The Sweet Tooth

by Margot Larson

  Half an hour later Mathieu, with Solomon’s assistance, made it into the parlor. Vianne stood and moved forward to assist from Mathieu’s other side. Adrian and Gregory had said their good-byes to Vianne and Anders, not wanting to make Mathieu any more uncomfortable. They had thanked Anders for dinner and the three made plans to get together one night the following week. Mathieu’s mother bent to kiss her son on the cheek.

  Elise sat in the chair opposite the sofa, “Mathieu, tell your mother what you saw; what you remembered.” Anders hovered close by, not wanting her to stress herself.

  Mathieu repeated what he had seen to his mother about his memory of being on the deck and falling and waking up in hospital with his dad.

  Vianne went pale as she backed up to sit in the chair next to Mathieu’s side of the sofa. “The doctor told us, that you had the resilience of youth and that we shouldn’t worry about you’re not remembering what happened. I remember him saying those exact words to us ‘resilience of youth’. We were just happy that you weren’t hurt worse.”

  “Vianne, Mathieu needs to know what happened that night.”

  Mathieu’s mother looked at her son lying in Solomon’s arms, barely awake on the sofa. The guilt she had accused Mathieu of trying to make her feel surfaced. She had let Mathieu down after he had come out; when he needed her the most and now he needed her even more. “That memory was from when we had come to London for Christmas. A girlfriend of mine had got a job here and invited us. We thought it would be a grand time.” She got lost for a moment in the feelings her memory was creating. When she took up her story there were tears in her eyes, “We were on a deck just like tonight after dinner watching the fireworks. I had you sitting up on the rail next to me with my arm around you and....and...your sister. You were so happy pointing at the fireworks and telling me the colors. I don’t know what happened exactly; it felt like the deck dropped but the front rail came loose and fell away and a number of us who were leaning on it fell over the side after it.” She paused to blow her nose and dab at her tears.

  Mathieu said weekly, “Sister? I have a sister? All I got was a broken arm and bruised ribs. Where's my sister? Why don't I remember her? And what happened to you?”

  Vianne took another tissue from the box to blow her nose again, “She was your twin. She was so lovely, happy and smiling all the time, just like you. Two peas in a pod you were. The doctor said....when the deck collapsed....she...her neck was broken. She died Mathieu. I'm so sorry." She gave Mathieu a moment to digest what he just heard. When he didn't respond she went on with her story, "I was pregnant with another boy, about five months along. I had just started to show.” She cried into another tissue.

  Mathieu didn’t have to ask what happened to the baby, “After that you kept me close.”

  “Yes. I didn’t want anything to happen to you. I had to keep you safe.”

  “You never tried to have another baby?”

  “I couldn’t have any more after the accident.”

  "Why didn't you ever tell me about my sister?"

  "You were so young, Mathieu. You were in a coma for days and we were afraid we were going to lose you too. Your father decided it was best if we didn't talk about it. We couldn’t believe you forgot about it but you were so young."

  The news was devastating for Mathieu; he held on as tight as he could to Solomon. How could he have forgotten he had a sister and his mother was going to have a baby? How could he have forgotten he was in the hospital with a broken arm; the fall; the fireworks; the trip to London; the trip back home? None of it made any sense to him. His head was swimming with the information but he didn’t want to hear anymore. Mathieu turned his head to Elise, “Can I go lie down now?”

  “Yes, Mathieu. We’ll talk more in the morning if you’re up to it.”

  “Mathieu,” his mother put a hand on his, “I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you but you can see how this is painful for me. And you didn’t remember anything so we didn’t talk about it.”

  “I don’t remember any of it but I’m glad I finally know,” and he did, he understood why it was painful and why she wouldn’t want to talk about it. He had been so young he wouldn’t have understood then and there was no reason to talk about it as he got older. Life moved on; he grew up relatively happy, safe and loved. Solomon helped the artist stand so he could hug his mother properly before going up to bed, “I love you mum.”

  “I love you too, Sweetheart. Call me if you have any questions or if you want to see me again.”

  Elise waited with Vianne for a taxi they had called for while Anders and Solomon helped Mathieu up the stairs.

  Mathieu sat down on the bed; he was too tired to do anything but watch as Solomon stripped him down to his briefs. The Irishman was fighting to stay awake because he really wanted to talk about what just happened downstairs but he didn’t know how to start. He hoped that Solomon would say something….anything but Solomon stayed quiet. Mathieu realized he had a lot to talk to Elise about but now he thought he at least understands why. Solomon tucked the blankets up under his love’s chin and kissed him on the forehead before stripping himself and slipping under the covers. Solomon snuggled into to his fiancé, closed his eyes and together they drifted off to sleep.

