THIRTEEN
Allie was relieved that her parents weren’t around to question her when she got home. They knew all about the surfing incident, and she thought they might have guessed about her panic attacks for she hadn’t been out surfing since then. She knew they’d want an explanation if they saw her looking so wet and bedraggled now. She still felt cold and shivery as she stripped off, showered and changed. She draped her wet clothes beside her open window to dry, and began her homework. She wondered if Noah would call to see how she was doing. He’d been understanding about everything, they all had, but she still felt ashamed and stupid. So she was relieved but also disappointed when the evening passed with no word from him. Or from Meg or Pont. She wondered if their mobiles were running hot with the gossip about her, but told herself not to be paranoid.
Nevertheless, she felt acutely uncomfortable when she arrived at school the next morning. All her senses were on high alert for any whispers or sniggers or sidelong glances as she walked into her first class of the morning. But everyone seemed to be ignoring her as usual. Except for Meg, who stopped by her desk for a quick word. ‘I was gunna call you last night but one of the waitresses was sick and Dad needed my help in the restaurant. Are you okay?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine.’
‘Good. Talk later.’ Meg slid into her seat.
Comforted, Allie sat back and tried to concentrate on the lesson. Halfway through, she became aware that Noah was trying to get her attention. ‘Later?’ he mouthed, when she looked over at him.
Allie nodded. Her heart thudded uncomfortably in her chest. What did he want from her? More important, what did she want from him?
As soon as the buzzer pinged for recess, Noah came over.
‘You okay after …?’ he asked.
‘Sure.’
‘We need to talk.’
‘Okay.’ Allie picked up her books. ‘I’m right here.’
‘Not here. Let’s go out to the playing field, find a tree to sit under.’
‘Sure.’
Allie waited for Noah to lead the way. Whatever he had to say, it must be important for him to miss the usual basketball line-up, she thought, as he bypassed the court and kept on going. She saw Meg in the distance and waved, and was mortified when Meg raised her fist and shook it in triumph. She hoped that Noah hadn’t noticed.
‘I … er … thanks,’ Noah mumbled, once they’d settled down on the grass.
‘What for?’
‘Er … meeting me.’
‘That’s okay. In fact, I should be thanking you,’ Allie said. ‘I really appreciate what you did yesterday.’ It was still an effort for her even to think about it.
‘Oh, that? It was nothing. I’m just really sorry that … you know …’ Noah’s voice trailed off.
He was usually so confident. Allie wondered what had happened that he seemed so unsure of himself now.
‘So … what did you want to talk to me about?’ she prompted when she couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
‘The thing is …’ Noah stopped, then started again, ‘I guess you must know that I think you’re … well, I only realised yesterday when you … but then I got to thinking that I’ve always … that is, I hoped you might …’
‘Noah, I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ This was becoming more bizarre by the moment. ‘Is it about you giving me violin lessons? It’s okay if you’d rather not.’
‘No. Yes, I mean … but no.’
‘As in no, you’ve changed your mind? You don’t want to teach me?’ Allie wondered if she was sorry — or slightly relieved.
Noah cleared his throat. ‘No, it’s nothing to do with violin lessons.’ He looked away from Allie, over to the basketball court and his mates. ‘I just want to say that I understand now why you’re so afraid of the sea. But you know, the past is past and you should try to let go of it, if you can,’ he mumbled.
Allie stared at him, feeling flat with disappointment. Just for a moment, she’d hoped … But no, obviously not. Nevertheless, it was good of Noah to try to cheer her up, even though she couldn’t help smiling at the irony of his advice.
‘The past is past? Is that what you and your family believe?’
‘Yeah, I know. I should take my own advice, shouldn’t I?’
‘Yeah, maybe you should.’
‘What about Jason? Is he in the past too?’ Noah’s expression was serious, his gaze intent.
‘Gone and forgotten,’ Allie assured him.
