When Mathieu began to eat without offering an explanation Solomon asked, “Are you going to tell me what this is all about?”
Mathieu grinned and put down his fork, “Dr. Elise said that she wanted me to take small steps toward going outside again. She suggested doing something I was comfortable with as I got closer and closer to the door. So today I decided to have dinner in the hallway. She’s nice. I really like her.”
“That’s great Mathieu. Pretty soon we’ll be picnicking on the sidewalk.” Solomon held out his beer and Mathieu clinked his bottle against Solomon’s.
It was a very romantic setting; just the two of them across from each other in the candle light sitting on the floor, soft music emanating from the flat, Solomon almost wished there wasn’t a table between them. Solomon put his beer down and held his hand out across the table, “I’m so proud of you Mathieu. I’m so glad I moved in here and found you. I love you.”
Mathieu took Solomon’s hand and squeezed, “I’m glad you moved in here too.” Solomon didn’t expect an ‘I love you’ in return the squeeze said it all.
***
Three weeks after dinner on the landing they were closer to the sidewalk but not by much. Mathieu had only made it down half of the stairs leading to the first floor. He saw Dr. Elise once a week and she thought his progress was remarkable. They ate on the stairs sometimes when Mathieu made something they could eat with their hands like wraps or gourmet burgers, usually Solomon came home to find Mathieu sketching in the dim light or doing history research on his laptop. He would take Mathieu’s hand to lead him back up the stairs into one of the flats where they would cook dinner together. Evenings were spent cuddling on one of their sofas; nights were spent in one of their beds wrapped in each other’s arms. They hadn’t ‘slept’ together yet but Solomon had infinite patience.
Mathieu had gone over his first three attacks with Elise as well as his relationship with his last boyfriend and his friends who had abandoned him to face his disorder alone. He tried to tell her about his parents but when he mentioned his mother and his past at home he broke down and couldn’t continue. Elise needed Mathieu to talk about his past so she asked him to tell her some stories from his childhood at each visit. The stories could be happy or sad it didn’t matter as long as Mathieu could share and she could understand where he’d come from. At their last session the Irishman told her of his dream to surprise Solomon and make it out to brunch with him, Adrian and Anders by Christmas. It was the doctor's opinion that if he kept up his current rate of progress that dream was attainable but she he should be careful when setting goals for himself because if he didn't reach them it could lead to depression. He knew that depression meant he'd have to take medication which he still didn't want. He promised to discuss with her any goals he wanted to set and she agreed.
***
Two weeks later Mathieu was only two steps closer to the door when Solomon got home one night. The Irishman was starting to get depressed over his lack of progress and at that day’s session Elise had again recommended drug therapy. Mathieu’s only joy came from his art, his cooking and his Solomon. The blonde could tell that his boyfriend was upset about his lack of recent progress and he thought he could help. They kissed hello as Solomon put down his briefcase, took the sketchpad from the artist’s hands and placed in on the stairs, “Do you trust me?”
Mathieu was quick to respond, “Of course.”
“You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, right?”
“I do.”
“Close your eyes and when you open them only look at me until I say different, okay?” Mathieu closed his eyes and felt Solomon’s hands cupping his face; drawing him in for a kiss. The kiss was deep and passionate. In minutes Mathieu was breathless, his head was spinning but not from an attack. He trusted Solomon and let Solomon guide him around as if they were dancing. At first he could tell that they were moving up a few stairs then down a few then up one then down a few more. Soon the artist couldn’t tell if they were moving up or down the stairs; all he felt were Solomon’s lips on his and his arms around his waist and strong hands moving over his back. When the blonde stopped their movement and pulled away Mathieu only looked into sparkling, blue eyes. Solomon told him to take a few deep breaths then look around.
Mathieu gasped as he looks around to see where they were; his grip around Solomon tightened when he realized they were at the bottom of the stairs in front of the door. He looked back into the baby-blue eyes of the man in his arms and smiled; he wasn't afraid; he wasn't breathing hard; he wasn't light-headed. He was happier than he could remember being in the last two years. The Irishman’s expression grew serious when he realized just how much he loved the amazing blonde.
