And to think, this used to be her idea of chaos. Until recently, she’d had no clue what real chaos looked like.
Civil war. Famine. Bullets flying, interrogations, round mud-brick buildings full of horrors.
She’d never take this innocent form of chaos for granted again. The routine, as crazy as it was, was nice. Added bonus, it kept her mind off Marcus.
She finally wrangled the boys into their pj’s and dumped them in their beds. She had no doubt she’d be back in their room at least three more times before they actually fell asleep. She looked forward to the coming battles but, for now, she had a moment to breathe.
Or so she thought.
In the precious moments of silence before the twins decided they were thirsty or missing their favorite bedtime toys or one of the billions of other excuses they came up with to get out of bed—in that silence, she heard sobbing.
From her daughter’s bedroom.
She tiptoed to the door and peeked inside. Maya was curled around a pillow that she’d dressed in one of Danny’s old T-shirts, her sobs gut-deep and wrenching and shaking her small body.
Leah stood there, stunned into immobility. She had packed away most of Danny’s clothes in the months following his death because they had been too hard to look at in the closet. She’d had no idea Maya had stolen a shirt.
How many nights had Maya spent crying while she was gone?
She should’ve been here, helping her daughter heal. Damn Volkov for taking that away from her.
She tapped softly on the door, not wanting to startle the girl. “Sweetheart?”
Maya stiffened and swiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “Go away.”
Yeah, like that was going to happen. She wasn’t going anywhere while her firstborn was suffering.
Leah walked in and sat on the end of the bed. “Talk to me. That’s what I’m here for. You don’t have to cry alone.”
“You did,” she muttered.
That was true. She had spent many nights crying herself to sleep, all alone, so the kids wouldn’t see how close she was to the edge of sanity. But, apparently, Maya had seen. She should’ve known better. “Yes, I did, but I’m the adult. It’s my job to be strong for you so you don’t have to be.”
“You don’t cry anymore.”
Leah drew a breath to ease the lump rising in her throat. She felt like crying now. “No, I guess I don’t. Not like I used to.”
“Why?” Fury contorted Maya’s dainty features, and she punched the bed with both fists. “Do you not love Daddy anymore?”
“Oh, no.” She reached out, set her hand on the girl’s ankle. She wanted to pull her daughter in for a hug, but it was too soon. This tiny bit of contact would have to do. “Maya, sweetheart, no. I will always love your daddy.”
Her eyes spit fire as she deliberately dropped her gaze to Leah’s hand. “You stopped wearing your wedding ring. Why would you do that?”
She stared down at her empty ring finger, and guilty heat flooded her cheeks. Maya had loved playing with her jewelry since she was a toddler, but she’d particularly loved the wedding set. She’d snuggle with Leah for hours, oohing and aahing over the sparkles, always wanting to stroke her pudgy baby fingers over the stones. One time she’d even taken it off the dresser to play with, scaring Leah half to death when she couldn’t find it.
Of course Maya would notice it missing.
She should’ve put it back on.
She thought of Marcus and how angry he’d been when he discovered she wasn’t wearing it. He and her daughter were alike in a surprising number of ways.
“I love your daddy. Forever and always. But because he’s in heaven now…” How did she explain this in a way that wouldn’t hurt the girl? “You know he’s looking down, keeping an eye on us from his cloud and, more than anything, he wants us to be happy. I’m sure he hates to see you crying into his shirt like this.” She tugged on the edge of the T-shirt.
“It used to smell like him,” Maya whispered in a tiny, broken voice. “It doesn’t anymore.”
God. Leah used to smell his shirts, too, in the days and weeks after they buried him. She distinctly remembered her horror when she picked up one of his shirts because she was missing him so badly she could barely function and it smelled like…nothing.
That was the day she realized he was truly gone. It was the day she’d finally packed up his clothes.
Was Maya having that same epiphany now?
She slid in closer and reached for her girl, but was careful not to force the hug, knowing Maya needed to make the decision to reach out. She waited, arms open, and held her breath. Maya sniffled, threw aside the pillow, and buried herself in her mother’s arms.