A smile transformed Noah’s face. His hand crept out to link with hers. ‘So, if we’re going to bury the past, would you go out with me sometime?’
Allie blinked, and looked down at their joined hands. It felt so right to be holding hands with Noah. She wanted desperately to say yes. But she couldn’t, because he was wrong. The past was still between them and there was no way she could bury it. Not yet.
‘Allie?’ Noah let go of her hand.
She hesitated, needing time to think. To tell or not to tell? If she did, it was entirely possible that Noah and his family would never forgive what John Bennett had done to Cormac. That would mean she and Noah would never get together. She would also be betraying Alice’s secret. But if she didn’t share what she knew, her relationship with Noah would forever be based on a lie. She hated the idea of that.
Noah stood up, no longer smiling. ‘I’m sorry. It looks like I’ve wasted your time.’
‘No, wait!’ Allie said quickly. She hadn’t made up her mind. But she didn’t want to mess things up between them either. ‘I like you. I really do. I like you a lot.’
‘But?’
Allie shook her head. ‘I can’t say right now. I need to think about it first.’
‘What? You’re not really over Jason, is that it?’
‘No. It’s nothing like that. It’s nothing about me. But there’s something I’ve got to sort out first.’
Noah squatted down beside her and looked her in the eye. ‘Then have a think about it. Because …’ He hesitated. ‘The thing is, ever since I met you, I’ve felt some sort of … I don’t know. A connection, I guess. Don’t laugh!’ he added, looking defensive. ‘You probably think I’m stupid, but —’
‘No, I don’t.’ The explanation was on the tip of Allie’s tongue, but she was too frightened of his reaction to risk it. ‘I’ve felt it too,’ she said instead.
Noah looked at her; Allie felt the spark zing between them. This was what must have happened between Alice and Cormac: this flicker of lightning that changed everything.
‘I’ve got to go,’ she said, and fled.
The rest of the morning passed by in a daze. Allie noticed that Noah was avoiding her. So did Meg, and she bailed Allie up during the lunchbreak.
‘What’s going on?’ she asked. ‘Jeez, I thought you two were going to get it together at last after your cosy little talk at recess. But you look like a cat that’s been caught in the rain and Noah’s barking at anyone who even looks sideways at him.’
‘Yeah, well.’ Allie couldn’t think of any explanation that would satisfy Meg’s curiosity.
‘Yeah well what?’ Meg exploded. ‘What’s happened between you two?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Nothing?’ Now Meg looked really angry. ‘I thought we were friends, Allie. I thought if things had gone wrong between you and Noah I might be able to help. But if you can’t trust me even after what happened yesterday, then forget it! I don’t care.’
And she stomped off, leaving Allie to spend a miserable lunchbreak alone in the library.
Although her mother offered to drive her home after school, Allie insisted on walking. She felt restless, needed the exercise. She wished there was someone who could tell her what to do for the best, even though she knew she was the only one who could make that decision. She switched off her mobile and also her iPod, not wanting music to distract her from her thoughts. What should she do? Keep Alice’s secret, and pretend to know nothing about the past even though it meant lying
to Noah? Or tell him what had really happened to Cormac and risk alienating him forever? It was a no-win situation. Whatever she decided invited disaster.
Allie’s thoughts turned to Georgy. She’d sent several emails asking how the search was going, but had received only one reply. I’m on the case. I’ll let you know if I find anything. Allie hadn’t liked to harass her any further in case Georgy told her to get stuffed. She had only the vaguest concept of the Mitchell Library but assumed there must be thousands of books and reports and records there. She had no idea how Georgy would go about the search, but she had faith in her. Georgy haunted the library at school; she was always at the computer googling away, or sitting with her head in a book. If anyone knew how to locate information on anything, it was Georgy.