Solomon watched as Mathieu’s expressions changed, “Are you alright?”
“Yes. Thank you,” Mathieu threaded his fingers through the hair on the back of Solomon’s head pulling him in for another kiss.
The two men kissed their way back up the stairs; Mathieu’s fingers fumbled with the buttons on Solomon’s dress shirt until the brunette tripped over Solomon’s briefcase and the blonde stepped on Mathieu’s sketch pad. Their passion quickly turned to laughter as they bent to retrieve their displaced items. Solomon watched Mathieu tuck the pad under his arm before taking the artist’s free hand and with a mischievous wink asked, “You’re place or mine?”
Mathieu’s face fell and Solomon was afraid that his boyfriend had changed his mind. “Solomon, I don’t…I mean…I’m not.”
Solomon tried not to let his disappointment show, “Its okay, Matt. I understand you’re not ready yet.”
“No, Solomon, it’s not that. I want to. I want you. It’s just that I don’t have any…you know…protection or anything.” Mathieu flushed and looked down. He’d not had to think about sex in years.
“Oh, baby, it’s alright,” Solomon put his hand under his boyfriend’s chin to lift his head so he could look into the golden-brown eyes. “I have some things in mine if you still want too. If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” Mathieu led Solomon past his own flat and into the blonds not stopping until they reached the bedroom.
Solomon put down his briefcase and took the sketch pad to place it on the side table. The blonde let Mathieu finish unbuttoning his shirt; slide it off his shoulders to touch the bare skin beneath. Solomon shivered as Mathieu pressed kisses to his shoulders and chest. Solomon let Mathieu explore his body with hands and lips but it wasn't long before Mathieu started to hesitate. “Mathieu, it’s alright. Come on.” Solomon removed his shoes, laid down on his side of the bed, looked up at his love and patted the space next to him. Mathieu slid into the blonde’s arms and the passion they had earlier was replaced by slow, deliberate kisses and touches as the two explored each other’s bodies. They made love for the first time that summer evening on Solomon’s bed.
Solomon was on cloud nine when Mathieu whispered, “I love you,” as they were cuddled under the covers later that night.
***
Sunday found Mathieu sitting on the bottom step with the front door cracked open. It was just enough so he could see a few of the homes across the street. A summer breeze blew in the scent of the rain that fell earlier that morning; it was crisp, clean and refreshing. He hadn’t been able to venture out yet but he was hoping to take a few steps out with Solomon when Solomon came back from brunch later that day. But for now he was content to sit and sketch what he could see through the open door.
The light brightened briefly before a shadow appeared over him and the Irishman looked up to see Adrian standing in the doorway. The two hadn’t spoken since the ‘someone like you’ incident but Mathieu smiled up anyway, “Hello. Solomon should be ready any minute.” Mathieu stood to let the Welshman up the stairs.
“Hello, Mathieu. I’m surprised to see you downstairs.”
“Um, yeah. I’ve made it this far with Solomon’s help.”
“Solomon’s a great guy.”
“Yes, he is.
You were right, we're certainly smitten with one another. In fact, I love him,” it was the first time Mathieu has said that out loud to anyone except Solomon and he felt the warmth of the words inside him, “the next step for me is out the door, maybe as soon as this afternoon when Solomon gets back from brunch.”
Adrian heard the excitement in the other man's voice and took a step closer to the Irishman, “Why wait?” He shoved Mathieu bodily through the open door, slammed it shut and threw the bolt home.
Solomon, coming down the stairs met Adrian going up, “Was that you slamming the door? Is Mathieu down there? I need to tell him I’m leaving.”
Adrian smiled up at the blonde, “Yeah, he was sitting on the steps when I came in. I think he went outside.”
“Outside? Alone?” Solomon flew down the rest of the steps and tried to open the door. Realizing the door was locked he unbolted it and flung it open. His panic was short lived though when he saw Mathieu in the arms of Anders a few feet from the door. The artist had his face buried in Anders’ chest, his hands were balled into fists next to his temples, he was shaking but at least he wasn't crying. Solomon could hear Anders saying, ‘it’s okay’, ‘you’re safe’, and ‘I won’t let anything happen to you’.
