by Sherri Hayes
I kissed her forehead and ran my hands through her hair. As much as I hated what Emma was doing, I knew it was a necessary evil. There was a good chance that in less than two months Brianna would have to go before a jury and testify—telling the world what Ian had done to her. She was going to be forced to come face-to-face not only with her abuser but to recount the details of her captivity. I wasn’t going to be able to help her, no matter how much I wanted to. She would have to sit up on that stand alone and hurting. The thought of it ate at me.
I’d asked Oscar if there was anything we could do to prevent what appeared to be inevitable. Unfortunately, the law stated that Ian Pierce had the right to a fair trial. Unless he changed his mind and took the deal between now and February, all of our hands were tied.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“No need to thank me, love. I’m always here for you. I only wish I could do something to make this easier.”
She snuggled closer. “You do. Knowing that you’re here—that you love me no matter what—that helps me.”
“I wish I could do more—make it all go away for you.”
“You do.”
I looked at her skeptically.
Brianna took on a rather serious expression as she sat up to face me. It was a complete one-eighty from the frightened woman I’d brought into the bedroom a few minutes before. “You do. There are times when I don’t think about what Ian did to me. At first, no matter what was happening, I’d always relate it back to the bad stuff. That doesn’t always happen anymore. There are times when I don’t remember, and it’s only what’s happening in the moment.”
Unable to resist, I kissed her. She met my lips enthusiastically, and it ended up getting more out of control than I’d intended. When I finally pulled us apart, we were both panting. “Emma is still in the other room.”
She looked deflated. “I know.”
I laughed and gave her another kiss that told her how much I wished we were the only two in the condo.
Brianna straddled me, and I could feel her heat through her jeans. I dug my fingers into her thighs, pressing her down against my growing erection. This was quickly getting out of control, and I knew I needed to stop, but she felt too good.
“Everything all—”
We broke apart and turned toward the door. Emma was standing there red-faced, with her mouth hanging wide open.
“Um. Perhaps I should come back later.” Before I could speak, Emma turned on her heel and left the room.
Sighing, I helped Brianna stand and walked with her back out into the main room. As much as I wished all the things Emma had to go over with Brianna didn’t have to be done, I knew better, and waiting wasn’t going to make it any easier.
It took a little convincing, but Emma stayed and finished going over everything she needed to with Brianna. One of the points the prosecutor wanted clarified was where the abuse had taken place in the house. Ian’s property was still closed off. Given how big the house and surrounding property was—and that the entire scope of it held potential evidence—they’d been combing through it room by room, acre by acre. I had no idea where Alex was staying if this was still the case. I knew Agent Marco had talked to her, but my understanding was that she was denying anything out of the ordinary had happened to her while living with Ian.
This time around, I sat beside Brianna, holding her hand. It made a world of difference. She didn’t go into her robotic mode again and was able to answer Emma’s questions.
As Emma was leaving, she took hold of Brianna’s hand and held it. “You’re seeing a psychiatrist, aren’t you, Anna?”
Brianna nodded. “Yes. Dr. Perkins.”
Emma smiled. “You might want to talk to her about this. The upcoming trial, I mean. She might be able to give you some techniques to help you through your testimony. Having Stephan sitting with you, holding your hand, seemed to help, but you won’t have that in court.”
“Okay.”
I pulled Brianna into my arms as Emma walked out the door. We stood there watching the monitor as the elevator doors opened and then closed behind her. This was going to be a very long seven weeks, and I began to think of ways I could distract Brianna. The last thing she needed was to spend that time fretting over what was to come. It wasn’t as if either one of us could change it.
As we sat in my chair later that night, I brought up something that had been lingering on my mind since the conversation we had with Richard and Diane on Thanksgiving. “Did you and your mother have any Christmas traditions?”
She furrowed her brow, seeming to be deep in thought. “We used to bake cookies. Is that what you mean?”
I smiled and cuddled closer to her. This day had been rough on both of us. “Yes. That’s exactly what I mean. What kind of cookies would you and your mom make?”
“All different kinds. Gingerbread. Chocolate chip. Sugar cookies. And these ones Mom called monster cookies with M&M’s in them.” Although she had her head resting on my shoulder, I could hear the smile in her voice.
The topic had successfully distracted her, so I kept going. “Did you make them on Christmas Day or before?”
“The weekend before. Mom and I would go to the grocery store and buy all the supplies early Saturday morning, and then we’d spend the rest of the weekend baking.”
Brianna’s voice drifted off. “Your mom would be very proud of you, you know.”
“Why do you say that?” She sounded far away.
I sat her up, so that I could see her face. She looked sad. “Because from what you’ve told me, she sounds like a great mom. She loved you, and she’d want to see you happy. You’re taking back control of your life, Brianna. Control that was taken from you without your consent. How could she not be proud of the strong daughter she raised?”
A single tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t feel strong.”
“But you are. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Every time you’ve come up against a wall, you fight and you push through it. It may take time, but you do it. You don’t give up. That’s strength. Anyone can appear to be strong if that strength has never been tested. Yours has been tested, and then some, and you survived, Brianna. You survived. That, my love, is true strength.”
