Lee took advantage of his exhaustion and held Jacob’s hands above his head while using his foot to gently kick the man’s legs apart. He toyed with Jacob’s hole before sinking a thumb inside.
Jacob hissed in a breath and then shuttered. Lee played, lathering him, stretching him, until he was nice and loose. He ran his cock up and down the slit until he pressed against the opening, working in slowly. Jacob arched his back, granting Lee better access.
He took it, burying deep and holding them both perfectly still. Oh, Jesus. He was already so close. Having Jacob’s body squeeze him had him on the edge. If he didn’t get some sense of control over his own body, it’d be over too soon.
“Lee,” Jacob whispered. He glanced over his shoulder, his lids half-closed, his gaze unfocused. Leaning in, Lee captured his lips, greedily drinking the water and taste from him. He wrapped his arm around Jacob’s mid-section and thrust. Shit. Shit!
“Shit!” His orgasm tore through him, shattering his bones. He pumped hard, fast, drawing cries of pleasure from them both. Only after he barely stood under his own power did he pull out and place his back to the tiled wall.
They glanced at each other as realization washed over them. Somehow, in the middle of their play, the control shifted. Lee controlled when Jacob spanked him. He controlled their pace. Controlled when they climaxed.
He’d switched from sub to Master.
And they both knew it.
16
The car pulled away from the Edgewater and headed toward Lee’s condo near Westlake. Since it was actually sunny, he wanted to walk, but Jacob insisted on the Lyft. Lee didn’t argue. The man had enough to deal with.
The stress lines on Jacob’s face, deep grooves that made him seem so callous, so unnerving, seemed more pronounced than this morning. He was far too handsome for something like scowls and stress lines distorting his fierce features.
Lee gently combed his fingers through Jacob’s hair. He closed his eyes and shuddered as he let out a breath. “Talk to me. What’s got you so wound up?”
He snapped his eyes open and pinned a hardened look to Lee. His gaze seemed to cloud as he continued to study him. Instead of saying anything, he slid his lids closed and let out another breath.
Giving up, he lowered his hand and grabbed his phone, scrolling through his messages. Branson checking on him. Multiple times. Branson again, asking if he’d like to have dinner. Branson again, reminding him of their dinner together tonight that Lee never agreed to. He should probably call him and let him know he wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. Branson worried too much and wouldn’t stop calling until Lee answered. The man acted more like a concerned spouse than a business partner.
They’d never be more than business partners ever again. The man sitting next to him, stealing a quick nap, had already stolen his heart and ruined it for anyone else. Hell, he’d done that a year ago.
Lee dialed the number and brought the phone to his ear.
“Lee?” Branson answered after the third ring. “Are you all right? I’ve been worried sick about you. Just sick.”
“Branson. Branson, calm down.” His voice caught Jacob’s attention. He opened his eyes and kept his focus on Lee.
“Don’t tell me to bloody calm down.” His accent was always more pronounced when he got upset. “My God, man. I get a call in the middle of the night telling me our server room has been trashed and you’re in the hospital. They wouldn’t even let me in to see you, those bastards.”
“I’m fine.”
“I have half a mind to hire a lawyer.”
“Branson, I’m fine. Why are you so worked up? You just saw me Friday.”
He released a long breath. “But then I couldn’t reach you all weekend. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
Lee smiled awkwardly at Jacob still watching him before turning his head. “You’d find another partner to annoy the hell out of.”
“I’m sure you’re not wrong. Where the devil have you been?”
“Taking the weekend off.”
“Indeed,” he sighed. “Are you coming in tomorrow? You left in such a rush Friday.”
“I was late for an appointment.” He stole a glance, confirming Jacob still staring at him intently, picking up every word. “I’m going to take a few days off.”
“Take all the time you need. Frankly, I was shocked to see you at work after the break-in. I can keep things running until you return. You, my friend, have been through enough.”
“Thank you.”
“If there’s nothing else, I really should go. I’ve left Pablo tied to the bed.”
“My admin? You tied my assistant to your bed?” He stopped short of snorting. His business partner and his admin? That was one coupling he never wanted to picture.
“It’s our way of dealing with the stress of the break-in.”
“Why the hell did you answer the phone if you were in the middle of…” He couldn’t go on.
“As soon as I saw it was you, I stopped and took the call. He understands. We’ve both been so worried about you.”
Worried enough to tie his admin to the bed and… He forced his mind to stop there. “I think I’ll take the entire week off.” Maybe the week after that as well now that he had to recover from discovering this thing between Branson and Pablo.
“Is there anything I can do for you? Say the word.”
Lee locked gazes with Jacob. “I’m good.”
“We’re here,” the driver announced.
“I have to go.”
Branson’s voice grew tense. “Who was that?”
“It was just the driver dropping me off at my condo.”
“Sorry. I don’t suppose I have any reason to be jealous.”
“Not when you have Pablo tied to your bed. Bye, Branson.”
“Ciao, Lee.”
By the time he stepped out of the car, Jacob had the bags and waited on the sidewalk. They were to the building before he asked, “Who’s Branson?”
