Chapter 16
Since when had he become so holy? Walking away from a woman he desperately wanted, simply because she didn't trust him? It made no sense. Bev was turning him into a man he didn't recognize, making him doubt the priorities he'd held dear his whole life. He didn't want this, didn't want her. He grabbed the sweatpants and tee shirt off the bed only to have Bev jump in front of him, her eyes blazing. "Don't ignore me, Mack. You can't run away in the middle of a conversation."
"I'm not running away from anything." He shoved the clothes at her. "Get dressed, will you?"
"Fine." She grabbed the pants and yanked them over her feet. "I don't know why you have to keep tempting me, though. It's downright aggravating."
"Me? I'm tempting you?" He caught a flash of upper thigh just before she pulled the sweatpants up, jerking his body back into a state of attention. She was the tempting one, clad in nothing but a towel and some drips of water.
"Of course you are. You stab me with the ten days, then look at me like I hurt you by not being able to believe in you. Every time I figure out how I feel about you, you do something to change my mind. You're making me crazy!"
The towel was still wrapped around her, but it was starting to sag, showing the rounded swell of her breasts. She was too irritated to notice, and grabbed the tee shirt off the bed. Mack, however, was definitely not too preoccupied to notice.
"Maybe you should just trust me and quit making a big deal about it," he suggested.
"Every time I do, you go and do something jerky again. Like the ten-day closing. Ten days! What in heaven's name am I supposed to do about that?" She tried to yank the tee shirt over her head, but the towel was still wrapped around it. "Dumb shirt."
The towel around her body drooped precariously.
He clenched his teeth. "I came over to warn you because I was worried about you. Don't you get it?"
The towel around her body started to fall, and Mack lunged for it, barely catching it before it exposed her body to him. He held it up, wanting at the same time to let it fall.
"Apparently, I don't get it. Enlighten me, please." Bev let him hold the towel while she yanked the shirt over her head. Mack released the towel, getting a quick glimpse of her stomach before the shirt covered it.
Mack picked up the towel and tossed it over a chair. "I have to do my job, and unfortunately, my job interfered with your job in this particular instance. It's not like I'm happy to put your shelter out of business. You're asking me to make a choice between my career and you. I can't do that."
She pushed up her sleeves, as if she were readying herself for action. Or battle. He wasn't sure which one. "Actually, you did make the choice. You chose your career. Money. Don't you see money can't make you happy? Neither can power, or a big, beautiful house like this one. Love is what life is about, Mack. Helping others, like my animals."
That was it. He'd had enough. Before he could stop himself, he was across the room, his hands digging into her shoulders. "You think I'm a cold jerk, do you? All you see is my obsession with work."
Bev lifted her chin and met his gaze. "So?"
"Have you ever even bothered to ask why I work so hard?"
She blinked. "For the money?"
"For the money," he agreed. "Want to know why I want the money?"
For the first time, he saw true hesitation in her eyes. "Um...sure. Why?"
Mack let go of her suddenly and whirled away, his insides churning as he walked over to the bed, where Janey was sitting. He put his hand on her head, grounding himself in the softness of her fur, the way he needed to so often when he felt like he was losing control of his life, and what mattered to him. Janey was his anchor, and he needed her in a way that no one ever knew. "I had a sister who was twelve years younger than me. She became sick with a rare illness. Traditional treatments didn't work, but there was a new experimental treatment that was having huge success with virtually all patients. But insurance doesn't cover experimental treatment, and my parents didn't have the money to pay for it. So she died. Because of a lack of money, she lost the chance to have treatment that could have saved her, and she died."
Bev made a small sound in the back of her throat, but he couldn't turn around to look at her. He couldn't bear the look of pity he would see on her face. He didn't want her pity, he wanted her to understand who he was, to realize he wasn't the empty shell she believed him to be. So, he just kept scratching Janey's ears, focusing on his dog.