Tears were flowing freely down her face. I attempted to wipe them from her cheeks, but as soon as I brushed one away, another was there to take its place. “It’s you. You help me. You’re the strong one.”
I shook my head and brushed my lips against hers. “No, that’s all you. You, Brianna. If you didn’t have that strength inside you, what I did to help wouldn’t matter.”
Leaning my forehead against hers, I met her tear-filled gaze, trying to will her to understand how I felt. “I know your mom would be proud of you, because I’m proud of you. There is no way the woman you’ve told me about wouldn’t feel the same way.”
Brianna wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her head against my shoulder. “I couldn’t do it without you.”
“Yes, you could, but I’m very glad you’ve chosen not to.”
I waited for her to calm down some, rubbing her back, trying to provide what comfort I could. “Would you like to tell me some more about how you used to celebrate Christmas with your mom? Surely you had other traditions. Like . . . when did you open presents? Christmas morning, or did you open them early on Christmas Eve?”
She giggled, and I was hoping that was a sign the worst of it was over. “Christmas Eve. Mom said once I knew Santa wasn’t real, there was no point in waiting.”
“Ah. Smart woman.”
Brianna
It was the Friday before Christmas, and I still hadn’t figured out what to get Stephan. I’d asked Lily, but she wasn’t able to help me much. Stephan didn’t really need anything. I’d been thinking about it nonstop for days, but I had yet to settle on something I thought wouldn’t just take up space or was something generic. He always took care of me, and I wanted his Christmas present to be special.
&nb
sp; Jade arrived to take me to see Dr. Perkins. It was my last meeting for two weeks since she was taking next week off. She said I could always call her service in case of an emergency, and they could track her down.
“How have you been this week, Anna?”
It was the same question Dr. Perkins asked me every week. Usually I responded by telling her I was fine, but today I decided that I wanted her help. That was what she was for, right? “Frustrated.”
She scribbled something down on her notepad. “What has you frustrated?”
“Christmas. I don’t know what to get Stephan.”
“Ah, yes. Sometimes finding gifts for those in our lives can be hard. I find that men especially can be difficult to buy for.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me, but it doesn’t help me figure out what to get him. It has to be special.”
Dr. Perkins set her pen and paper down and leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees. “Does he have any hobbies? Something he likes to do in his free time?”
“Yes, but he has lots of books and movies.”
“Okay. Well, is there anything else he likes besides books and movies?”
It took me a minute, but suddenly a lightbulb went off in my head. Although it wasn’t really a gift exactly, I knew it was something he wanted, and he’d been putting off doing it because he was unsure of my reaction. I’d need some help, though, to pull it off.
“You’re smiling. You must have thought of something.”
“I did.”
Dr. Perkins sat back in her chair. “It’s good to see you happy, Anna.”
“Stephan makes me happy.”
“I can see that.”
We’d talked about Stephan a lot since he came with me the day before Thanksgiving. Dr. Perkins hadn’t pressed the issue about my sexual relationship with Stephan, but I knew she was still worried. I’d become good at reading people during my time with Ian, and I knew she was holding her opinion on the subject back. Every time we talked about my relationship with Stephan in any depth, she would bite the inside of her cheek. It was barely noticeable, but after a few times, I’d picked up on the subtle reaction.
She picked her pad of paper back up. “So now that we’ve solved that little dilemma, what else has been going on in your life this week?”
I glanced down and started to pick at my jeans before I told myself to stop it. Stephan had noticed some loose threads in my jeans and asked me about it. When I’d told him, he’d given me that look that said he wasn’t happy. I had to at least try not to ruin any more of my clothes due to my fidgeting.
Pressing my palms flat against my legs, I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Emma—my lawyer—she came by to see me Saturday.”
“And what did she have to say?”
“They . . . Agent Marco and the prosecutor . . . wanted more details on some things I said in my statement.”
“I imagine that was stressful for you.”
I nodded. “I don’t think I could have gotten through it if Stephan wasn’t there.” Pausing, I took another deep breath. “Emma thought so, too. She said I should talk to you . . . see if you could help me prepare for the trial.”
Dr. Perkins didn’t answer me right away, and when she did, her voice had taken on a sympathetic tone. “Anna, I wish there was something I could say or do that would make this easier for you, but I don’t think there is. We’ve talked some already about breathing techniques and having something you can touch to ground you to reality so that you can pull yourself back from a flashback. Those are all things you can use, but in the end there’s no way to know how you’re going to react until you’re up on the stand.”
“I know. I don’t know what Emma was hoping you could do. You can’t even help me decide what to do about John—”
“Wait. John? Your father?”
I nodded.
“Anna, what’s going on with your father? Did something happen you didn’t tell me?”
Shrugging, I squirmed in my seat. It felt as if I were being scolded. I’d meant to bring it up last week, but we’d started talking about other things, and there was no time. “He wants to see me.”
“I see. And do you want to see him?”