Solomon reached out to pry his boyfriend off Anders’ chest, “Mathieu, it’s me, come back inside.” Mathieu let go of Anders, turned in the direction of Solomon’s voice eyes glued shut, arms out. With Anders’ help Mathieu found his way into Solomon’s arms. “What happened, baby? Why did you go outside without me? Did you want to meet Anders?” Anders stood on Solomon’s other side sandwiching Mathieu between them as they made their way back into the house.
It wasn't Mathieu who replied but Anders, “He didn’t come out to meet me. I was just about at the door when he came flying out….like he was pushed,” Anders looked accusingly to Adrian then back to Solomon, “I ran the last few steps and took him into my arms. I wasn’t sure he had seen me so I told him it was me and then I kept telling him that he was safe and that I wouldn’t let anything happen to him like you said to. I was waiting for him to stop shaking before I was going to help him back inside.”
Solomon silently thanked God for Anders then turned on Adrian, “How could you? What the hell were you thinking?”
Before Adrian could answer Anders pulled Mathieu from Solomon’s arms, “Come on, Mathieu, let’s get you back upstairs.” Mathieu wouldn’t let go of Solomon’s shirt until he was reassured that the blonde would be up shortly.
Once Solomon heard the door to Mathieu’s apartment click shut he turned on the Welshman once again, “Well, I’m waiting for an explanation.”
Adrian was not apologetic at all, “I’m tired of hearing you whine about him and his problem. He’s all you talk about. Mathieu this, Mathieu that, Mathieu, Mathieu, Mathieu, Mathieu. We used to hang out, go to eat, see movies. Brunch on Sunday is the only time I see you anymore. I was there for you after your last relationship crashed and burned. Now you don’t need me anymore you just toss me aside. He needs to get over it and give you some space to see your friends.”
Solomon couldn’t believe his ears, “I love him. I figure you’d be happy for me. You seemed to be happy and supportive when we first got together. You even gave me advice when I first learned of his problem. You don’t call to ask me to go out anymore either. Phones work both ways, you know. If my spending time with Mathieu is such a big problem for you why haven’t you mentioned it before? Why didn’t you just talk to me? You didn’t have to do what you did. He’ll never forgive you.”
“I don’t care if he forgives me. I don’t need his forgiveness. Besides, it’s been what 5 or 6 weeks since he started therapy and he’s not out the door yet. He’s not much of a man if…..”
Adrian was cut off by a right hook to his jaw that sent him sprawling, “How dare you! Get the fuck out! I don’t want to hear anymore. Just get out!”
Adrian righted himself and spit out, “Fine. No problem,” as he slammed the door behind him.
Solomon sat down on the stairs, head in his hands, ‘what just happened here?’ The next thing he knew there was a firm hand on his shoulder.
Anders sat down on the step behind Solomon, “Are you okay?”
“Me? I’m fine. How’s Mathieu?” Solomon turned sideways on the step to look at his friend.
“I put him to bed. You know Adrian may have just undone all the progress Mathieu’s made over these last weeks. Do you have an emergency number for his doctor?”
Solomon’s head was spinning, “I can’t believe this is happening.” He took his mobile out of his pocket and dialed Elise’s number. When the answering service picked up he briefly explained what just occurred. The operator said she’d send a message to the doctor.
After Solomon hung up Anders asked, “What did Adrian say?”
“He said he was tired of hearing me whine about Mathieu’s condition, that he missed all the stuff we used to do together and that Mathieu needed to ‘get over it’. I don't whine about him, do I? He said that Mathieu wasn’t much of a man, that’s when I punched him.”
Anders was amazed. He’d never known Solomon to be violent, “You punched him?”
Solomon smiled but he wasn't happy, “Yeah, right in his stupid mouth.”
“He was in love with you, you know.”
It was Solomon’s turn to be amazed, “What? When?”
