Marcus was rough in the most delightful way, taking her right to the edge between pain and pleasure, but never tipping her over, never hurting her. Rough and hot and hard. Her muscles ached, and walking set off a delicious throb between her legs.
It made her feel gloriously alive. For the last year, she’d been living a half life, a ghost of her former self. Danny’s death had killed a part of her that she thought she’d never get back.
Marcus had given it back to her last night.
And she loved him. She couldn’t deny it anymore.
“Are you okay with this?” she asked the ring. Of course it didn’t answer. It was a ring, a circle of metal. She’d kept it instead of burying it with him because she’d had a wild notion deep in the bottom of her heart that his death was all a mistake, a mix-up. He would eventually come back to her and she could return the ring to him. It was also why she had continued wearing her wedding set, so he’d see it when he finally came home and know she’d been loyal.
Grief was a strange thing.
“I love you, Daniel Giancarelli. Now and forever. But I can’t keep hanging on to you. It hurts too much. I hope you understand that.” She pressed Danny’s ring to her lips and replaced it in the box. Then she took off her wedding set and studied the diamond. She loved it as she had loved the man who had given it to her, but it was time to let go. She nestled her rings in next to his, where they belonged.
As she closed the little box, relief settled over her. She felt lighter, like a weight had lifted off her shoulders.
Somehow, she knew Danny would approve.
She consulted her reflection again, then tore off a piece of toilet paper to wipe at her damp eyes. She splashed her face with cool water to soothe the redness in her cheeks and nose from crying.
There. That was better.
Marcus was still asleep. In her absence, he’d rolled over to his stomach and hugged the pillow to his head. The blankets had twisted around him, burrito-like. She had to laugh. Her sons—especially Cooper—slept the same way.
She crawled up the length of his body, pressing kisses to his arm, his shoulder, and finally his neck. “Your mom’s bringing the kids home soon.”
He mumbled something incoherent and nestled deeper into the pillow.
“Marcus, get up. We don’t want the kids finding you naked in my bed.” She took his earlobe between her teeth and tugged.
In an instant, she was on her back with his big body rising over hers. She laughed and pushed on his shoulders. “No. We have to get up.”
His sleepy, hooded gaze roved over her for a moment before he leaned down to kiss her. “You bite my ear like that and then tell me I can’t make love to you?” He pressed his hips forward and the length of him rubbed along her inner thigh. He was completely hard, and she wanted all of that man inside her again.
“Well, we have a little time.” She parted her legs and he slid home, inciting a moan from them both.
“It’ll be quick,” he rasped in her ear. “You wrung me dry last night, doll.”
She lifted her hips to meet his slow, shallow thrusts and felt his erection pulse inside her. His movements became ragged, less controlled, until he gripped her hips, lifted her to him, and came with a low, deep groan.
She loved watching him climax. The muscles in his neck and shoulders tensed up and flexed in the moment before he released. It was beautiful to see.
He collapsed on top of her, bracing his weight on his forearms. “Oh, shit. Sorry. I’m too sensitive to have any lasting power. Guess I’ll just have to take care of you with my mouth.” Mischief glinted in his eyes as he brushed a light kiss over her lips, then worked his way down her body.
At the first masterful stroke of his tongue between her folds, she bowed off the bed. He chuckled, his breath warm against her sex. “Like that? So do I.”
He licked her again, this time finding her clit with the tip of his tongue. A tremble of pleasure worked its way through her. She grasped at the bedsheets, at his hair, at anything she could to keep from floating away. But then she didn’t care, because she was flying.
When she came back to herself, she found Marcus with his chin resting on her thigh, grinning at her. He crawled up her body, stopping to kiss her C-section scar. “We should get up. Don’t want the kids to catch us like this.”
“Oh, great idea. Why didn’t I think of that?” She grabbed the pillow from behind her head and smacked him with it.
He laughed and swatted it aside, then leaned down to kiss her nose. “I’ll go shower. I believe Mom mentioned she restocked the fridge…”
“Sure, now he’s ordering me into the kitchen.” She made a show of rolling her eyes then propped her head in her hand to watch him walk toward the bathroom. The man had a gorgeously squeezable ass. One she’d left little half-moon nail marks in last night. Oops.
He glanced back from the doorway and caught her staring. He grinned, flashing those charming dimples of his. “It wasn’t an order. Just a suggestion. I’m starving.”
Right then, her stomach let out a loud growl, which put a halt to all the ideas she was having about joining him in the shower. He was right. They needed to eat, and having the kids come home to a warm breakfast seemed like a good idea.
She rolled out of bed and pulled her damp hair up into a ponytail. “All right. I’ll start breakfast. Go shower.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Marcus hummed to himself as he showered. He felt good. Better than he had in a very long time. Almost like his usual self again.
As long as he didn’t think too hard about why or about the woman who had the little hearts dancing in circles in his head.
No. He wouldn’t go there. Not this morning. Yeah, yeah, he said he’d take only the night with her, but he wanted more.
He loved her.