He hadn't figured out why he cared so much what Bev thought. But he did. He needed her to see his truth. "When she was sick, I vowed to earn enough money to get her the care she needed. I eventually did, but I was too late for her. She died fifteen years ago."
Janey licked his fingers, as if sensing his pain. He patted his chest, and the little dog sprang into his arms. "I was too late for my sister, but I'll be ready if my parents need anything. There's plenty of money. No one else I care about will ever have to die because of a lack of money." He walked to the doorway, still not looking at Bev. "And if I ever have kids, it'll be the same for them. No matter what happens, there will always be enough money for anything they need. No one will ever have to make choices based on a lack of money. Ever."
He knew Bev was probably thinking his kids would need time and love rather than money, but that was because she didn't know. She hadn't been there. He tucked Janey under his arm. "You can sleep in here," he said, without turning around. "I'm going downstairs to work."
Pausing in the door, he said, "Come down when you wake up. I'll help you write a business plan."
Then he left.
Chapter 17
Bev stood in the middle of the bedroom, too stunned to move. All her instincts about him, believing that there was more beneath the surface, had been right. She'd been right all along, that she never would have wanted him so much if he were an evil person. His offers to help her find a solution to the shelter situation had been genuine, and his guilt at hurting her was real. Yes, the man was a workaholic, but how could she blame him? He'd lost someone he loved, and believed money was the way to keep it from happening again. His financial goals had probably been born when he was a young kid, and then groomed and fed for the rest of his life.
And she'd stood there accusing him of being shallow. No wonder he'd walked away. She should have trusted him, believed in him, trusted her own instincts that there was more to him than what he was willing to show the world.
Oh, she knew why she hadn't. Because even if he was a great guy, that didn't change the fact that she didn't believe he could ever really care about her, that she would ever be enough for a man like him. He was rich and sophisticated. She was destitute and more comfortable in her overalls than fancy clothes. How could he fall in love with her? She would never fit in his world for the long term. If she could believe he was a jerk and keep herself from falling in love with him, then he could never hurt her when he finally left.
But now that she couldn’t deny the truth that he was a good man, it left her with no excuses to hold back, other than her own absolute lack of self-confidence in who she was.
The beagle wandered into the room, her brown ears flopping. "Come here, sweetie." Bev scooped up the little dog in her arms, and rubbed the beagle's soft ears.
What was she going to do about Mack? Apologize? Tell him the truth, that she was falling in love with him and she was afraid he'd break her heart?
No, if she did that he'd walk away, refusing to hurt someone else. She didn't want him to leave, not yet. So what then? How did she face him now? Did she hide her feelings from him, hoping to keep him around, so she could experience a little bit of Mack before he moved on? But then she'd be so vulnerable, her heart exposed.
Bev sat down on the bed, her eye catching a photo on his dresser. It was a picture of Mack as a young man, giving a piggyback ride to a girl whose cheeks were too pale, whose eyes were too large for her sunken face. Bev's throat tightened.
"Oh, Mack." She picked up the photograph a
nd studied it. Though a smile was on Mack's face, it didn't reach his eyes. Bev hugged the picture against her chest.
It wasn't that she could fall in love with him. She already had.
Only her ability to delude herself that his workaholic nature and obsession with his job was based on something superficial had kept her from fully embracing him. But now that she knew he was more caring than she could ever hope for, that his only flaw was how he conveyed that caring to the world...well, there was just nothing keeping her from loving him anymore.
"He's going to break my heart." He would. Because she wouldn’t be enough for him…but also, in truth, because he wouldn't be enough for her. He loved, but his love had made him believe that money was the answer. He would break her heart, because she wouldn't fit in his world, and because he would always be trying to earn enough money to chase away the past. He never would, which would mean she would always be second.
One way or another, he would break her heart. She should walk away…but she couldn't. Not right now. Because he didn't deserve what she'd said to him. He deserved an apology.
And she was never going to get to sleep until she gave him one.