For the first time, Allie wondered if Georgy’s studiousness was a defence against being unpopular. Since coming to the island, she’d done her own share of hiding in the library at recess and lunchtime. And now she’d blown things with Meg, she was back hiding again. It was no fun being a loner. Allie wished now that she’d been kinder to Georgy, wished she’d made an effort to include her in her group of friends. But Sara and Steph wouldn’t have made Georgy welcome, she knew that now. They’d have made sure they treated her like the outsider she was. Like Allie had become.
Allie thought about her ex-friends. Not friends at all, she realised. A true friend would have stuck by her, just like Meg had stuck by her in spite of the silent treatment everyone else had given her. So perhaps she should start by trusting Meg with the truth; and by setting the record straight by admitting to everyone she’d been wrong about John Bennett. Would it be enough to tell Noah that she agreed with him about her ancestor, without going into detail about Cormac?
Allie shook her head. She touched the hair ring she still wore on her finger. She wished she could ask Noah to show her his ring, the one Alice had woven for Cormac. A sudden thought stopped her footsteps. What if she didn’t have to tell Noah anything at all? What if there was some other way for him to find out the truth? If only she could think of something! But her mind was a blank.
When she walked into the house, the first thing she saw was a fat envelope sitting on the hall stand, with her name on it. She picked it up and stared at it. Could it be from one of her ex-friends? She didn’t recognise the writing. She turned it over and saw the name on the back and she began to fizz with excitement.
‘I’m home,’ she called, as she hurried across the courtyard and into her bedroom. She dumped her backpack onto her desk and flopped down on her bed, wasting no time in ripping open the envelope. A note fell out and she read it.
Dear Allie. I’m going to change my name to Sherlock Holmes! Don’t read any more of this note until you’ve read the enclosed photocopy. Georgy.
With shaking hands, Allie unfolded a thick wad of paper. It was a photocopy of a letter. She began to read, with some difficulty, the faded handwriting.
My dear brother,
It was such a surprise to hear from you after all this time. I am delighted that you managed to track me down, and I apologise most sincerely for all these years of silence. I can only say, in my defence, that once we left Norfolk Island my one aim was to get away from Father and put the past behind me. To my shame and sorrow, I see now that my actions included abandoning you at the same time.
You ask me what happened on the island all those years ago, the terrible tragedy that nobody talks about. You were so young, William, too young to know the truth. Besides, Father had forbidden us to talk about it and so we all kept silent, but at what cost!
But I’m running ahead of myself. I do not know how much you remember of Norfolk Island in the dying days of the penal colony. It was a dreadful place, for the prisoners who lived under the iron fist of our father, and for those who had to implement his harsh regime. And for our family too, who saw a loving father change into a cold-hearted tyrant whose mission in life seemed to be to break the spirit of all who crossed his path. It was no surprise to me to hear that he was beaten to death by a group of convicts after you left Van Diemen’s Land and went to live in Melbourne. The wonder of it was that those poor wretches on Norfolk did not rise up and kill him during our time there.
The trouble began with Alice, our sister. Do you remember her? I think about her so often, and wish that she had confided in me. Perhaps I might have made a difference. I do not know. What I do know is that somehow she became close to a convict called Cormac O’Brien. He was a skilful violinist, and that was the link between them, because Alice also loved music. You asked me about the violin you inherited after Father died. It belonged to Alice, and it is a great comfort to me to know that it has not been lost. Alice loved to play, and begged Father to let her have lessons with Cormac. Of course he refused, especially after she took her violin to a dance and joined Cormac and several other convicts who were playing in the band there. I had never seen Father so angry! He grabbed her and dragged her away, succeeding in making a spectacle of us all when what he should have done was applaud her and pass it off with a laugh. I do not know if that is where the liaison started, but I do know that Alice met Cormac several times, for I was present on at least one occasion.
Although Allie hadn’t read the signature at the end, she had no doubt who the letter was from. She skimmed over the next few paragraphs, knowing already from Alice’s diary what had happened. What she really wanted was news of Alice.
