Mathieu's attentions felt so good and Solomon was thankful he was pinned on his stomach. He struggled under Mathieu's hold be he wasn't putting any real strength behind it. Mathieu settled down, rested his head on Solomon's back, reached around and interlaced their fingers, "Solomon?"
“Yes?”
“Can I clean your place too?” Solomon didn’t have to look to know Mathieu had his pouty face on. He could hear it in his voice.
Without warning Solomon turned over flipping Mathieu off his back and up toward the pillows then quickly turned himself around so the two men were face to face, “Hi there.”
“Hello,” Mathieu blushed.
Solomon leaned in for a kiss; Mathieu deepened it and flung his free arm around the blonde pulling him closer. Solomon bent in with more pressure. Mathieu released his hold on Solomon and grabbed at the pillows behind him to send them flying off the bed so he could roll flatter onto his back. Solomon moved with him, draping himself over the artist’s long, lean body. The blonde knew he should move away but he couldn’t, he was too caught up in the heat of the moment. He moved down to kiss Mathieu’s neck and heard the Irishman moaning his name and saying ‘yes’ and ‘please’. Mathieu was still moaning as Solomon moved up to recapture his mouth in a passionate kiss. Solomon felt Mathieu’s cool hands caressing the skin under his shirt. Solomon moaned but a soft ringing was breaking through his concentration and distracting him. It was no use, he had lost it; the dream slipped away, he sat up in the bed and took his mobile out of his pocket, “You have really bad timing.”
Anders apologized, “I’m sorry. Call me back when you’re free.”
“No, it’s okay,” Solomon told him before Anders could ring off and he glanced around the room. Mathieu was no longer fussing with the books, the step-stool was gone and the drapes and door were closed. “What can I do for you?”
“I just wanted to confirm we’re still on for brunch tomorrow. It’s my choice this week.”
“Yeah, I know. Just don’t choose Mathieu’s. Are we doing anything after?”
“Maybe a movie if we can all agree on what to see. You should tell Mathieu that he’s more than welcome to come.” Anders continued before Solomon could interrupt, “I know he won’t or can’t come but at least he’ll feel included and wanted. It will help with his recovery if he thinks he’s wanted.”
“Thanks, Anders. I’ll ask him. Did Mathieu tell you what Adrian said at dinner the other night?”
“No,” Anders sighed, “but Adrian did. He feels really bad about it. You know him; he just says whatever pops into his usually empty head.”
“I know but it really hurt. I don’t think Mathieu has forgiven him yet. He has a few problems from his past with the phrase Adrian used, ‘someone like you’. The flowers were very nice though. You’re idea?”
“Yeah, flowers are always nice with an apology. This thing is something they’re going to have to work out between them. See ya tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Solomon would like nothing more than to lay back down and try to recapture the dream but he knew it wouldn't happen. The blonde went in search of his boyfriend and found him in the bathroom mopping the floor and since Solomon knew Mathieu scared easily he snuck up behind him, “Boo!”
The mop went flying; Mathieu shrieked and stumbled backward on the wet, tile floor, “Jesus! What the hell, Solomon? You are trying to kill me aren’t you? You’re going to give me a heart attack!”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Solomon wrapped his arms around the taller brunette. “It’s just that it’s so easy.”’
Mathieu harrumphed, “I’m used to being alone, remember? I’m going to order you that collar with the bell on it today.”
Solomon chuckled, “Anders called. He wants me to ask you to brunch tomorrow. We’ll also probably go see a movie.”
“I can’t. I want too. I really do.” Mathieu slumped in Solomon’s arms.
“It’s alright. We just want you to know that you’re welcome when you can come,” the blonde kissed the brunette curls.
“Solomon?”
That’s another reason Solomon loved the artist, every time before he asked a question, the Irishman said Solomon’s name and Solomon thought it endearing, “Yes?”
“I’m nervous.”
Solomon didn’t have to ask why, “I know. Everything will be fine. I’ll stay with you on Monday if you want. I’ll stay until you’re comfortable with her and then I’ll slip away. How does that sound?” He had asked this before and was met with a definite ‘no thank you’ but this time Mathieu sounded more anxious.