"Come on, guys. We have to go find Mack." Bev shuffled down the hall, trailed by the beagle, and three other dogs.
She walked into the living room expecting to see Mack with his laptop, but he'd succumbed to sleep. He was sprawled on his back on the couch, Mac and Janey curled up on his chest. One leg was propped up on the back of the sofa, and the other foot was on the ground, as if he were readying himself to leap to his feet in an instant.
His arm was across his eyes, so she couldn't tell if he was awake or not. His other arm was encircling the dogs, as if to keep them from sliding off his broad chest. He exuded masculinity while his tenderness kept the dogs safe.
No longer did Bev just want to apologize. She wanted to climb onto his lap and bury herself in him, the way the dogs were. She wanted to be the one stretched out on his solid chest, with his arms wrapped protectively around her.
She didn't want to protect her heart anymore. She wanted to be in this moment. To abandon her inhibitions and allow herself to experience that which she wanted so much. To allow the man who she loved into her heart, her soul, and her body.
She swallowed, her throat suddenly tight as longing flooded her.
"Bev? You're still awake?" Mack's groggy voice drifted across the room of sleeping canines, making her belly leap. "Is something wrong?" He'd moved his arm off his eyes and was watching her.
"Um... I didn't mean to wake you up. Sorry." She took a step into the room, and licked her lips. The action was unconscious, until she saw Mack's eyes drop to her mouth. Oh, God. She'd just accidentally flirted with him. She was both horrified and weirdly liberated.
She did it again, slowly, on purpose, and Mack's eyes jolted into awareness.
He propped himself up on his elbow. "I'm awake. What's up?"
"Are you?"
Mack blinked. "Am I up?"
Oh, God. That was too much. She couldn't make suggestive remarks like that. It wasn't her. She was not a seductive flirt. Time to stick to the basics. Maybe she'd ask Josie for some seduction tips for next time. If there was a next time. But first, she needed to make sure there was a first time.
"I...um...wanted to talk." Talk. Yes. That was within her capabilities, at least most of the time. Her heart racing, she walked across the room, weaving around the sleeping dogs.
"Just talk?" He watched her approach, his eyes becoming darker with each step.
"Maybe..." She had to stifle a nervous giggle at his low groan.
"Bev, don't do this to me."
"Do what?" She reached the couch and sat down beside him, letting her leg press against his side. He was still stretched out on his back, perfectly positioned for her to lie top of him...though she didn't quite have the nerve and there were already dogs on his chest.
"You know I want you. If you tease me, I can't promise I'm going to be good." His hand wrapped around her thigh, pulling her closer to him.
"From what I've experienced so far, I expect you'll be very good."
"Bev..." His hands snaked around her waist, as if he was about to pull her on top of him.
"Wait a sec." She had to clear her conscience first. "I do have to tell you something first."
"First? You mean there might be more than just talking?" He lifted Janey and Mac off him and set the dogs on the floor.
She forced herself to forget about his body for one minute. "I'm sorry."
Mack raised his eyebrow and said nothing.
"I'm sorry for accusing you of being a cold-hearted, selfish, egomaniac workaholic with no redeemable values except that you own a rescue dog."
He looked surprised, and slightly amused. "When did you call me that?"
"Well, I didn't actually say it out loud. But I was thinking it. I think I just sorta gave you the abbreviated version." She touched his arm. "But I take it back."
"Really?" He laid his hand on her chest. "Your heart is pounding."
She swallowed. "I'm afraid you won't forgive me."
He sighed. "Oh, Bev. There's nothing to forgive."
"No. There is. I need to hear you say it."
Mack slipped his hand behind her head and pulled her toward him. "I forgive you."
She smiled, her shoulders feeling a thousand pounds lighter.
"And I want to kiss you, but first I have to ask for something from you." His lips were so close she could almost taste them, his breath warm against her mouth. "I need your forgiveness for the shelter."
"Oh, Mack!" She threw her arms around him and kissed him ferociously. "Of course I forgive you. How could I not?"