He shut off the water and climbed out of the shower. The mirror had steamed up and he wiped at it with his towel before wrapping the terry cloth around his waist. He may feel awesome, but he looked like hell. Numerous cuts and bruises colored his body—some of which he had no memory of receiving. Despite getting nearly fourteen hours of sleep on the plane and another five-ish last night, deep shadows still rimmed his eyes. He could probably sleep for a week straight and only put only a dent in his exhaustion.
And, holy shit, did he desperately need a haircut. There weren’t a lot of barbers on Sumba and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen one. Definitely before Danny died. He ran his fingers through his damp curls and winced. He was starting to look like a poodle. Not in the “aww, it’s so cute and fluffy” kind of way, either. More like a rabid, mangy poodle that needed to be put down for its own good.
Yikes.
He spotted one of Leah’s hair ties discarded on the vanity and did his best to corral his hair with it. He also needed a shave, but that would have to wait until he swung by his apartment later and picked up a few things. But the one thing he couldn’t put off was brushing his teeth. They felt like they’d grown fur overnight.
He held his towel in place and walked out of the bedroom. “Leah?” he called from the top of the stairs. “Do you have a spare toothbrush?”
“There should be a new pack in my vanity,” she called back. “Hope you like Spider-man. I keep them for when the twins have friends sleep over. They always forget their own.”
If it did the job, he didn’t care if it had My Little Pony on it.
He went back to the bathroom and started pulling out drawers, searching for the Spidey toothbrushes. In the top drawer, he spotted a black velvet box and a surge of alarm blasted through him. He knew what it was and he should just close the drawer and forget he saw it.
He didn’t.
He reached down and picked it up. The velvet rasped against his callused fingertips as he flipped the lid open. What he saw inside made his stomach twist. It wasn’t only Dann
y’s ring, like he’d expected, but Leah’s, too. Sometime between arriving home last night and this morning, she’d take her wedding set off.
Because of him.
Part of him was happy not to have the reminder of her union with Danny. That she was ready to let go of the past. Maybe for a future with him?
The other part of him felt like a selfish asshole for even thinking it.
Because letting go of the past meant letting go of Danny. Was she actually ready for that?
Was he?
He didn’t know, but he was sure he wanted more than the one night he’d promised himself. He wanted everything. Her, the kids. He wanted this life.
Danny’s life.
Fuck, that hurt. More than he could handle.
They needed to talk before the kids got here.
He snapped the box closed and grabbed his pants from the bedroom floor. His cell phone slipped from the pocket, the screen waking as it hit the floor, and he noticed several missed calls from Harvard. He wanted to ignore them but knew better. Harvard wasn’t the kind of guy who called for a chat.
As he picked up the phone, it rang in his hand. Harvard again. Damn. This wasn’t going to be good news.
“Finally,” Harvard said when he answered. “We recovered some of the data from the flash drive. It confirms what we suspected. Volkov was dealing in black market organs.”
“That’s not news. We all saw what that doctor was doing to those people at the Aid First clinic.”
“Exactly. At the Aid First clinic. Cabot was investigating Volkov’s ties to Aid First and Aid First’s ties to the black-market organs. There’s a lot more data here, but we’re still working on retrieving it.”
So the aid organization was a front. He wished he could say he was surprised, but he’d seen too much evil in this world. “Okay. Keep me in the loop.”
“Hey,” Harvard said before he hung up. “We’ll figure this out and keep Leah safe.”
Keep Leah safe.
Marcus ended the call and lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. The sheets smelled like raspberries—like Leah—and sex. He could hear her downstairs in the kitchen making breakfast. Soon the kids would be here.
Keep Leah safe.
He couldn’t stay with her and was only fooling himself by thinking they had a shot. He was the grandson of a mobster. He willingly ran toward trouble instead of away. His world was too dangerous, a place where aid organizations cut people up for money. He’d already gotten Danny killed by dragging him into this world, and Leah could be next. Or, worse, the kids. He couldn’t put them in danger like that. He loved them too much.
The ring box he still held weighed a ton. He stared at it for a long moment, then opened it and studied the rings inside.
He knew what he had to do.
…
In the kitchen, Leah stood guard over the pancakes she’d poured onto the griddle, a spatula in one hand as she waited for the batter to bubble up. Her ring finger felt strange and looked naked without her wedding set, but she knew she’d made the right decision. It was time to let go. Time to move on. Time to explore the possibility of Marcus.
She heard him come downstairs and glanced back with a wide smile on her face. “Hi. Did you find—”
He held up the ring box and her stomach dropped to her toes at the tortured expression on his face. “What is this?”
She set down her spatula and faced him. “Danny’s wedding band.”
“I know that.” It came out harsh, and she flinched. He opened the box and pulled out her ring. “You took it off?”
“Marcus,” she said gently and took a step forward, reaching out to hug him. He backpedaled like her touch was poisonous, and she froze.
“Why?” he demanded.
She blinked hard and clasped her hands in front of her to keep from touching him again. “It was time.” Why couldn’t he see it was time?
“No. No. This isn’t right. None of this is right. You’re not fucking taking your wedding ring off because of me.”
“It wasn’t just you—”
“Bullshit.”