It sounds like heaven to the Irishman and he wanted to say yes so he did, “Okay, just until after the initial meeting. Only if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure. In fact, nothing would make me happier.” And that was the truth.
***
Anders chose Kaffeine in Fitzrovia for brunch. It was a long way for them to go and Solomon hoped it was worth it. The place itself was small and modern but it had a familiar charm that reminded him of home. He noticed Anzac cookies on the menu and guessed Anders’ choice wouldn’t disappoint. The café smelled wonderfully of fresh brewed coffee, fresh baked pastries and bread. Anders ordered the croissant with Italian roast ham, talleggio cheese, spinach and plum tomatoes. Adrian ordered the beef, Guinness and cheese pie. Solomon ordered the Ciabatta roll with omelet, pancetta and tomato salsa. All three men ordered coffee and Solomon ordered Anzac cookies for the three of them.
While they ate their meals Solomon told them about Mathieu’s sketches and the secret the artist was keeping regarding the photo’s Solomon’s mom sent. And now that he thought about it he hadn’t see the photos in the brunette's flat which increased his curiosity. Adrian kept apologizing to Solomon for saying what he did at dinner the other night and Solomon kept telling him to shut-up about it. Anders informed them that he was thinking about promoting one of his chefs so he had more free time. They told Anders that they’d heard it before and they’d believe it when they saw it.
Solomon told them about his conversation with Dr Turner and that Mathieu had called her also. Anders advised Solomon not to be there when the doctor visited on Monday saying that it was something Mathieu had to do on his own to get better. Solomon said that Mathieu wanted him there so he would be there to support his boyfriend until he was comfortable and then he would go. The two went back and forth over the matter until Adrian broke in to warn them they would be late for the movie if they kept it up.
***
Mathieu cleaned his flat twice and Solomon’s once over the two days, he finished two of the five watercolors and had put some color to the others. Now he was fretting over what to make for dinner. He didn’t know what or how much Solomon had to eat at brunch and at the movies so he didn’t want to make anything too heavy. He had chicken breasts thawing in the fridge but he wasn't really in the chicken mood anymore. Mathieu wanted to text Solomon but didn’t want to bother him while he was out with his friends. He wasn't even sure what time Solomon would be home. He felt himself gradually getting weaker as the adrenaline he had been running on the last two days gradually wore off. The artist decided to lie down and wait. He flopped himself down across his bed, feet dangling over the edge and fell asleep.
***
When Solomon got home around 6pm he was surprised not to have the aroma of dinner meet him at Mathieu’s door which is propped open by the usual book. He pushed the door open, “Mathieu?” He removed his shoes and left them in the hallway just outside the door (this was a new rule of Mathieu’s because he'd spent two days cleaning). The blonde didn’t see his boyfriend anywhere in the front rooms so he went further into the flat. Solomon stopped at the bedroom door when he saw the Irishman asleep on the bed; his back was along the pillows, right leg was pulled up toward his chest, left leg straight with the foot hanging off the side, left arm under his head straight out, right arm curled up to his chest. He was so temped to go in, grab one of Mathieu’s feet and tickle it.
Instead he slowly crawled onto the bed and laid down next to the sleeping brunette. He did to Mathieu what Mathieu did to him when he was sick, “Matt, time to get up.” Solomon glided his hand over Mathieu’s cheek but didn’t slap and inched closer to place a lingering kiss close to Mathieu’s full lips. He nuzzled close to the Irishman’s ear and whispered, “Mathieu, wake-up.” Solomon kissed Mathieu’s temple and cheek, “Mathieu.”
Solomon finally solicited a response from the sleeping artist, “No.”
“Yes.”
“No, Solomon.”
It was so cute Solomon could barely stifle his laughter, “Aww, you’re so cute but it’s time to get up now.”
“No, Solomon,” Mathieu repeated.
“If you don’t get up…” Solomon thought ‘what can I do? Tickle him? Threaten him with my unsupervised cooking?’ Solomon leaned over again and kissed Mathieu’s cheek close to his lips.
Mathieu’s eyes fluttered open and he angled his head up to accept a full kiss, “How was brunch and the movie?”