“My business partner.” Lee opened the door. “And, apparently, he’s with my admin assistant. Who knew?”
Jacob frowned.
“Never mind.”
“When we get to your door, you let me go in first.”
“Why? It’s not like they’re after me. It’s the code they want.”
“Let’s not test that theory.”
Lee nodded, not wanting to give Jacob any more reason to worry. “Whatever you say.”
“Stay close to me.”
“With pleasure.”
Jacob shot a glance over his shoulder and nailed Lee with his intense glare that melted into warmth when their eyes met. It was then that Lee spotted the concern.
Knowing his tougher-than-nails man was concerned had him close to losing his shit.
He couldn’t let Jacob know that. “You’ve got this,” Lee reassured him, hoping he sounded more sure than he felt. “I know you won’t let anything happen to me. I’m safe with you.”
“Always.” Jacob shook his head when Lee stopped at the elevator. Ah, hell. It was five flights up. Reluctantly, he followed Jacob up all the stairs, vowing to get back to the gym after this. There were a lot of stairs up to the fifth floor.
Panting, he finally caught up to Jacob at the top of the last set of stairs. The man wasn’t even breathing heavy. They moved down the hall and stopped in front of Lee’s place. Jacob opened the door and walked inside, quickly checking all corners of the living room before allowing Lee inside and closing the door behind them. “Let’s go. Keep your hand on my left shoulder.”
“Why your left?”
“Keeps my shooting arm free.”
“But you don’t have a gun.”
Jacob looked at him, shutting him up.
“Left shoulder. Got it.”
Lee stayed behind Jacob as he checked each room, not relaxing his tense muscles until he cleared the last room. Only then did he let out a breath and turn to Lee.
“Looks like we’re good.”
Lee slipped his arms around Jacob and pulled him close. “See? There’s no one here.”
“I got a bad feeling about this. I don’t like it. Something’s not right.”
He tilted his head to the side and ignored the pang of shock that plunged through his body. A man like Jacob must have dead-on gut instincts. He knew better than to blow them off. “About what?”
Jacob shook his head and leaned into Lee with another deep sigh. “I don’t know. Something’s eating at me and it’s bugging the shit out of me that I can’t figure it out.”
“Could it have anything to do with the fact that one week ago we were strangers and now we’re lovers?”
He paused for several seconds, and Lee wanted to push him back to read the trouble brewing in Jacob’s eyes. He might be the toughest son of a bitch Lee had ever met, but the man wore his emotions in his eyes.
“Maybe that’s it,” Jacob finally admitted.
“I’m sure it is. Relax, sweetheart. We’re safe here. I have a bazillion locks on my doors. I’ll secure each and every one of them.” To demonstrate, Lee walked over and slid all the locks in place. After the last deadbolt, he turned. “See? Nothing is getting through that door.”
“Nothing can break the locks,” Jacob corrected. “That’s just a door. I could put my fist through it in a single punch.”
“Not without breaking your hand. That door is made from reinforced steel.”
He nodded his approval and checked the door, the locks, before nodding again. “I’ll stand guard while you get your things.”
“That’s not necessary. You saw for yourself. I’m safe in my home.”
Jacob laughed harshly. “That’s one of the most common misconceptions. People feel safest in their own home. They let down their guard. Did you know you’re more likely to be killed by someone you know? Chances are even better you’ll be in your own home when it happens. We aren’t staying. There’s already a car on the way.”
“Why can’t we stay here? We already agree they’re after the source code, not me.”
“If they can’t find the code, they just may come after you to get it. I can’t protect you in the city, not by myself.” A flicker of surprise and compassion flashed in his gaze. His look softened. “Look, you may trust me, but I don’t.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“That’s not it at all. I don’t trust me.”
Lee swallowed thickly when it hit him. He’d originally thought the control shifted in their role-play, but he was wrong. Jacob didn’t trust himself enough to maintain control over Lee. A Dom with no control over his sub was no Dom at all. It wasn’t Jacob who had the control. It never was.
It was Lee. He’d been the Dom all along, training Jacob on how to serve him.
Talk about a switch.
Reeling from the revelation, Lee turned and nodded as he processed, putting all the pieces in place. Jacob must have been forced into some sort of dominant role and thought he had to stay in that role when he played. He claimed to be a switch. Lee decided to test that theory.
“The sub wishes to play.”
Jacob gave him a scowling look, followed by a growl. “What? No.”
He presented his wrists together as if already bound.
“I said no.”
“The sub says yes.”
“Don’t test me.”
Lee had every intention of testing him. “Tie me up.”
“Shut up.”
“I have an assortment of ball gags you can use to shut me up.”
He moved out of reach. “This isn’t funny, Lee. Stop it.”
“The sub will play.”
“No, I won’t!” Jacob widened his eyes when he realized what he said. He opened and closed his mouth several times.
“The Master respects the sub’s wishes.” He went to his room to gather his things, leaving Jacob frozen in place, mouth still open, breathing in shallow breaths, to process the powerful meaning in his admission.
Lee had two bags full by the time Jacob found his way into the room. “Grab my hat hanging next to you on the door.”