  ***

  Solomon woke first the next morning with his nose full of dark brown curls as Mathieu used his chest as a pillow. Solomon didn’t want to startle his partner to full wakefulness so he began running his hands over Mathieu back. The Irishman responded slowly to the gentle massage Solomon was giving his tense shoulders; a low moan as tense muscles relaxed, a sharp intake and a quiet exhale of breath when a particularly sensitive spot was touched, the flutter of eyelashes against Solomon’s strong chest, the movement of his own fingers through Solomon’s curly, blonde chest hair signaling his pleasure and arousal.

  Mathieu didn’t want to but he turned his head to look into his partner’s eyes. Solomon smiled down at him, “Good morning, Love. How are you feeling?”

  “Hungry, but I don’t really feel like facing anyone yet.”

  “Nobody is here but you, me, Anders and Elise.”

  “Then maybe I can pout at Anders enough to get breakfast in bed?” Mathieu was all for wishful thinking.

  “I think Anders’ immune to your pouty face.”

  “He would be, wouldn’t he?”

  The couple headed downstairs after dragging themselves out of bed and completing their usual morning routines. Anders wasn’t up yet but Elise was in the kitchen making coffee when the couple entered. The three exchanged good mornings and Mathieu was grateful that Elise didn’t ask him how he was feeling, ask any other questions or make any other remarks about what happened the night before.

  When Anders appeared, still in his dressing gown, the three were sitting around the kitchen table enjoying the fresh coffee and pieces of leftover cake. At first they thought he was going to yell at them for having cake for breakfast like children but they were pleasantly surprised to hear him say, “There better be a slice left for me,” as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

  Deciding that cake wasn’t enough Mathieu offered to make the quiche they had planned. They all agreed they could use something else, something hearty. Mathieu prepared the scrambled eggs, Anders cooked the bacon and French toast, Solomon made toast and Elise made more coffee. They talked about Christmas day and now that Adrian and Gregory weren’t there they could each express their shock and surprise at seeing the Welshman in a relationship with the Scot so soon after expressing his love for Solomon. The obvious answer was ‘rebound relationship’ but they all hoped it wasn’t and wished nothing but the best for their friend. The fact that Gregory’s life was in Scotland was brought up and nobody was sure what Adrian would do when his sabbatical was over and he had to go back to work.

  Mathieu was not exactly dreading what was going to happen after breakfast; he knew it was for his own good and that Elise wouldn’t push him to talk if she thought he wasn't ready or able. Part of
him just wanted to get it over with so he asked her if he could speak to her before she could ask him.

  The doctor and her client sat in the parlor and Elise asked Mathieu to begin with his feelings on what happened the night before. The artist told her that he was, of course, shocked at his mother’s confession and that he had no memories of the events that occurred. Outrage would have been an acceptable feeling to acknowledge when he brought up his sister and the fact that his parents hid the knowledge of her from him as he grew up but all he can feel is a profound sadness more for them than for himself. He was upset about his mom having lost her baby but it explained his parent’s over protectiveness when he was growing up.

  “Can you figure out now, why you had the first attack at the street fair?”

  “Not really. I would think that if I were going to have an attack the circumstances would have to be more like the original event.”

  “Yes, but sometimes only some of the elements need be present. Can you remember what song was playing when the deck rail fell?”

  Mathieu tried to recall, “No. It was Christmas music but I don’t know which song.”

  “It’s possible your subconscious remembers and it’s possible that the band that was playing at the fair was playing the same song. Do you remember seeing a pregnant woman or a little brunette girl at the street fair or in the tube station where you had your second attack?”

  Mathieu closed his eyes and pictured the scene; the tables, the storefront, the people, the tube station and the crowd “I can’t remember. Everything happened so fast. One minute I was fine the next I was having symptoms then I was on the ground.”

  They had reviewed all of Mathieu’s attacks over their sessions but they went over all of them again now that he remembered and tried to pinpoint what triggered each one. Crowds and the fear of falling were obviously his biggest triggers. Mathieu asked if he’d have more attacks since he now remembered and that he had one last night. Elise said that she wasn't one hundred percent sure but that she didn’t believe that he would. She does say that he may still have his fear of falling though and should still be careful when it came to heights.

  The artist was still confused, "But why was I having attacks at all?"

  Elise explained, "It looks like one part of your brain was trying to remember the event but another part was trying to protect you and block it. The two sides couldn't agree so you shut down to protect yourself."

  "Why wouldn't I let myself remember it?"

  "For a four year old the event was very traumatic. You're sister died that night and you suffered injuries that put you in hospital for the first time. There may have been more that happened to you after the fall or before it or even in the hospital that you don't remember yet. I won't let you go through this alone, Mathieu. We'll still meet every other week and work together to try and flush out more of your memories from that time."

  Mathieu sighed in relief, "Thank you."

  When they finally stepped out of the parlor Mathieu had a much clearer understanding of the past two years of his life and a new hope for the future. He ran upstairs to help Solomon pack so they could go home and plan their future together.