We were so worried when Alice went missing — and so relieved when she finally returned. She confessed to Father that she had been in the cemetery with Cormac. His absence had been noted and there was already a search party out looking for him. One of the guards saw Alice returning to the house, and remembered that he had once seen us walking away from the convicts working in Father’s garden afer he had punished Cormac for talking on that occasion. If I had not sprained my ankle and drawn attention to our presence there, I am sure this sad tale would have had a very different ending. I have always blamed myself most bitterly for what happened.
So Susannah still felt guilt about her part in Cormac’s death. Allie continued to read, reliving once more Alice’s grief after she’d confessed to meeting Cormac at the cemetery, and her despair when she found out that he’d been hanged without trial on her father’s order. Susannah’s next words stopped her cold.
‘You go on without me.’ Those were almost the last words Alice said to me. I thought she meant for me to go on to supper, but I was wrong. How could I have been so blind to her grief? It was only afterwards that I realised how much she loved Cormac, and how strong was the bond between them. Her life must have seemed impossible without him. Did she regret what happened at the cemetery? I do not believe so, but I have often wondered if she was afraid of what the consequences of lying with Cormac might be. A baby out of wedlock would have been shocking enough, but if that baby’s father was a convict, someone who was hanged as a mutineer and murderer, no matter how unjustly — well, how could she ever have lived with that disgrace?
I never saw our sister again; none of us did. We think she must have crept out of the house, walked across the reef at low tide and gone into the sea. Her body was never found, but there are sharks and other hungry predators beyond the reef. Even now I cannot bear to think how she died. Such pain; such suffering.
I pray that she drowned before she was taken, but we shall never know what sad fate befell our sister. ‘You go on without me,’ she said, and that is what I am still doing.
Mother and I grieved over Alice but Father forbade us to mention her name. It was as if she had never lived.
But she did, and for all that she may be judged shameless, I know that she was good, and that she had a kind and loving heart. I just wish that she had confided fully in me. Perhaps I might have been able to help her somehow to bear her loss. A sister’s love and comfort might have reassured her that she was not alone and that she did not have to take this way out.
Our mother walked around like a ghost after Alice’s d
eath, grey and silent, becoming increasingly remote. I wonder if she ever sensed Alice’s presence in the house, as I did. She brought with her such unhappiness, I could hardly bear it. I wonder if our mother felt that too.
Mother died six months after Alice, and I took on the care of you until we left Norfolk. The hardest thing was having no-one in whom I could confide. I could no longer recognise our father, who became ever more notorious for his cruelty towards the prisoners. He ensured that all who criticised him were dismissed, like the Reverend Rogers and the superintendent of agriculture, Gilbert Robertson. After that, there were no curbs on his behaviour.
I think Gilbert Robertson was glad to leave, for his daughter Elizabeth died of that spitting disease they call consumption. Alice would have been sad to know that, for she liked Elizabeth and I am sure would have found in her a staunch ally while she lived.
Elizabeth was buried on the island, with a carved and elaborate headstone that tells everyone who she was, and has a comforting verse from the Bible at the end of it. There is nothing to mark Alice’s death, for her body was not found. Nothing to say she ever lived there, or that she died there.
I said I had no-one to confide in. That was true at first, but later one of the officers, Jack Cartwright, took me under his wing. He was broken-hearted when Alice died, and we found some comfort in each other, comfort which, on my part, quickly turned to love. We were married as soon as the penal colony was closed down and we all went back to Van Diemen’s Land. I was never so glad to leave anywhere in my life as I was that place, where it seemed that God had turned His face aside, abandoning us all to the Devil and his work.
I have no doubt that so far as Jack is concerned, I was his second choice, but he is a kind and attentive husband and we are happy together. My health is not so good these days, but please know, my dearest brother, that you will always be welcome if you care to visit us here in Hobart Town. We live a quiet life, for Jack is retired now and …
A Ring Through Time Page 21