“At university. Maybe he still is. I don’t know. He told me one night as he got drunk at the restaurant bar after you met Mathieu.”
“He never said, I never knew. Why didn’t he ever say? I never thought of him that way.” Solomon quickly scanned his memory for any signs or words from Adrian that would’ve revealed the Welshman’s feelings but he found nothing.
“That’s probably why he never said anything. He knew you only thought of him as a friend. He saw you going out with other guys and then you met Lee and you were with him for years. When that went sour maybe he thought he stood a chance but you still only saw him as a friend.”
“He hid his feelings very well. If he wanted something more from me he should’ve said something. We could’ve talked about it. There was no reason to take it out on Mathieu. He never did anything against Lee, as far as I know. Adrian was the first friend I made here but I won’t let him hurt Mathieu. I love Mathieu and he loves me. There is no choice between the two of them.” Solomon fell silent for a few minutes thinking again about the signs he may have missed, “I’m grateful to you for taking care of him outside. The situation could’ve been a lot worse if you weren’t there.”
“There’s no need to thank me. I’m glad I was there at the right time. I wish I had been there two minutes earlier so it wouldn’t have happened at all.”
Solomon stood and leaned into Anders for a hug, “Thanks all the same.”
Anders didn’t say anything; he just squeezed Solomon a little tighter.
CHAPTER 14
Mathieu lay in bed and listened to Solomon and Anders talking softly. He’d get up and join them but his body wouldn’t cooperate. His muscles felt like jelly, his stomach was in knots, he was trying desperately to control his breathing. Images of people pointing and laughing filled his head as the scenery contorted and spun around him. He was lost; he couldn’t find his way home; there was nobody there to help him. The crowd around him grew; they breathed in his air; their laughter got louder and louder as they crept closer and closer until there was no way to escape; no more air; he couldn’t breathe. There were hands on him, touching him, shaking him. He heard his name, the voice was familiar but it was far away.
Anders was in Mathieu’s kitchen cooking for the three of them. Despite Solomon’s telling him to take and cook whatever he wanted the Englishman was uncomfortable rifling through another man’s kitchen so he settled for cooking simple scrambled eggs, grilled ham and tomatoes. Solomon was sitting at his place at the dining table watching his friend in the kitchen; he had volunteered to help but the offer was quickly but politely ref
used. When Anders told him the meal was almost ready Solomon headed to the bedroom to see if Mathieu wanted to join them. What he saw when he entered the room alarmed him; Mathieu was tangled up and struggling against the sheets sweating and moaning. Solomon sat on the bed next to the brunette and put his hands on the sleeping man’s shoulders, “Mathieu? Baby, wake up.”
Mathieu began to thrash about and cry out, “Stop! No! Get back!”
Solomon moved his hands onto Mathieu’s arms and gently shook, “Mathieu, wake-up. It’s Solomon. You’re having a nightmare. Baby!”
Mathieu woke with a start and bolted upright bumping his head into Solomon’s, “Ow,” they said in unison. Solomon placed his hand behind Mathieu’s head and guided it down onto his shoulder.
Solomon rubbed his hands up and down Mathieu’s back trying to soothe him, “It’s okay. It was just a nightmare. You’re fine. Do you want to talk about it?” He felt Mathieu shake his head. “Okay, baby. Do you want to come get something to eat?” Again Mathieu shook his head. “Okay, do you want me to bring you something to eat?” This time Mathieu nodded. “Can the three of us have a picnic on the bed?” Mathieu nodded more vigorously. “Okay. I’ll be right back.” Solomon left the room to find Anders in the kitchen with a worried look on his face. “He had a nightmare. Is it okay with you if we picnic on the bed? Is there any fruit salad in the fridge? If not, just grab the strawberries. I’ll get a sheet to put over the bedding.”
Solomon made sure the bedding was protected before he and Anders prepared the plates and brought them into the bedroom along with cups of coffee and the bowl of strawberries. Anders sat with his back against the headboard next to Mathieu while Solomon sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed. Mathieu relaxed as he ate, “Did you help Anders, Solomon?”
The Sweet Tooth Page 12