“Bruch was good we went to Kaffeine in Fitzrovia. The movie was so-so. How are you?” Solomon propped himself up on his hand.
Mathieu mirrored Solomon’s position, “I’m okay.”
The two men stared into each other’s eyes as Solomon’s hand caressed Mathieu’s cheek. Solomon leaned into Mathieu for a kiss and if he listened really hard Mathieu could hear the sound of his resolve shattering to pieces like a mirror when Solomon ran his fingers through his curly hair and pulled gently. Solomon felt the change in Mathieu’s kiss; it was needier, more desperate. The Irishman slung his right leg over Solomon trying to pull Solomon closer. It was his dream come to life but he knew it had to stop, he pulled away, “Mathieu,” Solomon threaded his fingers through brunette curls, “I love you.”
“But?” Mathieu shudders at what he thinks is to come.
“But nothing. I love you.”
And Mathieu understood. Solomon had the strength to give him what he needed; time. It’s not what he thought he wanted at the moment but he realized that it was what he had to have. He wanted desperately to say it back but the words wouldn’t come; he buried his face in the blonde’s shirt, tears falling from his eyes.
Solomon sensed how Mathieu felt even though the words were not spoken. He held the brunette in his arms and whispered, “It’s alright” and “I know” and most importantly, “I love you”.
They didn’t talk much they just held each other and kissed tenderly. The couple remained in the bedroom until the sunlight in the apartment began to fade. Without saying a word the decision was made to get up and move to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Mathieu asked Solomon to pound the chicken breasts to a quarter inch thickness before sprinkling them with salt and pepper. While Solomon was pounding the second breast Mathieu heated the pan over medium-high heat then coated it with cooking spray. The blonde dredged a piece of chicken in flour, handed it to Mathieu who placed it in the pan. They repeated the steps with the second chicken breast and sautéd both for four minutes per side. The chicken was removed and butter and sage added; the heat was lowered and the butter browned; the sage discarded. Shallots and thyme got added to the butter followed by lemon juice. Mathieu served the chicken over couscous and steamed asparagus. The browned butter was spooned over the chicken.
They ate in relative silence but it wasn't uncomfortable for either man. Solomon loved Mathieu and Mathieu loved Solomon (although he hadn’t said the words yet) but Solomon knew and that’s all that mattered.
***
Monday morning found Solomon still at Mathieu’s but that time when they woke the Irishman was the big spoon. They were up when Solomon’s phone alarm went off, into separate showers (sometimes it came in handy to have two separate bathrooms) and back together to wait for Dr Turner. Solomon called into his office to let them know that he would be late. Mathieu was fidgety after breakfast; Belgium waffles with sliced strawberries and bacon, and wanted to have something to occupy himself. He thought about making finger-food but Solomon talked him out of that; the doctor surely wouldn’t require appetizers. He couldn’t clean any more than he already had, Solomon warned him, or the finish on the furniture would start coming off. Solomon turned on the radio and took Mathieu in his arms remembering that Mathieu used to dance. The blonde easily twirled the taller brunette around the floor, brought them back together and dipped. Mathieu switched their arm positions so he could lead Solomon through a number of slow dances even though they didn’t always match the style of music coming through the speakers.
At 8:50am there was a knock on Mathieu’s door. Mathieu froze so Solomon opened the door.
“Good-morning, I’m Dr Turner.”
CHAPTER 13
Solomon held out his hand, “Solomon Kelly, nice to meet you. We spoke on the phone the other day.” She shook his hand and he stepped back to let her into the flat. As she approached Mathieu, Solomon regarded the woman; she was about his height, shoulder length blonde hair, slender, professionally dressed in light grey slacks and a pink silk blouse.
“Yes, yes. I remember and please call me Elise.” She was all happy smiles and had a warm, assuring air so Solomon immediately liked her.
The doctor placed her briefcase and purse down next to one of the club chairs, “It’s nice to meet you, Mathieu.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” Mathieu smiled back as he took her extended hand, “please have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?” Elise declined the offer of a drink, took a seat in the chair to her left and began removing papers from her briefcase.