Jacob did and held it. “Lee, we should talk.”
Now he wanted to talk? Lee wasn’t about to let him have his way, not after they’d finally had a breakthrough. “Can this wait?”
“No, I don’t think it can.”
“Can you talk while I’m packing?” He moved to the bathroom.
“Would you just slow down for one second and look at me?”
He did and instantly regretted it. Jacob’s eyes shined, pulling at Lee’s heart. “Jacob? What is it?”
“I’m sorry I failed you.”
“What are you talking about?”
He dropped his gaze to the hat in his hands. “I tried, Lee. I really tried. I guess I’m about as good at being a Dom as I am at protecting the people I care about.”
No. Oh dear Jesus, no. They didn’t have a breakthrough at all. He pushed Jacob too far. He broke him, and not in the way a Dom breaks a sub. He didn’t break his will. He broke his spirit.
“Call off the car. We’re staying here tonight.”
Jacob frowned. “No, we’re going back to the Farm.”
“There’s no privacy at the Farm. We have some serious shit to work through. We need to stay here tonight. Maybe even tomorrow night. As long as it takes.”
“Lee, we can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t protect you!” Admitting it took everything out of him. He fell against the wall behind him, slowly melting to the floor, his head in his hands. “I can’t fail you, too.”
Lee left everything where it was and went to him, sitting next to him and leaning against the wall. Jacob had his knees up, his elbows resting on them as his fingers were lost somewhere in his hair.
Lee straightened his legs, crossing one ankle over the other, and waited, every once in a while rolling his head to check on him. They had all night and would stay right here on the floor if that was what it took. Jacob needed to talk to someone or he’d explode. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day. But it would happen, and when it did, there’d be a hell of a lot of collateral damage.
“It’s not easy for me to talk about my past.” Jacob kept his head down, talking at the floor. Drawing in a deep breath, he then slowly let it out. “I lost my partner two years ago.”
His heart pinched. He wanted to say something, to turn and pull Jacob into his arms, but didn’t want to do anything to stop him from talking.
“He was murdered.”
Jesus. How heartbreaking. Lee drew in a shaky breath as he listened.
“I couldn’t save him.” He drew in a trembling breath. “No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t save him.”
Everything blurred as Lee’s throat tightened. When he blinked, tears streamed down his cheeks.
“I went dark after that. Real dark.” Jacob straightened and rested his head against the wall, keeping his tired gaze straight ahead. “They say the first kill is always the hardest. Since I had my first kill when I was thirteen years old, and too many after that, I can tell you that’s not true.” His expression twisted. “Every kill is hard.” He closed his eyes. “Every. Kill.”
He was scared to ask as he whispered, “What happened when you were thirteen?”
His expression turned to stone as he stared at Lee with dead eyes. “I killed my father.”
“What?” He gasped and panted in shallow breaths, too shocked to do anything else. Lee wanted to tell him to stop, that he didn’t want to hear any more. But this wasn’t about him and what he wanted. This was about Jacob and what he needed.
“My dad was a real piece of work, let me tell you. After one too many swings of the belt, one too many punches that left me writhing on the floor, I’d finally had enough. I grabbed the gun he kept mounted on the wall. It was the first time I’d ever handled a rifle. I just wanted to scare him. I didn’t think it was loaded. I had no idea how little pres
sure it took for it to go off.”
More tears spilled over. Lee’s heart was completely broken. He couldn’t begin to imagine how many pieces Jacob’s had shattered into. It was so unfair. A thirteen-year-old protecting himself from an abusive father. “You were thirteen. Just a kid. You had no choice.”
“Sure, when I was thirteen.” He dropped his head back down before whispering, “What’s my excuse for everything that’s happened after that? Every choice I’ve made. Every person I’ve failed to protect. I can’t keep using what happened when I was a kid define what I do now.”
“So don’t.” He let the silence settle around them for several minutes. “Right here. Right now. Every choice you make from this point forward. It’s not to make up for what happened to your dad. It’s not to make up for what happened to your partner. Nothing you do now will change what happened. It’s time you accept that and look to the future instead of living in the past.”
He laughed harshly, sadness lacing the sound. “How can I keep you safe if I don’t use the past to drive me?”
“You’re safe with me,” Lee said softly, watching him until he glanced up.
“What?”
He took Jacob’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “You’re safe with me. Say it.”
“That’s supposed to be the other way around.”
“Not the way I see it. You’ve spent your entire life protecting others. It’s your turn to feel safe. Say it.”
“I’m safe with you,” he barely whispered.
“Again.”
“I’m safe with you.”
“Again.”
“I’m safe with you.” This time stronger.
Lee pulled them to their feet. “Again.”
Jacob’s nostrils flared as the air sawed in and out of his lungs. “I’m safe with you.”
“You’re safe with me.” He grasped Jacob’s face, holding their eye contact. “Say it with me.”
“I’m safe with you.”
“You’re safe with me,” he said at the same time. It didn’t take a belt lashing against the nipple, but it had the same impact. Jacob needed to hear those words, feel that promise, just as badly as Lee had.
Jacob Page 15