Leah let out a soft breath and stroked the girl’s dark hair.
“Kingsley said you were going to get remarried and I’d have an evil stepdad like her.”
Leah scowled at the wall. Kingsley Carlton was a spoiled brat who had been Maya’s frenemy since first grade. She acted like they were BFFs until someone better came along, then she dropped Maya and went all mean girl. Maybe it was time to consider changing schools, if only to cut that negativity out of their lives.
“Kingsley doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
Maya pulled back enough to gaze up with eyes still streaming tears. Her father’s eyes. “You aren’t going to marry someone else?”
She immediately thought about Marcus. As stubborn and bullheaded as he could be, she loved him. A different kind than the comfortable love she’d shared with Danny, more fraught and volatile and passionate, but love all the same.
She cradled her girl’s face in her hands and brushed away the tears with her thumbs. “I won’t lie to you. I might marry again. Despite what your brothers think, I’m still pretty young.”
That brought a ghost of a smile to Maya’s lips. “They’re sure you had a pet dinosaur like The Flintstones.”
Sheesh. They really thought she was ancient, which had the effect of making her feel old. “Well, for your information, I didn’t. I had a mammoth.”
Maya giggled. “You had a dog.”
Maybe that was what her babies needed: a dog. She’d have to think about it. “He was as hairy as a mammoth.” And she had loved that animal with all her heart.
Yes, that’s what she’d do. The kids needed a big, stupid, slobbery dog for them to love.
“I know you’re not old,” Maya added. “Kingsley’s parents are older than you. And her stepdad isn’t evil. She just doesn’t like him because he tells her no.”
“You’re right. He is a nice guy.” She still didn’t know what that man saw in Kingsley’s mother, because that apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Kingsley’s mother was a spoiled, Grade-A Beverly Hills bitch. “And if you ever have a stepdad, I’ll make sure he’s a nice guy, too.”
“But I don’t want a stepdad. I want my dad!”
“I know, honey. If we had the choice, I’d want him back, too. But he’s gone and I still have more than half of my life left to live. That’s a long time to spend alone.”
Maya blinked in shock. “You’re not alone! You have me and Colt and Coop.”
“I know, baby, but I won’t always. You’ll go away to college or you’ll move away to follow some other dream. You’ll be grown up and have your own lives, and someday your own families. I always imagined I’d have your dad beside me for those days, but I won’t.”
Maya sat back against her headboard and gazed over at her father’s shirt. She traced the faded letters on the front. “You took off your ring because you already love someone else.”
Man, she was perceptive. Leah sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. She wasn’t going to lie. “Yes.”
“How can you still love daddy?”
“Baby, your heart isn’t like a closet that gets too full to hold anything
else. It grows and changes and has unlimited space. That’s how I was able to love you still when the twins were born. I didn’t shove you out to make room for them. My heart just grew to make enough room for everyone. It’s the same with Marcus. Your daddy has a room that he will occupy forever, but now Marcus has a room there, too.”
Maya looked up sharply. “Uncle Marcus?”
“Yes. Are you okay with that?”
Maya went back to tracing the letters on the shirt over and over again. After a long moment, she stopped and flattened her hand over it. “If you have to love someone else, I think Daddy would’ve wanted it to be him. Daddy loved him.”
“Yes, he did.”
“They were like brothers. It’s why he’s our uncle but not really.”
“Yes.”
“Is he going to be our stepdad?”
Leah huffed out a laugh. “I don’t know, honey. We haven’t gotten that far yet. It’s all very new. But if it happens, it won’t be any time soon and not until you and the boys are ready to welcome him into our family, okay?”
Maya opened her mouth to reply, but she was interrupted by Cooper, who slingshot into the room.
“Mom!” he screamed like she wasn’t ten feet away.
Maya scowled at him. “Inside voice, Coop!”