“Okay,” she snapped, her tone matching his. “It did have a lot to do with you. I love you, Marcus, and it felt wrong to keep wearing another man’s ring when I’m with you.”
He visibly faltered at that, vulnerability flashing in his eyes. But the emotion was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by a hardness she hated.
“Danny is not another man,” he bit out. “He’s your husband.”
The words cut deeply, slicing through the part of her soul she thought had healed. Why was he doing this, hurting her like this? “Was,” she said softly. “He’s not here anymore.”
“Uh-uh. No.” He shook his head hard, emphatically denying all of it. “Wearing the ring he bought you isn’t wrong. What’s wrong is this.” He waggled a finger in the air between them. “Us. I never should’ve let things go this far, but I was being a selfish jackass. I wanted you.”
“I don’t understand. I want you, too.” She again took a small step toward him. “We can make this relationship work—”
“There is no relationship. We can’t have a relationship, because you are Danny’s. You’ll always be Danny’s. Last night was all I was ever going to let myself have.”
She jammed her hands onto her hips. “What about what I want? Don’t I get a say?”
“No. Not in this.”
The scent of scorched pancake batter filled the kitchen. She huffed out a breath in disbelief and spun back to the cooktop, prying the now blackened pancakes off the griddle. “You’re right. You are being a selfish jackass, and I want you to leave. My kids will be home soon. I don’t want them to see you.”
Marcus set the ring box and her wedding set down on the kitchen island. The metal clinked against the quartz countertop. “Put these back on before they get here.”
She glared at him over her shoulder. “Fuck you. If I have no say in our relationship, you have no say in my life. Period.”
Marcus nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Leah.”
With that, he turned around and left.
Leah leaned over the sizzling griddle and gasped at the pain slicing through her chest. She threw the spatula down on the counter and breathed through it, all the while telling herself she was not going to cry.
How dare he?
He acted as if it had been easy for her to take off her ring. Like it hadn’t been an agonizing decision to take the symbol of all her hopes and dreams with the first man she ever loved and pack it away. Did he think it had been a breeze to accept that part of her life was over and she couldn’t keep clinging to it? He wasn’t the only one suffering through the growing pains of adjusting to life without Danny.
God. What a jackass.
The front door banged open. She expected Marcus and steeled herself for a second go-round. If he wanted a fight, she’d give him one.
“Mom!” the twins called in unison.
All of the fight went out of her at the sound of their high, excited little-boy voices. She grabbed the ring box, placed her rings inside, and slid the box into the pocket of her jogging pants. “In the kitchen.”
Colton bolted into the kitchen first, trailed closely by Cooper.
“We saw Marcus!” Cooper announced it like he’d discovered a hidden treasure, full of awe and wonder. “But he said he had to leave right now.”
“Is he coming back?” Colton asked.
“Yeah, we haven’t seen him in forever.” Cooper stressed the word with an exaggerated eye roll like the little drama king he was.
She laughed and gathered her boys up in her arms. She kissed the tops of their heads and breathed in a mix of sweaty boy and fruity shampoo. She knew in a few more years when they hit puberty she wouldn’t be able to stand how they smelled, but right now it
was one of her favorite scents. “Oh, I missed you guys.”
She glanced up at the soft scuff of a footstep and saw Maya was hanging back by Regina, but had slid a tentative step forward. Leah tucked her boys under one arm and held her other out in invitation. “I miss you, too, sweetheart. So much.”
Regina gave Maya a gentle nudge forward and that was all it took. Maya launched herself across the few feet separating them and curled her thin pre-teen body against her mother.
Oh God. This was what she had needed. Not Marcus. Not any man. Just this. Her babies, safe in her arms.
Leah sat down on the floor and snuggled her kids. She didn’t know for how long and she didn’t care. They were all getting older and didn’t often let her hold them like this, so she was going to take full advantage.
Finally, the boys started to squirm. Cooper sniffed the air. “It smells like burned pancakes in here.”
She laughed and nudged them back so she could climb to her feet. “I burned the first batch, but I have more batter. Are you hungry?”
“Yes,” the boys said in unison.
She looked at her daughter. Pancakes were Maya’s favorite, which was why she’d chosen them for breakfast. She figured her extended absence meant she had a lot of rocky ground to smooth over with her daughter and she was not above sucking up with pancakes.
A small smile tilted up the corner of Maya’s too-serious mouth. “I like pancakes.”
“Well,” Regina said with a clap. “I should leave you to it then. I have errands to run. Bye, kiddos.”
Leah met her gaze and tried not to flinch. Marcus had her eyes. “Thank you.”
Regina lifted her brows and pointed her eyes toward the door. Her meaning was obvious. She’d seen Marcus leave here in a snit and wanted to know what was up.
“Later,” Leah mouthed, then out loud said, “Thank you for watching them.”
“I love having them. They keep me young.” Even though her voice was light, her lips flattened in displeasure at being put off. Her son was so like her in so many ways. Then her gaze caught on Leah’s bare hand, and understanding filled her eyes. “I’ll talk to him,” she mouthed back.
Honor Avenged Page 24