I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them. “I don’t know. I mean, why does he want to see me? Why now?”
“I don’t have the answer to that, Anna. No one does but him.”
“I know.”
Dr. Perkins was quiet for several minutes. “What’s the best memory you have from when you were living with your father?”
That was easy. “Watching football. Especially if his team was winning. He was always in a good mood then.”
She nodded and asked me to go into specifics, which I did. Not every moment at John’s house was horrible, but most of it was. The bad had easily outweighed the good.
Before I knew it, Dr. Perkins glanced over at the clock. “Anna, I want you to do something for me before the next time we meet. I want you to write down a list of pros and cons of going to see your father. Make sure not to leave anything out. It needs to be a comprehensive list. You don’t have to show it to anyone—not even to me. This is for you, so you can say anything you want on it. Including calling him nasty names if you want to.”
She winked at me, and I laughed.
“Can you do that for me?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” She smiled. “Our time is up today, and remember, I won’t see you again until after the New Year. Try not to let all this dampen your holiday. You’re strong, and you’ll get through this.”
I held her gaze. “That’s what Stephan says.”
Jade was waiting for me when I walked out of Dr. Perkins’s office. I waved good-bye to Monica as Jade and I left.
It was snowing when we walked outside, so by the time we reached Jade’s car, we were both damp and cold. She started the car and then grabbed a blanket out of the backseat that she used to cover us both. “Just until the car heats up. It’s freezing out there. That wind rips right through you.”
I huddled under the blanket but didn’t comment.
“How was therapy?”
“Okay.”
“Just okay?”
I nodded.
“Is that your way of telling me you don’t want to talk about it?”
“I’m just anxious. I need to get home and make some phone calls.”
That got her attention. “Phone calls?”
“I finally figured out what I’m getting Stephan for Christmas, but I need some help.”
“Anything I can do?”
I thought about that for a minute. “Can you take me to a store?”
She froze. “You want me to take you to a store?”
“Yes.”
“With people?”
I nodded.
“Um. Okay. What store did you want to go to?”
I sagged in my seat, feeling the weight of what I wanted to do. How was I going to pull all this off? Christmas was only four days away. “Somewhere that sells fountains. The ones people put on their desks or in their offices.”
As understanding hit, Jade got a huge smile on her face. She gathered the blanket that was covering us and threw it into the backseat. “I know the perfect place.”
An hour later, I entered the condo and rushed straight into my bedroom to hide Stephan’s gift. It had taken only five minutes for me to find the fountain I wanted to get. It was fairly simple, but it was exactly what I’d wanted. It had three levels. The one at the top was the smallest, with each consecutive level a little wider than the one above it. The rock the fountain was made of reminded me of Stephan’s rock behind his aunt and uncle’s house. It was almost perfect, but I wanted one other thing to go with it.
Stephan was due home in less than twenty minutes, so I knew I had to hurry. Using my cell phone, I dialed Diane’s number. She’d given it to me when we’d gone shopping in case for some reason we’d gotten separated.
She answered on
the third ring. “Hello?”
“Diane? It’s Brianna.”
“Brianna? Is everything all right?”
I felt bad for frightening her. “Yes. Everything’s good. I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
“Of course. What did you need?”
I explained to her what I was looking for and why. She squealed with excitement. “Oh, that’s perfect! He’s going to love it.”
“Do you think so?”
“I know so. You put a lot of thought into this, and Stephan is the type of man that will appreciate it.”
“I hope so.”
Diane made a dismissive sound. “Now, do you want me to bring it over to you sometime before Christmas, or do you want to wait and add it when you get here?”
“Can I give the fountain to you to keep until Christmas? I’m afraid he’ll see it ahead of time. Plus, I have no way to wrap it up for him.”
“Of course. I’ll stop by Monday and pick it up. No worries.”
“Thank you.”
After saying good-bye to Diane, telling her I needed to go start dinner, I quickly made my final phone call. When he picked up, I swallowed, nervous. My hands were sweating, but I knew I had to do this. For Stephan.
“Hello? Logan? It’s . . . it’s Brianna. I need your help with something.”
Chapter 38
Brianna
On Monday morning I was a bundle of nerves. Even though I knew Stephan couldn’t be here with me, I wanted him nonetheless. He could calm me like no one else. As it was, I was standing in the kitchen pulling apart the remains of a bagel while waiting for Lily and Logan to arrive. Diane had already come and gone first thing. I was glad to get that marked off my to-do list at least.
The whole weekend was stressful, and Stephan noticed how on edge I was. He thought it was because of the upcoming trial and John. I was anxious about that, yes, but that wasn’t what had me on pins and needles.
Stephan tried to distract me with everything from putting up a small Christmas tree that he dug out of the back of his closet to baking dozens of cookies. I had no idea what we would do with the cookies. There were way too many of them to eat all on our own. Mom and I used to deliver them to the neighbors, but I couldn’t see Stephan going to the other floors and presenting them to the residents. We barely saw anyone else who lived in the building, let alone knew who they were.