“But—but—” he sputtered in protest and whirled on Leah with pleading blue eyes. “Rick’s here!”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Marcus knew there was trouble before he’d even made it to the driver’s side door of HORNET’s surveillance vehicle. Jean-Luc was slumped in the driver’s seat, blood tricking from a gash on the side of his head.
“Shit. Cajun!” He ripped opened the door and pressed his fingers to Jean-Luc’s neck, checking for a pulse. Strong and steady. Thank God.
“Hey.” Marcus gave his cheek a few light taps. “Hey, Cajun. Wake up. What happened?”
Jean-Luc didn’t stir at first, but another, harder tap on his face had him blinking open his eyes. “Wha—what?”
“C’mon, dude. Focus on me. This is important. Where are Leah and the kids?”
Jean-Luc lifted his head to look at Marcus and let out a groan, pressing his palm to the gash. He swore in French when his hand came away bloody. “Some bastard knocked on the window. Said he was a federal agent and wanted to know what I was doing. Fucker hit me with his gun.”
“Blond guy, bit skinny, few inches shorter than me?”
“Yeah.” Jean-Luc probed at his forehead again, winced. “Yeah, he looked familiar and I let my guard down. Danny’s partner? Rick…something?”
Fuck.
Leah. The kids.
If Rick hurt them…
He sprinted toward the house. “Call for backup!”
…
“Rick?” Leah rose from her daughter’s bed and hurried to the door. “Why’s he here?”
“He came to visit to see my game,” Cooper said with absolute certainty. “Can I show it to him? Please, please, please. He’ll think it’s so awesome.”
“Where is he?”
“Downstairs with Colt. I’m gonna get my game.”
“No, you’re not,” she called over her shoulder as she descended the stairs. “It’s bedtime.”
“But Mom!” He dragged her name out in that grating way kids had, making it multiple syllables.
She turned back as he tried to follow her and held up a finger. “Bed, Cooper James. Now.”
With the way his expression crumpled and his shoulders drooped in defeat, you’d think she had just ordered him to five years of manual labor. She shook her head and continued downstairs, finding her other son peppering Rick O’Keane with questions in his all-too-serious way.
“Colton,” she said evenly.
Guilt flashed across his face. “Yes, Mommy?”
Uh-huh. He called her mommy only when he knew he was doing wrong. She pointed up the stairs. “Bed.”
“Night, little man.” Rick tousled his hair, then gave him a light pat on the back. “We’ll talk again.”
They watched the boy until he disappeared upstairs, then Rick let out a breath. “That kid’s full of questions. Danny always said he was sure Colt would be a brilliant scientist one day. I believe it. I wasn’t that smart at his age.”
“Yeah, he’s always liked to learn.” Leah turned to Danny’s former partner and quirked a brow. “What are you doing here?”
“Uh, yeah, sorry.” He rubbed a hand around the back of his neck like he was nervous. “I know it’s late. I haven’t been by in a while, and then you called me the other day but didn’t answer when I called back. It’s been eating at me. I told Danny I’d keep an eye on you, so when I got off work… Sorry. It was an impulse. You okay? The kids good?”
“We’re fine. You don’t have to feel guilty for having your own life, Rick. That’s sweet of you, but we’re not your responsibility.”
“Well, you know, Danny was my partner for four years…”
“And I appreciate you stopping by. I really do, but it’s late.” She bent to pick up Cooper’s backpack, which still lay in the middle of the foyer floor, right where he dropped it when he came home. That kid. She’d told him only about a gazillion times to pick it up. “I have to get the kids settled into bed and—”
The door suddenly burst in, startling her into taking a stumbling step backward. That step saved her life. The bullet from Rick’s gun, aimed at the back of her head, sliced through the fleshy part between her shoulder and neck instead. She fell back on her butt, still clutching Cooper’s bag to her chest, and blinked up at the scene in front of her.
It didn’t make sense.
Marcus stood in the doorway, his own weapon in hand, pointed at Rick. “Drop the gun, O’Keane!”