Solomon moved around to sit next to Mathieu on the sofa; taking his hand and looking to the doctor, “We both want to thank you for coming this morning.”
“Oh, of course. If you, Mathieu, decide to continue with me we’ll meet here as often as necessary until you are comfortable coming to the office. Solomon, will you be staying for the consultation today?”
Solomon looked to his boyfriend who nodded, “I’ll stay for a little while if that’s okay.”
“Yes, yes, that’s fine. As long as you, Mathieu, are comfortable. That’s what matters here.” She looked to Mathieu who only nodded again, “Okay, now. Do you have any questions before we begin?”
Mathieu said, “No.”
Solomon said, “Not at this time.”
The doctor continued, “Okay, now. Do you have any records from your previous doctors?”
Mathieu picked up a file folder from the side table; it was filled with copies of his medical records from his previous doctors and he presented it to Dr. Turner. She took some minutes to view the files, diagnosis and treatments before proceeding, “I see you were diagnosed with acute panic disorder by the second doctor, you’ve had approximately a dozen attacks before your agoraphobia and you were on medication at one point. Most of the results from the medical tests your first doctor had run are within normal parameters. There’s no definitive diagnosis from him here though regarding your attacks. You seem to have low blood pressure. Were you aware of that?” She didn’t pause to let him answer, “How comfortable are you with discussing your attacks and the reason or reasons you have them?”
Mathieu didn’t miss a beat, “I was on medication but it made me feel numb and empty so I stopped taking it. I’d rather not take anymore. I’ve always had low blood pressure and low body temperature. I can discuss the attacks but slowly.”
The petite blonde handed the files back to Mathieu. She also gave him a multi-page questionnaire, “That's a questionnaire of my own for you. You don’t have to fill it out right now. Take your time and think about your answers. I’ll collect it from you at our next session if you choose to continue with me. If you don't want to continue with me fill it out anyway. You may learn something about yourself. Can you tell me about the first attack you remember?”
Before Mathieu could reply Solomon squeezed Mathieu’s hand, “I think it’s time for me to go.” When Mathieu tugged his hand Solomon turned to his boyfriend, “You
’ll be okay, yeah? I’m a phone call away.” Mathieu nodded for the third time and both men rose from the sofa and headed for the door, “I’ll be home usual time. I love you.” They kissed good-bye, Mathieu closed the door with a sigh and returned to the sofa.
Mathieu proceeded to tell her about the attack he had at the Christmas fair while she made notes. When he was done he was a bit out of breath and a little light headed. Elise asked him how he was feeling and she made note of the symptoms. She needed to learn how hard she could push him into revealing details but today wasn't the day for pushing.
Elise waited for Mathieu to calm down before telling him, “I’m pretty sure I can help you. I would like to prescribe something for you but since you’re hesitant we can revisit that issue when you’re further along in treatment. If you’re willing I can start helping you today. What do you think?”
“I think I’d like that,” Mathieu smiled as he listened to her advice. He could do what she asked, he was sure of it.
***
Solomon got home that evening and he was surprised to find Mathieu’s coffee table on the landing outside the flat door with place settings for two including two bottles of beer, candelabra with candles unlit and the cushions from the sofa on the floor around it. Curiosity peeked Solomon entered Mathieu’s flat to see the brunette in the kitchen finishing dinner, “Moving out?”
“Huh? Oh, ha-ha, no, of course not.” Mathieu continued to spoon roasted potatoes into a serving dish.
Solomon set down his briefcase before taking the serving dish from Mathieu. “Take that to the table, please. Thank you,” Mathieu kissed Solomon hello, “the one in the hall, please. Thank you. And if you wouldn’t mind can you light the candles then you can have a seat. I’ll be right behind you.”
Solomon did as requested with the potatoes and sat on one of the cushions. He waited patiently, taking sips of his beer until Mathieu appeared with a smaller serving bowl and a small serving tray. Mathieu used tongs to serve Solomon and himself pork chops stuffed with spinach, spicy Italian ham and provolone cheese before using a spoon to serve up the roasted potatoes and sautéed zucchini. The Irishman stacked the bowls on top of the tray and set them on the floor.
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