And with those words, she knew she had. Completely and thoroughly forgiven him. That barrier was gone between them. Which meant there was nothing left to stop her. To stop them. Tonight was going to be the night. "Will you make my fantasies come true?"
He twisted his fingers through her damp hair. "Tell me what they are and I'll do my best."
Bev took a deep breath, feeling like she was standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump. "They're all about you."
Mack groaned. "You actually have fantasies about me?"
"Oh, yes. It was a little conflicting to be ranting about you ruining my life at the same time I was imagining you kissing me senseless, so I'm super glad to have worked that out."
He tugged on her hair, pulling her closer to him. "Walk me through one of them, Bev."
She gulped. "Walk you through one of my fantasies?"
"Step by step. Tell me what you imagined, and I'll do it. I'll make your fantasies come true."
Her toes were over the edge of the cliff, the wind was blowing through her hair. Could she do it? Could she jump? Would he catch her?
Yes.
She grinned. "One of them involves the shower..."
Chapter 18
A few minutes later, Mack stood in the doorway to the bathroom, his arms folded across his bare chest, his shorts not concealing his interest in the situation. "Tell me what to do, Bev."
The shower was on, steam floating around them, fogging up the mirror. Bev was still wearing his tee shirt and sweatpants. "Can't you just molest me? I'm not really comfortable being the director here."
Mack grinned. "This is your fantasy. You have to take the lead."
"In my fantasy, you take the lead." She wanted him so badly she could barely stand on her trembling legs, but it wasn't in her nature to be sexually assertive. Like, at all. Especially the first time with him. "It's not like I'm exactly super confident with this sort of thing, so you could just make some stuff up and I'll go along with it. We could do that, right?"
His face softened, and he smiled, an affectionate grin that made her heart stutter. "I may be taking the lead, but in your fantasy, I'm doing exactly what you want me to do. I'll do it, but you have to tell me what you want."
She rolled her eyes. "My fantasy didn't include me feelin
g incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious, so maybe we should just skip it—"
"I have an idea." He disappeared from the room, leaving Bev to collapse against the sink.
Her heart was racing, excitement coursing through her body. The thought of taking control with Mack was exhilarating, so exciting she could barely even fathom it. But she just didn't know if she could do it.
Mack reappeared, a silk tie in his hand.
A throb pulsed between Bev's legs. Was he going to tie her up? "What's that for?"
"To put you back in your fantasy world." As he walked across the bathroom toward her, she fixated on the navy and red silk swinging gently from his hand. She imagined it trailing across her body, so smooth on her charged skin. "Turn around."
Oh, no. She could never do that. "Mack, no. I can't."
"Why not?"
She hugged her arms to her chest. "It's embarrassing."
He cocked an eyebrow, still swinging the tie. "Why?"
"Because..."
Mack slipped the tie around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her so deeply her knees began to tremble. He broke the kiss, murmuring against her neck. "I figured if you couldn't see me, it would help you lose your inhibitions. You could pretend I'm not here, and let yourself go."
"But you are here."
He grinned. "Oh, yes. I most definitely am." Gently, non-threateningly, he slipped the tie around her face and let it settle over her eyes. "What do you think?"
Bev touched the tie, absorbing the darkness. Maybe this would work. She could pretend Mack wasn't there, staring at her body. It was a fantasy, where her body was perfect and Mack was helpless in her spell. She giggled.
"I guess that means it works." Mack tied the silk loosely behind her head. "Too tight?"
"No."
Her world was black, but her body felt consumed by explosions of light. "Mack?"
His breath was hot on her ear. "Close your eyes, Bev. Let yourself drift back into your fantasies. I'm not really here, I'm just part of your dream world. Picture us together, picture my hands on your body, my lips, my tongue. Where are they? What am I doing to you? Let yourself go."
Paws for a Kiss (Canine Cupids Book 1) Page 12
