Elijah knows. Becca. Elijah thinks Jarrett figured it out.”
He proved their friends liked to gossip but that was about it.
“You think a few random people knowing pieces of what you wanted to keep hidden is the same thing as not being a secret?” she asked, phrasing it in a way he couldn’t deny.
The idea Bast hadn’t even told his best friend, the person he shared everything with, ate at her soul. It felt like a dismissal. A simple statement that she didn’t even rate a discussion.
“By definition, yes. People knowing means it’s not a secret.”
She was having a discussion and he was engaging in legal maneuvers and double talk. All the wind blew right out of her. “I guess I can’t argue with that.”
“I think you want to.”
Her clothes stuck to her and her feet burned. “I want to go to bed. I’m tired and I need a shower.”
He pushed off from the railing. “Well, I’ll lock up and join you in there. After we can figure this out.”
Since they’d had communication issues in the past, she made this as clear as possible. “I really just want to go to sleep.”
“Sleep?” He made a face as if he’d tasted something awful.
“As in, no sex.” Not tonight. She didn’t view being with him as an obligation and tonight it might be. Her frustration bubbled too close to the surface for her to be able to stuff it back and enjoy him being inside her.
“Oh.”
She’d expected a bigger argument than that. “Problem?”
He shook his head and held up a hand as if in surrender. “Of course not. You get to say no if you’re not in the mood.”
“Since I can’t go home and we can’t make noise, sleep seems like the best choice.” Though yelling would feel pretty spectacular.
“I actually didn’t say we couldn’t have sex.” He sounded so sincere. So giving.
He wasn’t getting this at all.
“No, Bast. I did.”
• • •
He’d blown it. Like, pour-gasoline-on-it-and-burn-it-all-down kind of blown it. He wasn’t a complete dumbass. All the signs pointed toward her dissatisfaction. Her anger had been festering, growing over the last two days.
For some reason instead of stepping back and setting new ground rules, he fumbled his way through and messed things up even more. Which likely explained why she was on her side, turned away from him in bed.
She didn’t want sex tonight and he could respect that. Kissing had been different, too. She hovered on the verge of blowing her temper but held back. His decision not to push her, not to poke around in her comments, and fix what was wrong . . . that move put them here. He gave her an out and she took it. Stupid bastard that he was.
In their short time together he’d become the king of mixed messages. He insisted on distance yet ran to her every night, wanting her by his side. She traveled back to her place and frustration ate at him until be brought her back home.
The back and forth had her on edge. Had her doubting.
I get tired of being your dirty little secret.
Her voice rang in his head. The pain in her eyes and in her tone. He’d backed her into this corner. The secrecy and the limits sucked some of the life out of her and he fucking hated himself for that.
The last time he’d felt like this about a woman, had been so sure, he walked into a marriage that turned him inside out. The list of cons for letting Kyra in stretched out long—she was too young, not ready, his background was too much for her to deal with. He sucked at commitment.
He hadn’t been enough for Lena. How the hell would he be enough for a vibrant young woman who surely could find a younger, better version of him in business school?
And endings sucked. Ripped you apart, shredded the pieces that were left.
He trailed his fingers over Kyra’s hair where it lay on her shoulder. Then brushed over her bare shoulder. No sex but she’d climbed into bed naked and snuggled in the covers. He wanted her to turn to him.
“It’s something ridiculous like three in the morning. Why aren’t you sleeping?” She flipped over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Not at him.
“Sneaking you into the house was an asshole move.” Not the admission he planned to make, but it sat on his tongue and slipped out.
She sighed. “No argument there.”
“I thought I was doing it for you.” He rubbed a thumb over her collarbone, loving that part of her impressive body.
“Do you still?”
“No, it was panic, pure and simple.” Not the easiest admission but he made it anyway.
“And?”
That’s actually all he had. For him, it was a pretty big step. “Uh.”
She frowned at him. “Say you’re sorry.”
“I am.”
This time she dropped her head back, opened her mouth and let out a huff. She may even have said “duh” but it was hard to tell through the snorting.
“Um, Kyra?”
“Do it better.” She eyed him up. “The apology, I mean.”
Okay, that he could handle. “Yes, ma’am.”
She jabbed a finger into his chest. “And do not be sexy. You’re still not getting any tonight.”
He had to smile. This was the Kyra who lit his insides on fire. Smart, sexy, strong and demanding. On this level, he had a fighting chance. It was when he hurt her that his world went careening into a wall.
“I’m sorry for taking you for granted and for rushing you around tonight.” He slid an arm over her stomach and pulled her tighter to his side. “I’m not sorry you’re here.”
“Not great but better.” She linked her fingers through his. With a tug, she turned on her side away from him and brought him along with her.
“What else should I have said?”
“We’re done talking. You can spoon me.”
Her ass fit tight against him and he bent his legs to fit along her body from back to feet. “You know what could happen in this position.”
“I’m still frustrated with you, so no.”
But the anger had left her voice and he was damn grateful for that bit of news. “I deserve it.”
She gathered him closer, wrapping his arm over her hip and against her waist. “I trust you to keep your word.”
No way would he touch her more than he was now. He’d wait forever for her to give him the green light to move in, if that’s what it took. The choice went with her.
“You can always trust me.” He’d never been more serious in his life.
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