Rick grabbed her arm and dragged her to her feet. The barrel of the gun dug into her temple. She sucked in a sharp breath, sure it would be her last. Rick had already tried to shoot her once. He wouldn’t miss when he pulled the trigger this time.
But he didn’t shoot.
“Let her go,” Marcus said.
“I can’t,” Rick said through clenched teeth.
“I know you don’t really want to hurt her.”
“You don’t know a fucking thing.”
“I know you’re in a tight spot. This wasn’t your idea, was it?”
Rick said nothing. But he also didn’t shoot her.
After a tense moment, Marcus lifted his hands and backed up a step, his gun dangling from one finger by the trigger guard. “You’re in control now. Okay? Let’s talk.”
“Don’t try that crisis negotiation bullshit with me. I know how it works. I listened to Danny do it enough times.”
“Hey, I’m not bullshitting you. I want Leah to stay safe. You don’t want to kill her. So let’s talk this out.”
Rick’s hand shook, and every tremor sent Leah’s heart rate spiking. She couldn’t seem to expand her lungs enough to catch a full breath, and the wound at the base of her neck started to burn. She was half a heartbeat away from a full-blown panic attack, but then her gaze caught on Marcus’s. It was like he threw her a lifeline. He breathed in and out in slow, exaggerated movements until she started copying him. One slow breath in, one slow breath out. Her vision cleared and her ears stopped ringing. The world snapped back into focus.
Please, kids, stay upstairs.
They didn’t need any more trauma in their young lives.
Marcus moved slowly into the house and set his gun on the side table. Right where his and Danny’s picture had sat before it broke.
“Rick,” he said, voice calm and soothing. “C’mon, man. You’re burning up inside with the need to talk to someone. I can see it and I’m here to listen. I won’t judge you. Talk to me.”
“You were his best friend!”
“You’re talking abo
ut Danny?” Marcus nodded. “Yes, I was.”
“He always talked about how fucking great you were. How much he missed having you as his partner.”
“Did that upset you?”
“He didn’t trust me. I could never live up to you.”
“He was right not to trust you, wasn’t he?”
“I didn’t kill him.”
“You didn’t pull the trigger.”
“I did what I had to.”
Leah went very still and stared at the side of Rick’s face. Even her heart seemed to stop beating. “Rick?” His name came out as a ragged whisper of disbelief. “That’s not true. Tell me that’s not true. You wouldn’t hurt Danny. You were friends!”
“Shut up. Everyone shut up!” He yanked her arm hard and her shoulder screamed. That much abuse so soon after it was dislocated, it felt like fire ripping through the muscle and down her arm. She pressed her lips together to keep from crying out. She wouldn’t give Rick the satisfaction.
“Okay, okay.” Marcus held up his hands again. “You’re in control here. If you don’t want to tell me what happened, that’s fine. Let’s talk about something else. What do you want to talk about?”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes! I want you to fucking leave so I can fucking finish what I need to do!”
“You know I can’t leave, Rick. Not when you’re holding a gun to Leah’s head, okay? If you want to pull the gun away from her and point it at the floor, I’ll step out on the porch. We can talk through the door.”
Rick’s chest heaved, his breath sawing in and out of his lungs. He was shaking—the shivers rattled through him and into her. After a moment that felt like an eternity, he lowered the gun and pointed it at her foot.
“Your turn, Deangelo.”
Marcus took a step back and panic threatened to overwhelm her again. No! He couldn’t leave her and the kids! This man was the reason Danny died. Not Marcus, not HORNET. Rick O’Keane. And now he was threatening to kill her, too. Why would Marcus leave her with him?
She drew a breath to call out to him but swallowed it when his gaze again met hers. He was so calm, his dark eyes unwavering, telling her to trust him, that everything would be okay. She didn’t know how he wasn’t in a wild tailspin of panic right now, but his calmness soothed her. She watched him back up another step and then another. Then he retreated over the broken threshold, out onto the porch.
Honor Avenged Page 26
